Punch: Punch (40.1861)

Masoh 23, 1861.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. no

WALKER’S WARBLER.

THE BALLAD OE ADMIRAL WALKER.

Now all you bold reformers of the Admiral-i-t.ie,

And all you gallant Admirals come listen unto me,

It’s of a doleful historv I am about to tell,

About bold Admiral Walker and the fate that him befell.

’Twas in Admiralty dry-dock bold Walker be did lie.

All at his red tape moorings a-stranded high and dry,

With a quill at his mast head, a flag of foolscap at, his fore,

And my Lords a firin’ minute-guns outside his office-door.

“Now clear your ship for action,” my Lords their signal flew—

And Walker he looked bounceable as he’d been lookin’ blue,

“Up anchor, lads, and load your guns, my hearts of oak,” says he,
“My Lords they have giv’n orders to face the enemie.”

But soon bold Walker looked more blue than he had looked afore
When the Dockyard Committee down on his quarter bore,

A pepperin’ of his topsides with questions hot, and hot,

And their sea-lawyer-questions a-pourin’ in, like shot.

They raked him and they hulled him, and hit ’twixt wind and tide :
His tiller-ropes was shot away, his helm went yawin’ wide;

And down come his top-hamper, and deadened so his way.

That damaged and disabled a sheer hulk there he lay.

Then up and spoke bold Walker, “I’m blest,” he says, says he,

“ If in a game o’ bowls like this again they ketches me.

I’d face the French and Rooshians, if they was one to ten,

But the shot of a Committee I’ll never face again.”

“Refit your ship for action! ” again the signal flew,

“ Two more Committees bearin’ down upon my Lords and you !

It’s Duncombe that bold pirate, and Elpiiirstone also;

Spite of my Lords they’ve sworn to take the Admiraltie in tow.”

Then it’s up and spoke bold Walker, “ Blow’d if I do! ” says he.
“You fight, your ships ashore,” he says, “I’ll fight your ships at
sea.”

And down to Portsmouth Dockyard he takes a special train.

And aboard o’ the Narcissus his flag hoists at the main.

“Now catch me, if you can,” says he, “the wind great guns it
blows;

But I’d rather brave the tempest—the worst o’ that I knows—
Than face Committee’s broadsides, the figures and the jaw,

Paid out by them sea-lawyers, with their lingo and their law.”

Bold Duncombe stood upon the deck, his spy-glass to his eye,

“ Now, where’s stout Admiral Walker?—I cannot him espy.”
And Elphinstone looked larboard, and starboard too looked he,

But nothing of bold Walker could either of them see.

And “Walker! Walker! Walker!” my Lords began to cry,
But those sons of guns of Echoes only “ Walker” did reply.

They telegraphed to Portsmouth, but telegraphs was vain,

They seni slow steamers arter, which they all came back again

And nobody has clapp’d an eye on Walker since the day
That out o’ Portsmouth Dockyard the Narcissus steamed away.

The wind it blew a gale ahead, but Walker didn’t mind.

Along o’ them Committees that was kickin’ him behind.

And still he’s somewhere cruisin’ in the Channel chops we know—
Like the Elyin’ Dutchman, stunsaiis set, aloft and eke alow :

But blest, if into Portsmouth bold Walker steams again,

While there’s Committees to be met, and figures to explain.

HIE CRUISE OE THE ADMIRAL.

BY AX ADMIRALTY POET.

How gallantly, how pleasantly, he boundeth o’er the seal
Prom fears of close Committee rooms our Admiral is free :

You see he knows a thing or two we wish kept snugly dark,

So we’ve started off the Admiral, and cry God speed his bark !

’Tis terrible to think from him what, awkward truths might, come,
What tongues he might untie which now are fortunately dumb ;

I would not, speak with levity, yet own I feel a doubt
If even the Big Ship would hold the cats he could let out.

‘Tis he can tell what jobs are done beneath the naval rose,

Can tell how ’t,is the men don’t come, and how the money goes:

’ I’is he can say of all our fleet, what ships are bad or good,

And how, though iron’s proved'the thing, we still keep using wood.

’Tis he knows all our dockyards, and the cost of their delays:

How bran new ships are turned to hulks, and rot in Hamoaze:

How clever schemes get pooh-poohed by some pert official pup,

And trial ships so oft break down, and then get broken up.

He knows how many millions in repairs we yearly waste.

And how old tubs are tinkered up with most expensive haste :

He knows of all our gunboat fleet howT few there are of use,

How many paddles now won’t work, how many screws are loose.

Were he before Committee brought, what tales he might unfold!
How articles just paid for, as “old stores” are daily sold:

The failures of our architects, and what their cost he’d tell,

And how a ship that ought to sail too often proves a sell.

He’d tell how in our dockyards, when there’s urgent work on hand,
There’d come one day a telegram the job to countermand :

Next week would bring an order to destroy what had been done,
And ere the month was out the work would be anew begun.

They’d ask why ships are fitted out, and when in perfect trim
Recalled, and all their hands paid off, for merest Whitehall whim;
Such questions might give rise perhaps to some unpleasant talk.

So we said—His name is Walker, and away he’d better walk!

We manned our fastest ship for him, the fleetest of the fleet:

Then came the cry to call him back : with cheers the cry we greet.

“ Oh yes, be sure we ’ll fetch him here—What ho! for sea prepare! ”
And forth the tardy tortoise starts to catch the flying hare.

So gallantly and gaily may the good ship onward fly,

That bears away our Admiral from the House its hue and cry :

And when the storm of rude remarks that threatens now is o’er.

We ’ll welcome our brave Admiral home to his native shore.

“Walker is one who Walks.”— Johnson.

Sir Baldwin Walker, savs the Times, “has been Surveyor of the
Navy ever since Sir Robert Peel’s time.” Now, “Surveyor,” says
the Dictionary, is a synonym for “overseer,” and of this word John-
son gives the meaning “one who overlooks.” Referring to Walker
—the writer not the admiral—we find this definition of the substantive
confirmed : and we doubt not that Sir Baldwin, were he brought
before Committee (of which there seems to be not the slightest chance
at present) would show that it had been his business not so much
quite to look over as to overlook.

LOUD CRIES OP “ WALKER.”

On the “Railway Accidents” Debate, Mr. Jackson surprised us
by stating:—

“The fact is, the whole railway world is at sea.”

Well, we should have thought the sea was about the last place the
railway world would have thought of going to. Whatever can they
want there ? Has Science overcome the great difficulty of laying down
rails upon waves ? At all events, they would have no lack of what is
called “rolling stock.” However, since the railway world is at sea,
perhaps they would not mind, in the event of their falling in with Sir
Baldwin Walker, stopping him, and telling him to come back
immediately, as he is wanted at home. This act of kindness will save
the Admiralty a deal of unnecessary trouble in sending slow ships to
run after a fast one.

What Affectation!

Here’s the Emperor op Austria making a tremendous fuss
because some one has been forging 100,000,000 notes on his Imperial
Treasury ! We have no patience with such affected nonsense. Just |
as if so small a number as 100,000,000 Austrian bank-notes could be of
the slightest value at any time to anybody! The Emperor has more
humour in him than we gave him credit for, and that is about the
extent of the credit we should feel inclined to give him under his
present reduced circumstances.

POOR AUSTRIA1. %

The Venetians take their revenge against the Austrian bank-notes
that are attempted to be forced upon them by stamping upon every
one that comes into their hands the words of the print-illustrious
Sentinel to Navgleon :—“ On ne passe pas ici.”

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