DOI Heft:
April 25, 1863
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16871#0175
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 25, 1863.
168
8. Irish Charitable Legacies to be taxed.
9. Charities and Corporation Trusts to pay Income-lax.
All these changes will bring up the surplus to £3,871,000
10. He abolishes his own little charges on parcels and bills of lading.
11. He relieves Minor Incomes from some Income-Tax.
12. He takes off Eive-Pence from the Tea-Tax, henceforth to be One
Shilling. , , ,
13. He takes off Two-Pence from the Income-Tax, henceforth to be
Seven-Pence.
All these changes will get rid of £3,313,000 of Surplus.
This is the Budget for 1863 Mr. Punch will discuss the items in
Committee, but will here remark, that in regard to No. 1, he is told that
his cigars will not be any cheaper, and, therefore, he intends to take to
Cavendish, and if it does his constitution any harm, the fault is Mr.
Gladstone’s. As to No. 2, he has nothing to say, always taking beer
at breakfast. On No. 3 he would remark, that inasmuch as Lord
Punch, member of a Club, buys for the Club a bottle of gin, to be sold,
by four-penny instalments, to Lord Punch himself, lie cannot see the
sense of charging him for a licence to treat himself. Mr. Gladstone was
eager to explain that there was to be no surveillance of Clubs, no
policeman coming into the smoking-room, or any intrusion of that sort;
but we suspect that this deep-minded Machiavel is only trying to get
in the thin end of the wedge, and one of these days will propose to tax
Club-stories, bow-window scandals, short whist, sherry-and-bitters, and
the Charivari, in which case he will hear the cry “ Clubs ! Clubs ! ” in the
old sense. As a meeting of the Committees of about three of the
London Clubs would put Mr. Gladstone’s Ministry, or any other, out
of office in a week, it behoves him to mind what he is about. Nos. I
and 5, if they are intended to promote the^sale of better beer than can
now be obtained, may pass with plaudit. No. 6 we don’t care a farthing
about, but omnibus reform is a large subject, and as long as the
women cling to the present system of dress, we rather rejoice in their
discomfort, and shall not exert ourselves to improve our busses. No. 7.
Mr. Gladstone clearly dislikes the excursion system, and though he
says it is not for the House to put it down, he would like to do so.
No, 8. Evidently right, because Scully abused it. No, 9. Clearly right,
though it may not appear so at first sight. The Chancellor’s sketch
of trustees feasting at the expense of a charity, under boards blazoned
with golden tributes to benefactors, and England taxed to keep up an
establishment to regulate charities, was highly artistic. No. 10. He
sacrilied his children at the altar of Commerce in a graceful way, and
some people’s apologies for doing wrong are more pleasant than other
people’s ungracious way of doing right. No. 11. This is a Cat, and a
fine cat with a long tail, who deserves a collar. The hardship of the tax
on incomes between £100 and £200 is to be reduced, and Mr. Glad-
stone’s pity for that class was amusingly touching, for, said he, “ they
can't make false returns.” No. 12 Another Cat who should purr on
many a poor person’s hearth-rug while the cat-lap goes round. The
only thing is that the grocers never do make the reduction, but always
tell Mrs. Punch some rigmarole about these alterations really making
no difference in “ good ” articles. However, Mr. Gregson, M.P. for
Lancaster, and a great India and China merchant, actually handed to Mr.
Gladstone two penny packets of tea, which he showed to the House,
in proof that a great deal more tea may henceforth be had for a penny
than heretofore, and we hope that, purchasers will enforce this fact upon
the attention of the grocer. No. 18. If, instead of Two-Pence, the reduc-
tion bad been Nine-Pence, Mr. Punch would have thrown himself into
Mr. Gladstone’s arms, and wept wall joy and gladness, but Two-Pence
is better than nothing.
