DOI issue:
March 2, 1861
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16867#0095
March 2, 18G1.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
87
PAPAL ZOUAVES AND PETTICOATS.
Letter from Rome thus
recounts an exploit performed
the other day by a detach-
ment of Papal Zouaves, whilst
those warriors, on their way
to invade the territory of
Victor Emmanuel, were
voyaging from Nazzano
across the Tiber in a ferry-
boat :—
“ The Zouaves on crossing fired
a volley at some poor country-
women who were labouring in a
field at some distance, and who
took to flight in great terror, but
fortunately uninjured, with the
exception of one who had an ear
shot off.”
What, terrible fellows are
these Pontifical Zouaves!
The females at whom they
fired were probably most of
them old women ; the heroes
no doubt would have pre-
ferred to take young girls
alive. The Pope’s braves
spare neither age nor sex;
no, not even when age and
sex combine to deprecate
their ferocity.
Having knocked off a
woman’s ear at a long shot,
the gallant Zouaves attacked
and took possession of a mill
adjoining the ferry, which there was nobody to defend. The enterprise of these Soldiers
of the Cross—as embroidered on the Pope’s shoes—was worthy of such crusaders. Their
descent on the mill may remind the reader of a similar achievement performed by the famous
Knight of La Mancha. Both the one affair and the other are illustrations of chivalry. The
chivalry conspicuously manifest in Don Quixote's assault on the windmill, was, in the seizure
of the mill near the Tiber by the Papal Zouaves,
conspicuous by its absence. If these soldiers
are ordered to fire at women, their officers may
be supposed to be desirous to acquire the repu-
tation of lady-killers. We should like to know
how they are getting on at the mill. Perhaps,
however, they have got off by this time, as many
as were able to escape from a body of assailants
whom the fire which they had ventured to open
on the countrywomen at work very likely drew
down upon them. Those poor old women ran
away; but probably their retreat was speedily
followed by the advance of a troop of youthful
and vigorous peasant lasses, armed with pitch-
forks, scissors, and other rural and domestic
implements.
What then happened we may safely con-
jecture. The enraged Amazons precipitated
themselves on the men who had fired at their
grandmothers, stormed their position, and sent
them flying—the one who shot a woman’s
ear off, perhaps, with a flea in his own. The
Zouaves of the Pope who, on that occasion, had
the honour of bleeding in the cause of his
Holiness, carry, no doubt, the marks of the
wounds they then received on that aspect of the
body which they necessarily opposed to the
prongs, forks, and skewers wherewith they were
pursued by the girls they left behind them.
The Beauty of Early Rising.
Family Physician (who is a hit of an Abernethy
in his way). “ You may laugh at me as you like.
Miss, but I tell you it is a positive fact, which
you are at liberty to disprove, if you can—that,
when Venus rose from the Sea, the rising took
place the very first thing in the morning, or
else she never would have been the Beauty she
was! ”
THE MYSTERIES OF TRADE.
In the intelligence from the Brazils, last week, we meet in one of
the papers with the following curious paragraph :—
“ Dry Germans opened at 59J reals, but declined to 5S for half ox half cow, and
60 for ox, this quotation being merely nominal.”
The above is a complete mystification. Of course, in our travelling
experiences, we have met with many “dry Germans,” but we little
suspected that, they ever formed an article of commerce. Besides, who
would care about purchasing a “dry German”? Then the question
arises, how do you dry a German ? or does he dry himself in his own
tobacco-smoke? After this comes the further mystery of his being
“opened.” It is rather undignified to talk in this way of a “dry
German,” as if he were no better than a dried haddock, or a cured
herring, or a Teutonic mummy, that had had the accumulated dust and
cobwebs of centuries upon him. However, we are so far pleased as to
notice that “ dry Germans ” fetch so good a price in the dry-goods
market. It is more than we should feel inclined to give for such a
specimen of dried metaphysics and transcendentalistic Kantism.
Another puzzle that bewilders us still more is the revelation that
your “dry German” is “half ox, half cow.” We have heard of an
Irish bull, and of a Vache espagnole, and of other curiosities belonging
to the animal kingdom; but we must confess that such an ethnological
specimen as a “dry German,” that had the head of an ox and the tail
of a cow, never, fortunately for us, crossed our scientific path before.
We are so mystified that we must write to Professor Owen on the
subject, though it looks very suspiciously as though Barnum, under a
strong attack of animal spirits, had had a hand in stitching this new
hybrid together for the enrichment of Iris New York Museum. _Wesup-
pose that the “ half ox” is a delicate compliment to the obstinacy of
Prussia, and the “ half cow ” a graceful allusion to the calf-like attributes
of Austria. However, our Foreign Office, that always evinces such a,
strong sympathy for German interests, should take the matter up. If
slavery is abolished, why, we want to know, are “ dry Germans ” thus
offered publicly for sale ?
