DOI Heft:
March 21, 1863
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16871#0120
March ‘21, 1863.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
113
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
March 6. Friday, ought to have been included in last week’s
Essence. Ought it? Ha! Do you know how Lord Palmerston
came to be Premier of England ? No, of course you don’t. Well, it
was by minding his own business. Besides, do you think Punch was
going to keep his fifteen thousand compositors, readers, pressmen,
enginemen, folders, porters, messengers, and devils from beholding
the sweet countenance of the Princess Alexandra, on Saturday,
merely for the sake of telling you, a week earlier than he does, that on
the Friday night in question there was a Brazilian debate ? Be
thankful that he condescends to tell you at all. Claude os tuum.
The first Latin word is a dissyllable, Mr. Cox, and not the Christian
name of a famous painter.
The Commons did meet on that Eriday, and Mr. Bramley Moore,
who is a Brazilian merchant, proposed a resolution in rebuke
of the Government for being harsh with the Brazilians touching
certain alleged outrages upon a wrecked vessel and some officers
who had dined. Mr. Collier, Judge-Advocate of the Fleet,
judged the case, advocated the Government, and thought the
honour of the fleet had been properly vindicated. All very well,
but we are reminded by a contemporary that when, a few years
ago, an English vessel was wrecked at Boulogne, and the hand of a
drowned lady was mutilated that her rings might be stolen, we did
not instantly seize five vessels in Boulogne Harbour, by way of
vengeance on the savages of that evil-smelling locality. _ And Lord
Robert Cecil said that England ought not to have insulted the
Brazilian nation on account of “a mad Consul and three drunken
sailors.” Mr. Seymour Fitzgerald, in more statiesmanly and tem-
perate language, expressed his opinion that the dignity of England had
gained nothing by the transaction. The learned Editor of the Book of
Praise defended the Government, as became its Solicitor, and there
was an end of the business. Imported manufactured tobacco, con-
taining less than ten pounds per hundred wei Hit of moisture is to pay
three shillings and sixpence per pound. How, Mr. Cox, will this
affect the price of a box of tenpenny cigars ? Send us a box, Cox, with
the solution, or we shall not attend to it.
Saturday. We don’t know where Parliament sat, and we don’t care.
We know where the Princess Alexandra sat, and where we sat.
The metropolitan journals conspired to make Mr. Punch, despite his
retiring modesty, the hero of the day of which the Princess was the
heroine. By way of sparing our own blushes, which we may want upon
some other triumphant occasion, we beg to insert, for immortality, the
following passage in the account of the Procession Day, from our neigh-
bour and friend, the Sabbatical Times :—-
“ Now the procession is passing through the last of the liberties of. the City—the
liberty of the press—well represented by Fleet Street. Not a whit behind any of
the houses of their fellow citizens, east or west, are the newspaper offices. Look at
No. 85, the house of our old friend 'Mr. Punch,' the member for light literature,
•whose ‘ satirical publication,’ in Leigh Hunt’s opinion, was the ‘ best humoured
and best hearted that ever existed.’ The great attraction in Fleet Street was
decidedly at the * Punch ’ Office, which, besides being most tastefully decorated,
exhibited in front of the covered seats (that might have been Mr. L-’s gallery
of those young ladies whom he loves to draw, so numerous were the pretty faces
there assembled) the well-known figure of Mr. Punch himself, crowned with a
garland. As the procession passed No. 85, the jolly old gentleman benignly bowed,
waved his truncheon, and moved his lips, but from his mouth came no sound; for,
doubtless, the emotions of his loyal heart choked his utterance. The occupants of
almost every carriage, not omitting royalty itself, smilingly returned the salute,
and the crowd heartily applauded their old friend and popular favourite.”
All this is perfectly true, and when our young friend the Prince of
'Wales, who first caught sight of our pleasing countenance, saluted us,
and pointed us out to the Princess, and her Royal Highness, instantly
recognising the joy and delight of her boudoir in Copenhagen, favoured
us with her benignant smile, we felt that if we had one thousand swords
by our side, none of them should leap from its scabbard, for there was
no necessity for that piece of gymnastics, but in every other sense we
said “ Ditto to Mr. Burke.” We then retired, and sent our emotions
back to our heart in a flood of champagne, and if Mr. Cox had come in
we would have given him some.
