DOI Heft:
March 14, 1863
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16871#0111
104 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 14, 1863,
who was sitting on the sharp iron-spiked railings
that enclosed the moat, watched the proceeding
uneasily.
“ See here !” said the Baronet to Mollma, joy-
fully pointing to an illegible codicil in the habendum
of a closely-written Deed. “You are not my wife.
I never saw you before.’1
The Farmer and Mollina embraced.
The village lasses in the crowd unmanned at the
eight, wept copiously.
“ But my brother s property ? ” exclaimed Lady
Bettina.
“ Your brother landed with me,” said the Hunch-
back, sullenly.
The Coast-guardsman started. “ When I was
precipitated over the cliff,” he said, “your brother
was below. He broke my fall. Alas! he is no more! ”
“ The wealth then is yours, mia Bettina.
Hooray! ” and the Baronet thankfully turned up
his eyes towards the calm summer’s sky.
“ Bah ! she is my wife! ” shouted the Hunch-
back, maliciously.
Mokeanna tore a paper from the Secret Truss,
'and kneeling, laid it at Lady Bettina’s feet.
“ I thought as much—it was . . . .”
“ Ha! ”
“ A False Marriage ! ”
“ Vengeance on the Stealer of Mokeanna ! ” was
the fierce cry.
“Stay!” said the Baronet, who had been a
County Magistrate from time immemorial. “ How
know you ’twas he ? Your evidence.”
“ The Hat upon his brow,” they shouted.
“ The White Witness ! ”
(To be continued.)
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
March 2. Monday. The Confederates are no doubt building several
more Alabamas in our dockyards, but the business is so managed that
Government can take no notice of it. And at the last moment Red
Tape will not be found a serviceable substitute for a cable, the Southern
ships will slip away, and Ministers will say that they are very sorry.
Mr. Gladstone’3 Tobacco Duties Bill came on again. It has not
pleased the trade, and he is to introduce new clauses. We wish it
would contain one “enabling” clause, that is, a clause enablu<g one to
get a good cigar for something under Tenpence, a price whicl makes it
almost extravagant to smoke more than a dozen or eighteen weeds
per day.
Government began the week by getting another beating. This was
on a clause of the Corrupt Practices at Elections Bill. The proposal
was to disfranchise solicitors, agents, and messengers, as regarded the
election in which they were acting. As for solicitors, they are officers
of the Court of Chancery and of the Law Courts, and ought not to be
employed in elections at all, but it is not by taking away their votes
that they can be prevented from acting, but by endorsing their cer-
tificates for the first aud second offence, and cancelling them for the
third, cabman fashion. Yet, as a cab can be driven where it would
seem impossible to push a perambulator, the dexterous solicitors would
discover a way to drive through an Act of Parliament. There is no
use in making hypocritical mouths about the matter, public opinion is
not very strong against any election dodge, and rather applauds smart-
ness of any kind, if it be successful. Punch is far from clear that the
! best measure of Reform would not be the disfranchising the whole
country, and giving the selection of Members of Parliament to Com-
mittees of the nonpolitical London Clubs. The House was not inclined
to be rude to the solicitors, and preferred to snub the Government,
which was done by the rejection of the clause by 110 to 103.
Tuesday. One tribe of Railway Vandals threatens to ravage the
quaint old Square named from Sir Hans Sloane, and the pleasant
square of Brompton, named a square because it is an oblong. Eight is
to be made agaiust the barbarians, and Lord Shaftesbury opened
fire in a very telling speech to-day. Mr. Punch is happy to record that
another gang of savage invaders received a fatal overthrow the same
day in the Commons, Mr. Harvey Lewis (whose conduct Mr. Punch
begs to acknowledge with a neat nod) leading the attack. The horde
wished to destroy much property near Regent Street, and to run an
open cutting into Oxford Street. The gallant Harvey Lewis, sup-
ported by a brave band of followers, rushed upon them, and cut them
to pieces, giving no quarter, though it was loudly bellowed for by one
Robertson, a Parliamentary lawyer. That Bill is kicked out. “ So
perish all Queen London’s enemies.” Mr. Milner Gibson said that
Government had told an officer of the Board of Trade to look after the
various schemes, but we have much more faith in Parliament. Officials
can be talked and cajoled into anything by “ influential parties.”
