DOI issue:
April 12, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16869#0152
House of Commons, a Prig. But we thought that the honourable
party had some brains, after all. What will be said when we relate
that this Bouverie actually asked the House to provide a compendious
record of Parliamentary proceedings—a sort or Handy Book to tire
debates!! ! The House was too much phlabberghasted to meet the
proposition in the way it deserved, and indeed was actually stunned
into allowing Bouverie to have a select Committee on the subject—so
much for sudden audacity. The next morning Pam sent a special
messenger with an apology to Mr. Punch, but we declined to receive
either “him or that.” Bouverie will next be moving that there ought
to be a luminary in the heavens to give light to the earth and the other
planets. Will the Secretary to the Asylum for Idiots inform us
whether there is a vacancy at Earlswood ?
Wednesday. An uninteresting sitting, noticeable only because the
Trustees of Sib John Soane’s Museum thought it necessary to express,
through Mb. Tite, the eminent architect, their reluctance to assent to
the Bill enabling them to exhibit their Hogarths, which nevertheless
they wish to send to the International. We have almost forgotten
what else they have got in that queer house of theirs, but must over-
haul the place. If there is really anything worth having, they had
better send it in to the British Museum, as there will be room for it
now that the beasts are to walk.
Thursday. His Grace of Somebset made a more satisfactory speech
than that of Sib Geobge Lewis upon the Iron Ship Question. He
stated that we had four iron war-vessels which would be ready_ in
August that six more were being prepared, various improvements being
adopted in them, the Cupola included,—that Government were fully
aware of the importance of the subject, and that we need not be
alarmed, for that we had many vessels that could be converted into
iron-plate ships at very short notice. This statement, though by no
means all that could be desired, was far more to the purpose than the
speech of the War Secretary, and so the Earl of Malmesbury
apprised the Duke.
To an inquiry, what had become of the Monument to the Duke of
Wellington, Mb. Cowpeb replied that in 1858 a gentleman was
desired to make a model for one, and it was supposed that he is
educating himself for the purpose. People are unreasonable, do they
expect to hear anything of the Wellington Monument yet awhile ? Why,
Lobd Nelson was killed in 1S05, and his Monument is not yet finished,
nor likely to be.
Then came the iSifUgct for 18b2.
Its features are mild, not to say inexpressive, and when Mb.
Gladstone, after talking pleasantly through three columns, came to
the statement that the probable revenue for next year would be
£70,190,000, against an expenditure of £70,010,000, the Commons
began, as he said, to Buzz. As the Book of Nonsense has it:—
“ There was a great person called G.,
He was bored by the rude H. of C.,
When folks said, “ Does it buzz ? ”
He replied, “ Yes, it does,
And its meaning’s a riddle to me. ’’
However, he explained several things to the buzzers—
First. There are to be no new Taxes at present.
Secondly. Our financial condition is healthy.
Thirdly. French commerce is approaching what Nature and that
greatest of peace ministers, Mr. Pitt, intended it should be.
Fourthly. We must alter the wine duties a little, making two classes
instead of four. (N.B. No fear lest the purchaser should benefit by
this. P.)
Fifthly. There can be no remission of taxes now.
Sixthly. Yet the duty on playing cards must be reduced from one
shilling to threepence, because the present duty is evaded.
Seventhly. We can lay on a Scottish probate duty.
Fighthly. We can lay on an eighth per cent, on public loans.
Ninthly. We can grant little licences to sell drink at Fairs.
Tenthly. We must uphold the Spirit duties.
Fleventhly. We will transfer the Hop duties—the Grower shall not
pay them, and the Brewer shall.
Twelfthly. Everybody who brews (unless his rent is under £20)
must take out a Licence, price twelve and sixpence.
_ Thirteenthly. Our National expenditure is not increasing, but dimi-
nishing.
Fourteenthly. But if you waut reduction in taxation, you must
Economise.
Mb. Gladstone took three hours to expound these things unto the
Buzzers, and had small opportunity for making an elegant speech.
We regret to say that he quoted Latin twice only, and that his quota-
tions were so easy that Mr. Cox himself must have understood one,
Aut Ccesar, if not the other, Cantabit vdcuus. But the speech was very
well received, the Chancellor was complimented, and the Wine
resolution was passed.
