DOI Heft:
April 27, 1861
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16867#0178
170
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[Apbil 27, 1861.
!
]
PREVENTIVE PENAL KNOWLEDGE.
he attention of those
philanthropists who
are earnestly devoting
their benevolent ener-
gies to the diffusion
of useful knowledge, is
invited to the sub-
joined paragraph, ex-
tracted from the report
of a lecture delivered
at the Royal Institu-
tion by Professor
Helmholtz :—
“The greatest effort of
the labour of man, he said,
is obtained on the tread-
mill, by which action, if
exerted in ascending stairs,
he would raise himself 1,712
feet in one hour.”
This brief and simple,
but significant state-
ment would do much
good if it could be
brought sufficiently
well before the morally
inferior classes. Print-
ed in large letters in
the form of a handbill,
it might be posted up,
by the help of the
Police, in all the pub-
lic-houses and other
principal resorts of
rogues and thieves.
The Stock Exchange
Committee might also
stick it upon the walls
of that building, wherein gamblers and speculators in the money-market most do congregate.
Bank Directors would also do well to give it a conspicuous position in and about their
banking-houses. There can be no doubt that the most effectual way to deter a rogue from
crime would he that of impressing him with a vivid idea of its consequences; and an idle
scoundrel could have no stronger inducement to
practise honest industry than a knowledge of
what is meant by the hard labour to which be
may subject himself by theft and fraud; and
thence a wholesome horror of the treadmill. He
would be careful how he ran the risk of placing
himself in the position of climbing at the rate
of 1,712 feet an hour, and standing all the while
at the same level.
SONG FOR THE MERCHANTS.
Our fathers of old,
Though shiv’ring with cold,
Drove their bargains,the winds driving through
them;
But wiser are we,
And prefer, Mb. T-
-ite, in weather-tight place to pursue them.
But let us beware!
And whilst temp’ring the air,
Keep an eye on the Gresham Committee,
And mind they don’t spile
The handsomest pile
We can show anywhere in the City.
Difference Between Wit and Humour.
Thebe have been so many thousand definitions
of Wit and Humour, that we do not offer the
slightest apology for the following attempt tc
explain the difference between them. We have
but little doubt that it will fully come up in
merit and success to its numerous predecessors,
the majority of which have been egregious
failures:—
Humour is the art of saying happy things
that have the effect of making others happy;
whilst Wit, and especially that grade of it that
takes the form of Satire, is the art of saying
smart things that are the cause of smarting in
others.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday. April 15. It may suit Mb. Gladstone to take three
hours to detail the contents of his Budget, but Mr. Punch has no
intention whatever of being so wasteful of words. Here is the
Budget:—
“ Though the Lords choose to vapour, off. Duty on Paper!
One Penny I rescue from Income-Tax trickery;
Divers Licences mention, not worth your attention ;
And, lastly, I double the Duty on Chicory.”
There is the Budget, and if Mb. Gladstone had come to Mr. Punch
and asked him for leave to print the above on a neat little card, which
might have been inclosed to the Members, the Chancellob would
have saved himself the trouble of talking for 175 minutes while an
atrocious East Wind was soughing round the House and waiting to
catch him when he should come out. Add that he says he shall have a
surplus of £1,922,000 instead of the Deficiency which his enemies had
been predicting, and that he garnished his eloquent speech with some
fun about Lady Godiva, ana his paying his own addresses to two
young ladies at once, Miss Direct and Miss Indirect Taxation, and
t hat he introduced Latin quotations which are thus corrected by the
Morning Chronicle (price one penny):—
and
“ Aurerus et simili frondescit virga meballo,”
“Ergo alte vestiga carfe manu.’t
the Gladstonian exploit for 1S61 is summed up. It may be as well to
add, that the other day Lobd Palhebston was assuring us that we
needed all our costly defensive preparations against our friend the
Elected of the Millions, and that to-night Mb. Gladstone spoke
emphatically against the war expenditure of the country. When the
Coalition does agree, its unanimity is wonderful; but we cannot expect
wonders all through the Session.
