Punch (44.1863)

126

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 28, 1863,

A HINT TO CORK.

It’s all very proper to scqrn and despise
The dirty young priestlings of Cork, and. we do :

Rut if it’s permitted to Punch to advise,

They should have the least taste of a wallopping too.
For lots of the beasts
Will ere long be made priests,

And insult the Queen’s name at their clerical feasts.

Now, knowing the way their proclivities go,

Let’s help dirty Dennis and monkey-faced Mike,
And while waiting to kiss the Immaculate Toe,

Let ’em get a slight hint what a layman’s is like.

Not hurt in the least.

But with fervour increased,

Send back to his den and his Pens the small priest.

So, Cork, famous place for true men and fair maids,
Here’s a pleasant occasion for showing your pluck.
Catch a dozen.or so of these ill-mannered blades,

And down in your river the acolytes duck:

And before he’s released.

On each embryo priest

With a jolly good kick make the Mark of the Beast.

KNOCKING UP A NUISANCE.

In the Marlborough Street Police Report in the Timet
the other day, Mr. Punch was very pleased indeed to see
the following:—

“ The Piccadilly Saloon, a place well-known for the last 40 years*
has been at length closed, the proprietor not being able to contend
against the police visitations and the heavy fines.”

Thanks be to Mr. Knox, the indefatigable Magistrate,
for this removal of a night-house which so long has been a
nuisance. All decent people certainly must feel with Mr.
Punch, that Mr. Knox deserves their gratitude for his
crusade against the dens by which “ night is made hideous.” i
More power to his elbow, aud the staves of the police, and
soon may every night-house be knocked up by Knox !

Youthful Artist. “ Do you sell Anatomical Plates, 'M ? ”

Old Lady. “ Bless the Boy I no ; we don't keep no Crockery here! ”

The “Vaux Populi.”—Lord Brougham.

SOMES’S POPULAR EXASPERATION BILL.

So, Mr. Somes, Member for Kingston-upon-Hull, you have brought
a Bill into the House of Commons, have you, threatening to close all
public-houses during the whole of Sunday ? The constituency, Somes,
of which you are the representative, must comprise a large proportion
of troublesome hypocrites.

Instead of spurning with contempt and disgust an odious attempt of
Sabbatarian tyranny to encroach on the personal liberty ot the subject,
the House of Commons permitted sanctimonious Mr. Somes to intro-
duce his Bill for the closure of public-houses on Sundays, by a large
majority.

Apprehensions, which a commencement of dangerously irritating
legislation naturally excites, may be somewhat allayed by the statement,
in the report of the debate thereon, that “ Mr. Roebuck gave no! ice
that, in the event, hardly to be expected, of this Bill being read a
second time, he should in committee move that every club-house in
London be closed on Sundays.”

Good dog, Tear’em! “ ’Tis sweet to bear the watchdog’s honest
bark ; ” and the announcement just quoted is a genuine, honest, hearty
bow-wow from the throat of Tear’em.—It is, moreover, a bark uttered
in the defensive spirit of a true watchdog. Suppose the Bill brought
in by Somes, to enforce the Sabbatarianism of Kingston-upon-Hull on
all England, were to pass, shutting up the public-houses and leaving
the club-houses open, what would ensue ? There is every reason to
dread that the doors of every club-house in London would be beset
all Sunday by a furious mob, hissing, yelling, and hooting at every
member of the institution venturing to enter it or leave it. How in-
sufferably unpleasant that would be! Of course it cannot happen if
the club-houses are cloned.

The gravest fear must, however, at any rate be entertained that,
immediately on the enactment of Somes’s Sabbatarian Vexation Bill,
the Ring in Hyde Park would be the scene of the same disturbances as
those which occurred when a hypocritical Legislature passed a similar
measure once before. That fashionable ride would no doubt be en-
circled by the enraged million shouting and shrieking “ Go to Church ! ”
with the too probable addition of language less in accordance with that

pious advice than expressive of the indignation with which it would be
uttered.

The Game Laws increased in severity last Session! The beauty of
Londou irredeemably sacrificed to avaricious railway schemers ! And
now England menaced with a Sabbatarian Act to rob a poor man of
his beer!

Pam, Pam, with a majority every other day or so voting against you,
is it not time for somebody to tell certain gentlemen in effect, if not in
terms, “ You are no Parliament, I say you are no Parliament; begone,
and make room for worthier and more sensible men! ” Had you not
better advise an Illustrious Lady to bid the Serjeant-at-Arms “take
away that bauble P ” Does not legislative Sabbatarianism suggest a
Dissolving view ?

LIGHTING WITH SHADOWS.

We are informed by our various foreign correspondents (vide the
papers passim), that the nobles and ill-advisers, who surround the King-
oe Prussia, are always holding up before his eyes the “Red Spectre
of Democracy,” so as to strengthen him in his obstinacy in maintaining
the present extravagant military system. Now, there is not a better
hand at playing with spectres than Professor Pepper, of the Poly-
technic, and we will warrant that he will in a moment expose the
extreme hollowness of this same “ Red Spectre; ” and will, in the most
demonstrative and playful manner, convince every one, who is not as
blind as the King, that it is a mere shadow, a complete illusion that
need not frighten even a child. The talented Professor might, for the
amusement of the more practical English mind, afterwards embody the
result of his experiments in the form of a most laughable Spectre-
Earce, to succeed the present most thrilling Drama, of the same trans-
parent character, as soon as the latter has finished its very, successful
career at the above popular scientific Eantoccini-shop in Regent
Street.

Rule to ensure Harmony at the Ashbhbnham Canine Show,
— Every dog’s bark must be on the C.