DOI issue:
November 8, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16870#0200
November 8, 1862.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.
course. But I am sorry that you did not manage to serve out your
scoundrelly subjects a little—was there no powder magazine you could
have blown up—no ship that would have given them a parting broad-
side for the love of religion ?
King 0. Not one. Not a drop of blood could I have spilt, unless i
had stopped to shave myself. I am told that three or lour fellows were
killed after I had gone. . , ,,
King B. Something, something, but a trifle. I did better than that,
brother, better than that. [Rubs his hands.
King 0. Providence was kinder to you than to me, brother, but we
should not parade our advantages and privileges. in the face of the
unfortunate. Besides, a good many of your own lriends were sacrificed
to your resistance to the notice to quit.
King B. A great honour for them, brother; and they are all the
better off thereby; my director says so. But are you not going to
punish your subjects ? Can I help you in any way ?
King 0. What plan would you advise ? I have money..
King B. Then, my dear brother, it is clear that Providence smiles
upon you. 1 can lend you some very good brigands, most holy and
ferocious devils, whom you can land- Is Athens an island?
King 0. Never mind. Whom I can land ?.
King B. Yes, and who will do their work like faithful Catholics.
King 0. Bless you, brother! your brigands are children to mine—at
least, those that were mine. Why, there wasn’t a throat safe, outside
| the cities.
King B. (admiringly). That was glorious ! (Thoughtful.) I have
some good fellows, too. But, I say, brother, with such an army, how
is it that you are here ?
King 0. Well, circumstances. Do you know I am not quite sure that
brigandage, with all its merits, is a safe institution for a King to repose
upon. And, then, there are counteracting influences. Did you ever
hear of a place called St. Petersburg ?
King B. Indeed 1 have, and have wept that a den of heretics should
bear the name of the first Pope. What of that ?
King 0. There are some brigands there. They do not wear sashes
and silver-mounted pistols, but they know their work, and the long and
the short of it is, that there is another throne to let. Would you
like it ?
King B. {brightening up). Eh? I don’t know. Well, what you say
about the brigands is very tempting, certainly. I—I—we must speak
to the Queen.
King 0. There is only one trifling matter, which to a king and a man
i of the world, can be nothing.
King B. A few oaths, perhaps. They go for nothing, ask my
director.
King 0. lrou ’ll have to change your religion—that is, nominally. I
' assure you it’s nothing when you are used to it.
King B. O brother, you horrify me beyond expression. No, not
even for the sake of commanding all those noble brigands will I do
! that. Change my religion? And yet, and yet—are they so very fero-
i cious, and to be so much relied upon ?
King 0. Savage is no word for them.
King B. It’s very tempting. And I might really be a good Catholic
all the time? I declare I’ll mention it to my director—at least the
Queen shall, she has more courage than I have. Come in to lunch, and
yon shall show me where Athens is, on the map of Asia. [Exeunt lieges.
A STRANGE CAT.
The subjoined advertisement extracted from the Times, suggests
various reflections to the thinking mind:—
T OST, a TOM CAT, on the night of the 30th ult., from 6, Park Cottages,
-Li Park Village East, N.W. Light grey coat, with black stripes : answers to the
name of “Johnny.” Whoever will bring him to the above address shall receive
| TEN SHILLINGS REWARD.
There was, of old, a liquor which, our ancestors said, “ would make a
cat speak, and a man dumb.” It may be doubted whether even that
beverage would make a cat answer to a call. Cats are generally slow at
I answering to their names ; and it must indeed be an uncommon Tom
that answers to the name of Johnny. Tom and Johnny in conjunction
) are equal to John Thomas ; and a light grey coat with black stripes
would indicate a cat less distinctly than a livery-servant. We may add
| that the reward of ten shillings for the lost Johnny is liberal. It shows
1 dear Johnny to be made much of, insomuch that one Johnny is con-
: sidered worth ten Bob.
Alleged Sacrilege by the Eldest Son of the Church.
1 The Saint Public contains a statement that Napoleon the Third
has been buying three estates in the Marches, which formerly belonged
to the Church. If this i3 true, what has the Pope said to it ? Anathema !
of course; and if invited to retract that expression, his only reply will
be Non posswmm.
(From Bell’s Life.)
The sporting world is still excited in reference to the International
Exhibition. Bets are freely offered that even at this late period of the
show, the Commissioners will yet manage to do something new in the
way of shabbiness, or blunder, or both. Indeed, on the double event
money is risked freely. This is truly sportsmanlike venturing, after
what has been already seen. The achievements of the Commissioners
have been so remarkable that it looks like tempting Eortune to bet
upon their again making themselves ridiculous. And yet we have such
confidence in their staying powers of absurdity, that we do not like to
discourage our readers in putting on the pot. They must calculate
for themselves, caveat melior,—let the better take care. The pickle
business, the stick and umbrella business, the no-admission-to-assistants
business, the libellous-catalogue business, the refreshment-exaction
business, the refreshment-smash business, the Cadogan-scandal business,
the refusal-of-Sunday-tickets-to-students-without-season-tickets’ busi-
ness, the lavatory-extortion business, the prizes-muddle business, and
about a dozen more businesses of the same kind, seemed to forbid hope,
yet at the last hour we are told that Mu. Morrish is not to sell pork
pies during the bazaar fortnight unless he pays a new rent, and this
sends the betting up, for it shows powers of invention. Perhaps we
shall hear that a royalty or toll is exacted in respect of every
purchase made in the building, perhaps we shall find that though
articles may be sold, they may be wrapped up only in whitey-brown
paper to be procured of the Commissioners at iourpence a sheet. We
cannot give a decided opinion on the safety of betting on the Commis-
sioners, but fortune favours the bold, if it does not (as hath been shown
at Kensington) favour the stingy. The public may perhaps be right in
putting a monkey on, the rather that the public monkey has been so
often up about the moribund show.
