DOI issue:
January 3, 1863
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16871#0016
8
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 3, 1S63.
THE THIEF, TO HIMSELF.
Wry should I work ard, and labour
For my bread agin my will,
Aren I might deprive my neighbour.,
Fake is pus, or frisk is till ?
Regl.ar day by day employment
His a life of pain and grief,
Arter plunder comes enjoyment
Hif so be as you ’re a thief.
Him as prigs wot isn’t his’n,
Never comes to want and wo ;
Ven he’s cotcht ’tis but to pris’n.
Mind yer, that he as to go.
Him as toils upon Life’s hocean.
When he can’t get ne’er a job,
Workus is the beger’s potion;
Better, precious sight, to rob.
Paupers’ diet’s maceration,
Conwicks’ rations is good cheer,
Barrin’ honly the privation
Hof their backy, gin, and beer.
Cos, yer see, t’oo'd be too cruel
To redoose our elth and strength.
Which, if we was kep on gruel,
Mostly, would decline at length.
Sojers, to compare with us, are
Not with henvy to be viewed ;
Sarvis in the Army’s wusser.
Far, than penal servitude,
With the risk of killed and wounded.
Wot’s the Navy you ’ll agree.
Quod, with chance of being drownded,
Hand the dangers hof the sea.
Ark, I ears a cry appallin’
Wengeanoe on the willin’s ed,
British Public loudly callin’
Thieves like paupers shall be fed !
Pinch us, plague us, stint us, starve us ?
Lash garotters with the Cat ?
That the way they means to sarve us ?
Blow me, rayther work than that!
“FALSE SAILING.”
T<ir. “ What cheer, Mate ! You’d tetter take in a reef o' your taup'sle ; or I’m flowed
if you won't have the masts out o' yer."
NOBODY’S LUGGAGE can be deemed complete, unless
there he found in it a copy of Punch's Almanack. This is the
best travelling companion yet invented, and no railway passenger
ought to he without it.
BAH STEERAGE OF THE CITY SOLICITORSHIP.
The day after the elect ion of the new City Solicitor a deputation
from the Common Council came to Mr. Punch, and, being honoured
with an audience, requested his permission to read to him a part of the
report of their proceedings, which had been that morning published in
the Times. “Mind your Vs and Ws, please,” said Mr. Punch, by way
of warning; “ but stop, I know the paragraph,” and with his usual
power of memory, Mr. Punch recited this
“ Deputy Elliott, addressing Mr. Nelson, one of the candidates, all of whom
appeared at the bar, asked if a memorial he had presented to the Court, setting
forth his qualifications, had been written by himself ?—Mr. Nelson replied that it
had.—Deputy Elliott inquired if he was aware that it contained no fewer than six
blunders in grammar ?—The answer, if any was given, was lost in the laughter
which the question occasioned.—As the final result of a poll, the Lord Mayor
declared the election to have fallen on Mr. Nelson by a majority of 55 votes.”
“ Very well,” said Mr. Punch, “ the latter point I won’t discuss,
with you. Who drives fat oxen should himself be fat; and who gives
advice to aldermen should be a man of weight. But as one who pays a
coal-tax and no end of other civic rates and imposts, I feel naturally an
interest in the income of the City, and you must suffer me to say, that
for the law-work of the City I think good brains and business habits
are all that are required. The next time you have some important
office to fill up, come to me beforehand and ask for my advice, and avoid
making asses of yourselves.
So saying, Mr. Punch waved his hand towards the door, and politely
intimated to the deputation that they had his gracious permission to
“ get out.”
Nobody Coming to Woo.
“ Well, gentlemen,” said Mr. Punch, “ yon needn’t tell me what
yon want. People will say that you elected your solicitor because
he writes bad grammar, as no doubt you do yourselves. And you wish
me to abstain from taking notice of the matter, because you fear my
doing so would make yon still more laughed at.”
The deputation having humbly confessed that this was so, Mr. Punch
urbanely said, that he would for once abstain from poking any fun at
them ; upon which the deputation thanked him very much, and were
going away to lunch, when Mr. Punch observed that before they had their
turtle he had a bone to pick with them, 1'or he had heard that Mr.
Stuchbury, who had for fourteen years transacted the chief work of
the office, had applied for the Solicit,orship, and had for no apparent
reason been refused. Hereupon the deputation looked extremely
foolish, and muttered something indistinctly about “ not haristocratic
enough for bus” and “ain’t a man of weight.”
The difficulty which many young ladies experience in getting married
is mainly; owing to their obstinacy in wearing hoops. The girls persist
too long in sticking out.
THE BRAVEST WOMAN IN LONDON.
We know her. On Boxing evening, she gave a cabman sixpence
for driving her a mile all but eleven yards. Would there were more
like her!
0 PERSONS ABOUT TO FURNISH.—Mind you buy a Punch's
Almanack for the table in your drawing-room, and it will be well too if you pur-
chase another for the Hbrary. No house can be comfortable without a Punch’s
Almanack, and a house to be well furnished should have one in. every worn
in it.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 3, 1S63.
