Punch (44.1863)

40

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 24, 1863.

BISHOP MAW WORM’S APOLOGY.

Why, when I signal Railway Boards to stop
Excursion-trains on Sundays with my crook,
Inviting other men to shut up shop.

Don’t I at home with equal strictness look.

In mine own household showing forth a due
Observance of the Sabbath, like a Jew ?

How, you demand, can a right reverend sire
His kettle on the coals permit to sing.

Or toast his soles before a Sunday fire.

If Judah’s lawgiver forbad the thing ?

With quiet conscience how can he enjoy

Hot dinners, which must servants needs employ?

Ere he indulge in the forbidden feast.

Why should a menial, decked in blue array,

Drive him to Church ? Why makes he man and beaBt
Thus wqrk for him upon the holy day,

When, going on his legs, he might express
With Jewish rigour, Christian lowliness ?

Whilst thus he violates the day of rest
Let him stand forth, and honestly explain
Why he presumes the stoppage to request
Of every cheaply running Sunday train.

Sole means whereby the masses can repair
To country, or sea-side, for change of air?

My too freethinking, and consistent friend,

You need not push these obvious questions home.
Can you imagine, or do you pretend
At all to fear that anything would come
Of that memorial, which, you ought to know,

Was meant for nothing but a stir and show ?

Why, don’t you read the price of railway shares,

And their returns per cent., you serious goose P
What Board would, e’en for our sincerest prayers.

Do aught that could their dividends reduce ?

There, never fear that aught that we can say
Can make them sanctify the sacred day!

THE IDLE SERVANT.

Mistress. “You ake an excessively wicked Boy, Sir! You have been a

VERY LONG TIME BRINGING ME THIS LETTER — AND I MUST INSIST UPON KNOWING
IN WHAT MANNER YOU HAVE BEEN IDLING AWAY YOUR TlME—SPEAK, SlR ! ”

Domestic. “Boo-hoo-’M! If you please, ’M! Me and another Butler
WAS A LOOKING AT PUNCH, HOO-HOO ! ! ”

Maxim for Mothers.

The only hoop that you should wish to see your
daughters wear is a plain hoop of gold upon the left
fourth finger.

A THEATRE EOR BROMPTON!

What is to be done with the Great Exhibition building? Will the
Reverend Mr. Spurgeon make a monster chapel of it ? or will some
enterprising manager convert it into a big theatre ? We understand that
everything inside has been removed, so he would not find it needful to
“ gut the auditorium.” The two annexe-sheds might be used as shel-
tered entrance-places, where the public might assemble before the doors
were opened: and if this shelter proved too small for the multitudes
who doubtless would come thronging to the theatre, Mr. Manager
would probably expend a few spare thousands in buying up the gardens
of the Royal Horticulturists, which, when roofed and warmed and
lighted, would form a pleasant crush room. The fountains might be
made to play iced hock or cherry brandy, according to the season: and
other light refreshments might be provided gratis, as the management,
of course, would be deterred by no expense.

Where the stage would best be placed we can scarce pretend to say,
though we incline to an idea that the centre of the building would
perhaps be the best spot for it, as then the auditorium would range
equally all round. Still, there is no doubt that the domes possess
unusual advantages, which might certainly be turned to most tremen-
dous stage effect. A simultaneous header from the top of either dome
would be such a sensation scene as has not yet been witnessed, and in
the case of slave pursuits a chace from one dome to the other, through
an artificial jungle growing all along the nave, would afford abundant
scope for “thrilling- situations” and “perilous escapes.” Then, of
course, a rifle duel might take place in the fashion which is used in the
backwoods; and, by exchanging shots from one end of the building to
the other, the combatants would give a far more life-like picture than
by banging at each other from behind sham rocks and tree-trunks
scarce a dozen feet apart, as in the Octoroon we remember to have
witnessed.

In short, there is no telling what vast scenic capabilities a trained

eye might discover in the Exhibition building. Mr. Boucicault, for
instance, who is considered (by himself) to possess especial talent for
theatrical construction, we think cannot well do better than act upon
the notion we have ventured to throw out. In spite of his advertise-
ments, we mean his letters, in the Times, it may be some while yet
before his brother millionnaires come and fork out their few thousands
l'or building him a theatre, and thereby pocketing a clear and certain
twenty pounds per cent. It is true it might be difficult to hear well in
a theatre so capacious as this building, and in spite of Mr. Boucicault’s
improvements in construction, we fear, unless his actors were to bellow
through a speaking trumpet, there would be little hope of catching a
single word they said. But, after all, this is a matter of quite secondary
moment: for when one goes to see a strong “sensation” drama, the
scenic situations are the ouly things one cares for, and nobody ever
dreams of listening to the words.

HORRID CALUMNY.

A Shocking example of religious bigotry and national prejudice is
manifest in the subjoined paragraph, which has appeared in several
English papers:—

“ The Gavazzi rioters at Tralee were put on their trial at Quarter Sessions on
Thursday, before Mr. Christopher Copinger, Q.C., Chairman, and a large bench
of Magistrates. AU the jurors who tried the case were Roman Catholics, of a lowar
class than are usually put upon the panels, and, as might have been expected, the
result was a verdict of acquittal.”

This statement, which of course is entirely fabulous, has evidently
been devised for the purpose of discrediting the general belief that
papists are peculiarly scrupulous as to keeping their oaths, and that
the faithful Irish, in particular, are inflexibly conscientious in the ver-
dicts which, when empanelled as jurymen, they are sworn to deliver
according to the evidence. It is really too bad.