DOI Heft:
April 11, 1863
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16871#0161
154
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 11, 1863.
STARTLING DISCOVERY OF A GREAT CRINOLINE
CONSPIRACY.
{From the Barrel Organ of the Licensed Wits.)
We stop the Press to insert a communication from a correspondent
whose high position, while it affords him peculiar facilities for obtaining
an insight into the arcana of courts and coteries, renders superfluous
those guarantees of good faith which are usually demanded from casual
contributors. After certain flattering remarks which are too personal
to permit of publication, he proceeds as follows :—
Por some years past, not only Europe, Asia, Africa and America, but
also that fifth quarter of the habitable globe commonly known as Aus-
tralasia, have been astounded by the stupendous machinery imported
into the feminine tiring-room, and which, we believe, is politely termed
Crinoline. Vague rumours have from time to time been circulated as
to the utilitarian ends which those formidable combinations of buckram
and steel were intended to embrace. Cynical sneers and benevolent
badinage have failed to stem the torrent of fashionable folly, and at
length a mode which originally confined to Imperial circles betrayed
merely a slight mental aberration of no importance to society at
large, has become nearly co-extensive with the Universe, embracing as
it now does, almost all the heavenly bodies.
Concealment generally implies a guilty consciousness. Sagacious
observers have long suspected that in the amplitude of robe which is
so repugnant to the principles of progress there was more than met the
superficial eye. Still no one breathed a whisper that, an organised
at.iack upon the citadels by which masculine authority is fortified,
was contemplated by the weaker vessels either at home or abroad.
Such, however, is the fact. Without wishing to trifle with those con-
vulsions which this declaration is calculated to arouse in every manly
bosom, we are at present only at liberty to state, that on a certain day
in this present year, the supporters of Ciinoline throughout the United
Kingdom, will rise simultaneously, and suddenly clapping over the
heads of the Lords of the Creation, as so many monster extinguishers,
the hideous hoops so long carried about and purposely secured from
observation, will then detain their captives in “durance vile” until
certain promises and concessions have been duly signed, sealed, and
executed.
P.S. We again stop the Press to announce that we are now, through
the courtesy of a gentleman of long standing at the Bar of the Pickled
Porcupine, enabled pro bono Publico (as old Homes, would say) to
supply the hiatus in the preceding paragraph. The first of April then
was the day appointed for the uprising of the Crinoline Insurgents,
but disunion amongst the leaders has delayed the movement. Although
our information at present stops here, we hope, in a Second Edition
to state the precise time at which the total eclipse of Man’s supremacy
is expected to take place.
TALES OE MY GRANDEATHER!
Supposed to be spoken by an old gentleman to his grandsons.
Time, after dinner, a.d. 1913.
N.B. It must be borne in mind that “Distance lends enchantment to
the view,” and “ Time works wonders.”
I Got that wine—ah ! yes—it was in Eighteen sixty-three.
You can’t buy such port, now-a-days‘; 1 ’ve had it, let me see,
Just fifty years. Eh ? what was that ? Oh, “ Going to the play; ”
Ah ! you don’t see an actor now: ’twas not so in my day.
How elegant was Falconer! no acting! quite himself! he
Was second but to Homer, who drew tears at the Adelphi.
A hat’s there to equal,—if my information’s not erroneous,—
The Hamlet of Joe Robins backed by youDg Charles Kean’s Polonius?
Another glass. Hey? “London changed?” not for the better, though,
You should have known it as it was some fifty years ago,
’’Twas very diff’rent then ; you now have lost the old land-marks,
There was a Lambeth Theatre that abutted all the Parks,
A curious sight! Eh ? “ Singers ? ” you have not one now but squalls,
I wish you’d heard the voices that enriched our music-halls
In Oxtord Street, at Pimlico, in Holborn, and at Hackney.
“ Tenors ? ” you’ve none can rival the “ Inimitable Mackney.”
How he delighted us young lads the while we sat at supper !
“ And Poets ! ” can you show a genius like our Tupper?
