DOI Heft:
August 23, 1862
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0088
SO
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 23. 1862.
ment fit for men, not beasts; there is music in the singing; there is
malt in the beer; there is an ever courteous welcome by the cheeriest
of hosts, and no crinoline or coarseness is permitted to intrude.
Trusting that my words may, when you seek amusement, tend to
guide your steps aright, and wishing Jessie well, and you the luck to
win her,
I remain, my dear boy, yours, believe me, most sincerely,
Sweep. “ Shall I see you at the Music Hall to-night, William ? ”
Dustman. “ No, Joseph, that's a cut helov: me. ”
A QUESTION FOR POLITICAL ECONOMISTS.
“ i arnt at all sirprisd that sirciety should l'eel itself hurt by bein ga-
rot.ed o’ nites and otherways illconveniensed by parties i could mension
if i chused to turn ‘nose ’ but unger’s a sharp thorn an comes round to
all on us three times a day regular, sir, if you had a dog as stole his
vittels until you tied him up when you let him loose agen shooldn’t
you xpex him to go on the prigging lay if you left him without grub-
on coarse you wood and that’s it with partys I no as the guvment
took uncommon care on for warius periuds and then turnd em a drift to
live as they can and i sure you sir a ticket o’ leaf is about as bad a
ritten caracter as you can have to get a situashun to take care of the
plate or any other respeckable work. Couldnt guvment find us—for
ime a ticket of leaf— something to do in the collonys on guvment
a count and so give a feller a chance. It wood be cheaper than our
guroting and eye-way robery and much less unplesant to most
partys i xpex.
“ Yourn, 4 ears.”
CONSCIENCE AT THE COUNTER.
By some mistake the following appeared the other morning in the
Daily Telegraph. It seems obviously intended to have been sent to
Punch:—
/ GROCERY.—WANTED, a Conscientious, Energetic young man
' * (member of a school preferred), also not particular what he does, for a
COUNTRY GENERAL SHOP. Unless good tempered, active, and obliging, need
not address, wages not high. Apply, &e.
Out of our own columns, it is not often that we come across so good
a joke as this. Activity and energy we can understand to be required
in a young man assisting at a grocer’s; but the idea of wanting con-
science in him seems to us most ludicrous. When one knows how prone
are grocers to sell their sand as sugar, mix with lard their butter, and
manufacture sloe-leaves into fine pure Pekoe-flavoured family black
tea, one surely never would have dreamt that conscience would be
asked for in a shopman, who, it is expressly said, is “ not to be par-
ticular as to what he does.”
THE SOCIETY’S CATECHISM.
The Council of the Society of Aids have sent Mr. Punch a set of
questions upon the subject of awards for merit. Any man who can
write can answer a letter, says Mb. W. Shakspeare, and Mr. Punch’s
caligraphy being indisputable, he can hardly escape from replying to the
Council, but he is by no means certain that his responses will give
unlimited satisfaction to the querists:—
Questions.
1. Are you ol opinion that
awards for merit, by medals or
otherwise, in International exhi-
bitions, are desirable P
2. State the reason for your
opinion.
3. Ought works of fine art and
designs to be excluded from the
awards ?
4. Can you suggest any better
method than the appointment of
jurors for making the awards ?
5. Can you suggest any im-
provement in the constitution or
proceedings of the juries ?
6. Is any appeal from the de-
cision of juries desirable ?
7- If you think awards unde-
sirable, can you suggest any other
means by which meritorious pro-
ductions may be brought to the
notice of the public ?
8. Have you any further sug-
gestion to offer on the subject?
Answers.
1. No, Council.
2. Because, Council, they are
always given to the wrong people.
3. Yes, Council, because a party
capable of such works wouldn’t
thank stupid judges for twopenny
medals.
4. Anybody is better, Council,
than a juror, as juries go in these
days.
5. Yes, Council, kick them into
the street.
6. Yes, Council, to Mr. Punch
and common sense.
7. Yes, Council, let the best
specimens be presented to Mr.
Punch.
8. Yes, Council, that you abstain
from meddling in the matter.