Motto tor the General Conveyance Amalgamated Omnibus
Company.— “ Epluribusses Unim.”
Blancmange.—Whitebait.
A PROPHECY OF MERLIN.
Among the curious black-letter prophecies which have been collected
under the name of the famous Celtic Wizard Merlin, is one which, in
the opinion of many, strangely anticipates events which are passing
under our own eyes in the Church of England. The prophecy runs:—
“ fflSEfjanne tfjat a routr of Dtsljopprs shall he faoune
®o liftm uppe a baake bg putftngc hohmc:
vuHbattne that this CEnglortbc sirs a man turn built,
®fje fcrfjirfje a (Coopcre bp ge tatlc shall pullc,
^Inli URcorbe out of Ptecorbes thrusterr, fullc,
Channe look foe grtebous boinbes . . . anb pragen allc
Efiat (Ehtglonbe’s Church see nat but nabrs to falle.”
This prophecy has, we believe, been repeatedly brought to the notice
of both our Episcopal and Cathedral body, but, of course, without
attracting any attention. The last line has been laid hold of, by
credulous people, as prophetic of the fall of Chichester Cathedral, the
spire of which has come down upon the nave, while, in the earlier
couplets, fanciful imaginations make out allusions to recent proceedings
in relation to the Essays and Reviews, and the expulsion of an offensive
pervert from a public office.
It would be well if the Church authorities, when they fall on any-
body, would follow the example of the Church buildings, and come
down on knaves only.
THE REAL EDITOR OF “NOTES AND QUERIES.”
If asked, we should say it was not Mr. Timbs, nor Mr. Thoms, but
Mr. Mullens, who is the Solicitor to an Association of Bankers for
the Prevention of Forgery, inasmuch as when there is the smallest
doubt about a Note, it is always sent to him to be Queried. There is
this peculiarity, too, in Mr. Mullens, that he does not take the
slightest intere*st in the circulation of the curious documents that, as
the recognised head of that difficult branch of literature, are placed in
his hands every year for him to adjudicate whether they have the true
stamp of genius upon them, or do not exactly come up to the mark,
in fact, the less Notes that are Queries circulate, the better he is
pleased.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
87
PAPAL ZOUAVES AND PETTICOATS.
Letter from Rome thus
recounts an exploit performed
the other day by a detach-
ment of Papal Zouaves, whilst
those warriors, on their way
to invade the territory of
Victor Emmanuel, were
voyaging from Nazzano
across the Tiber in a ferry-
boat :—
“ The Zouaves on crossing fired
a volley at some poor country-
women who were labouring in a
field at some distance, and who
took to flight in great terror, but
fortunately uninjured, with the
exception of one who had an ear
shot off.”
What, terrible fellows are
these Pontifical Zouaves!
The females at whom they
fired were probably most of
them old women ; the heroes
no doubt would have pre-
ferred to take young girls
alive. The Pope’s braves
spare neither age nor sex;
no, not even when age and
sex combine to deprecate
their ferocity.
Having knocked off a
woman’s ear at a long shot,
the gallant Zouaves attacked
and took possession of a mill
adjoining the ferry, which there was nobody to defend. The enterprise of these Soldiers
of the Cross—as embroidered on the Pope’s shoes—was worthy of such crusaders. Their
descent on the mill may remind the reader of a similar achievement performed by the famous
Knight of La Mancha. Both the one affair and the other are illustrations of chivalry. The
chivalry conspicuously manifest in Don Quixote's assault on the windmill, was, in the seizure
of the mill near the Tiber by the Papal Zouaves,
conspicuous by its absence. If these soldiers
are ordered to fire at women, their officers may
be supposed to be desirous to acquire the repu-
tation of lady-killers. We should like to know
how they are getting on at the mill. Perhaps,
however, they have got off by this time, as many
as were able to escape from a body of assailants
whom the fire which they had ventured to open
on the countrywomen at work very likely drew
down upon them. Those poor old women ran
away; but probably their retreat was speedily
followed by the advance of a troop of youthful
and vigorous peasant lasses, armed with pitch-
forks, scissors, and other rural and domestic
implements.
What then happened we may safely con-
jecture. The enraged Amazons precipitated
themselves on the men who had fired at their
grandmothers, stormed their position, and sent
them flying—the one who shot a woman’s
ear off, perhaps, with a flea in his own. The
Zouaves of the Pope who, on that occasion, had
the honour of bleeding in the cause of his
Holiness, carry, no doubt, the marks of the
wounds they then received on that aspect of the
body which they necessarily opposed to the
prongs, forks, and skewers wherewith they were
pursued by the girls they left behind them.
