Punch (44.1863)

January 17, 1863.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

21

Papa. “ Well, my dear, did you tell Mamma that Miss Myrtle was waiting to
see her?” Child. “Yes, Pa!”

Papa. “And what did She say?” Child. “She said what a Bother/”

DERING THE DARING.

The Conservatives, as they call themselves,
have sustained a great defeat. That is to say.
Sir, Edward Dering, a baronet whose pedi-
gree goes back to a date a good deal before the
creation of mankind, and who is certainly, accord-
ing to Mr. Dod, descended in a straight line
from Ethelward, King of Diera (whence
Dering) has been elected for East Kent. He
lias overthrown Sir Norton Knatcubull, a
baronet of a mere mushroom family which cannot
be shown to have held Mersham Hatch, the
seat, earlier than the second year of Henry
the Second. For the first time since the county
was divided by the Reform Act, East Kent
selects a Liberal. This seems truly awful, but
the Tories must find balm in Gilead, that is to
say comfort in Kent, in the consideration that
the electors were the true aristocrats, could not
put up with a novus homo like Sir Norton, and
chose the descendant of Ethelward. It would
be bad taste and bad manners to sulk over a
defeat like this. If Sir Norton had been
beaten by a Thomas Macaulay, or a William
Brown, or a Robert Peel, or any such fungus,
it might have been afflicting; but to fall before
a man whose muniment chest contains a deed
dated 800, wfith his own name to it, must be
deemed a glory by any right-minded Conser-
vative. Sir Edward is a piece of the British
Constitution. He is Mr. Disraeli’s Aboriginal
Inhabitant (see Captain Popanilla) who will
explain to the members that his prosperity is
the prosperity of the kingdom, give them all a
sound flogging, and go kome.comfortably. We
shall think very ill of the Tories if they make a
row about this licking—as Sir Walter says :—

“ And. lightly we ’ll reck of their reverence for Rent,

If they gird at Sir Edward, M.P. for East Kent.”

NURSERY RHYMES.

{To he continued until every Town in the Kingdom, has been immortalised.)

N.B. In consequence of plaintive appeals from the Old Girls of the
United Kingdom to be allowed to share immortality with its Young
Ladies, Mr. Punch, additionally stimulated by certain rhythmical con-
siderations, is graciously pleased to grant the prayer, but intimates
that he has drawn the line at Old Girls.

There was a Young Lady of Snitter,

Whose mother was going to hit her,

When she made a great leap
On the back of a sheep,

And said a black beetle had bit her.

There was an Old Girl of Newcastle,

Who wore a great tassel, or tarsel,

It made her so proud

That the folks said, quite loud,

“ Her pride wouldn’t make a small parcel.”

There was a Young Lady of Hitchin,

Who would never go down in the kitchen,

Till her father said, “ Rose,

You ’re a goose to suppose
Affectation’s genteel and be wit chin’.”

There was an Old Girl of Devizes,

Her forte was in little surprises,

She let you come near.

And cried, “ Bless us, my dear,

Your eyes are of different sizes! ”

There was a Young Lady of Scrooby,

Who published a novel with Newby,

A critic said, “ Mind,

We would not be unkind,

But the girl who wrote this is a booby.”

There was an Old Girl of Blackheath,

Whose scissors fell out of the sheath:

She cried, “ Scissors and knives
Are the plague of our lives.

And I ’ll bite all my work with my teeth.”

MRS. MARTHA LATHEREM ON CONVICT LABOUR.

“ too mistr punsh LXXXV flete strete sity HE SEE.

“ REESBECTD SUR,

“ mi landladie mises jones [woos heldest sun his A Noosboy]
makes a Pint off reeding yr jernal wreglarlie hand doo say that If i send
in this letr, u will b shure 2 hincert itt Free of xpense, hand has i do
Think itt will doo good, i forard itt hacordinlie—never Thee less shood
their b any Think 2 pay, hand itt dont xceed a 4 peny Bitt, u may
Konsider i 0 u 1.

“ itt is abowt the Konwix as i wish 2 hadress u—i ham a washin-
ooman—a wider hand hocashinnlie do Go hout tshairin—i rise hevery
mornin hat harf harfter 4 Inn the Sumur hand 6 Inn the Wintur hand
Seldom leeve horf til Tenn hat nite—wot with sopin hand bilin hand
rinsin hand ringin hand Bluein hand Kepem hup my coper fires hand
hangin howt. When the whind his i liana The poles arr Shakey, itt
Karat b sed that mi Lines hav fell Inn plesent plases.

“oposite mi lodgins on The fust flore backe, lives a ticket off leeve,
A mann off roebust formm—e Kame back From portland larst munday
wars a weak hand i never sor hany 1 looke beter Inn hall mi life—wen
e wars sent 2 portland [wicli his hateen munths haygo kum Ilayprill
for A berglarie hatended With yolence hand for wick e Gott 4 yeers
peenal Servis] e wars as Thin as A herdl—is wate i heerd Erom A
relashun wars onely heleven stun—e now ways Fiftene stun sum liounses—
onelie think!—now i doo say itt is A burnin sham that A poor wider
like Me hand manie utliers, shood hav 2 ware hour Eingurs 2 the Bone,
hand thees tickets off leeve shood live Inn highdleness hand b fedd
Like prise hoggs Att Krismas.

“wot i mistr punsh wood Purpose his simplie this—that theese
tickets off leeve shood b putt before A tubb hand maid 2 stand their
Hard att wurk frum mornin Till nite like kuss poor washinoomen.

“ if this sistem wear Karied howt i’ll b bownd Inn a verry short
Tyme portland wood hav A notis hupp ‘ 2 Lett ’ for i’m shure that
pumpin hand Karryin pales Off water, hand fetchin Coles, hand hangin
hupp Kounterpains is enuff 2 b a terer 2 hevil dooers.

“bleeve me your Umbl servent martha

“Latherem.”

“ pea ess! sum pepl may bask woo will give these lazie tickets off
leeve washin 2 doo ?—that i Karat harnser, but ive no dowt that Those
jentlemn woo get hem hand make sow mutsli off them, will subskribe
hand Buy A Dolly 2 ees there laber.”