DOI Heft:
March 7, 1863
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16871#0107
100
[March 7, 1863.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE CHARGE OE THE TWO THOUSAND
SEVEN HUNDRED.
{See the account of the Levee, Feb, 25.)
Up the great staircase, and
Through the three anterooms,
Past the beef-eaters’ stand,
Gold sticks and panting grooms,
Wardens defying or
Grooms of the chambers ;
On, like the worst of mobs,
Tore their way, nobs and snobs,
Q. C.’s and Members !
Garments were cleft of them,
Horsehair was reft of them,
What pen can write of them,
How, at the sight of them,
Gents-at-arms wondered.
As to the Presence then
Draggled and damaged men,
Rushed, crushed, and thrust along
All that was left of them,
Eirst the Two Thousand and
Then the Seven Hundred !
NEWMAN ON DEGLUTITION.
Not in a sense non-natural,
But literal and grammatical,
Did I profess the Articles to sign.
1 said that they who framed ’em,
At opposite sides aimed ’em,
That both might swallow all the Thirty-Nine.
Which must, the inference is,
Each have two different senses
And two grammatical, eilher preferred
Without equivocation.
This candid explanation
Seems satisfactory and not absurd.
Captain de Smith remonstrates with Mr. Holmes, the Vet oe his Regi-
ment, FOR MAL-PRONUNCIATION OF THE WORD HORSE—To HIM THE VET—“ WELL,
if a Haitch, and a Ho, and a Ear, and a Hess, and a He, don’t spell
'Orse—My name ain’t ’Enery ’Omes ! ”
Definition of the Lap of Luxury.—A dog lapping
l up turtle soup.
SMALL DEBTS AND HERESIES COURT.
Oxford, Tuesday.
The Assessor took his seat, as usual, and by special order made as
reported in our last, the first cause called was
Pusey v. Jowett.
Assessor. Are the parties here ?
Dr. Pusey. Here you are, Sir.
Assessor. I know 1 am. Sir; but that is no answer to my question.
However, appearance cures all defects. Are you here, Jowett P
Professor Jowett. Adsum.
Assessor. Don’t say that, it sounds like “handsome ” when you’ve
;got a cold in your head. Now, listen to me.
Dr. Close. If you please, Sir, my name is Close, and / want to speak.
Assessor. You have no locus standi.
Dr. Close. I should have plenty if you would only tell Mu. Maurice,
here, not to keep shoving.
Assessor. Maurice, morris. Close, shut up. Now, parties in the
cause, attend to me.
Dr. Close. But, Sir, I have no confidence—
Assessor. I should say. Sir, that you had a great deal, to venture to
speak after I have told you to be quiet.
Dr. Close.' But I don’t like any of the parties, Sir, and I don’t like
tobacco, which is more. Next to heresy, 1 consider tobacco to be the
root of all evil, and I have stated as much to my clergy. Now you
have got a very good opportunity of putting down tobacco and heresy
at the same time, and in the name of the Church of England I call on
you to do it.
Assessor. And what right have you to speak for the Church of
England? I am the Church of England, and I’ll let you know it, if I
hear another word from you.
Dr. Close. I like to be persecuted, and I tell you that I believe
Pusey, Jowett and Maurice to be all dangerous parties, and I am
not sure that you are much better.
Assessor {in a rage). Lock up Dr. Close till the Court rises, and
let him have no refreshment but a short pipe. {The Dean is removed,
quoting texts violently.) Now, perhaps, I may be attended to.
Mr. Maurice. I want to be heard as amicus curice.
Assessor. Will you be so good as to allow me to choose my own
friends ? Hold your tongue.
Mr. Maunce. In Macmillan’s Magazine—
Assessor. One of the very best of the day, ana tnerefore I read it, and
therefore you need not quote it. Will you be silent ?
Mr. Maurice. Only a word. I advise, you, Sir, not to decide this
case. The fact is, that nobody ought to decide upon anything. There
are two kinds of belief. One is the common, natural kind, which does
very well indeed for inferior persons of all classes. The other is
esoteric, and is for educated minds. Now--
Assessor. Would you like to know what / believe?
Mr. Maurice. Weil, I don’t know that it much matters, but you can
explain.
Assessor. I believe that in five minutes you’ll wish you hadn’t
spoken. Lock up AIr. Maurice till the Court rises, and let him have
no refreshment but one of the Tract Society’s publications. (Mr-
Maurice is removed, drawing distinctions neatly.) Now it’s my turn.
Dr. Pusey {blandly). You will nqt forget. Sir, that in my letter in
this case 1 described you as the Majesty of Justice.
Assessor. More shame for you for writing such unmitigated bosh.
I’m an old Judge in the country, but you can’t come over me. Jowett,
I told you last week that I thought Pusey’s proposition, that you
should recant all that you have been teaching for seven years, and de-
clare yourself orthodox, was a liberal and gentlemanly offer. Since that
time I have been reading the Eatbers. It was severe work, and I bad
to take my coat off to think the harder. I have come to the conclusion,
and I believe that I shall be supported by the best theologians of pre-
sent and past days, that different people have different ideas on different
subjects, and therefore I dismiss the case, recommend you both to
mercy, and give no costs. Now, if you’ll come up to my rooms. I’ll
send for Close and Maurice, and stand beer all round.
The learned Judge’s decision was greeted with much applause, which
was immediately suppressed, and the Court rose.
