Punch (44.1863)

June 27, 1863.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

259

VERY RUDE.

“ I say ; I wonder who ’elped ’im up with that Box."

OUR VIRTUOUS INDIGNATION.

In tlie course of his speech in a case in the Queen’s
Bench, the other day, Me. Coleridge, who is not in the
habit of exaggerating, or speaking without knowledge, said—

“ There were noble personages who were the pride and flower of
the land—who were truly the leaders of the people—whose lives
adorned the history of the country, and whose great station naturally
made them the thinkers and actors in all matters that tended to
! the development of the material and intellectual resources of the
country.”

This, of course, was literally true, and Loud Punch is
the pride and flower of them all. But—

“ But on the other hand there were noblemen who were a scandal
and a disgrace to their order, and a discredit to society, whose high
rank only made their vices and crimes the more notorious, and uni
versally detested—men of bad hearts and base minds, and who used
their influence, their power, and their authority for dishonourable
and licentious pursuits, to oppress the poor, and corrupt the innocent.”

Good gracious, Mb. Coleridge, you don’t say so? We,
wouldn’t have believed it, if any less respectable authority
than yourself nad told us. You shock us more than you
can conceive. We thought that all the nobility were perfect
persons, and we are quite sure that Mbs. Eitz-Jones, of
Gentility Square, thinks so, and will deem your remarks
most uncalled-for, ungenteel, and what she calls obnoxious.
She wishes you would not say these things, disparaging her
betters, whose footmen look so grandly beautiful in the Park
that she is sure you cannot be speaking the truth. Pray,
Colebidge, please to moderate the rancour of your tongue,
and do not try to make us believe that any coronet is other
than the best gold and purest jewels. Dross and paste,
indeed ! Mb. Colebidge, you ought to be ashamed of
yourself.

A Running Account.

A Wine Merchant, celebrated for his great flow of spirits,
was talking volubly to a friend in the street, when some
one tapped him on the shoulder. Upon this, he ran on
faster than ever, until he ran over the way, and was then
stopped by a considerate acquaintance.

THE SONG CAFTAIN FOWKE SHOULDN’T SING.

“ Domum, Domum,

Dulce Domum.”

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.

June 15. Monday. Lobd Normanby made another appeal on behalf
of that converted goose Bishop, at present under Italian lock and key
for ludicrous treason. Lobd Russell said that the goose must cackle
in his cage, for the present.

Lobd Clanricarde is very anxious to break the American blockade,
but Babl Russell told him that his arguments were not based on
Stowell or sense, but came out of his own head, not the most eligible
receptacle for international law. Eabl John also remarked that he
should take good care of English honour, but should be in no hurry to
take offence. Erom what the Protector Somerset said, we infer that
the English and American Sea-Captains are on the best of terms.

Lobd Shaftesbuby demanded whether there would not be further
inquiry into the “frightful” case of Sergeant-Major Llllby. The
Duke of Cambridge vindicated his own conduct, and stated that he
had become acquainted, within the last few days only, with circum-
stances making a court-martial imperative. He Spurned the Idea that
pressure had been brought to bear on him. Eabl de Grey promised
the fairest trial. Lobd Malmesbury said that Sib Hugh Rose had
made his statement as to the alleged intoxication, on the authority of
the medical man who attended Lilley.

Mb. Layabd told the Commons that Government had demanded
both vengeance and compensation in respect of the recent Japanese
outrages on English subjects. We had required the execution of the
offenders, and £35,000 in respect of three murders. Next mail would
tell whether the Japanese Government could enforce these demands,
and then we would talk about instructions to our Admiral. What was
right in Brazil must be right in Japan, Earl Russell.

After a row with independent Members about their bothering motions.
Lord Palmerston proposed the vote for buying the land and buildings
at Kensington. He urged that the purchase was a bargain, that the
edifice might be made handsome, and that we should then have a place
for the Museum Beasts, for the Patents, and for Mr. George Schabf’s
National Portraits, besides a long nave for all sorts of diversions. So
he asked for £67,000 in part of £120,000. Mb. Gregory attacked the
plan, and brought letters from a furious architect called Mallet, who

hammered away like fun at the building, and described the whole plan
as a sickening mass of falsehood and jobbery. Mb. Gladstone defended
the scheme with his usual adroitness (to adopt the lazy stereotype form
of criticism) and there was much clatter—but the division showed that
the whip and something else had been used, and the land was bought
by 267 to 135, majority 132. The building purchase has yet to be dis-
cussed, but Mr. Punch knows what he knows, but he munna tell yew.

The House then cleared, but a few Members, 70 or 80, remained to
vote Education votes, and Mb. Pugh, for some reason, wished the
standard of education lowered in the Welsh schools. Odds splutter hur
nails, quoth the giant. The Volunteers’ Bill finally passed, a last
attempt, by Mr. Hennessy, to qualify the Dismissal clause, being
rejected by 138 to 31. The Swells in the House must have a curious
estimate of the character of the Household Guard.

Tuesday. Irish Eish again, and then the Ballot and Mr. Berkeley.
He juggled with the balls pleasantly enough for an hour or so, and then
Pam, with equal good humour, tossed them about in another fashion,
and the House, laughing, decided by 122 to 102 that the veteran
prestidigitateur best hit the public taste. There is no objection to an
occasional bit of nonsense, when it does not interrupt serious business.
It would have been better, however, had the House stayed and given
attention to Mb. M'Mahon’s proposal for improving the Circuit
arrangements, which at present amount to a Denial of Justice;
defendants with very good cases preferring to pay an unjust demand to
incurring the frightful expense of fighting it at a distance from home.
Besides the Circuits want other over-hauling. Mr. Punch utterly
declines to mention of which it was said to him by a cynical young
barrister, “ Respectable—there’s nobody respectable on our Circuit,
bless you, not even the criminals.”

Wednesday. A small Bill in the interest of Dissent, and called the
Endowed Schools Bill, was withdrawn by Mb. Dillwyn, in a most
gentlemanly manner, because many of its opponents had gone down to
hear the Undergraduates bellow at Oxford in honour of the Princess
of Wales. Mb. Selwyn was as polite in his acknowledgments as
was proper, but Mr. Lowe was ungracious as usual—some meu never
can say a civil thing, even when it would be much more galling than
rudeness itself.