DOI Heft:
June 15, 1861
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16867#0255
June 15, 1861.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
24'
I not. owe to himP I told him, however, that he misjudged me, and
that I was weeping to think that ten thousand of my fellow-creatures
had assembled to derive excitement from the chance of a French
mountebank breaking his neck.
“ Spare your tears, and stow your twaddle,” responded my venerable
friend. “ They have come for no such savage purpose. They have
heard that a person has acquired the art of safely walking on a sus-
pended cord, and they evince a laudable desire to witness a triumph of
courage and of skill. Do you degrade your fellow subjects to the level
of the Homan spectators of gladiator-fights ? Is there one person in
that crowd who would turn up the thumb, if doing so would bring
down that acrobat to that floor ? ”
I did not dare to remind him that he had summarily crushed my own
plea in his chambers, but I asked him whether he would take auything
to drink. He was condescending enough to partake of a bottle of
Scottish ale with me, and seasoned it by a good humoured jibe at my
selecting liquor bearing the name of my country.
“ The health of the French acrobat, with the American reputation,
in a tumbler of Scotch ale!” he said.
“ Drunk by Du. Johnson,” I ventured to add, “ whose reputation is
neither French, nor American, nor Scotch, nor English, but universal.”
“ You are a thundering humbug,” said my revered friend, smiling.
I have reason to believe that he was pleased, for he permitted me to
pay the cab from the terminus to the Temple.
A BRIGHTENER AT BRIGHTON,
1 chanced the other
evening to converse
with a young lady,
to whom—when we
had talked about the
weather and the pic-
tures, and asked her
how she liked the
last Crystal Palace
Concert, and if she
thought M. Fech-
ter as funny as
Charles Kean,
and how many pairs
of gloves she had
lost upon the Derby,
and whether she in-
tended to pay any
of her bets, and how
it was we had not
seen her at Lord
Snoozle’s, and
whether she was
going to Mr. Stur-
geon’s pic-nic, and
could she play well
at Aunt Sally, and what she thought of M. Blondin and the spoon-
shaped bonnet, and if she fancied the Gorillas would look prettier if
they shaved—we put the question, had she been to Brighton yet this
summer, and this leading conversation to seaside things in general,
we were startled by her saying that site “ never thaw the thea! ” In
our surprise at this confession we were so brutal as to ask her, what
could be her age; whereupon she simply told us she was “ theventeen
latht Thent.hut.h: ” which we believe to be within not more than five
years of the truth.
As we learnt that this young lady had lived half her life in London,
her statement that she never yet had seen the sea, appeared to our
mind so incredible that we well-nigh lost our character for gallantry
by doubting it; but having now a full belief in its veracity we do not
hesitate to place it. upon record here in Punch. This we do that we
may use it as a text for a short sermon which we think it well to
preach to fathers of a family, anent the good effects of a draught of
fresh sea air, aud the cheap rate at which that saline dose is now pro-
curable. For half-a-crown a head, O Cockney Paterfamilias, you may
take your wife and grown-up daughters down to Brighton, and there
let them fill their lungs for nine hours at a stretch with enough sea
air on Mondays to last them through the week. Half a-crown a head
for health and happiness combined! where is the doctor that could
sell you such a dose? However beneficial it may be in its effects,
doctor’s stuff is anything but pleasant to one’s palate: but a mouthful
of sea air leaves no unpleasant taste behind it, and they who are pre-
scribed it are very often clamorous to have another dose.
