Punch (44.1863)

May 30. 1863.]_PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 217

THE DETRIMENTAL’S INNINGS.-A DRAMA OF THE PRINCESS’S DRAWING-ROOM.

off to-day). 0, Mamma, I think it’s the greatest fun in the world.
Why, I have reviewed half the Guards since we came here, and I
declare here comes Cecil Rattlecash.

Lady H. {in an under-voice, but sternly). Then, Bella, I desire that
you only bow.

Miss A. O, Mamma, one can’t cut a person one danced live quadrilles
and three valses with on Wednesday.

[It was only one quadrille and one valse.

Lady H. You did? Then, Arabella—

Captain Cecil Rattlecash at the window. And very handsome the
young Guardsman looks.

Captain Cecil. How dee doo, Lady Highknowes? {He raises his hat
to Arabella, with that affected ceremony which speaks of fun and friend-
ship.) This is slow work, rather. 1 ’m afraid there’s no chance of
your getting to the Drawing-room to-day.

LadyH. {very freezingly). Indeed! Captain Rattlecash.

Capt. C. ’Braid not. There’s about five hundred people before you,
the Princess is tired out, and the Prince says he won’t have the doors
open a minute after six, as he’s going to the play. (Miss A. looks
delighted, knowing the Captain is telling the most dreadful stories.)

Lady //. (sarcastically). The Prince said so to you, of course ?

Capt. C. No; to my great, rich, ugly elder brother, though.

Miss A. (coquettishly). I won’t have a word said against Sir
Edward. He brought me this bouquet—isn’t it lovely ?

Capt. C. Just like the dear old donkey; what do you want flowers at
a Drawing-room for ? Suppose you give ’em to me.

Lady H. I desire—

HE Scene is Piccadilly.
The hour is 5. The
day is Saturday, May
16 th. Several miles of
carriages, at a dead
stop, contain a large
assortment of old and
young Rosebuds who
have been hoping, since
mid-day, that they shall
some time or other get
to the Palace. The
general Public walks
up and down on each
side, freely criticising
the appearance of the
ladies. A Carriage, in
which are the Lady
Highknowes and her
lovely daughter Ara-
bella occupies the
centre of the Scene.

Lady Highknowes. M y
dear, this is too dreadful.
We shall never get there.
How wicked it is to
allow all these nobodies
to go to Court and choke
up the streets. I declare
the police ought to send
them away.

Miss Arabella {Now
she has had a little
quarrel with her Mamma
about some private the-
atricals, and in a dutiful
kind of way is resolved
to pay her revered parent

Miss A. (has a good mind to). And what for, I should like to know ?
Capt. C. I’U toss ’em to Patti—that will save me half a guinea, you
know, which is money to us younger sons.

Miss A. Will you faithfully promise to throw them to that darling?
{archly).

Capt. C. Won’t 1. {No, he won't, and Miss A. knows that.)

Miss A. Then you shall have them. There {gives them).

Lady H. {looking like a Queen Lear, with a dash of Ugolino).
Arabella!

Capt. C. Thanks. And, I say, I hope you mean to take that part of
Rosette. Lady Helen’s breaking her heart about you. You’d play
it so capitally. Don’t disappoint the dear old woman.

Miss A. Your brother was telling Mamma not to let me.

Capt. C. What does he know about it? And don’t you know why?
Laura Markham wants Rosette, and ugly old Edward is rather hit
there.

Miss A. Then I will play it, Mamma; and Captain Rattlecash,
you may tell Lady Helen so.

Lady H. I request that—

Capt. C. That’s right, that’s capital, and I’ll be Albert. I said I
wouldn’t, but I will now. I’ll play it like a bird. I’ll tell her to let
you know about rehearsals.

And so on for three-quarters of an hour, with his arms on the door,
and Lady Highknowes in no state to present herself before an
amiable Princess. At last the carriage moves on four inches,
andhkQY H. wishes the wheel had gone over the Captain's toes.
He goes away at last, and then doesn't Miss Arabella catch
it ? But she doesn't care the least bit.

WISDOM IN GLOBULES.

In the Senate House of Belgium, a proposition has been made that
homoeopathic chairs should be founded in the Universities of Belgium.
“ Homoeopathic Chairs” must be of the size of those that little girls
use to sit their dolls upon. Is it not reducing the Universities rather
to the size of a toy-house to introduce these chairs into them ? Every-
thing else would have to be reduced in equal proportion, until at last
the wisdom acquired at these Universities might also become homoeo-
pathically small—so small indeed that it would not be worth any one’s

while to go to fetch it. Many of our medical friends may be pleased
to hear that these chairs were not carried. They looked so insignifi-
cantly mean that not a hand was lifted up for them. What a proud
thing it must be to be appointed the Professor of a “ Homoeopathic
Chair ! ” It must be the seat of Lilliputian wisdom.

Advice to Parents.—Recollect the child’s mind is nothing better
than a sheet of letter paper; su mind, its address in after-life will
depend entirely upon the way in which you direct it.