THE THIEF, TO HIMSELF.
Wry should I work ard, and labour
For my bread agin my will,
Aren I might deprive my neighbour.,
Fake is pus, or frisk is till ?
Regl.ar day by day employment
His a life of pain and grief,
Arter plunder comes enjoyment
Hif so be as you ’re a thief.
Him as prigs wot isn’t his’n,
Never comes to want and wo ;
Ven he’s cotcht ’tis but to pris’n.
Mind yer, that he as to go.
Him as toils upon Life’s hocean.
When he can’t get ne’er a job,
Workus is the beger’s potion;
Better, precious sight, to rob.
Paupers’ diet’s maceration,
Conwicks’ rations is good cheer,
Barrin’ honly the privation
Hof their backy, gin, and beer.
Cos, yer see, t’oo'd be too cruel
To redoose our elth and strength.
Which, if we was kep on gruel,
Mostly, would decline at length.
Sojers, to compare with us, are
Not with henvy to be viewed ;
Sarvis in the Army’s wusser.
Far, than penal servitude,
With the risk of killed and wounded.
Wot’s the Navy you ’ll agree.
Quod, with chance of being drownded,
Hand the dangers hof the sea.
Ark, I ears a cry appallin’
Wengeanoe on the willin’s ed,
British Public loudly callin’
Thieves like paupers shall be fed !
Pinch us, plague us, stint us, starve us ?
Lash garotters with the Cat ?
That the way they means to sarve us ?
Blow me, rayther work than that!
“FALSE SAILING.”
T<ir. “ What cheer, Mate ! You’d tetter take in a reef o' your taup'sle ; or I’m flowed
if you won't have the masts out o' yer."
NOBODY’S LUGGAGE can be deemed complete, unless
there he found in it a copy of Punch's Almanack. This is the
best travelling companion yet invented, and no railway passenger
ought to he without it.
BAH STEERAGE OF THE CITY SOLICITORSHIP.
The day after the elect ion of the new City Solicitor a deputation
from the Common Council came to Mr. Punch, and, being honoured
with an audience, requested his permission to read to him a part of the
report of their proceedings, which had been that morning published in
the Times. “Mind your Vs and Ws, please,” said Mr. Punch, by way
of warning; “ but stop, I know the paragraph,” and with his usual
power of memory, Mr. Punch recited this
“ Deputy Elliott, addressing Mr. Nelson, one of the candidates, all of whom
appeared at the bar, asked if a memorial he had presented to the Court, setting
forth his qualifications, had been written by himself ?—Mr. Nelson replied that it
had.—Deputy Elliott inquired if he was aware that it contained no fewer than six
blunders in grammar ?—The answer, if any was given, was lost in the laughter
which the question occasioned.—As the final result of a poll, the Lord Mayor
declared the election to have fallen on Mr. Nelson by a majority of 55 votes.”
“ Very well,” said Mr. Punch, “ the latter point I won’t discuss,
with you. Who drives fat oxen should himself be fat; and who gives
advice to aldermen should be a man of weight. But as one who pays a
coal-tax and no end of other civic rates and imposts, I feel naturally an
interest in the income of the City, and you must suffer me to say, that
for the law-work of the City I think good brains and business habits
are all that are required. The next time you have some important
office to fill up, come to me beforehand and ask for my advice, and avoid
making asses of yourselves.
So saying, Mr. Punch waved his hand towards the door, and politely
intimated to the deputation that they had his gracious permission to
“ get out.”
Nobody Coming to Woo.
“ Well, gentlemen,” said Mr. Punch, “ yon needn’t tell me what
yon want. People will say that you elected your solicitor because
he writes bad grammar, as no doubt you do yourselves. And you wish
me to abstain from taking notice of the matter, because you fear my
doing so would make yon still more laughed at.”
The deputation having humbly confessed that this was so, Mr. Punch
urbanely said, that he would for once abstain from poking any fun at
them ; upon which the deputation thanked him very much, and were
going away to lunch, when Mr. Punch observed that before they had their
turtle he had a bone to pick with them, 1'or he had heard that Mr.
Stuchbury, who had for fourteen years transacted the chief work of
the office, had applied for the Solicit,orship, and had for no apparent
reason been refused. Hereupon the deputation looked extremely
foolish, and muttered something indistinctly about “ not haristocratic
enough for bus” and “ain’t a man of weight.”
The difficulty which many young ladies experience in getting married
is mainly; owing to their obstinacy in wearing hoops. The girls persist
too long in sticking out.
THE BRAVEST WOMAN IN LONDON.
We know her. On Boxing evening, she gave a cabman sixpence
for driving her a mile all but eleven yards. Would there were more
like her!
0 PERSONS ABOUT TO FURNISH.—Mind you buy a Punch's
Almanack for the table in your drawing-room, and it will be well too if you pur-
chase another for the Hbrary. No house can be comfortable without a Punch’s
Almanack, and a house to be well furnished should have one in. every worn
in it.