Prevention is at all times far better than cure; and men who fear
lest their small income may scarce suffice for their large family, had
better guard against the chance of having a big doctor’s bill by taking
all their children at half-price down to Brighton, and infecting them
with health so as to make them illness-proof. By giving them a good
blow out upon the beach of the balmy sea-side breezes which are
always kept on draught there, he will probably avoid the costly journey
to the doctor’s, which lungs and limbs pent up aud prisoned in large
cities are sure soon or late to need. Unlike the tonics sold by chemists,
which are bitter to the taste, the tonic of sea air is sweet, as well as
strengthening; and now that one may get it at half-a-crown a dose,
the most economic parent cannot grumble at its cost. To make them
beautiful and keep them well, is the duty of all Britons who have
daughters to bring up; and the facilities afforded by the Brighton
Railway Company (who own the cheapest, most comfortable of lines,
and civilest of Traffic Managers), have brought sea air within the reach
of everybody’s lungs, and the man who would refuse his children a day’s
breathing-time is unworthy of the name of Smith or Brown which he
was born to. “ To Hastings and back ” for three and sixpence each, and
“ to Portsmouth and back ” for the same extensive sum, are trips within
the means of only millionnaires. But “ to Brighton and back ” for half-
acrown a-head (children half-price, if under twelve years old), is an
excursion that the modestest of mothers may prescribe, for the health
of Betsey-Jane or dear Ameliar-Ann. Their big brothers loo, who
earn perhaps a pound a week, would do wisely to lay by a certain
portion of that sum, until they can afford to take their' sweetheart
down to Brighton, and give her half-a-crown’s worth of health by the sea
air. Moreover, shrivelled lawyers’ clerks who scribble out at elbows
for some ten dull hours a day would be the brighter in their looks and
wits for nine hours spent at Brighton. A brightener at Brighton does
both brain and body good, and, now it is obtainable at half-a-crown
a-head, all bodies blest with brains of course will take advantage
of it.
CONSERVATORY CONCERTS.
To the thousand and one attractions of the charming Crystal Palace,
the directors are this summer adding a dozen more, in the form of
Friday concerts of good operatic music, whereat both listeners and
loungers will find good entertainment for the crown the entertainment
costs. To hear the lovely melodies of Weber and Mozart warbled by
such singers as Titiens and Grist, is surely worth five shillings to
those who can afford it; and far more worth five shillings when one’s
seat is in a greenhouse, than when it is in the close confinement of a
concert-room, and one must put on a dress coat and a white choker
before going there. It is only in the pleasant concert-room at
Sydenham that your lungs can breathe sweet air the while your ears
inhale sweet music; and instead of glaring gas and dingy dusty walls
and windows, your eyes have dainty flowers aud fresh green foliage to
look at.
“Oh, but then the Crystal Palace is such a way from town, and it
interferes with business sadly to get down to it.” Well, Mr. Smith,
but how about the Derby Day and Ascot? Do your yearly visits there
not interfere with business ? How is it you can spare the time to go
down to the Downs, and yet can’t afford to give yourself a half day
here with Grisi? You won’t hear her next year, mind. These really
are the last of her last final farewell leavetakings. And if your income-
tax won’t suffer you to take a box at Mr. Gye’s, the least that you can
do for your neglected wife and daughters is to take them down some
day to a Conservatory Concert. Say you are a lawyer, you^will find
the trip to Sydenham a very easy “ motion ” if you take a first,-class
ticket, and the hour or two you’ll spend there will be such a
“refresher” to your jaded brain and nerves that when you get back to
your chambers you will work tenfold the faster for it. Say you are
dyspeptic, the half-hour on the rail may prove a “ movement cure,” and
the sight of freshly-blooming flowers and faces will do wonders tor yon.
Or say you are a fop and want to show off your fine whiskers, where
cau you air them better than in the Centre Transept, where you are
not only sure of being stared at, but, being under a glass-case, are sate
from getting wetted?
The feet of the bold Blondin seem just now more attractive to the
million, or the thousands, than t!ie throats of such sweet songstresses
as Titiens ^lud Grisi. But t,o Mr. Punch's mind there is something
far more tempting in good music than good rope-walking; and
although t.he latter may by small puust.ers be viewed as a higher walk
of art, Mr. Punch cannot allow that there is anything sublime iu it.
In the strains of Weber, Meyerbeer, Rossini, and Mozart there is,
to Mr. Punch's thinking, a far higher delight than in t.he strain upon
the rope that bears up Monsieur Blondin, and whatever be_l.be
height of danger he may reach, the taste that cultivates good music is
certainly more elevated.
Archimedes and Disraeli.
“Give the a 7r ov o-tm, and I will move the world,” said Archimedes.
