Punch (43.1862)

I

July 26, 1862.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

3 &

A WORK FOR THE DRAWING-ROOM.

heke is shortly to
be brought our as
a companion to the
well-known French
publication, called
“ Les Francais prints
par eux-memes,” an
English series under
the title of “Les
Anglaises peintes par
Madame Rachel.”
Every specimen will
be highly coloured,
no plain copies being
allowed under any
circumstances to be
seen by the public.

Some idea of the
extravagance of the
work may be drawn
from the fact, that
as much as £160 and
£200 will be spent
on some of the
single specimens.
They will be issued
in the very richest
covers, and alto-
gether will be brought out utterly regardless of expense.

SIR CHARLES WOOD'S TRIUMPHANT REPLY.

{Taken by our Special Reporter).

Mr. Speaker, or at least, Sir, because Mr. Speaker is not here, and
we are in committee, I wish to explain Indian affairs, at least I don’t
mean Indian affairs generally, except so far as they may be what you
may call financial affairs, and in fact I want, Sir, to show you, and when
I say you I don’t mean you particularly, because you may or may not
take an interest in Indian affairs, and if so you have probably been in
the Indian gallery at the International, where there are some pretty
things, very pretty things indeed, but I mean the Committee. I want
to show the Committee that Mr. Laing when he attacked me, at least
I attacked him, but he answered me, and I will be judged by gentlemen
in private life whether it will do to allow servants to answer you: I
dou’t mean that he is my servant, brushes my trousers and that, but he
is a subordinate, and he takes upon himself to say that I don’t under-
stand the accounts upon which I have taken him to task. Sir, what I
may understand or may not understand is not now the question, suffice
it to say that I wish the Committee to understand that I am not going
to be put down by a subordinate merely because he has taken a leaf out
of the book of my right honourable friend the Chancellor of the
Exchequer, and has cooked accounts neatly but not gaudily, as some-
body said wnen he painted his tail pea green. If there is one thing
in the world which I hate it is confusion cither in ideas or language,
and I hope the Committee will bear with me while I endeavour to
mystify—no I don’t mean that, I mean clarify—the account, as presented
by Mr. Laing. If you take a deficiency of £6,500,000 and deduct it
from a deficit of £4,000,000, that leaves you a clear balance of
£2,500,000—no, stop, you can’t do that, because that, of course, as the
committee sees, would be taking the smaller sum from the larger—no,
the larger sum from the smaller, which can’t be done, but of course we
arrive at the same result. Well then, if you take the military charges,
I think you are bound to treat them in a civil manner {laughter). I
mean that you must look upon them in the same way, and of course, if
a rupee is only one and ten-pence, which I need hardly say is twenty-
pence {hear hear!). Well, I know as well as the hon. Member who
i cheers me that one and ten is eleven, but how does that bear upon
my argument ? A rupee is a rupee, and I cannot understand how Mr.
Laing brings in the question of muskets. He calls this one of the
propel- charges, but I do not know whether he means the charges
which ought to be put into the muskets, but if he does I for one
am always averse to interfering with the regular military authority.
But, allowing this, and as I said showing a deficit, I mean of course a
I surplus, if £5,200,000, no, £2,500,000—yes, that is right, and if you
deduct the licence-tax, and the railways, and the police of India,
altogether amounting to £400,000,000—no, I mean £4000—stop, it’s
£400,000, but the ink has run into the oughts and made them look any-
how—I say that if Mr. Laing] does not choose to subtract properly,
and sends over a deficit, by which I mean a surplus, which he cannot
vindicate. 1 cannot help that. I saw a Mr. Saunders the other day,

I don’t mean Mr. Jacky Saunders who was at the Adelphi theatre,
quite the contrary, but a man who had been asked to look at Indian
cotton, and what did Mr. Saunders say? Why, Sir, he said, “We
require nothing of the Government.” I do not myself see the bearing
of that observation upon Mr. Laing’s balance sheet, but I have pro-
mised the Committee that I would put them in possession of all the
information in my power, and I have redeemed my pledge, and I will
add too, Sir, that though Mr. Laing says there is a deficit {an hon.
Member " A surplus ”) eh ? yes, you—at least the hon. Member is quite
right, I mean a surplus, and it is my painful duty to differ from him,
still as Lord Canning was a great man, and as I have every reason to
believe that there is no rebellion going on at present in India, I hope
this Committee will feel that I have demoralised—no, I mean demolished
the arguments of Mr. Laing, and that India and England will ever
hereafter be sources of benefit to one another, especially England
{Loucl Cheers).

THE JUSTICES’ JUBILEE;

OR SUCCESS TO THE NIGHT-POACHING BILL.

Hurrah ! Hurrah ! For our game preserves.
Hurrah for the fat battue,—

A flush of pheasants at every hedge,

And for each man loaders two !

Hurrah for the Bill that makes the police.
Assistant-keepers all—

And pays ’em out of the County-rates,

That on the farmers fall—

The Bill that helps sport for the big,

And spoils it for the small!

There’s never a man along the road
Shall venture now to fare,

A carrying under his landlord’s nose
A pheasant or a hare.

The constable will pull him up,

And dearly he ’ll pay his shot,

When ’tis for him to prove to us
That a poacher he is not.

And that from our preserves the bird
In his hand was never got.

There’s nothing that doth run on wheels
Along the Queen’s highway,

But a constable in searen of game
The vehicle may stay.

At their peril let snobs a pheasant dare
To order from market-town,

Or bid the poulterer partridge or hare
To their villas send ’em down;

Let the carrier who brings ’em of squalls beware.
And the Justices’ awful frown!

And let each man that deals in game
At penalties turn pale;

(Except the landlords who wholesale sell
What the tradesman vends retail)

We ’ll force him to keep a register
From whom his game he buys,—

Of course of pheasants in the egg
We’re free to find supplies,

No questions we ask of egg-sellers.

And so we hear no lies.

“ From other duties the police,”

Says Henley, “ ’twill distract,”

What duty equals taking up
A poacher in the fact ?

What property so si ands in need
Of law’s protecting arm,

As pheasants, hares and partridges
That do nobody harm,—

Save grumbling tenants who complain
That they won’t let them farm?

A Valuable Animal.

Strange are the wants of the advertising public. For instance, look
at this announcement in the Daily Telegraph .—“ Wanted, a Youth, to
Look after a Horse, that can drive,” &c.—“A horse that can drive ! ”
Perhaps the next thing we shall hear of will be a horse that can harness
himself, or accomplish his own grooming. Heally if we can manage
to keep horses without having to keep servants for them, a stable will
be within the most limited of means, when horses are no more trouble
to attend to than are clothes-horses.