If the above replies, given with Mr. Punch’s usual ready affability,
prove of the least use to the Council, he is satisfied. He has certainly
embodied the popular opinion upon the subject. To judge by the
incessant and angry protests against everything that has been done,
it would seem that the public have a fine classical sense of the deriva-
tion of the word Jury, and regard it as meaning a Party to be
Sworn at.
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO AMEND.
During the last sitting of Parliament occurred the following pluie de
perles in the way of amendments:—
“ On the order of the day for considering the Lords’ amendments to Commons’
amendments to Lords’ amendments in the Juries Bill,
“ Mr. Craufurd moved that the House do disagree with that amendment, &c.”
With the above embarras de richesses, it must have been rather
puzzling to know what was the first clause that was originally amended.
The Bill that required the help of so many “ amendments ” to knock
it into something like acceptable shape, must have presented, when
finished, a rare piece of legislative cobbling. When Pope exclaimed,
“ The Lord mend me ! ” an old woman is reported to have said, “ Mend
you! It would take much less time to make a new man altogether ; ”
and so we should have been inclined to say of the above measure.
Surely, it would have been a quicker operation, instead of patching and
tinkering up the old Bill, to have drawn out a fresh one at once ? How-
ever, if our Houses of Parliament are not better institutions than they
are, one cannot say that it is from the want of sufficient “ amendments.”
NEW AMERICAN DISCOVERY.
Mr. Seward says in his long letter (to which Lord John answered
“ Humph ”),
“ After all, the Insurgents are Men.”
This is a discovery which the Eederal minister deserves great credit
for making. Its accuracy was confirmed a little later by observations
taken by General M‘Clellan in the course of a week’s rather rapid
journey across a certain peninsula. Perhaps continued study on the
subject may induce Mr. Seward to believe that the insurgents are not
only Men but Brothers, and then a fratricidal war may come to a
termination. What a thing it is to be able to think !
“ They are Coming, and they are Three.’’
“ There are three Men in Europe,” said Nap to Cavour,
As they smoked their cigars after lunch :
The Count has left Europe—the mot may endure,
For Napoleon asserts that he meant—the deep cure—
Himself, ALscount Jaunty, and Punch.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 23. 1862.
ment fit for men, not beasts; there is music in the singing; there is
malt in the beer; there is an ever courteous welcome by the cheeriest
of hosts, and no crinoline or coarseness is permitted to intrude.
Trusting that my words may, when you seek amusement, tend to
guide your steps aright, and wishing Jessie well, and you the luck to
win her,
I remain, my dear boy, yours, believe me, most sincerely,
Sweep. “ Shall I see you at the Music Hall to-night, William ? ”
Dustman. “ No, Joseph, that's a cut helov: me. ”
A QUESTION FOR POLITICAL ECONOMISTS.
“ i arnt at all sirprisd that sirciety should l'eel itself hurt by bein ga-
rot.ed o’ nites and otherways illconveniensed by parties i could mension
if i chused to turn ‘nose ’ but unger’s a sharp thorn an comes round to
all on us three times a day regular, sir, if you had a dog as stole his
vittels until you tied him up when you let him loose agen shooldn’t
you xpex him to go on the prigging lay if you left him without grub-
on coarse you wood and that’s it with partys I no as the guvment
took uncommon care on for warius periuds and then turnd em a drift to
live as they can and i sure you sir a ticket o’ leaf is about as bad a
ritten caracter as you can have to get a situashun to take care of the
plate or any other respeckable work. Couldnt guvment find us—for
ime a ticket of leaf— something to do in the collonys on guvment
a count and so give a feller a chance. It wood be cheaper than our
guroting and eye-way robery and much less unplesant to most
partys i xpex.
“ Yourn, 4 ears.”
CONSCIENCE AT THE COUNTER.
By some mistake the following appeared the other morning in the
Daily Telegraph. It seems obviously intended to have been sent to
Punch:—
/ GROCERY.—WANTED, a Conscientious, Energetic young man
' * (member of a school preferred), also not particular what he does, for a
COUNTRY GENERAL SHOP. Unless good tempered, active, and obliging, need
not address, wages not high. Apply, &e.