OUR BLOATED ARMAMENTS.
What, if we let our Cobden. charm us,
And, listening to his witching coo,
Believed no neighbours e’er would harm us,
Should we, the British nation, do ?
Our fleet and troops we should abolish,
’Twere less than wisdom to reduce:
With no invader to demolish,
Our Armstrong guns would have no use.
To arm at all ’twould be a blunder,
Were we secure from every foe :
Ships not enough to serve for thunder,
’Twere idle waste to keep for show.
Eor oh ! what people in their senses
Would pay for armaments too small
To well suffice for their defences ?
Ours must be vast, or none all.
Can we pursue our peaceful courses.
Nor need for self-protection care ?
Why then, indeed, to foreign forces
Our own should no proportion bear.
But if they ought to stand in any.
They ought immensely to excel;
In for a pound if for a penny:
If arm we must, we must arm well.
THE POOR MEDICAL ACT.
In the police reports, one day last week, it was stated that Dr.
Henry Scott, Upper Woburn Place, came before Mr. Corrie at Bow
Street to complain of a quack namesake, with whom, to his great annoy-
ance, he was often confounded. The doctor, on one occasion, received
a lawyer’s letter, meant for the quack, written to demand payment for
a year and a half’s rent. The Magistrate suggested the application of
the Medical Act to punish the quack’s assumption of the title of doctor.
Dr. Scott remarked that the Medical Act was a dead letter. Just so.
We believe we are warranted in supplying a defect amongst authorita-
tive announcements by stating that the Registry created under the
Medical Act has been removed to the Dead Letter Office.
The “ Cumming of Storms.”
Since Admiral Eitzroy, that new Clerk of the Weather, prophesied
with such signal success the advent of the late gale, it is but fair that he
should now be popularly recognised as the First Admiral of the Blew.
SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.
course. But I am sorry that you did not manage to serve out your
scoundrelly subjects a little—was there no powder magazine you could
have blown up—no ship that would have given them a parting broad-
side for the love of religion ?
King 0. Not one. Not a drop of blood could I have spilt, unless i
had stopped to shave myself. I am told that three or lour fellows were
killed after I had gone. . , ,,
King B. Something, something, but a trifle. I did better than that,
brother, better than that. [Rubs his hands.
King 0. Providence was kinder to you than to me, brother, but we
should not parade our advantages and privileges. in the face of the
unfortunate. Besides, a good many of your own lriends were sacrificed
to your resistance to the notice to quit.
King B. A great honour for them, brother; and they are all the
better off thereby; my director says so. But are you not going to
punish your subjects ? Can I help you in any way ?
King 0. What plan would you advise ? I have money..
King B. Then, my dear brother, it is clear that Providence smiles
upon you. 1 can lend you some very good brigands, most holy and
ferocious devils, whom you can land- Is Athens an island?
King 0. Never mind. Whom I can land ?.
King B. Yes, and who will do their work like faithful Catholics.
King 0. Bless you, brother! your brigands are children to mine—at
least, those that were mine. Why, there wasn’t a throat safe, outside
| the cities.
King B. (admiringly). That was glorious ! (Thoughtful.) I have
some good fellows, too. But, I say, brother, with such an army, how
is it that you are here ?
King 0. Well, circumstances. Do you know I am not quite sure that
brigandage, with all its merits, is a safe institution for a King to repose
upon. And, then, there are counteracting influences. Did you ever
hear of a place called St. Petersburg ?
King B. Indeed 1 have, and have wept that a den of heretics should
bear the name of the first Pope. What of that ?
King 0. There are some brigands there. They do not wear sashes
and silver-mounted pistols, but they know their work, and the long and
the short of it is, that there is another throne to let. Would you
like it ?
King B. {brightening up). Eh? I don’t know. Well, what you say
about the brigands is very tempting, certainly. I—I—we must speak
to the Queen.
King 0. There is only one trifling matter, which to a king and a man
i of the world, can be nothing.
King B. A few oaths, perhaps. They go for nothing, ask my
director.
King 0. lrou ’ll have to change your religion—that is, nominally. I
' assure you it’s nothing when you are used to it.
King B. O brother, you horrify me beyond expression. No, not
even for the sake of commanding all those noble brigands will I do
! that. Change my religion? And yet, and yet—are they so very fero-
i cious, and to be so much relied upon ?