“Where are his Sonnets,” do ye ask? he seldom wrote in rhyme,
They ’re lost. He was not for an age, or any length of time.
1 ’ve one rare Ode of his, Yis dated “ sixty-three; ” I might
Read it to you ; what, won’t you stay ? Well, my dear boys, goodnight.
.Amendment by Mr. Hubbard.—That henceforth the Income-Tax
paid by authors shall be called the Pen-and-income Tax.
A CLERICAL BLONDlN.
It is gratifying to see the agility with which Dr. Pusey, at his years,
comes out, upon the High Church rope, so to speak, and tumbles
thereon, flings somersets, and stands upon his head. Besides at-
tempting, as it were, to wheel off Professor Jowett, he has, according
to thz London Review, been distinguishing himself by a professional
exhibition in the University Council at Oxford; moving an absurd
amendment to that part of the loyal motion for a congratulatory address
to the Prince of Wales which was to have felicitated his Royal
Highness on having married a Protestant Princess. Eor this droll
proceeding the Doctor’s most sage reason is thus stated by the Review:
“ Our readers will be surprised to hear that his objection was that the Princess
Alexandra, being a Dane, could not properly be called a Protestant. He argued
that Denmark was given up to Rationalism, and on that ground the obnoxious
word was left out by a large majority.”
It must be admitted that Dr. Pusey’s argument touching Rational-
ism evinces the very reverse of rationality. A popular adage declares,
that it takes a wise man to make a fool; that is, to make a fool of
himself designedly. Let us hope that Dr. Pusey knew what use he
was making of his wisdom when he moved, if he moved, the amendment
impugning the Princess Alexandra’s Protestantism. Another com-
mon proverb appears to have been verified on that occasion. We are
told that Dr. Pusey’s amendment was carried by a large majority.
The old saying is, that one fool makes many. However, Pusey’s
pranks may be tolerated when they are harmless.
RHYMES EOR THE VERY YOUNG.
In order that the Juvenile portion of the Community may not be
entirely ignorant of the current works of Eiction, Nursery Rhymes
witli a purpose might be easily introduced into the upper regions of
every establishment.
The Secret.
Ding Dong Bell,
l'alboys in the well.
YYlio put him in?
Lady Audley/s been.
Who pulled him out ?
Marks, Strong and Stout.
The Popular Authoress,
There was a Young Woman,
And, what do you think?
She lived upon nothing
But paper, pens, ink.
Paper, pens, ink, was the chief of her diet,
And now this Young Woman will never be quiet.
The Sensation Novel.
Conyers and Mellish were two pretty men.
And Miss Floyd lived in dread of the first of these, when
Up jumped the Softy, shot James on the sly,
So Aurora could no more commit bi-ga-my.
DISCORD IN DENMARK.
Any news from Denmark just now is of interest, and among other
intelligence we learn from the Danmark, a Copenhagen journal, that in
Schleswig, or South Jutland, the German language is slowly supplanting
the Danish, a fact which all true Danes are invited to deplore. Among
other curious statements in this “ language-limit ” matter, as the Danish
writer calls it, we are informed that:—
‘ ‘ In civil process either party can use what language they will, and the Court
answers in the same. In criminal process the defendant may choose his own lan-
guage, and is answered in the same.”
If this be read without relation to the context, what a scene of jaw
and jangle must the Courts of Denmark be ! Clearly, whatever be the
“language-limit” there, the limits of good language will speedily be
passed. Parties to a civil action are often far from civil in the language
they employ, and if they are allowed to “ use what language they will,”
their remarks upon each other will become still more uncivil than at
present they have been. Fancy, too, the Court having to “ answer in
the same!” How ultra-Naggletonian will the conversation grow!
Then, too, the Court must have a marvellous acquaintance with thieves’
latin, if criminals be suffered to “choose their own language,” and the
judges be required to answer in the same. Judging from our own
Police Courts and Assize cases, we should fear the language chosen
must be very far from choice; and the trial of a pickpocket mustTnow
and then descend into a mere slanging match between him and the
Court.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 11, 1863.