Altogether, talking of a Cat is out of the question. This is the very
tiniest kitten that we ever saw emitted from a bag by a Chancellor of
the Exchequer. In fact, the production of the Budget this year might
almost have been dispensed with, but that, as Miss Carolina Wil-
helmina Amelia Skeggs remarks, “There is a Form in these things,
Madam, there is a Form.” Mr. Punch. “ Fudge ! ”
A little artistico-historico-economical debate that followed was much
more amusing. Cromwell’s claims to a statue in the New Houses
were urged with some spirit, Mb. Whalley came out with some ultra-
Protestantism against the fresco of the baptism of the Saxon King
by S. Augustine, declaring that we were Protestants in England (and,
if we heard the Hon. Member right, had the Common Prayerbook and
Church-rates) five hundred years before Augustine. Sir M. W.
Bidley complained that the statues of Fox and Grattan “pointed no |
moral and adorned no tale,” which was uncandid, because a tail adorns J
the reverse of each statue. Sib Joseph Paxton very properly I
demanded that the place in the Yictoria Tower for the reception of |
Records should be fireproof, and after a good deal more rather pleasant j
chit-chat of the kind, even Cox ventured to rise and say something— j
but the House was instantly and successfully Counted Out at 2'15.
Friday. After one of Lord Normanby’s little Acts of Accusation
against the Government of the King of Italy had been rather loftily
disposed of by Earl Russell, who seemed to-night in no temper to be
tolerant of nonsense, the same Earl stated in answer to Lord Kinnaibd,
that there were two versions of the case of M. Zamoyski, one to the
effect that he had been flogged to pieces, the other to a reverse purport.
As he did not know which to believe, he preferred to give credit to the
less painful story—which may be regarded as a prudential and conve-
nient course, and which has, moreover, the merit of being opposed to
the usual practice of society when anything disagreeable is narrated.
Mr. Layabd explained that England did not intend to interfere with
the internal affairs of Mexico, and that as our men had done all that
they were sent to do, they had been withdrawn, with a small exception.
He did not say whether the prospects of the Austrian Prince, who
wishes to be Maximilian of Mexico, were improving—the impression
seems to be rather the other way.
We suppose that the reference to the Wellington Monument re-
minded Admiral Walcott that there had been such a person as
Nelson, and prompted a question to Mr. Cowper. The latter res-
ponded that Sir Edwin Landseer undertook the Lions in 1858, and
was still attending, very regularly, at the Zoological Gardens, to see
what lions are like.
Mr. Denman made an able speech in favour of Poland, and Lord
Palmerston replied that Poland had much to complain of, but had
better Wait.
Government have been fairly waked up at last, upon the subject of
the ships, and a rumour that got about, we have no idea how, that Mr.
Punch intended to make a demonstration upon the subject in the shape
of a marvellous cartoon representing Jack in Iron, finally decided the
Premier’s course. Sir George Lewis was invited to hold his tongue,
and Bernal Osborne was invited to come out strong upon the ques-
tion. Then Pam, choosing the right moment, as he always does, rose
and declared that Government were intensely alive to the importance
of the subject, that Captain Cowper Coles’s Cupola was a capital
contrivance, that the Forts should be suspended, and the Floating
Defences should be taken in hand. This was as much as could be
expected, but Mr. Bentinck wanted a little more, and was told by 74
to 13 that when you have killed your hare with one barrel, there is no
need to fire the other barrel into her. So, on the whole, Mr. Punch
thinks himself justified in closing the chronicle of the present week
with the remark, Hooray !
CRINOLINE ASHORE AND AFLOAT.
We’ve mail-clad vessels ; iron grates
Our ladies’ robes conceal;
Our ships’ sides fenced with armour-plates;
Our girls’ with ribs of steel.
Steel ribs will safe from capture make
Her Majesty’s marine.
And whom do you expect to take
A wife in Crinoline ?
A Profitable Transaction.
According to Mr. Hubbard, out of the sum total constituting the
new Turkish loan, which has been so eagerly subscribed to in this
country, only 60 per cent., after deductions lor interest and commission,
will “ be applicable in Turkey.” For £8,000,000, therefore, it follows
that the Turkish Government will only get some £4,800,000. Our big
bill discounters, amongst them, thus sack 40 per cent. Will it not be
truly said that the Mahometans have fallen into the hands of the Jews ?