Monday. Army Estimates. Reduction, One Million. Williams
wanted to knock off 10,000 men, but the House would not have it. He
got but 18 supporters, which would have been two men, if they had all
been tailors.
Tuesday. Married. At St. George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, by the
Most Reverend Longley, Lord Archbishop of Canterbury, assisted
by the Right Reverend Tait, Lord Bishop of London, H. R. H.,
Albert Edward, Prince of Wales, to H. R, H., Alexandra
Caroline Maria Charlotte Louisa Julia, eldest daughter of
Prince Christian, of Denmark. That night London held its Feast of
Lanterns, and nobody went home till morning, and not many until a
good way into the morning, in fact we are not sure that everybody has
got home yet. We hope Mr. Cox has.
Wednesday. A Bill called the Affirmations Bill was discussed. A
Judge is at present bound to refuse the evidence of a witness who, if
asked, refuses to say that he believes in Rewards and Punishments
hereaiter. It was proposed to do away with his disability, as it operates
unjustly towards himsell, if injured, and in other cases deprives parties
of valuable testimony. But the House, taking into account the im-
mense mass ol persons whose consciences are so curiously constructed
that they will lie to any extent, but are afraid to commit perjury, decided
on continuing the sacrifice of the interests of the few to those of the
many, and rejected the Bill by 112 to 96.
Mr. Punch is happy to record, for the comfort of the maudlin sentimen-
talists, that Mr. Adderley’s wholesome Bill for whipping the ruffians
called Garotters, was carried on Second Reading by a very large majo-
rity, and that the Government opposed if, and was soundly beaten by
what is certainly the sense of the country. Do you know what sense
is, Mr. Cox ?
Thursday. Lord Derby is, unfortunately, ill, but he has left the de-
fence of the Metropolis in good hands, and Lords Shaftesbury’,
Carnabyon, Redesdale, and Malmesbury declared themselves ready
to smash the “ Late ” Eastern Counties Bill for destroying Finsbury.
Again the measure was smuggled out of the way for a fortnight, after
which we hoDe Lord Derby will give the disgraceful project the coup
de grace—the only grace it is capable of receiving.
We hardly expect to be believed, but Sir George Grey says that
the Russian Government has applied to ours for information as to our
Police System, in order to the improvement of that of Russia. The
Russian system^ is an exceedingly good one, for you may bribe every
man-jack in office, from the highest to the lowest. What more do
people want who have got rubles ?
There ivas a Navy Debate, and the Government resolution to build
five new wooden ships to be coated over with iron was strongly
opposed by those Avho wish only iron to be used. The Conservatives,
however, helped the Government this time, so 161 to 81 carried Avood
and iron against iron. People shouldn’t have too many irons in the
fire, should they, Mr. Cox ?
Friday. Colonel Patten brought up the case of the Fustian
Cutting operatives. Mr. Ptinch takes an interest in them, being himself
the greatest cutter of Fustian in the world (see hoiv he serves the
speeches in his Essence of Parliament), and he is glad to hear that
there is an inquiry in hand.
The City is on its trial. The police arrangements on the Procession
and Wedding Day were all excellent, except inB.C. Every one knows
what happened there. It will be attempted to deprive the City of its
exclusive jurisdiction, and to hand all London to the Metropolitan Police.
Of course the Corporation will fight hard for their old privileges, but they
Must get a better advocate than Alderman Sidney, who has neither
an aitcli in his alphabet nor an argument inliis head. There Avas much
talk on the subject to-night, and also touching the volunteer arrange-
ments of the Saturday. Everybody Avas quite satisfied that everybody
was wrong but himself, a not uncommon state of mind.
Army Estimates finished the week.