STARTLING DISCOVERY OF A GREAT CRINOLINE
CONSPIRACY.
{From the Barrel Organ of the Licensed Wits.)
We stop the Press to insert a communication from a correspondent
whose high position, while it affords him peculiar facilities for obtaining
an insight into the arcana of courts and coteries, renders superfluous
those guarantees of good faith which are usually demanded from casual
contributors. After certain flattering remarks which are too personal
to permit of publication, he proceeds as follows :—
Por some years past, not only Europe, Asia, Africa and America, but
also that fifth quarter of the habitable globe commonly known as Aus-
tralasia, have been astounded by the stupendous machinery imported
into the feminine tiring-room, and which, we believe, is politely termed
Crinoline. Vague rumours have from time to time been circulated as
to the utilitarian ends which those formidable combinations of buckram
and steel were intended to embrace. Cynical sneers and benevolent
badinage have failed to stem the torrent of fashionable folly, and at
length a mode which originally confined to Imperial circles betrayed
merely a slight mental aberration of no importance to society at
large, has become nearly co-extensive with the Universe, embracing as
it now does, almost all the heavenly bodies.
Concealment generally implies a guilty consciousness. Sagacious
observers have long suspected that in the amplitude of robe which is
so repugnant to the principles of progress there was more than met the
superficial eye. Still no one breathed a whisper that, an organised
at.iack upon the citadels by which masculine authority is fortified,
was contemplated by the weaker vessels either at home or abroad.
Such, however, is the fact. Without wishing to trifle with those con-
vulsions which this declaration is calculated to arouse in every manly
bosom, we are at present only at liberty to state, that on a certain day
in this present year, the supporters of Ciinoline throughout the United
Kingdom, will rise simultaneously, and suddenly clapping over the
heads of the Lords of the Creation, as so many monster extinguishers,
the hideous hoops so long carried about and purposely secured from
observation, will then detain their captives in “durance vile” until
certain promises and concessions have been duly signed, sealed, and
executed.
P.S. We again stop the Press to announce that we are now, through
the courtesy of a gentleman of long standing at the Bar of the Pickled
Porcupine, enabled pro bono Publico (as old Homes, would say) to
supply the hiatus in the preceding paragraph. The first of April then
was the day appointed for the uprising of the Crinoline Insurgents,
but disunion amongst the leaders has delayed the movement. Although
our information at present stops here, we hope, in a Second Edition
to state the precise time at which the total eclipse of Man’s supremacy
is expected to take place.
TALES OE MY GRANDEATHER!
Supposed to be spoken by an old gentleman to his grandsons.
Time, after dinner, a.d. 1913.
N.B. It must be borne in mind that “Distance lends enchantment to
the view,” and “ Time works wonders.”
I Got that wine—ah ! yes—it was in Eighteen sixty-three.
You can’t buy such port, now-a-days‘; 1 ’ve had it, let me see,
Just fifty years. Eh ? what was that ? Oh, “ Going to the play; ”
Ah ! you don’t see an actor now: ’twas not so in my day.
How elegant was Falconer! no acting! quite himself! he
Was second but to Homer, who drew tears at the Adelphi.
A hat’s there to equal,—if my information’s not erroneous,—
The Hamlet of Joe Robins backed by youDg Charles Kean’s Polonius?
Another glass. Hey? “London changed?” not for the better, though,
You should have known it as it was some fifty years ago,
’’Twas very diff’rent then ; you now have lost the old land-marks,
There was a Lambeth Theatre that abutted all the Parks,
A curious sight! Eh ? “ Singers ? ” you have not one now but squalls,
I wish you’d heard the voices that enriched our music-halls
In Oxtord Street, at Pimlico, in Holborn, and at Hackney.
“ Tenors ? ” you’ve none can rival the “ Inimitable Mackney.”
How he delighted us young lads the while we sat at supper !
“ And Poets ! ” can you show a genius like our Tupper?