The Beauty of Early Rising.
Family Physician (who is a hit of an Abernethy
in his way). “ You may laugh at me as you like.
Miss, but I tell you it is a positive fact, which
you are at liberty to disprove, if you can—that,
when Venus rose from the Sea, the rising took
place the very first thing in the morning, or
else she never would have been the Beauty she
was! ”
THE MYSTERIES OF TRADE.
In the intelligence from the Brazils, last week, we meet in one of
the papers with the following curious paragraph :—
“ Dry Germans opened at 59J reals, but declined to 5S for half ox half cow, and
60 for ox, this quotation being merely nominal.”
The above is a complete mystification. Of course, in our travelling
experiences, we have met with many “dry Germans,” but we little
suspected that, they ever formed an article of commerce. Besides, who
would care about purchasing a “dry German”? Then the question
arises, how do you dry a German ? or does he dry himself in his own
tobacco-smoke? After this comes the further mystery of his being
“opened.” It is rather undignified to talk in this way of a “dry
German,” as if he were no better than a dried haddock, or a cured
herring, or a Teutonic mummy, that had had the accumulated dust and
cobwebs of centuries upon him. However, we are so far pleased as to
notice that “ dry Germans ” fetch so good a price in the dry-goods
market. It is more than we should feel inclined to give for such a
specimen of dried metaphysics and transcendentalistic Kantism.
Another puzzle that bewilders us still more is the revelation that
your “dry German” is “half ox, half cow.” We have heard of an
Irish bull, and of a Vache espagnole, and of other curiosities belonging
to the animal kingdom; but we must confess that such an ethnological
specimen as a “dry German,” that had the head of an ox and the tail
of a cow, never, fortunately for us, crossed our scientific path before.
We are so mystified that we must write to Professor Owen on the
subject, though it looks very suspiciously as though Barnum, under a
strong attack of animal spirits, had had a hand in stitching this new
hybrid together for the enrichment of Iris New York Museum. _Wesup-
pose that the “ half ox” is a delicate compliment to the obstinacy of
Prussia, and the “ half cow ” a graceful allusion to the calf-like attributes
of Austria. However, our Foreign Office, that always evinces such a,
strong sympathy for German interests, should take the matter up. If
slavery is abolished, why, we want to know, are “ dry Germans ” thus
offered publicly for sale ?
Motto tor the General Conveyance Amalgamated Omnibus
Company.— “ Epluribusses Unim.”
Blancmange.—Whitebait.
A PROPHECY OF MERLIN.
Among the curious black-letter prophecies which have been collected
under the name of the famous Celtic Wizard Merlin, is one which, in
the opinion of many, strangely anticipates events which are passing
under our own eyes in the Church of England. The prophecy runs:—
“ fflSEfjanne tfjat a routr of Dtsljopprs shall he faoune
®o liftm uppe a baake bg putftngc hohmc:
vuHbattne that this CEnglortbc sirs a man turn built,
®fje fcrfjirfje a (Coopcre bp ge tatlc shall pullc,
^Inli URcorbe out of Ptecorbes thrusterr, fullc,
Channe look foe grtebous boinbes . . . anb pragen allc
Efiat (Ehtglonbe’s Church see nat but nabrs to falle.”
This prophecy has, we believe, been repeatedly brought to the notice
of both our Episcopal and Cathedral body, but, of course, without
attracting any attention. The last line has been laid hold of, by
credulous people, as prophetic of the fall of Chichester Cathedral, the
spire of which has come down upon the nave, while, in the earlier
couplets, fanciful imaginations make out allusions to recent proceedings
in relation to the Essays and Reviews, and the expulsion of an offensive
pervert from a public office.
It would be well if the Church authorities, when they fall on any-
body, would follow the example of the Church buildings, and come
down on knaves only.
THE REAL EDITOR OF “NOTES AND QUERIES.”
If asked, we should say it was not Mr. Timbs, nor Mr. Thoms, but
Mr. Mullens, who is the Solicitor to an Association of Bankers for
the Prevention of Forgery, inasmuch as when there is the smallest
doubt about a Note, it is always sent to him to be Queried. There is
this peculiarity, too, in Mr. Mullens, that he does not take the
slightest intere*st in the circulation of the curious documents that, as
the recognised head of that difficult branch of literature, are placed in
his hands every year for him to adjudicate whether they have the true
stamp of genius upon them, or do not exactly come up to the mark,
in fact, the less Notes that are Queries circulate, the better he is
pleased.