These remarks embody all the sense that could be uttered in reference
to the new Budget. There was a debate, however. Mr. White, of
Brighton, was pleased about the tea, and complained that “ladies were
very stingy with the article, spooning it out as carefully as if it were a
luxury,” and he hoped to see the tea-chest banish the tea-caddy. The
principle of economy and honesty is much more deeply rooted in the
feminine than in the masculine bosom. “ We cannot afford it,” says a
remonstrating wife. “ Have it first, and afford if afterwards,” says
a less scrupulous husband. This every sensible man knows, and it is
contested only by brainless snobs who rake in dead old ioke-hooks for
anti-matrimonial facetiae; and Mr. White, who is not brainless—nor
voiceless—ought not to object to liie frugality which is not parsimony.
We hope that whoever makes his tea will give him nothing but tea of
the second cup order for a month. Mr. Crawford liked the budget
as a whole. Mr. Scully abused England, never knew a time when
Ireland was more rancorous against us, and warned us that the
American Eagle might one day come to avenge the wrongs of Ireland.
One can’t argue with an idiot; but his constituents should be dis-
iranchised tor being fools. After some other talk, of no great mark,
the chicory resolution was agreed to, and we hope that the Princes
Alfred and Louis of Hesse were pleased with what they heard of
the evening’s proceedings,
Friday Two Judges in the Ionian Isles have been removed from
office. Lord Chelmsford thought that this was wrong, and the
Luke of Newcastle said that it was right. As we have nearly got
rid of the islands, the making a fuss about what is done there is like a
lodger who has given notice to quit insisting on the house being
papered and all the black beetles caught.
Mr. Cobden is going to press upon the House the necessity of help-
ing the Eederals as much as possible by carrying out the Foreign
Enlistment Act with the utmost stringency. In the meantime the
American Minister here is good enough to take our commercial marine
in hand, and, at his pleasure, to grant England a permit to trade
with Mexico. Is there anything else that Mr. Adams would like to do
in the interest of Mr. Lincoln ? Will he continue to allow the publi-
cation of any of our newspapers which do not represent the Federals as
gaining three victories per week?
Harbours of Hefuge, Sewage, and Electric Light were among the
topics discussed at the Eriday conversazione. Sir S. Northcote, for
the Opposition, signified that Mr. Gladstone’s Budget was satis-
factory, and the epigram of the night was Lord Palmerston’s, who
said, in reference to somebody’s inquiries, that “ it was quite possible
that a question might not be indiscreet, though it might be very
indiscreet to give an answer to it.” He added that it was a very fit
thing to “ evade ” an answer to an indiscreet question. There are
various ways of evading an answer; but perhaps the celebrated mode
adopted by the historic boatswain was the best. This gallant officer
! iqued himself on having gracefully obeyed his captain’s instructions to
give some pestering ladies an evasive answer, when they came along-
side, and asked where the said captain was. “He’s gone to blazes,
and you may go after him.”
DOGGED CONDUCT.