“Where are his Sonnets,” do ye ask? he seldom wrote in rhyme,
They ’re lost. He was not for an age, or any length of time.
1 ’ve one rare Ode of his, Yis dated “ sixty-three; ” I might
Read it to you ; what, won’t you stay ? Well, my dear boys, goodnight.
.Amendment by Mr. Hubbard.—That henceforth the Income-Tax
paid by authors shall be called the Pen-and-income Tax.
A CLERICAL BLONDlN.
It is gratifying to see the agility with which Dr. Pusey, at his years,
comes out, upon the High Church rope, so to speak, and tumbles
thereon, flings somersets, and stands upon his head. Besides at-
tempting, as it were, to wheel off Professor Jowett, he has, according
to thz London Review, been distinguishing himself by a professional
exhibition in the University Council at Oxford; moving an absurd
amendment to that part of the loyal motion for a congratulatory address
to the Prince of Wales which was to have felicitated his Royal
Highness on having married a Protestant Princess. Eor this droll
proceeding the Doctor’s most sage reason is thus stated by the Review:
“ Our readers will be surprised to hear that his objection was that the Princess
Alexandra, being a Dane, could not properly be called a Protestant. He argued
that Denmark was given up to Rationalism, and on that ground the obnoxious
word was left out by a large majority.”
It must be admitted that Dr. Pusey’s argument touching Rational-
ism evinces the very reverse of rationality. A popular adage declares,
that it takes a wise man to make a fool; that is, to make a fool of
himself designedly. Let us hope that Dr. Pusey knew what use he
was making of his wisdom when he moved, if he moved, the amendment
impugning the Princess Alexandra’s Protestantism. Another com-
mon proverb appears to have been verified on that occasion. We are
told that Dr. Pusey’s amendment was carried by a large majority.
The old saying is, that one fool makes many. However, Pusey’s
pranks may be tolerated when they are harmless.
RHYMES EOR THE VERY YOUNG.
In order that the Juvenile portion of the Community may not be
entirely ignorant of the current works of Eiction, Nursery Rhymes
witli a purpose might be easily introduced into the upper regions of
every establishment.
The Secret.
Ding Dong Bell,
l'alboys in the well.
YYlio put him in?
Lady Audley/s been.
Who pulled him out ?
Marks, Strong and Stout.
The Popular Authoress,
There was a Young Woman,
And, what do you think?
She lived upon nothing
But paper, pens, ink.
Paper, pens, ink, was the chief of her diet,
And now this Young Woman will never be quiet.
The Sensation Novel.
Conyers and Mellish were two pretty men.
And Miss Floyd lived in dread of the first of these, when
Up jumped the Softy, shot James on the sly,
So Aurora could no more commit bi-ga-my.
DISCORD IN DENMARK.
Any news from Denmark just now is of interest, and among other
intelligence we learn from the Danmark, a Copenhagen journal, that in
Schleswig, or South Jutland, the German language is slowly supplanting
the Danish, a fact which all true Danes are invited to deplore. Among
other curious statements in this “ language-limit ” matter, as the Danish
writer calls it, we are informed that:—
‘ ‘ In civil process either party can use what language they will, and the Court
answers in the same. In criminal process the defendant may choose his own lan-
guage, and is answered in the same.”
If this be read without relation to the context, what a scene of jaw
and jangle must the Courts of Denmark be ! Clearly, whatever be the
“language-limit” there, the limits of good language will speedily be
passed. Parties to a civil action are often far from civil in the language
they employ, and if they are allowed to “ use what language they will,”
their remarks upon each other will become still more uncivil than at
present they have been. Fancy, too, the Court having to “ answer in
the same!” How ultra-Naggletonian will the conversation grow!
Then, too, the Court must have a marvellous acquaintance with thieves’
latin, if criminals be suffered to “choose their own language,” and the
judges be required to answer in the same. Judging from our own
Police Courts and Assize cases, we should fear the language chosen
must be very far from choice; and the trial of a pickpocket mustTnow
and then descend into a mere slanging match between him and the
Court.