“ Give me ground to support a Lever, aud I ’ll upset the Govern-
ment,” said Disraeli._
BiliUlToAlLl ,
Imterial Motto for the Prince Napoleon.—“ Sauve quipeutP
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
24'
I not. owe to himP I told him, however, that he misjudged me, and
that I was weeping to think that ten thousand of my fellow-creatures
had assembled to derive excitement from the chance of a French
mountebank breaking his neck.
“ Spare your tears, and stow your twaddle,” responded my venerable
friend. “ They have come for no such savage purpose. They have
heard that a person has acquired the art of safely walking on a sus-
pended cord, and they evince a laudable desire to witness a triumph of
courage and of skill. Do you degrade your fellow subjects to the level
of the Homan spectators of gladiator-fights ? Is there one person in
that crowd who would turn up the thumb, if doing so would bring
down that acrobat to that floor ? ”
I did not dare to remind him that he had summarily crushed my own
plea in his chambers, but I asked him whether he would take auything
to drink. He was condescending enough to partake of a bottle of
Scottish ale with me, and seasoned it by a good humoured jibe at my
selecting liquor bearing the name of my country.
“ The health of the French acrobat, with the American reputation,
in a tumbler of Scotch ale!” he said.
“ Drunk by Du. Johnson,” I ventured to add, “ whose reputation is
neither French, nor American, nor Scotch, nor English, but universal.”
“ You are a thundering humbug,” said my revered friend, smiling.
I have reason to believe that he was pleased, for he permitted me to
pay the cab from the terminus to the Temple.
A BRIGHTENER AT BRIGHTON,
1 chanced the other
evening to converse
with a young lady,
to whom—when we
had talked about the
weather and the pic-
tures, and asked her
how she liked the
last Crystal Palace
Concert, and if she
thought M. Fech-
ter as funny as
Charles Kean,
and how many pairs
of gloves she had
lost upon the Derby,
and whether she in-
tended to pay any
of her bets, and how
it was we had not
seen her at Lord
Snoozle’s, and
whether she was
going to Mr. Stur-
geon’s pic-nic, and
could she play well
at Aunt Sally, and what she thought of M. Blondin and the spoon-
shaped bonnet, and if she fancied the Gorillas would look prettier if
they shaved—we put the question, had she been to Brighton yet this
summer, and this leading conversation to seaside things in general,
we were startled by her saying that site “ never thaw the thea! ” In
our surprise at this confession we were so brutal as to ask her, what
could be her age; whereupon she simply told us she was “ theventeen
latht Thent.hut.h: ” which we believe to be within not more than five
years of the truth.
As we learnt that this young lady had lived half her life in London,
her statement that she never yet had seen the sea, appeared to our
mind so incredible that we well-nigh lost our character for gallantry
by doubting it; but having now a full belief in its veracity we do not
hesitate to place it. upon record here in Punch. This we do that we
may use it as a text for a short sermon which we think it well to
preach to fathers of a family, anent the good effects of a draught of
fresh sea air, aud the cheap rate at which that saline dose is now pro-
curable. For half-a-crown a head, O Cockney Paterfamilias, you may
take your wife and grown-up daughters down to Brighton, and there
let them fill their lungs for nine hours at a stretch with enough sea
air on Mondays to last them through the week. Half a-crown a head
for health and happiness combined! where is the doctor that could
sell you such a dose? However beneficial it may be in its effects,
doctor’s stuff is anything but pleasant to one’s palate: but a mouthful
of sea air leaves no unpleasant taste behind it, and they who are pre-
scribed it are very often clamorous to have another dose.