Out of our own columns, it is not often that we come across so good
a joke as this. Activity and energy we can understand to be required
in a young man assisting at a grocer’s; but the idea of wanting con-
science in him seems to us most ludicrous. When one knows how prone
are grocers to sell their sand as sugar, mix with lard their butter, and
manufacture sloe-leaves into fine pure Pekoe-flavoured family black
tea, one surely never would have dreamt that conscience would be
asked for in a shopman, who, it is expressly said, is “ not to be par-
ticular as to what he does.”
THE SOCIETY’S CATECHISM.
The Council of the Society of Aids have sent Mr. Punch a set of
questions upon the subject of awards for merit. Any man who can
write can answer a letter, says Mb. W. Shakspeare, and Mr. Punch’s
caligraphy being indisputable, he can hardly escape from replying to the
Council, but he is by no means certain that his responses will give
unlimited satisfaction to the querists:—
Questions.
1. Are you ol opinion that
awards for merit, by medals or
otherwise, in International exhi-
bitions, are desirable P
2. State the reason for your
opinion.
3. Ought works of fine art and
designs to be excluded from the
awards ?
4. Can you suggest any better
method than the appointment of
jurors for making the awards ?
5. Can you suggest any im-
provement in the constitution or
proceedings of the juries ?
6. Is any appeal from the de-
cision of juries desirable ?
7- If you think awards unde-
sirable, can you suggest any other
means by which meritorious pro-
ductions may be brought to the
notice of the public ?
8. Have you any further sug-
gestion to offer on the subject?
Answers.
1. No, Council.
2. Because, Council, they are
always given to the wrong people.
3. Yes, Council, because a party
capable of such works wouldn’t
thank stupid judges for twopenny
medals.
4. Anybody is better, Council,
than a juror, as juries go in these
days.
5. Yes, Council, kick them into
the street.
6. Yes, Council, to Mr. Punch
and common sense.
7. Yes, Council, let the best
specimens be presented to Mr.
Punch.
8. Yes, Council, that you abstain
from meddling in the matter.
If the above replies, given with Mr. Punch’s usual ready affability,
prove of the least use to the Council, he is satisfied. He has certainly
embodied the popular opinion upon the subject. To judge by the
incessant and angry protests against everything that has been done,
it would seem that the public have a fine classical sense of the deriva-
tion of the word Jury, and regard it as meaning a Party to be
Sworn at.
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO AMEND.
During the last sitting of Parliament occurred the following pluie de
perles in the way of amendments:—
“ On the order of the day for considering the Lords’ amendments to Commons’
amendments to Lords’ amendments in the Juries Bill,
“ Mr. Craufurd moved that the House do disagree with that amendment, &c.”
With the above embarras de richesses, it must have been rather
puzzling to know what was the first clause that was originally amended.
The Bill that required the help of so many “ amendments ” to knock
it into something like acceptable shape, must have presented, when
finished, a rare piece of legislative cobbling. When Pope exclaimed,
“ The Lord mend me ! ” an old woman is reported to have said, “ Mend
you! It would take much less time to make a new man altogether ; ”
and so we should have been inclined to say of the above measure.
Surely, it would have been a quicker operation, instead of patching and
tinkering up the old Bill, to have drawn out a fresh one at once ? How-
ever, if our Houses of Parliament are not better institutions than they
are, one cannot say that it is from the want of sufficient “ amendments.”
NEW AMERICAN DISCOVERY.
Mr. Seward says in his long letter (to which Lord John answered
“ Humph ”),
“ After all, the Insurgents are Men.”
This is a discovery which the Eederal minister deserves great credit
for making. Its accuracy was confirmed a little later by observations
taken by General M‘Clellan in the course of a week’s rather rapid
journey across a certain peninsula. Perhaps continued study on the
subject may induce Mr. Seward to believe that the insurgents are not
only Men but Brothers, and then a fratricidal war may come to a
termination. What a thing it is to be able to think !
“ They are Coming, and they are Three.’’
“ There are three Men in Europe,” said Nap to Cavour,
As they smoked their cigars after lunch :
The Count has left Europe—the mot may endure,
For Napoleon asserts that he meant—the deep cure—
Himself, ALscount Jaunty, and Punch.