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[March 7, 1863.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE CHARGE OE THE TWO THOUSAND
SEVEN HUNDRED.
{See the account of the Levee, Feb, 25.)
Up the great staircase, and
Through the three anterooms,
Past the beef-eaters’ stand,
Gold sticks and panting grooms,
Wardens defying or
Grooms of the chambers ;
On, like the worst of mobs,
Tore their way, nobs and snobs,
Q. C.’s and Members !
Garments were cleft of them,
Horsehair was reft of them,
What pen can write of them,
How, at the sight of them,
Gents-at-arms wondered.
As to the Presence then
Draggled and damaged men,
Rushed, crushed, and thrust along
All that was left of them,
Eirst the Two Thousand and
Then the Seven Hundred !
NEWMAN ON DEGLUTITION.
Not in a sense non-natural,
But literal and grammatical,
Did I profess the Articles to sign.
1 said that they who framed ’em,
At opposite sides aimed ’em,
That both might swallow all the Thirty-Nine.
Which must, the inference is,
Each have two different senses
And two grammatical, eilher preferred
Without equivocation.
This candid explanation
Seems satisfactory and not absurd.
Captain de Smith remonstrates with Mr. Holmes, the Vet oe his Regi-
ment, FOR MAL-PRONUNCIATION OF THE WORD HORSE—To HIM THE VET—“ WELL,
if a Haitch, and a Ho, and a Ear, and a Hess, and a He, don’t spell
'Orse—My name ain’t ’Enery ’Omes ! ”
Definition of the Lap of Luxury.—A dog lapping
l up turtle soup.
SMALL DEBTS AND HERESIES COURT.
Oxford, Tuesday.
The Assessor took his seat, as usual, and by special order made as
reported in our last, the first cause called was
Pusey v. Jowett.
Assessor. Are the parties here ?
Dr. Pusey. Here you are, Sir.
Assessor. I know 1 am. Sir; but that is no answer to my question.
However, appearance cures all defects. Are you here, Jowett P
Professor Jowett. Adsum.
Assessor. Don’t say that, it sounds like “handsome ” when you’ve
;got a cold in your head. Now, listen to me.
Dr. Close. If you please, Sir, my name is Close, and / want to speak.
Assessor. You have no locus standi.
Dr. Close. I should have plenty if you would only tell Mu. Maurice,
here, not to keep shoving.
Assessor. Maurice, morris. Close, shut up. Now, parties in the
cause, attend to me.
Dr. Close. But, Sir, I have no confidence—
Assessor. I should say. Sir, that you had a great deal, to venture to
speak after I have told you to be quiet.
Dr. Close.' But I don’t like any of the parties, Sir, and I don’t like
tobacco, which is more. Next to heresy, 1 consider tobacco to be the
root of all evil, and I have stated as much to my clergy. Now you
have got a very good opportunity of putting down tobacco and heresy
at the same time, and in the name of the Church of England I call on
you to do it.
Assessor. And what right have you to speak for the Church of
England? I am the Church of England, and I’ll let you know it, if I
hear another word from you.
Dr. Close. I like to be persecuted, and I tell you that I believe
Pusey, Jowett and Maurice to be all dangerous parties, and I am
not sure that you are much better.
Assessor {in a rage). Lock up Dr. Close till the Court rises, and
let him have no refreshment but a short pipe. {The Dean is removed,
quoting texts violently.) Now, perhaps, I may be attended to.
Mr. Maurice. I want to be heard as amicus curice.
Assessor. Will you be so good as to allow me to choose my own
friends ? Hold your tongue.
Mr. Maunce. In Macmillan’s Magazine—
Assessor. One of the very best of the day, ana tnerefore I read it, and
therefore you need not quote it. Will you be silent ?
Mr. Maurice. Only a word. I advise, you, Sir, not to decide this
case. The fact is, that nobody ought to decide upon anything. There
are two kinds of belief. One is the common, natural kind, which does
very well indeed for inferior persons of all classes. The other is
esoteric, and is for educated minds. Now--
Assessor. Would you like to know what / believe?
Mr. Maurice. Weil, I don’t know that it much matters, but you can
explain.
Assessor. I believe that in five minutes you’ll wish you hadn’t
spoken. Lock up AIr. Maurice till the Court rises, and let him have
no refreshment but one of the Tract Society’s publications. (Mr-
Maurice is removed, drawing distinctions neatly.) Now it’s my turn.
Dr. Pusey {blandly). You will nqt forget. Sir, that in my letter in
this case 1 described you as the Majesty of Justice.
Assessor. More shame for you for writing such unmitigated bosh.
I’m an old Judge in the country, but you can’t come over me. Jowett,
I told you last week that I thought Pusey’s proposition, that you
should recant all that you have been teaching for seven years, and de-
clare yourself orthodox, was a liberal and gentlemanly offer. Since that
time I have been reading the Eatbers. It was severe work, and I bad
to take my coat off to think the harder. I have come to the conclusion,
and I believe that I shall be supported by the best theologians of pre-
sent and past days, that different people have different ideas on different
subjects, and therefore I dismiss the case, recommend you both to
mercy, and give no costs. Now, if you’ll come up to my rooms. I’ll
send for Close and Maurice, and stand beer all round.
The learned Judge’s decision was greeted with much applause, which
was immediately suppressed, and the Court rose.
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