Prevention is at all times far better than cure; and men who fear
lest their small income may scarce suffice for their large family, had
better guard against the chance of having a big doctor’s bill by taking
all their children at half-price down to Brighton, and infecting them
with health so as to make them illness-proof. By giving them a good
blow out upon the beach of the balmy sea-side breezes which are
always kept on draught there, he will probably avoid the costly journey
to the doctor’s, which lungs and limbs pent up aud prisoned in large
cities are sure soon or late to need. Unlike the tonics sold by chemists,
which are bitter to the taste, the tonic of sea air is sweet, as well as
strengthening; and now that one may get it at half-a-crown a dose,
the most economic parent cannot grumble at its cost. To make them
beautiful and keep them well, is the duty of all Britons who have
daughters to bring up; and the facilities afforded by the Brighton
Railway Company (who own the cheapest, most comfortable of lines,
and civilest of Traffic Managers), have brought sea air within the reach
of everybody’s lungs, and the man who would refuse his children a day’s
breathing-time is unworthy of the name of Smith or Brown which he
was born to. “ To Hastings and back ” for three and sixpence each, and
“ to Portsmouth and back ” for the same extensive sum, are trips within
the means of only millionnaires. But “ to Brighton and back ” for half-
acrown a-head (children half-price, if under twelve years old), is an
excursion that the modestest of mothers may prescribe, for the health
of Betsey-Jane or dear Ameliar-Ann. Their big brothers loo, who
earn perhaps a pound a week, would do wisely to lay by a certain
portion of that sum, until they can afford to take their' sweetheart
down to Brighton, and give her half-a-crown’s worth of health by the sea
air. Moreover, shrivelled lawyers’ clerks who scribble out at elbows
for some ten dull hours a day would be the brighter in their looks and
wits for nine hours spent at Brighton. A brightener at Brighton does
both brain and body good, and, now it is obtainable at half-a-crown
a-head, all bodies blest with brains of course will take advantage
of it.
CONSERVATORY CONCERTS.
To the thousand and one attractions of the charming Crystal Palace,
the directors are this summer adding a dozen more, in the form of
Friday concerts of good operatic music, whereat both listeners and
loungers will find good entertainment for the crown the entertainment
costs. To hear the lovely melodies of Weber and Mozart warbled by
such singers as Titiens and Grist, is surely worth five shillings to
those who can afford it; and far more worth five shillings when one’s
seat is in a greenhouse, than when it is in the close confinement of a
concert-room, and one must put on a dress coat and a white choker
before going there. It is only in the pleasant concert-room at
Sydenham that your lungs can breathe sweet air the while your ears
inhale sweet music; and instead of glaring gas and dingy dusty walls
and windows, your eyes have dainty flowers aud fresh green foliage to
look at.
“Oh, but then the Crystal Palace is such a way from town, and it
interferes with business sadly to get down to it.” Well, Mr. Smith,
but how about the Derby Day and Ascot? Do your yearly visits there
not interfere with business ? How is it you can spare the time to go
down to the Downs, and yet can’t afford to give yourself a half day
here with Grisi? You won’t hear her next year, mind. These really
are the last of her last final farewell leavetakings. And if your income-
tax won’t suffer you to take a box at Mr. Gye’s, the least that you can
do for your neglected wife and daughters is to take them down some
day to a Conservatory Concert. Say you are a lawyer, you^will find
the trip to Sydenham a very easy “ motion ” if you take a first,-class
ticket, and the hour or two you’ll spend there will be such a
“refresher” to your jaded brain and nerves that when you get back to
your chambers you will work tenfold the faster for it. Say you are
dyspeptic, the half-hour on the rail may prove a “ movement cure,” and
the sight of freshly-blooming flowers and faces will do wonders tor yon.
Or say you are a fop and want to show off your fine whiskers, where
cau you air them better than in the Centre Transept, where you are
not only sure of being stared at, but, being under a glass-case, are sate
from getting wetted?
The feet of the bold Blondin seem just now more attractive to the
million, or the thousands, than t!ie throats of such sweet songstresses
as Titiens ^lud Grisi. But t,o Mr. Punch's mind there is something
far more tempting in good music than good rope-walking; and
although t.he latter may by small puust.ers be viewed as a higher walk
of art, Mr. Punch cannot allow that there is anything sublime iu it.
In the strains of Weber, Meyerbeer, Rossini, and Mozart there is,
to Mr. Punch's thinking, a far higher delight than in t.he strain upon
the rope that bears up Monsieur Blondin, and whatever be_l.be
height of danger he may reach, the taste that cultivates good music is
certainly more elevated.
Archimedes and Disraeli.
“Give the a 7r ov o-tm, and I will move the world,” said Archimedes.
“ Give me ground to support a Lever, aud I ’ll upset the Govern-
ment,” said Disraeli._
BiliUlToAlLl ,
Imterial Motto for the Prince Napoleon.—“ Sauve quipeutP