Judges Blackburn and Williams had been ordered to carry into
the House of Commons the Lords’ assent to the Prince and Princess’s
Annuity Bill. A gentleman, who has his own reasons for fearing that
he may be suspected of having been a shopman, makes a point, when
he has a parcel to tie up, of tying it clumsily. We don’t know whether
the learned J udges were afraid of being supposed ever to have ivorn
livery, but they discharged this footman’s errand so awkwardly that
. the House roared at them.
Landed proprietors are stealing the Essex Eorests, and Government
was obliged to appoint a Committee to look into the business. Our
own Cox stood up for the rights of Eairlop Fair, and while he confines
himself to such matters, which he may almost be supposed to under-
stand, he shall never have a severe word from his affectionate Punch.
A Bill for effecting Municipal Elections by Ballot was opposed by
Lord Palmerston, on the express ground that he hated the process,
and the Bill was destroyed by 93 to 58. It seems that the friends of the
Ballot are touting for subscriptions to present Mr. Henry Berkeley
with a testimonial for not having done much for the cause.
Wednesday. There was an excitement and a large rally on both sides,
as the Conservatives intended to throw out Mr. Hadfield’s Bill for
abolishing the declaration made, on taking Municipal Office, that the
holder will do nothing to injure the Church. This declaration was
exacted of the Dissenters, when the oaths were done away, and was
meant tp satisfy weak-minded people, who won’t see that such engage-
ments bind only those conscientious folks who ought, of all people, to
be trusted with action, whereas declarations are construed by the un-
scrupulous in a very free and easy fashion. However, the matter is not
contested on its own merits. The Church party fights the Dissenters
because some of the Dissenters have declared undying enmity to the
Church. Mr. Gladstone supported the Bill, and he is not a bad
Churchman. It was a close thing, and the Third Reading was carried
by 3 only in a house of 347, so that its fate for this Session is pretty
clear.
A Bill about Irish Salmon is exciting the Irish senators, and they
splashed about in the water, and gave one another the butt till six
o’clock.
Thursday. Divers questions of course, touching the arrangements for
the Great Saturday. The City had refused to go beyond Temple Bar,
unless it might lead the way, which the Strand, we suppose, is too
haughty to bear, so the City decided on bolting up Chancery Lane.
Proud though Mr. Punch is of being a City Magnate, he would have
consented to let precedence take its chance rather than concentrate the
world upon one part of London. But he did not interfere, having
enough to do in directing arrangements which made 85, Eleet Street,
the most remarkable spot in the whole line of procession, and which
drew from the Princess of Denmark the delightful remark, that—-no,
everything ought not to be printed, even in these days. It is not from
Mr. Punch that the world shall learn what his Princess said as she
smiled upon that world-famous corner.
Somebody, talking about Treasure Trove in the Commons, alluded to
something that Pam had found and had kept. His Lordship explained
that a torque had been discovered in the ground, somewhere on his
estate, that he paid the finder, and regarded the article as his own—had
even shown it at South Kensington. This satisfied all the House
except Mb. Cox, who was uneasy, and whispered an audible question
how there could be a talk under ground, but he was soothed somehow,
and Mr. Cobden made a speech advocating the pulling down all our
wooden ships, because shells would set wooden ships on fire. There
was a debate, Sir John Pakington rebuked Mr. Cobden, and the
estimates were voted just as if that gentleman had not spoken.
PIECE-WORK AT SOUTH KENSINGTON.
My Lords the Committee of Council on Education have determined
that henceforward they will pay their Clerks by the job. Of course this
was strongly objected to by Mr. Secretary Cole, who, in a neat
speech when it was proposed by Lord Granville, stated that on
principle he was opposed to all forms of jobbery. The Yice-President
of the Council observed that as he had been beaten on the Education
Minutes, he should like to try payment by results somewhere, and hoped
Cole would help him to do so, at South Kensington. As the experi-
ment demanded a sacrifice, the Secretary looked round for the meekest
Jambs on which to try the new scheme, and accordingly selected the
scientific staff with which to begin. _ The following is the official scale
of payments.
s. d.
Eor delivering a Lecture.10 0
Eor naming a Fossil.10
For writing a Label . ..10
Eor making a Chemical Analysis . . . . . 2 6
Eor showing a person round the Museum . . .06
Eor speaking to a Porter . . . . . .03
Eor answering the Secretaries’ questions according to
the following scale.
Answers of three words. ,06
Answers of from ten to twelve words . . . .10
Half an hour’s conversation.2 6
In all cases the Secretary is to be the judge as to whether the job is
required. Science, says the learned Secretary, is like sugar, and like
that article should be bought over the counter when you want it at a
fixed price per job.
who was sitting on the sharp iron-spiked railings
that enclosed the moat, watched the proceeding
uneasily.