King 0. Savage is no word for them.
King B. It’s very tempting. And I might really be a good Catholic
all the time? I declare I’ll mention it to my director—at least the
Queen shall, she has more courage than I have. Come in to lunch, and
yon shall show me where Athens is, on the map of Asia. [Exeunt lieges.
A STRANGE CAT.
The subjoined advertisement extracted from the Times, suggests
various reflections to the thinking mind:—
T OST, a TOM CAT, on the night of the 30th ult., from 6, Park Cottages,
-Li Park Village East, N.W. Light grey coat, with black stripes : answers to the
name of “Johnny.” Whoever will bring him to the above address shall receive
| TEN SHILLINGS REWARD.
There was, of old, a liquor which, our ancestors said, “ would make a
cat speak, and a man dumb.” It may be doubted whether even that
beverage would make a cat answer to a call. Cats are generally slow at
I answering to their names ; and it must indeed be an uncommon Tom
that answers to the name of Johnny. Tom and Johnny in conjunction
) are equal to John Thomas ; and a light grey coat with black stripes
would indicate a cat less distinctly than a livery-servant. We may add
| that the reward of ten shillings for the lost Johnny is liberal. It shows
1 dear Johnny to be made much of, insomuch that one Johnny is con-
: sidered worth ten Bob.
Alleged Sacrilege by the Eldest Son of the Church.
1 The Saint Public contains a statement that Napoleon the Third
has been buying three estates in the Marches, which formerly belonged
to the Church. If this i3 true, what has the Pope said to it ? Anathema !
of course; and if invited to retract that expression, his only reply will
be Non posswmm.
(From Bell’s Life.)
The sporting world is still excited in reference to the International
Exhibition. Bets are freely offered that even at this late period of the
show, the Commissioners will yet manage to do something new in the
way of shabbiness, or blunder, or both. Indeed, on the double event
money is risked freely. This is truly sportsmanlike venturing, after
what has been already seen. The achievements of the Commissioners
have been so remarkable that it looks like tempting Eortune to bet
upon their again making themselves ridiculous. And yet we have such
confidence in their staying powers of absurdity, that we do not like to
discourage our readers in putting on the pot. They must calculate
for themselves, caveat melior,—let the better take care. The pickle
business, the stick and umbrella business, the no-admission-to-assistants
business, the libellous-catalogue business, the refreshment-exaction
business, the refreshment-smash business, the Cadogan-scandal business,
the refusal-of-Sunday-tickets-to-students-without-season-tickets’ busi-
ness, the lavatory-extortion business, the prizes-muddle business, and
about a dozen more businesses of the same kind, seemed to forbid hope,
yet at the last hour we are told that Mu. Morrish is not to sell pork
pies during the bazaar fortnight unless he pays a new rent, and this
sends the betting up, for it shows powers of invention. Perhaps we
shall hear that a royalty or toll is exacted in respect of every
purchase made in the building, perhaps we shall find that though
articles may be sold, they may be wrapped up only in whitey-brown
paper to be procured of the Commissioners at iourpence a sheet. We
cannot give a decided opinion on the safety of betting on the Commis-
sioners, but fortune favours the bold, if it does not (as hath been shown
at Kensington) favour the stingy. The public may perhaps be right in
putting a monkey on, the rather that the public monkey has been so
often up about the moribund show.
OUR BLOATED ARMAMENTS.
What, if we let our Cobden. charm us,
And, listening to his witching coo,
Believed no neighbours e’er would harm us,
Should we, the British nation, do ?
Our fleet and troops we should abolish,
’Twere less than wisdom to reduce:
With no invader to demolish,
Our Armstrong guns would have no use.
To arm at all ’twould be a blunder,
Were we secure from every foe :
Ships not enough to serve for thunder,
’Twere idle waste to keep for show.
Eor oh ! what people in their senses
Would pay for armaments too small
To well suffice for their defences ?
Ours must be vast, or none all.
Can we pursue our peaceful courses.
Nor need for self-protection care ?
Why then, indeed, to foreign forces
Our own should no proportion bear.
But if they ought to stand in any.
They ought immensely to excel;
In for a pound if for a penny:
If arm we must, we must arm well.
THE POOR MEDICAL ACT.
In the police reports, one day last week, it was stated that Dr.
Henry Scott, Upper Woburn Place, came before Mr. Corrie at Bow
Street to complain of a quack namesake, with whom, to his great annoy-
ance, he was often confounded. The doctor, on one occasion, received
a lawyer’s letter, meant for the quack, written to demand payment for
a year and a half’s rent. The Magistrate suggested the application of
the Medical Act to punish the quack’s assumption of the title of doctor.
Dr. Scott remarked that the Medical Act was a dead letter. Just so.
We believe we are warranted in supplying a defect amongst authorita-
tive announcements by stating that the Registry created under the
Medical Act has been removed to the Dead Letter Office.
The “ Cumming of Storms.”
Since Admiral Eitzroy, that new Clerk of the Weather, prophesied
with such signal success the advent of the late gale, it is but fair that he
should now be popularly recognised as the First Admiral of the Blew.