On the Stock Exchange, however, it may be remarked, that we have
rather turned Turks, because we have received a profit from the
Mussulmans.
party had some brains, after all. What will be said when we relate
that this Bouverie actually asked the House to provide a compendious
record of Parliamentary proceedings—a sort or Handy Book to tire
debates!! ! The House was too much phlabberghasted to meet the
proposition in the way it deserved, and indeed was actually stunned
into allowing Bouverie to have a select Committee on the subject—so
much for sudden audacity. The next morning Pam sent a special
messenger with an apology to Mr. Punch, but we declined to receive
either “him or that.” Bouverie will next be moving that there ought
to be a luminary in the heavens to give light to the earth and the other
planets. Will the Secretary to the Asylum for Idiots inform us
whether there is a vacancy at Earlswood ?
Wednesday. An uninteresting sitting, noticeable only because the
Trustees of Sib John Soane’s Museum thought it necessary to express,
through Mb. Tite, the eminent architect, their reluctance to assent to
the Bill enabling them to exhibit their Hogarths, which nevertheless
they wish to send to the International. We have almost forgotten
what else they have got in that queer house of theirs, but must over-
haul the place. If there is really anything worth having, they had
better send it in to the British Museum, as there will be room for it
now that the beasts are to walk.
Thursday. His Grace of Somebset made a more satisfactory speech
than that of Sib Geobge Lewis upon the Iron Ship Question. He
stated that we had four iron war-vessels which would be ready_ in
August that six more were being prepared, various improvements being
adopted in them, the Cupola included,—that Government were fully
aware of the importance of the subject, and that we need not be
alarmed, for that we had many vessels that could be converted into
iron-plate ships at very short notice. This statement, though by no
means all that could be desired, was far more to the purpose than the
speech of the War Secretary, and so the Earl of Malmesbury
apprised the Duke.
To an inquiry, what had become of the Monument to the Duke of
Wellington, Mb. Cowpeb replied that in 1858 a gentleman was
desired to make a model for one, and it was supposed that he is
educating himself for the purpose. People are unreasonable, do they
expect to hear anything of the Wellington Monument yet awhile ? Why,
Lobd Nelson was killed in 1S05, and his Monument is not yet finished,
nor likely to be.
Then came the iSifUgct for 18b2.
Its features are mild, not to say inexpressive, and when Mb.
Gladstone, after talking pleasantly through three columns, came to
the statement that the probable revenue for next year would be
£70,190,000, against an expenditure of £70,010,000, the Commons
began, as he said, to Buzz. As the Book of Nonsense has it:—
“ There was a great person called G.,
He was bored by the rude H. of C.,
When folks said, “ Does it buzz ? ”
He replied, “ Yes, it does,
And its meaning’s a riddle to me. ’’
However, he explained several things to the buzzers—
First. There are to be no new Taxes at present.
Secondly. Our financial condition is healthy.
Thirdly. French commerce is approaching what Nature and that
greatest of peace ministers, Mr. Pitt, intended it should be.
Fourthly. We must alter the wine duties a little, making two classes
instead of four. (N.B. No fear lest the purchaser should benefit by
this. P.)
Fifthly. There can be no remission of taxes now.
Sixthly. Yet the duty on playing cards must be reduced from one
shilling to threepence, because the present duty is evaded.
Seventhly. We can lay on a Scottish probate duty.
Fighthly. We can lay on an eighth per cent, on public loans.
Ninthly. We can grant little licences to sell drink at Fairs.
Tenthly. We must uphold the Spirit duties.
Fleventhly. We will transfer the Hop duties—the Grower shall not
pay them, and the Brewer shall.
Twelfthly. Everybody who brews (unless his rent is under £20)
must take out a Licence, price twelve and sixpence.
_ Thirteenthly. Our National expenditure is not increasing, but dimi-
nishing.
Fourteenthly. But if you waut reduction in taxation, you must
Economise.
Mb. Gladstone took three hours to expound these things unto the
Buzzers, and had small opportunity for making an elegant speech.
We regret to say that he quoted Latin twice only, and that his quota-
tions were so easy that Mr. Cox himself must have understood one,
Aut Ccesar, if not the other, Cantabit vdcuus. But the speech was very
well received, the Chancellor was complimented, and the Wine
resolution was passed.