Mr. G. Willins, of Gorgate Hall, has been distinguishing himself;
witness the following :—
“ An Odd Present for the Princess.—Mr. G. Willins, of Gorgate Hall, has
forwarded to Sandringham a terrier puppy for Her Royal Highness the Princess of
Wales. Lieutenant General Knollys has acknowledged the offering as follows :—
‘ Sandringham, April 1. Lieutenant-General Knoll ys presents his compliments
to Mr. Willins, and has been directed by the Prince of Wales to thank him for
the terrier puppy he has been so obliging as to send for the acceptance of the
Princess. Mr. Willins may not be aware, perhaps, that it is not the general rule
of the Royal Family to receive presents where they have not had the pleasure of
being acquainted with the donor personally ; but on the present occasion His Royal
Highness has been pleased to make an exception, and, on the part of the Princess
of Wales, again to thank Mr. Willins for his courteous present.’ ”
The animal was doubtless presented upon the principle of love me
love my dog. A cat may look at a king, and by parity of reasoning, a
terrier puppy may stare at a Princess, but we never heard that its owner
was on that account to be admitted to any courtly privileges. Did he
send a copy of verses with it, a few lines of appropriate dog-rel ? Who
is Mr. G. Willins, of Gorgate Hall? Is he the owner of the mansion,
or a tenaut to the manor born? We trust that it was his own terrier
puppy which his loyalty prompted him to offer for t he acceptance of the
Princess. The name is darkly suggestive; often, at some transpontine
place of amusement, where legitimate melodran?a scorns :he ordinarily
accepted use of the letters “H” and “V,” we have heard Virtue,
or rather Wirt.ue, indignantly denounce the wicious conspirators as
“Willins” Was it for this reason that that master of the English
language, General Knollys, hesitated to accept the courteous present
—this one saved out of the—
“ Littora puppet*
that met a watery grave—lest perchance the douor should belong to
a band of Willins— Willins, too, of the deepest dye ? We cannot
offer any certain opinion. The puppy, the dog-child, is at Sandringham ;
and it is not for us to give forth a dog-ma as to the origin of the gift.
Something Fabulous.
Parliamentary Notices.—Mr. William Cox to ask the Home
Secretary if he really expects with the assistance of an old Mayne
and a secondhand tale, he shall succeed in intimidating the Citizens of
London out of some of their privileges, and whether the notion was
borrowed from iEsoP the historian, or any other man. (We strongly
recommend Mr. Cox to be very carel'ul in putting this question, as its
termination is not free from difficulty. If the expression “ Hesop th’ is
Toryun” be used, some new Member may look for the individual referred
to ou the benches of the Opposition.)
How to Cure Hams and Butlers.
Butler threatens England with war. If we have it, and catch him,
we shall hand him over to Mr. Davis. A certain King of Egypt,
having anger against a chief butler and a chief baker, did ultimately
forgive the former and hang the latter. We should not wonder if
King Davis, for a change, should hang the Chief, Butler—aud we
are sure we shouldn’t care.
168
8. Irish Charitable Legacies to be taxed.
9. Charities and Corporation Trusts to pay Income-lax.
All these changes will bring up the surplus to £3,871,000
10. He abolishes his own little charges on parcels and bills of lading.
11. He relieves Minor Incomes from some Income-Tax.
12. He takes off Eive-Pence from the Tea-Tax, henceforth to be One
Shilling. , , ,
13. He takes off Two-Pence from the Income-Tax, henceforth to be
Seven-Pence.
All these changes will get rid of £3,313,000 of Surplus.
This is the Budget for 1863 Mr. Punch will discuss the items in
Committee, but will here remark, that in regard to No. 1, he is told that
his cigars will not be any cheaper, and, therefore, he intends to take to
Cavendish, and if it does his constitution any harm, the fault is Mr.
Gladstone’s. As to No. 2, he has nothing to say, always taking beer
at breakfast. On No. 3 he would remark, that inasmuch as Lord
Punch, member of a Club, buys for the Club a bottle of gin, to be sold,
by four-penny instalments, to Lord Punch himself, lie cannot see the
sense of charging him for a licence to treat himself. Mr. Gladstone was
eager to explain that there was to be no surveillance of Clubs, no
policeman coming into the smoking-room, or any intrusion of that sort;
but we suspect that this deep-minded Machiavel is only trying to get
in the thin end of the wedge, and one of these days will propose to tax
Club-stories, bow-window scandals, short whist, sherry-and-bitters, and
the Charivari, in which case he will hear the cry “ Clubs ! Clubs ! ” in the
old sense. As a meeting of the Committees of about three of the
London Clubs would put Mr. Gladstone’s Ministry, or any other, out
of office in a week, it behoves him to mind what he is about. Nos. I
and 5, if they are intended to promote the^sale of better beer than can
now be obtained, may pass with plaudit. No. 6 we don’t care a farthing
about, but omnibus reform is a large subject, and as long as the
women cling to the present system of dress, we rather rejoice in their
discomfort, and shall not exert ourselves to improve our busses. No. 7.
