Punch: Punch (40.1861)

238

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 8, 1861.

BLACK IS WHITE.

The Rambler, a rational Roman Catholic journal, having,
on occasion, remarked, with a view to deprecate tire inter-
ference of the Church with scientific questions, that there
are “decisions of the highest ecclesiastical courts which
for generations fettered or prevented the course of science
in several parts of Europe,” the Tablet, which goes the
whole hog of Popery, thus comments, with reference to
that observation:—

“ If the Church, thought that a particular scientific opinion tended
to perplex the simple, we do not know how she is to be blamed if she
condemned the scientific gentlemen, or even corrupted science in the
interest of man's salvation ?”

At this rate, the Church would be justified not only in
telling a lie, but also in condemning a man for telling the
truth. She would be right in anathematising, and perhaps
in roasting, a philosopher for disabusing the mind of a
Catholic booby of the persuasion that the earth was flat,
and that Heaven was situated on the other side of the blue
sky. How is it possible to believe one word that is said by
people who entertain such opinions on the subject of vera-
city as those which are represented by the Tablet; and how
much sincerity is there in the faith of those who avow that
i part of their religion is humbug?

DON DO AND DONE.

Morocco owes Spain money. A party in Spain suggests
that the Government should leather Morocco into paying
her debt. Considering the treatment of the Spanish bond-
holders, this is cool. It is indeed too cool even for the
Spanish Government—not the most easily abashed—and
it magnanimously declares, through its official organ, that
“ there is no fear of a war with Morocco. Government
has decided not to undertake a war on a question of
money ! ” Mighty magnanimous from a repudiating State,
which owes John Bull more millions that it is ever likely
to pay. Money, in slang, is called “the Spanish,” no doubt
i on the lucus a no?i lucendo principle, because out of the
Spanish there is no getting money.

SCENE—THE HILL.

irritated, Swell (walking away). “I tell you I don’t want to be Brushed l”

Public Coat-Brasher. “ Oh, just to make you a little tidy, my Lord ! ”

Swell. ‘ ‘ I shan’t pay you ! ”

Coat-Brusher (still brushing), “That ain’t o’ no consequence, my Lord; but I warm weather is a process he has found to beegg-streamly
-SHOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU LOOK RESPECTABLE ! ” : pleasant.

Rural Insanity.

A Country Correspondent, who seems anxious to be
kicked, writes that diving for an egg in a cool stream this

THAT BLESSED DONKEY!

The Pore, we read, lately visited his army at Torre de Yalle. He
gave his blessing to two rifled cannon—thus insuring those blessed
cylinders against missing, upsetting, bursting, and all the other mis-
fortunes which Popes cannot avert from themselves, but which they
have only to bold up two fingers to ward off from anything they may
vouchsafe to bless, from a donkey on St. Antony’s day to a devotee in
the Holy Week. And so the consecrated cannon were solemnly sponged,
cattridged, wadded, balled, rammed down, and laid. The lock was
'pulled, and the gun was fired. A poor donkey happened to be the
only thing within range, and was killed by the bullet.! Punch the
Excommunicate says this was an allegory—that none but donkeys are
likely to be within range of the Papal fire, and still more certainlv none
but donkeys are likely to be hurt by it.

But the precedent raises a nice question for the papal Camera.
What, is the fate of the donkey that falls under a consecrated bullet,
Vbeing at the time not in a state of mortal sin, i. <?., not being engaged
in warfare against the Pope? To Mr. Punch, much considering these
things, it appears probable that, the virtue of the Papal benediction
passes to the innocent sufferer, and that the Ass thus dying, is (like
that other immortal wearer of an Ass’s head. Bottom,) “translated”
■into a higher state of animal existence, where he passes a beatific time
of it, with St. Rocb’s dog, St,. Antony’s pig, St.. Agnes’s lamb, St.
Martin’s horse, and the other blessed beasts familiar to us from Romish
picture and Romish legend.

In fact the horrors of martyrdom are fairly claimable for every
donkey, which being—as donkeys usually are—friendly to the Pope,
yet offers itself as a sacrifice to prove the death-dealing aim of the
Papal cannons. The tribute is t he more valuable, as those cannons are
&ot considered so formidable just, now, as in days when they thundered

from the Vatican, double-shotted with leaden bullw — the proper
Pontifical bullets.

In these godless times men are apt to consider their fire a mere
brutum fulmen, and to treat them, in fact, as what the sailors call
quakers, wooden cylinders painted, mounted, and run out like real
cannon to humbug an enemy.

One of the excommunicate, we propose this question :—“ If a Papal
bali kill one donkey, bow many will a Papal bull kill ? ”

THE LOUNGER’S LAMENT AT THE CRYSTAL PALACE
ELOWER SHOW.

On, where, and oh, where, are my orange-tree leaves gone?

Last year how thick they clustered, fit for Elora on her throne;
And now—ah, me 1 they’ve dropped off, or are dying, every one.

Oh, where, and oh, where, did my orange-trees first grow ?

’Twas in the South of France, quite a hundred years ago ;

How sad that such old friends should now look so so-so !

Ob, what hath hurt my trees? my Grove, I prithee, tell.

It, cau’t have been the gas,—that light excuse dispel;

Perchance ’twas the cold winter that hath made them feel unwell.

Suppose, oh! suppose, my orange-trees should die!

The organ should peal o’er them its saddest notes, while I
Would act as their chief mourner, and sit me down and cry !

New Name for the
of Rheims {Ream).

Paper Duty Association :—The Council