Altogether, talking of a Cat is out of the question. This is the very
tiniest kitten that we ever saw emitted from a bag by a Chancellor of
the Exchequer. In fact, the production of the Budget this year might
almost have been dispensed with, but that, as Miss Carolina Wil-
helmina Amelia Skeggs remarks, “There is a Form in these things,
Madam, there is a Form.” Mr. Punch. “ Fudge ! ”
A little artistico-historico-economical debate that followed was much
more amusing. Cromwell’s claims to a statue in the New Houses
were urged with some spirit, Mb. Whalley came out with some ultra-
Protestantism against the fresco of the baptism of the Saxon King
by S. Augustine, declaring that we were Protestants in England (and,
if we heard the Hon. Member right, had the Common Prayerbook and
Church-rates) five hundred years before Augustine. Sir M. W.
Bidley complained that the statues of Fox and Grattan “pointed no |
moral and adorned no tale,” which was uncandid, because a tail adorns J
the reverse of each statue. Sib Joseph Paxton very properly I
demanded that the place in the Yictoria Tower for the reception of |
Records should be fireproof, and after a good deal more rather pleasant j
chit-chat of the kind, even Cox ventured to rise and say something— j
but the House was instantly and successfully Counted Out at 2'15.
Friday. After one of Lord Normanby’s little Acts of Accusation
against the Government of the King of Italy had been rather loftily
disposed of by Earl Russell, who seemed to-night in no temper to be
tolerant of nonsense, the same Earl stated in answer to Lord Kinnaibd,
that there were two versions of the case of M. Zamoyski, one to the
effect that he had been flogged to pieces, the other to a reverse purport.
As he did not know which to believe, he preferred to give credit to the
less painful story—which may be regarded as a prudential and conve-
nient course, and which has, moreover, the merit of being opposed to
the usual practice of society when anything disagreeable is narrated.
Mr. Layabd explained that England did not intend to interfere with
the internal affairs of Mexico, and that as our men had done all that
they were sent to do, they had been withdrawn, with a small exception.
He did not say whether the prospects of the Austrian Prince, who
wishes to be Maximilian of Mexico, were improving—the impression
seems to be rather the other way.
We suppose that the reference to the Wellington Monument re-
minded Admiral Walcott that there had been such a person as
Nelson, and prompted a question to Mr. Cowper. The latter res-
ponded that Sir Edwin Landseer undertook the Lions in 1858, and
was still attending, very regularly, at the Zoological Gardens, to see
what lions are like.
Mr. Denman made an able speech in favour of Poland, and Lord
Palmerston replied that Poland had much to complain of, but had
better Wait.
Government have been fairly waked up at last, upon the subject of
the ships, and a rumour that got about, we have no idea how, that Mr.
Punch intended to make a demonstration upon the subject in the shape
of a marvellous cartoon representing Jack in Iron, finally decided the
Premier’s course. Sir George Lewis was invited to hold his tongue,
and Bernal Osborne was invited to come out strong upon the ques-
tion. Then Pam, choosing the right moment, as he always does, rose
and declared that Government were intensely alive to the importance
of the subject, that Captain Cowper Coles’s Cupola was a capital
contrivance, that the Forts should be suspended, and the Floating
Defences should be taken in hand. This was as much as could be
expected, but Mr. Bentinck wanted a little more, and was told by 74
to 13 that when you have killed your hare with one barrel, there is no
need to fire the other barrel into her. So, on the whole, Mr. Punch
thinks himself justified in closing the chronicle of the present week
with the remark, Hooray !
CRINOLINE ASHORE AND AFLOAT.
We’ve mail-clad vessels ; iron grates
Our ladies’ robes conceal;
Our ships’ sides fenced with armour-plates;
Our girls’ with ribs of steel.
Steel ribs will safe from capture make
Her Majesty’s marine.
And whom do you expect to take
A wife in Crinoline ?
A Profitable Transaction.
According to Mr. Hubbard, out of the sum total constituting the
new Turkish loan, which has been so eagerly subscribed to in this
country, only 60 per cent., after deductions lor interest and commission,
will “ be applicable in Turkey.” For £8,000,000, therefore, it follows
that the Turkish Government will only get some £4,800,000. Our big
bill discounters, amongst them, thus sack 40 per cent. Will it not be
truly said that the Mahometans have fallen into the hands of the Jews ?
On the Stock Exchange, however, it may be remarked, that we have
rather turned Turks, because we have received a profit from the
Mussulmans.