Mr. Gladstone clearly dislikes the excursion system, and though he
says it is not for the House to put it down, he would like to do so.
No, 8. Evidently right, because Scully abused it. No, 9. Clearly right,
though it may not appear so at first sight. The Chancellor’s sketch
of trustees feasting at the expense of a charity, under boards blazoned
with golden tributes to benefactors, and England taxed to keep up an
establishment to regulate charities, was highly artistic. No. 10. He
sacrilied his children at the altar of Commerce in a graceful way, and
some people’s apologies for doing wrong are more pleasant than other
people’s ungracious way of doing right. No. 11. This is a Cat, and a
fine cat with a long tail, who deserves a collar. The hardship of the tax
on incomes between £100 and £200 is to be reduced, and Mr. Glad-
stone’s pity for that class was amusingly touching, for, said he, “ they
can't make false returns.” No. 12 Another Cat who should purr on
many a poor person’s hearth-rug while the cat-lap goes round. The
only thing is that the grocers never do make the reduction, but always
tell Mrs. Punch some rigmarole about these alterations really making
no difference in “ good ” articles. However, Mr. Gregson, M.P. for
Lancaster, and a great India and China merchant, actually handed to Mr.
Gladstone two penny packets of tea, which he showed to the House,
in proof that a great deal more tea may henceforth be had for a penny
than heretofore, and we hope that, purchasers will enforce this fact upon
the attention of the grocer. No. 18. If, instead of Two-Pence, the reduc-
tion bad been Nine-Pence, Mr. Punch would have thrown himself into
Mr. Gladstone’s arms, and wept wall joy and gladness, but Two-Pence
is better than nothing.
These remarks embody all the sense that could be uttered in reference
to the new Budget. There was a debate, however. Mr. White, of
Brighton, was pleased about the tea, and complained that “ladies were
very stingy with the article, spooning it out as carefully as if it were a
luxury,” and he hoped to see the tea-chest banish the tea-caddy. The
principle of economy and honesty is much more deeply rooted in the
feminine than in the masculine bosom. “ We cannot afford it,” says a
remonstrating wife. “ Have it first, and afford if afterwards,” says
a less scrupulous husband. This every sensible man knows, and it is
contested only by brainless snobs who rake in dead old ioke-hooks for
anti-matrimonial facetiae; and Mr. White, who is not brainless—nor
voiceless—ought not to object to liie frugality which is not parsimony.
We hope that whoever makes his tea will give him nothing but tea of
the second cup order for a month. Mr. Crawford liked the budget
as a whole. Mr. Scully abused England, never knew a time when
Ireland was more rancorous against us, and warned us that the
American Eagle might one day come to avenge the wrongs of Ireland.
One can’t argue with an idiot; but his constituents should be dis-
iranchised tor being fools. After some other talk, of no great mark,
the chicory resolution was agreed to, and we hope that the Princes
Alfred and Louis of Hesse were pleased with what they heard of
the evening’s proceedings,
Friday Two Judges in the Ionian Isles have been removed from
office. Lord Chelmsford thought that this was wrong, and the
Luke of Newcastle said that it was right. As we have nearly got
rid of the islands, the making a fuss about what is done there is like a
lodger who has given notice to quit insisting on the house being
papered and all the black beetles caught.
Mr. Cobden is going to press upon the House the necessity of help-
ing the Eederals as much as possible by carrying out the Foreign
Enlistment Act with the utmost stringency. In the meantime the
American Minister here is good enough to take our commercial marine
in hand, and, at his pleasure, to grant England a permit to trade
with Mexico. Is there anything else that Mr. Adams would like to do
in the interest of Mr. Lincoln ? Will he continue to allow the publi-
cation of any of our newspapers which do not represent the Federals as
gaining three victories per week?