There was not much discussion after the Budget-Speech, indeed
Mb. Gladstone had rained such a shower of figures upon the heads of
the Committee that they were bewildered, and Members began doing
all sorts of wild sums on the paper, dividing 13 by 27, subtracting
403 from T79, and performing similar vagaries, in order to look as if
they were considering the Minister’s details. But most people seemed
pleased that no new taxes were to be laid on; and, after a little dispute
as to whether Mb. Gladstone had been the sweetest friend or the
bitterest enemy of the agricultural interest, the Chicory Resolution
was put and carried. Whether the rest of the Chicory Budget will be
as easily got through, Mr. Punch profoundly remarks, nous verrons.
The Lords did not sit for an hour, but most of them who are capable
of understanding a financial speech came into the House of Commons
to hear Mb. Gladstone.
Tuesday. But to-ni»ht their Lordships met to better purpose, and
read the Bankruptcy Bill a Second Time. That plan of making one law
for the Trader and the Non Trader seems to give much uneasiness to
the superior classes, who appear to be awfully afraid of being “ nabbed,”
a state of mind that indicates some little habitual irregularity in
accounts. Lobd Chelmsfokd, on behalf of the Non-Traders,
threatens to doctor the Bill in Committee. He was not very lucky in
a remark that the House of Commons had not given due attention to
the measure, for during part of the debate in the Second Reading of the
most important Bill of the Session, there were Four lords on one side
of the House and the same number on the other, and never more than
thirty-seven.
In the Commons a Bill for enabling people to make railways in the
streets came on for Second Beading. This is the plan of Mb. Tbaxn,
an American gentleman, who has actually got two of such railways at
work in London, and who, if he never does anything else, deserves the
gratitude of the English Lady for shaming the proprietors of the dirty
inconvenient nuisance called the British Omnibus, by. producing a
vehicle into which a woman can step decently, and sit in cleanliness
and comfort. Also for substituting neatly uniformed and civil men
for the coarse cads who at present bawl behind the buss,. How-
ever, the question of giving the powers required by this Bill is a dis-
tinct one from that of the advantage of the Train vehicles, and the
Bill was negatived, after—perhaps because of—a smart speech in its
favour from Mb. Bright.
The mantle of Spooner has fallen upon Whalley. The latter has
taken up the Maynooth question. He fixed Tuesday the 30th, for iiis
debut, and in the interests of humanity Mr. Brand will be good
enough to mark that night for a Count Out.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[Apbil 27, 1861.
!
]
PREVENTIVE PENAL KNOWLEDGE.
he attention of those
philanthropists who
are earnestly devoting
their benevolent ener-
gies to the diffusion
of useful knowledge, is
invited to the sub-
joined paragraph, ex-
tracted from the report
of a lecture delivered
at the Royal Institu-
tion by Professor
Helmholtz :—
“The greatest effort of
the labour of man, he said,
is obtained on the tread-
mill, by which action, if
exerted in ascending stairs,
he would raise himself 1,712
feet in one hour.”
This brief and simple,
but significant state-
ment would do much
good if it could be
brought sufficiently
well before the morally
inferior classes. Print-
ed in large letters in
the form of a handbill,
it might be posted up,
by the help of the
Police, in all the pub-
lic-houses and other
principal resorts of
rogues and thieves.
The Stock Exchange
Committee might also
stick it upon the walls
of that building, wherein gamblers and speculators in the money-market most do congregate.
Bank Directors would also do well to give it a conspicuous position in and about their
banking-houses. There can be no doubt that the most effectual way to deter a rogue from
crime would he that of impressing him with a vivid idea of its consequences; and an idle
scoundrel could have no stronger inducement to
practise honest industry than a knowledge of
what is meant by the hard labour to which be
may subject himself by theft and fraud; and
thence a wholesome horror of the treadmill. He
would be careful how he ran the risk of placing
himself in the position of climbing at the rate
of 1,712 feet an hour, and standing all the while
at the same level.
SONG FOR THE MERCHANTS.
Our fathers of old,
Though shiv’ring with cold,
Drove their bargains,the winds driving through
them;
But wiser are we,
And prefer, Mb. T-
-ite, in weather-tight place to pursue them.
But let us beware!
And whilst temp’ring the air,
Keep an eye on the Gresham Committee,
And mind they don’t spile
The handsomest pile
We can show anywhere in the City.
Difference Between Wit and Humour.