“ See here !” said the Baronet to Mollma, joy-
fully pointing to an illegible codicil in the habendum
of a closely-written Deed. “You are not my wife.
I never saw you before.’1
The Farmer and Mollina embraced.
The village lasses in the crowd unmanned at the
eight, wept copiously.
“ But my brother s property ? ” exclaimed Lady
Bettina.
“ Your brother landed with me,” said the Hunch-
back, sullenly.
The Coast-guardsman started. “ When I was
precipitated over the cliff,” he said, “your brother
was below. He broke my fall. Alas! he is no more! ”
“ The wealth then is yours, mia Bettina.
Hooray! ” and the Baronet thankfully turned up
his eyes towards the calm summer’s sky.
“ Bah ! she is my wife! ” shouted the Hunch-
back, maliciously.
Mokeanna tore a paper from the Secret Truss,
'and kneeling, laid it at Lady Bettina’s feet.
“ I thought as much—it was . . . .”
“ Ha! ”
“ A False Marriage ! ”
“ Vengeance on the Stealer of Mokeanna ! ” was
the fierce cry.
“Stay!” said the Baronet, who had been a
County Magistrate from time immemorial. “ How
know you ’twas he ? Your evidence.”
“ The Hat upon his brow,” they shouted.
“ The White Witness ! ”
(To be continued.)
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
March 2. Monday. The Confederates are no doubt building several
more Alabamas in our dockyards, but the business is so managed that
Government can take no notice of it. And at the last moment Red
Tape will not be found a serviceable substitute for a cable, the Southern
ships will slip away, and Ministers will say that they are very sorry.
Mr. Gladstone’3 Tobacco Duties Bill came on again. It has not
pleased the trade, and he is to introduce new clauses. We wish it
would contain one “enabling” clause, that is, a clause enablu<g one to
get a good cigar for something under Tenpence, a price whicl makes it
almost extravagant to smoke more than a dozen or eighteen weeds
per day.
Government began the week by getting another beating. This was
on a clause of the Corrupt Practices at Elections Bill. The proposal
was to disfranchise solicitors, agents, and messengers, as regarded the
election in which they were acting. As for solicitors, they are officers
of the Court of Chancery and of the Law Courts, and ought not to be
employed in elections at all, but it is not by taking away their votes
that they can be prevented from acting, but by endorsing their cer-
tificates for the first aud second offence, and cancelling them for the
third, cabman fashion. Yet, as a cab can be driven where it would
seem impossible to push a perambulator, the dexterous solicitors would
discover a way to drive through an Act of Parliament. There is no
use in making hypocritical mouths about the matter, public opinion is
not very strong against any election dodge, and rather applauds smart-
ness of any kind, if it be successful. Punch is far from clear that the
! best measure of Reform would not be the disfranchising the whole
country, and giving the selection of Members of Parliament to Com-
mittees of the nonpolitical London Clubs. The House was not inclined
to be rude to the solicitors, and preferred to snub the Government,
which was done by the rejection of the clause by 110 to 103.
Tuesday. One tribe of Railway Vandals threatens to ravage the
quaint old Square named from Sir Hans Sloane, and the pleasant
square of Brompton, named a square because it is an oblong. Eight is
to be made agaiust the barbarians, and Lord Shaftesbury opened
fire in a very telling speech to-day. Mr. Punch is happy to record that
another gang of savage invaders received a fatal overthrow the same
day in the Commons, Mr. Harvey Lewis (whose conduct Mr. Punch
begs to acknowledge with a neat nod) leading the attack. The horde
wished to destroy much property near Regent Street, and to run an
open cutting into Oxford Street. The gallant Harvey Lewis, sup-
ported by a brave band of followers, rushed upon them, and cut them
to pieces, giving no quarter, though it was loudly bellowed for by one
Robertson, a Parliamentary lawyer. That Bill is kicked out. “ So
perish all Queen London’s enemies.” Mr. Milner Gibson said that
Government had told an officer of the Board of Trade to look after the
various schemes, but we have much more faith in Parliament. Officials
can be talked and cajoled into anything by “ influential parties.”
