Punch (44.1863)

March 7, 1863.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

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THE LAST NURSERY RHYME.

There was a good-natured.Old Chap,

Who made rhymes lor a child in his lap,

But volunteer bards .

Sent their nonsense in yards,

Till he cried, “ I shall turn oee the tap.”

N.B. To tlie above Mr. Munch begs to add, that he sent for Sir George Grey, and pro-
posed to make, in honour of Princess Alexandra, a bonfire, on the 7th March, out
of the mountain of Rhymes which have been coming in upon him since he playfully
issued the first. Sir George said that it was not for him to oppose Mr. Punch (we should
think not), but humbly suggested, that if the plan were carried out, London would infallibly
be burned down. Upon which Mr. Punch, always open to reason, smote Sir George
affably on the head, sold the poems to the butter-men, and laid out the money in a fine
estate near that of his young friends, the Prince and Princess, at Sandringham. Any of
the poets, on calling there, and showing their original MS., will receive a fourpenny piece
and a glass of beer.

ENNOBLED VEGETABLES AND
PLANTS.

Since the publication of Mr. Darwin’s work
on the Origin of Species Horticulturists have been
making rapid strides in the improvement of the
races of vegetables and plants. In that scientific
journal, the Gardeners’ Chronicle, there is already
advertised a “student parsnip” and “pedigree
wheat,” and no doubt we shall next hear of a
“graduate” turnip and “a master of arts”
mangold wurtzel. The Scotch are likewise
trying to improve their national symbol, the
thistle, so as to develop more of its prickly
propensities, when handled too roughly. The
Irish shamrock will, no doubt, by careful cultiva-
tion, be made to show four leaves when Samuel
Lover, who sang

“ I’d seek a four-leaved shamrock,”

will be enabled to make an universal trial of
his philanthropy. The rose now boasts of being
named after most of the celebrities before the
public, but with all its fine names, we question
whether it yet smells any sweeter than the old
cabbage rose. The geranium is immortalised by
having two of its best bedding varieties named
respectively Punch and Judy, but being of a too
fiery nature when together, they do best put into
separate beds. The Phlox is likewise honoured
by having one of its best sorts named Mr. Punch,
but Toby is yet unrewarded, although that faithful
animal’s name ought to stand high on the list.

EN SWEET.

“ My dear Mr. Punch,

“ Will you kindly allow me to ask your
inestimable wife, who I am sure must be a most
Judycious manager, for her advice on a little
matter of housekeeping. In Erancatelli’s
Cookery Book there is a good deal of talk about
tarts, but I can nowhere find a recipe for making
a mag-pie. Again, is Patti, who sings so sweetly
at the Opera, any relation to the celebrated
whistling oyster ? I enclose my card as a what’s-
hisname of good faith, and remain,

“ Yours truly,

“ Maggie Larder.”

Advertisement.—To be Sold—all who read
this.

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ROSE-COLOURED ACCIDENTS.

The Underground Railway has had what a Erench writer would of
,i course call its Baptism of Disaster. Happily, though a good many people
i! were hurt, nothing occurred, this time, to make the subject unfit for light
ij treatment, and so indeed seem to have thought the chroniclers of the
] accident. The off-hand way in which the reports are written is very
I pleasing, especially to people who stick to the omnibus. The railway
j folks are described as having done a clever thing rather than not, and
i the passengers who have been shaken, aud bruised, and terrified, are
jl almost congratulated on things being no worse, rather than condoled
with on their being no better. The accident itself was the result of
■ abominable carelessness on the part of somebody, and we recommend
the Company to look alive, for if anything more of the kind occurs, the
: affectionate mothers and wives of the N. W. district will exact an oath
from their sons and husbands to abstain from taking sixpenn’oth of
Sewer in future. So much for the Smashers. Meantime Punch is
inclined to recommend the new and cheerful style of reporting accidents.
,! It is an agreeable change from penny-a-liner’s pathos. On the next
! occasion we expect to read that Mr. Brown, of No. 11, Parallelopipedon
! Terrace, certainly lost his right leg, but as he jocosely observed on his
way to the hospital, he had previously lost, his left ear, so that things
were made harmonious and consistent. Mrs. Todgebs, of North
Brompton, has had her toes mucli hurt, but as she is too old for dancing
there is no great cause for regret, and though it is likely that
Mr. Elibby, of Baker Street, will be confined to his house for the
next three months, he will thus escape the bad weather, and enjoy
getting out at the end of that time, and going to the sea-side. If we
treat all our misfortunes a la Candide, the papers will be much more

pleasant reading, and really we do not know why the idea should not
be carried out, and why a telegram should not say that last Tuesday
Smyrna was entirely swallowed up by an earthquake, which fortunately
offers to building speculators and others an opportunity of erecting a
new and beautiful town on the eligible shores of that delightful bay.
Everything is for the best, if we only knew it.

THE LIBERTY OE THE PRESS.

You may say certain spades are black;

And you may call a spade a spade :
But, if you name a Quack a Quack,

By law of libel you are flayed.

The Ace of Spades you term an Ace ;

No legal terrors then you brave.

But ’tis with Cards alone the case
That you may call the Knave a Knave.

Barnum's Wedding “ Cards.”

On the occasion of General Tom Thumb’s marriage, we cannot
believe, that Mr. Barnum, in order to avoid publicity adhered to the
present most commendable fashion of “ No Cards.” Qf course the two
Lilliputians were themselves little, or rather, great, Cards for the enter- ;
prising showman ; and, we may be sure, that, if the happy pair departed
on their wedding tour in the usual chaise and four, Mr. Barntjm took
good care to supply more than the average number of “ Posters.”