Punch (44.1863)

216

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 23, 1863.

tr

WELL (?) BROUGHT UP.

AN ICE YOUNG MAN.

The following advertisement appears in the Glasgow
Herald:—

TO YOUNG LADIES.

WANTED, by a Young Man, just returned from India, a
' ' COMPANION for a Pic-Nic Party, to take place on the Queen's
Birthday. All letters treated confidentially. Address (till Monday),
enclosing Carte de Visite, M. S. S., <fcc. Ac.

It just occurs to Mr. Punch that this Young Man is a
decidedly cool young man, though that may be the result
of his comm? to Scotland from India. He says nothing
about himself, except that he is a returned Indian, (which
usually means an awful bore) but he expects young ladies
to send their pictures, and to await his gracious selection.
His Oriental ideas are in a fine state of development. The
advertisement, however, may only be a dodge for the purpose
of filling his photograph book cheaply. If not, we should
not be sorry to hear that he had been invited to an inter-
view at which the other party had been, not a Scotch lassie,
but her masculine relative, who had rewarded our Oriental
friend’s impertinence by a process that would not make
him very anxious to sit for his photograph for some little
time to come.

CONSTITUTIONAL DEMONSTRATION IN
MARYLEBONE.

At a meeting of the Marylebone Vestry, which tbok
place yesterday, a resolution was voted unanimously, ex-
pressing the sympathy felt by the representatives of the
rate-pavers of that important borough, as a deliberative
body, for the Prussian Chamber of Deputies, in the struggle
which that popular assembly is now maintaining for the
defence of its constitutional privileges against the encroach-
ments of the Crown. With that expression of fellow-feeling
for the Prussian Deputies, the Vestrymen of Marylebone
combine an indignant protest against the insolence with
whicli their brethren of Berlin have been treated by Von
Bismark, and his Minister of War, Von Roon. They
conclude with a declaration that they would just like to see
Lord Palmerston, or any other of Her Majesty’s
Ministers give themselves any airs in the Marylebone
Vestry-Hall.



First Juvenile. “ May I have the pleasure of Dancing with you, Miss

Alice?” True Economy.—When your means fully justify the

Second Juvenile. “A, No—Thanks ! I never Dance with Younger Sons!” end.

CORRESPONDENCE.

We have received the following letters concerning that wonderful
Illusion, the Spectre Drama, at the Polytechnic:—

“ Dear Sir,—I know how it’s done. You get a concave glass and
place it at right angles to something. Then reflect on it. Of course
there must be a lime-light. «< Yours truly, Luce Long.”

Another:—

“ I ’ve tried it over again, it’s no secret. A lime-light is not
required. Any day that you’ll ask me to dinner I’ll come and tell you
all about this matter and the Theory of ’Eat. Apropos, Let’s have
some light soup. “ j Stewat Meals.”

A Third :—

“We tried the Ghost some nights since. The one invented by
Dircke you know. By the way, if Eechter revives Macbeth, the
spectral illusion might be used, and instead of the guilty Thane saying
‘ Is that a Dagger,’ &c., he might exclaim, ‘ Is that a Dircke that I see
before me.’ As I was saying, we tried it. You only want five or six
glasses over and above your usual quantity after dinner; or one large
glass will do if filled sufficiently often. The effect is marvellous, and
lasts in some cases until the following morning.

“ Yours truly, Sweet Swilliam.”

Curious!

We were told, that the other day, a literary gentleman, being rather
badly oil' for pens, sat down to write with a headache. It is, we believe,
a painful operation, but a great saving of quills.

MATHEMATICAL PROBLEM (FOR THE NEW ARMY EXAMINATIONS).

Given : the relative heights of St. Paul’s and the Monument.

To find: the height of the Season.

IDIOTIC SIGNATURES.

Years ago a grateful man, but a bad writer, wrote from India to an
English country gentleman who had done him a kindness, that “he was
going to send him an Equivalent.” So ill was the word written that
the recipient read it Elephant ” and in an accession of delight built an
elephant house, laid out a palisaded paddock, and made other arrange-
ments that would have delighted Dr. Sclater. When the present
arrived, it was a magnificent shawl for the friend’s wife. India seems
fertile in stupid Writers as well as clever ones. A case has just been
tried in which it was shown that a company had been got up for the
purchase of an Indian estate, and no end ot expense incurred, on the
strength of a letter supposed to be signed Cannon. The owner of
this name is also the owner of a very desirable property. Then it turned
out that the signature was Glason, who is the owner of property not
so desirable. The action against the person deceived by the signature
failed, of course, but we recommend its being brought anew against
Glason’s writing master. Mr. Punch hates a man who muddles his
signature, because it makes Mr. P. do a rude thing, namely, misdirect a
reply; so he always cuts the signature off and pastes it on the outside
of his answer, to the shame and confusion of the ridiculous scribe.

Pam’s Last.

The Marquis of Punch. Well, my dear Palmerston, what did the
Russian answer come to ?

The Premier. Why, my dear Punch, if you ask me, I should say it
came to the front door in Chesham Place.

“day’s crack, lot.”

Day has long been a favourite trainer. The Horses of the Sun were
originally brought out in honour of the First Day, and so attached did
they become to their master, that they have been running for a Day
ever since.