Thebe have been so many thousand definitions
of Wit and Humour, that we do not offer the
slightest apology for the following attempt tc
explain the difference between them. We have
but little doubt that it will fully come up in
merit and success to its numerous predecessors,
the majority of which have been egregious
failures:—
Humour is the art of saying happy things
that have the effect of making others happy;
whilst Wit, and especially that grade of it that
takes the form of Satire, is the art of saying
smart things that are the cause of smarting in
others.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday. April 15. It may suit Mb. Gladstone to take three
hours to detail the contents of his Budget, but Mr. Punch has no
intention whatever of being so wasteful of words. Here is the
Budget:—
“ Though the Lords choose to vapour, off. Duty on Paper!
One Penny I rescue from Income-Tax trickery;
Divers Licences mention, not worth your attention ;
And, lastly, I double the Duty on Chicory.”
There is the Budget, and if Mb. Gladstone had come to Mr. Punch
and asked him for leave to print the above on a neat little card, which
might have been inclosed to the Members, the Chancellob would
have saved himself the trouble of talking for 175 minutes while an
atrocious East Wind was soughing round the House and waiting to
catch him when he should come out. Add that he says he shall have a
surplus of £1,922,000 instead of the Deficiency which his enemies had
been predicting, and that he garnished his eloquent speech with some
fun about Lady Godiva, ana his paying his own addresses to two
young ladies at once, Miss Direct and Miss Indirect Taxation, and
t hat he introduced Latin quotations which are thus corrected by the
Morning Chronicle (price one penny):—
and
“ Aurerus et simili frondescit virga meballo,”
“Ergo alte vestiga carfe manu.’t
the Gladstonian exploit for 1S61 is summed up. It may be as well to
add, that the other day Lobd Palhebston was assuring us that we
needed all our costly defensive preparations against our friend the
Elected of the Millions, and that to-night Mb. Gladstone spoke
emphatically against the war expenditure of the country. When the
Coalition does agree, its unanimity is wonderful; but we cannot expect
wonders all through the Session.
There was not much discussion after the Budget-Speech, indeed
Mb. Gladstone had rained such a shower of figures upon the heads of
the Committee that they were bewildered, and Members began doing
all sorts of wild sums on the paper, dividing 13 by 27, subtracting
403 from T79, and performing similar vagaries, in order to look as if
they were considering the Minister’s details. But most people seemed
pleased that no new taxes were to be laid on; and, after a little dispute
as to whether Mb. Gladstone had been the sweetest friend or the
bitterest enemy of the agricultural interest, the Chicory Resolution
was put and carried. Whether the rest of the Chicory Budget will be
as easily got through, Mr. Punch profoundly remarks, nous verrons.
The Lords did not sit for an hour, but most of them who are capable
of understanding a financial speech came into the House of Commons
to hear Mb. Gladstone.
Tuesday. But to-ni»ht their Lordships met to better purpose, and
read the Bankruptcy Bill a Second Time. That plan of making one law
for the Trader and the Non Trader seems to give much uneasiness to
the superior classes, who appear to be awfully afraid of being “ nabbed,”
a state of mind that indicates some little habitual irregularity in
accounts. Lobd Chelmsfokd, on behalf of the Non-Traders,
threatens to doctor the Bill in Committee. He was not very lucky in
a remark that the House of Commons had not given due attention to
the measure, for during part of the debate in the Second Reading of the
most important Bill of the Session, there were Four lords on one side
of the House and the same number on the other, and never more than
thirty-seven.
In the Commons a Bill for enabling people to make railways in the
streets came on for Second Beading. This is the plan of Mb. Tbaxn,
an American gentleman, who has actually got two of such railways at
work in London, and who, if he never does anything else, deserves the
gratitude of the English Lady for shaming the proprietors of the dirty
inconvenient nuisance called the British Omnibus, by. producing a
vehicle into which a woman can step decently, and sit in cleanliness
and comfort. Also for substituting neatly uniformed and civil men
for the coarse cads who at present bawl behind the buss,. How-
ever, the question of giving the powers required by this Bill is a dis-
tinct one from that of the advantage of the Train vehicles, and the
Bill was negatived, after—perhaps because of—a smart speech in its
favour from Mb. Bright.
The mantle of Spooner has fallen upon Whalley. The latter has
taken up the Maynooth question. He fixed Tuesday the 30th, for iiis
debut, and in the interests of humanity Mr. Brand will be good
enough to mark that night for a Count Out.