Judges Blackburn and Williams had been ordered to carry into
the House of Commons the Lords’ assent to the Prince and Princess’s
Annuity Bill. A gentleman, who has his own reasons for fearing that
he may be suspected of having been a shopman, makes a point, when
he has a parcel to tie up, of tying it clumsily. We don’t know whether
the learned J udges were afraid of being supposed ever to have ivorn
livery, but they discharged this footman’s errand so awkwardly that
. the House roared at them.
Landed proprietors are stealing the Essex Eorests, and Government
was obliged to appoint a Committee to look into the business. Our
own Cox stood up for the rights of Eairlop Fair, and while he confines
himself to such matters, which he may almost be supposed to under-
stand, he shall never have a severe word from his affectionate Punch.
A Bill for effecting Municipal Elections by Ballot was opposed by
Lord Palmerston, on the express ground that he hated the process,
and the Bill was destroyed by 93 to 58. It seems that the friends of the
Ballot are touting for subscriptions to present Mr. Henry Berkeley
with a testimonial for not having done much for the cause.
Wednesday. There was an excitement and a large rally on both sides,
as the Conservatives intended to throw out Mr. Hadfield’s Bill for
abolishing the declaration made, on taking Municipal Office, that the
holder will do nothing to injure the Church. This declaration was
exacted of the Dissenters, when the oaths were done away, and was
meant tp satisfy weak-minded people, who won’t see that such engage-
ments bind only those conscientious folks who ought, of all people, to
be trusted with action, whereas declarations are construed by the un-
scrupulous in a very free and easy fashion. However, the matter is not
contested on its own merits. The Church party fights the Dissenters
because some of the Dissenters have declared undying enmity to the
Church. Mr. Gladstone supported the Bill, and he is not a bad
Churchman. It was a close thing, and the Third Reading was carried
by 3 only in a house of 347, so that its fate for this Session is pretty
clear.
A Bill about Irish Salmon is exciting the Irish senators, and they
splashed about in the water, and gave one another the butt till six
o’clock.
Thursday. Divers questions of course, touching the arrangements for
the Great Saturday. The City had refused to go beyond Temple Bar,
unless it might lead the way, which the Strand, we suppose, is too
haughty to bear, so the City decided on bolting up Chancery Lane.
Proud though Mr. Punch is of being a City Magnate, he would have
consented to let precedence take its chance rather than concentrate the
world upon one part of London. But he did not interfere, having
enough to do in directing arrangements which made 85, Eleet Street,
the most remarkable spot in the whole line of procession, and which
drew from the Princess of Denmark the delightful remark, that—-no,
everything ought not to be printed, even in these days. It is not from
Mr. Punch that the world shall learn what his Princess said as she
smiled upon that world-famous corner.
Somebody, talking about Treasure Trove in the Commons, alluded to
something that Pam had found and had kept. His Lordship explained
that a torque had been discovered in the ground, somewhere on his
estate, that he paid the finder, and regarded the article as his own—had
even shown it at South Kensington. This satisfied all the House
except Mb. Cox, who was uneasy, and whispered an audible question
how there could be a talk under ground, but he was soothed somehow,
and Mr. Cobden made a speech advocating the pulling down all our
wooden ships, because shells would set wooden ships on fire. There
was a debate, Sir John Pakington rebuked Mr. Cobden, and the
estimates were voted just as if that gentleman had not spoken.
PIECE-WORK AT SOUTH KENSINGTON.
My Lords the Committee of Council on Education have determined
that henceforward they will pay their Clerks by the job. Of course this
was strongly objected to by Mr. Secretary Cole, who, in a neat
speech when it was proposed by Lord Granville, stated that on
principle he was opposed to all forms of jobbery. The Yice-President
of the Council observed that as he had been beaten on the Education
Minutes, he should like to try payment by results somewhere, and hoped
Cole would help him to do so, at South Kensington. As the experi-
ment demanded a sacrifice, the Secretary looked round for the meekest
Jambs on which to try the new scheme, and accordingly selected the
scientific staff with which to begin. _ The following is the official scale
of payments.
s. d.
Eor delivering a Lecture.10 0
Eor naming a Fossil.10
For writing a Label . ..10
Eor making a Chemical Analysis . . . . . 2 6
Eor showing a person round the Museum . . .06
Eor speaking to a Porter . . . . . .03
Eor answering the Secretaries’ questions according to
the following scale.
Answers of three words. ,06
Answers of from ten to twelve words . . . .10
Half an hour’s conversation.2 6
In all cases the Secretary is to be the judge as to whether the job is
required. Science, says the learned Secretary, is like sugar, and like
that article should be bought over the counter when you want it at a
fixed price per job.