Harbours of Hefuge, Sewage, and Electric Light were among the
topics discussed at the Eriday conversazione. Sir S. Northcote, for
the Opposition, signified that Mr. Gladstone’s Budget was satis-
factory, and the epigram of the night was Lord Palmerston’s, who
said, in reference to somebody’s inquiries, that “ it was quite possible
that a question might not be indiscreet, though it might be very
indiscreet to give an answer to it.” He added that it was a very fit
thing to “ evade ” an answer to an indiscreet question. There are
various ways of evading an answer; but perhaps the celebrated mode
adopted by the historic boatswain was the best. This gallant officer
! iqued himself on having gracefully obeyed his captain’s instructions to
give some pestering ladies an evasive answer, when they came along-
side, and asked where the said captain was. “He’s gone to blazes,
and you may go after him.”
DOGGED CONDUCT.
Mr. G. Willins, of Gorgate Hall, has been distinguishing himself;
witness the following :—
“ An Odd Present for the Princess.—Mr. G. Willins, of Gorgate Hall, has
forwarded to Sandringham a terrier puppy for Her Royal Highness the Princess of
Wales. Lieutenant General Knollys has acknowledged the offering as follows :—
‘ Sandringham, April 1. Lieutenant-General Knoll ys presents his compliments
to Mr. Willins, and has been directed by the Prince of Wales to thank him for
the terrier puppy he has been so obliging as to send for the acceptance of the
Princess. Mr. Willins may not be aware, perhaps, that it is not the general rule
of the Royal Family to receive presents where they have not had the pleasure of
being acquainted with the donor personally ; but on the present occasion His Royal
Highness has been pleased to make an exception, and, on the part of the Princess
of Wales, again to thank Mr. Willins for his courteous present.’ ”
The animal was doubtless presented upon the principle of love me
love my dog. A cat may look at a king, and by parity of reasoning, a
terrier puppy may stare at a Princess, but we never heard that its owner
was on that account to be admitted to any courtly privileges. Did he
send a copy of verses with it, a few lines of appropriate dog-rel ? Who
is Mr. G. Willins, of Gorgate Hall? Is he the owner of the mansion,
or a tenaut to the manor born? We trust that it was his own terrier
puppy which his loyalty prompted him to offer for t he acceptance of the
Princess. The name is darkly suggestive; often, at some transpontine
place of amusement, where legitimate melodran?a scorns :he ordinarily
accepted use of the letters “H” and “V,” we have heard Virtue,
or rather Wirt.ue, indignantly denounce the wicious conspirators as
“Willins” Was it for this reason that that master of the English
language, General Knollys, hesitated to accept the courteous present
—this one saved out of the—
“ Littora puppet*
that met a watery grave—lest perchance the douor should belong to
a band of Willins— Willins, too, of the deepest dye ? We cannot
offer any certain opinion. The puppy, the dog-child, is at Sandringham ;
and it is not for us to give forth a dog-ma as to the origin of the gift.
Something Fabulous.
Parliamentary Notices.—Mr. William Cox to ask the Home
Secretary if he really expects with the assistance of an old Mayne
and a secondhand tale, he shall succeed in intimidating the Citizens of
London out of some of their privileges, and whether the notion was
borrowed from iEsoP the historian, or any other man. (We strongly
recommend Mr. Cox to be very carel'ul in putting this question, as its
termination is not free from difficulty. If the expression “ Hesop th’ is
Toryun” be used, some new Member may look for the individual referred
to ou the benches of the Opposition.)
How to Cure Hams and Butlers.
Butler threatens England with war. If we have it, and catch him,
we shall hand him over to Mr. Davis. A certain King of Egypt,
having anger against a chief butler and a chief baker, did ultimately
forgive the former and hang the latter. We should not wonder if
King Davis, for a change, should hang the Chief, Butler—aud we
are sure we shouldn’t care.