Now, Cox, Ave have kept you in a pleasant simmer of apprehension,
but Ave were not in joke. Go to the flogging block. How Dare you,
Cox, go up to Lord Palmerston (the Avrong person, moreover), with a
deputation, to ask him to go to war with Russia? No nonsense, Sir !
we hold the report in the Morning Star. One Wall was your spokes-
man (the weakest goes to the wall, Avhich explains your seeking him
out), and to Pam’s distinct question: “Do you wish that we should
have another war with Russia?” your deputation ansivered “Yes,”
and somebody else wished lor “ a brush ” for Poland. YYho authorised
you to address the Ministers and ask for war ? Hand us that rod,
gown-boy. No, the heavy one. Noav, Master Cox, kneel doAvn,
and since you are so ready to spill blood—hoAV do you like that—
and that—and that, and the following seven-and-twenty ?
TREMENDOUS SACRIFICE OF PREFERMENT.
Accounts from Paris inform us that Dr. Manning, formerly a
British Archdeacon, who has been lately sojourning in that capital, has
just received into the Roman Catholic Church the Rector of Torring-
ton that was, the former Yicar of Wragby, the sometime Rector of
Panton, and a quondam Rural Dean. What! and so no less than four
parsons have been found to prefer their principles to their preferment 1
A truly creditable instance of piety and resignation! Four respectable
proselytes for Popery; and as many vacancies for the Established
Church, to be filled perhaps with four staunch Churchmen. The gain
must be as gratifying to Cardinal Wiseman as the loss is to the
Archbishop of Canterbury. Ah, no such luck ! The fou*r reverend
gentlemen must be regarded as all rolled into one; the Rev. George
B. Yard, M.A., formerly of Trinity College, Cambridge. Rome has
netted, not a plurality of parsons, but only one ex-pluralist. Honour, ?
however, to Mr. Yard for a secession which is at any race honourable, j
Mr. Yard can afford to keep a conscience; at least he keeps one Avbe-
ther he can afford to do so or not. His example may be commended to |
Dr. Pusey—whose, personal sacrifices, by the way, if he Avent over to j
Rome, might be compensated by the Poee with a lucrative appoint-
ment in the Inquisition. \
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
113
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
March 6. Friday, ought to have been included in last week’s
Essence. Ought it? Ha! Do you know how Lord Palmerston
came to be Premier of England ? No, of course you don’t. Well, it
was by minding his own business. Besides, do you think Punch was
going to keep his fifteen thousand compositors, readers, pressmen,
enginemen, folders, porters, messengers, and devils from beholding
the sweet countenance of the Princess Alexandra, on Saturday,
merely for the sake of telling you, a week earlier than he does, that on
the Friday night in question there was a Brazilian debate ? Be
thankful that he condescends to tell you at all. Claude os tuum.
The first Latin word is a dissyllable, Mr. Cox, and not the Christian
name of a famous painter.
The Commons did meet on that Eriday, and Mr. Bramley Moore,
who is a Brazilian merchant, proposed a resolution in rebuke
of the Government for being harsh with the Brazilians touching
certain alleged outrages upon a wrecked vessel and some officers
who had dined. Mr. Collier, Judge-Advocate of the Fleet,
judged the case, advocated the Government, and thought the
honour of the fleet had been properly vindicated. All very well,
but we are reminded by a contemporary that when, a few years
ago, an English vessel was wrecked at Boulogne, and the hand of a
drowned lady was mutilated that her rings might be stolen, we did
not instantly seize five vessels in Boulogne Harbour, by way of
vengeance on the savages of that evil-smelling locality. _ And Lord
Robert Cecil said that England ought not to have insulted the
Brazilian nation on account of “a mad Consul and three drunken
sailors.” Mr. Seymour Fitzgerald, in more statiesmanly and tem-
perate language, expressed his opinion that the dignity of England had
gained nothing by the transaction. The learned Editor of the Book of
Praise defended the Government, as became its Solicitor, and there
was an end of the business. Imported manufactured tobacco, con-
taining less than ten pounds per hundred wei Hit of moisture is to pay
three shillings and sixpence per pound. How, Mr. Cox, will this
affect the price of a box of tenpenny cigars ? Send us a box, Cox, with
the solution, or we shall not attend to it.
Saturday. We don’t know where Parliament sat, and we don’t care.
We know where the Princess Alexandra sat, and where we sat.
The metropolitan journals conspired to make Mr. Punch, despite his
retiring modesty, the hero of the day of which the Princess was the
heroine. By way of sparing our own blushes, which we may want upon
some other triumphant occasion, we beg to insert, for immortality, the
following passage in the account of the Procession Day, from our neigh-
bour and friend, the Sabbatical Times :—-
“ Now the procession is passing through the last of the liberties of. the City—the
liberty of the press—well represented by Fleet Street. Not a whit behind any of
the houses of their fellow citizens, east or west, are the newspaper offices. Look at
No. 85, the house of our old friend 'Mr. Punch,' the member for light literature,
•whose ‘ satirical publication,’ in Leigh Hunt’s opinion, was the ‘ best humoured
and best hearted that ever existed.’ The great attraction in Fleet Street was
decidedly at the * Punch ’ Office, which, besides being most tastefully decorated,
exhibited in front of the covered seats (that might have been Mr. L-’s gallery
of those young ladies whom he loves to draw, so numerous were the pretty faces
there assembled) the well-known figure of Mr. Punch himself, crowned with a
garland. As the procession passed No. 85, the jolly old gentleman benignly bowed,
waved his truncheon, and moved his lips, but from his mouth came no sound; for,
doubtless, the emotions of his loyal heart choked his utterance. The occupants of
almost every carriage, not omitting royalty itself, smilingly returned the salute,
and the crowd heartily applauded their old friend and popular favourite.”
All this is perfectly true, and when our young friend the Prince of
'Wales, who first caught sight of our pleasing countenance, saluted us,
and pointed us out to the Princess, and her Royal Highness, instantly
recognising the joy and delight of her boudoir in Copenhagen, favoured
us with her benignant smile, we felt that if we had one thousand swords
by our side, none of them should leap from its scabbard, for there was
no necessity for that piece of gymnastics, but in every other sense we
said “ Ditto to Mr. Burke.” We then retired, and sent our emotions
back to our heart in a flood of champagne, and if Mr. Cox had come in
we would have given him some.
Monday. Army Estimates. Reduction, One Million. Williams
wanted to knock off 10,000 men, but the House would not have it. He
got but 18 supporters, which would have been two men, if they had all
been tailors.
Tuesday. Married. At St. George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, by the
Most Reverend Longley, Lord Archbishop of Canterbury, assisted
by the Right Reverend Tait, Lord Bishop of London, H. R. H.,
Albert Edward, Prince of Wales, to H. R, H., Alexandra
Caroline Maria Charlotte Louisa Julia, eldest daughter of
Prince Christian, of Denmark. That night London held its Feast of
Lanterns, and nobody went home till morning, and not many until a
good way into the morning, in fact we are not sure that everybody has
got home yet. We hope Mr. Cox has.
Wednesday. A Bill called the Affirmations Bill was discussed. A
Judge is at present bound to refuse the evidence of a witness who, if
asked, refuses to say that he believes in Rewards and Punishments
hereaiter. It was proposed to do away with his disability, as it operates
unjustly towards himsell, if injured, and in other cases deprives parties
of valuable testimony. But the House, taking into account the im-
mense mass ol persons whose consciences are so curiously constructed
that they will lie to any extent, but are afraid to commit perjury, decided
on continuing the sacrifice of the interests of the few to those of the
many, and rejected the Bill by 112 to 96.
Mr. Punch is happy to record, for the comfort of the maudlin sentimen-
talists, that Mr. Adderley’s wholesome Bill for whipping the ruffians
called Garotters, was carried on Second Reading by a very large majo-
rity, and that the Government opposed if, and was soundly beaten by
what is certainly the sense of the country. Do you know what sense
is, Mr. Cox ?
Thursday. Lord Derby is, unfortunately, ill, but he has left the de-
fence of the Metropolis in good hands, and Lords Shaftesbury’,
Carnabyon, Redesdale, and Malmesbury declared themselves ready
to smash the “ Late ” Eastern Counties Bill for destroying Finsbury.
Again the measure was smuggled out of the way for a fortnight, after
which we hoDe Lord Derby will give the disgraceful project the coup
de grace—the only grace it is capable of receiving.
We hardly expect to be believed, but Sir George Grey says that
the Russian Government has applied to ours for information as to our
Police System, in order to the improvement of that of Russia. The
Russian system^ is an exceedingly good one, for you may bribe every
man-jack in office, from the highest to the lowest. What more do
people want who have got rubles ?
There ivas a Navy Debate, and the Government resolution to build
five new wooden ships to be coated over with iron was strongly
opposed by those Avho wish only iron to be used. The Conservatives,
however, helped the Government this time, so 161 to 81 carried Avood
and iron against iron. People shouldn’t have too many irons in the
fire, should they, Mr. Cox ?
Friday. Colonel Patten brought up the case of the Fustian
Cutting operatives. Mr. Ptinch takes an interest in them, being himself
the greatest cutter of Fustian in the world (see hoiv he serves the
speeches in his Essence of Parliament), and he is glad to hear that
there is an inquiry in hand.
The City is on its trial. The police arrangements on the Procession
and Wedding Day were all excellent, except inB.C. Every one knows
what happened there. It will be attempted to deprive the City of its
exclusive jurisdiction, and to hand all London to the Metropolitan Police.
Of course the Corporation will fight hard for their old privileges, but they
Must get a better advocate than Alderman Sidney, who has neither
an aitcli in his alphabet nor an argument inliis head. There Avas much
talk on the subject to-night, and also touching the volunteer arrange-
ments of the Saturday. Everybody Avas quite satisfied that everybody
was wrong but himself, a not uncommon state of mind.
Army Estimates finished the week.
Now, Cox, Ave have kept you in a pleasant simmer of apprehension,
but Ave were not in joke. Go to the flogging block. How Dare you,
Cox, go up to Lord Palmerston (the Avrong person, moreover), with a
deputation, to ask him to go to war with Russia? No nonsense, Sir !
we hold the report in the Morning Star. One Wall was your spokes-
man (the weakest goes to the wall, Avhich explains your seeking him
out), and to Pam’s distinct question: “Do you wish that we should
have another war with Russia?” your deputation ansivered “Yes,”
and somebody else wished lor “ a brush ” for Poland. YYho authorised
you to address the Ministers and ask for war ? Hand us that rod,
gown-boy. No, the heavy one. Noav, Master Cox, kneel doAvn,
and since you are so ready to spill blood—hoAV do you like that—
and that—and that, and the following seven-and-twenty ?
TREMENDOUS SACRIFICE OF PREFERMENT.
Accounts from Paris inform us that Dr. Manning, formerly a
British Archdeacon, who has been lately sojourning in that capital, has
just received into the Roman Catholic Church the Rector of Torring-
ton that was, the former Yicar of Wragby, the sometime Rector of
Panton, and a quondam Rural Dean. What! and so no less than four
parsons have been found to prefer their principles to their preferment 1
A truly creditable instance of piety and resignation! Four respectable
proselytes for Popery; and as many vacancies for the Established
Church, to be filled perhaps with four staunch Churchmen. The gain
must be as gratifying to Cardinal Wiseman as the loss is to the
Archbishop of Canterbury. Ah, no such luck ! The fou*r reverend
gentlemen must be regarded as all rolled into one; the Rev. George
B. Yard, M.A., formerly of Trinity College, Cambridge. Rome has
netted, not a plurality of parsons, but only one ex-pluralist. Honour, ?
however, to Mr. Yard for a secession which is at any race honourable, j
Mr. Yard can afford to keep a conscience; at least he keeps one Avbe-
ther he can afford to do so or not. His example may be commended to |
Dr. Pusey—whose, personal sacrifices, by the way, if he Avent over to j
Rome, might be compensated by the Poee with a lucrative appoint-
ment in the Inquisition. \