DOI issue:
July 4, 1863
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16872#0014
2
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
IJuly 4 1863.
An Irish debate in the Commons. The old nonsense about Tenant-
right, met by the old sense about Communistic doctrines, and the real
opinion of the House tested by the division, which showed 128 to 49.
Wednesday. The Dissenting army, under General Bouyerie, once
more retires, for strategical reasons. The Confederate Universities
have repulsed the attack upon the fellow-ships. Mr, Hadfield is
much wounded. Mr. Goschen, the new Member for London, came
under fire for the first time, and behaved well.
If, contrary to orders, a servant takes oats out of his master’s bin,
and gives them to his master’s horses, the servant is by law a felon.
Mr. Staniland, finding it difficult to get convictions in this state of the
law, proposes to let the evil servant off with three months’ imprison-
ment for slight offences. This is a wise mitigation. But if a servant
takes Madeira out of his master’s bin, and gives it, to himself, and it is
such Madeira as Mr. Punch keeps in the deep solitudes and awful cells
under 85, Meet Street, (only nobody else can get such,) we incline to
think that the offence should be High Treason.
The Board of Admiralty is not to be inquired into this year. Threat-
ened Boards job long.
Another muddling meddling attempt to arrange the Hampstead
Heath question was defeated. But something ought to be done, for
the next Sir Thomas Wilson “whose Christian name is John” will
be able to enclose the Heath in spite of you all. See here. London
lias clearly a beneficial interest in the life of Sir Thomas, why not
assure his life for a vast sum, and therewith buy the Heath of his
successor? Lord Chelmsford, next night, introduced into a Real
Property Bill, now before t he Lords, the clause which has so often been
tried in favour of Sir Thomas, and this will be duly excised by the
House of Commons. Look out, Lord Enfield—it is fit that Enfield
Chase should protect Hampstead Heath.
Thursday. The Lords removed from the Volunteers’ Bill the power
of taking sites. Do their Lordships think the practice vulgar?
The poor dress-making girl’s case came up again, and Mr. Bagwell
wished that Madame Isaacson-Elise and her delightful husband
should be prosecuted for cruelty. Sir George Grey was not in a
position to say whether the facts were likely to obtain a conviction.
He would inquire. The ventilation of the subject will at least improve
i,he ventilation of other work-rooms beside those of Madame Elise-
Isaacson.
There was discussion on the other painful case—that of Lilley, and
some Members urged the great expense of holding the Court Martial
here, while others thought it an insult to the Indian army to suppose that
the trial of Colonel Crawley would not be fairly conducted in India.
Mr. Cavendish Bentinck objects to the sixpence charged at St.
Paul’s for showing the Wellmglon Car. Mr. Cowper said that the
charge was for taking care of visitors to the dark crypt. Mr. Osborne
jested at the car, and recommended Mr. Cowper to increase the
attractions of the crypt by playing a hurdy-gurdy there. But the
answer to taunts at many foolish things is, that they are harmless, and
that harmless people are interested by them. The whole world is not
composed of gentlemen of faultless manners, patrician polish, aud
exquisitely refined taste, like Mr. Bernal Osborne.
Money votes followed, with the usual girds at the National Gallery
pictures, and those in the Portrait Gallery. Sir E. Baring is shocked
that the gallant Captain Wilmot should' have visited a Sovereign like
the King of Dahomey, who daily murders his subjects. Will Sir
Erancis move that our Ambassador be recalled from St. Petersburg?
The House gave leave to borrow a Million and a fifth ofa Million in aid
of Lancashire. The Tories to-day won Lisburn by a large majority.
Friday. Lord Shaftesbury walked into Bedlam—we don’t mean
physically, but in the way of showing up the wretched mismanagement
of a noble charity. Returns were ordered, and the managers of the
asylum
“ Where Gibber’s brazen, brainless, brothers stand, ”
THE GUEST AT THE GUARDS’ BALL.
“ What am I doing here, with my ribs so blank and bare,”
What business is it of yours, under corsage and her the to stare?
“ What am I doing here with my tibia and thighbone clean ? ”
Who are you dares push your question past the bounds of Crinoline ?
You don’t mean to say the skull peeps out under wreaths of the rose
full-blown ?
Or that the rouge isn’t thick enough to hide the sigmoid bone ?
Have you no consideration—no proper feeling at all—
To annoy people by reminding them that Death is at the ball ?
It’s true I wasn’t invited, not, at least, in my own name;
But I must presume that Madame la Mart is welcome, all the same.
And not at the Guards’ Ball only, but wherever twinkling feet,
Bright eyes, and glossy tresses, and brilliant toilettes meet.
But nowhere so welcome as when with train, diamonds, lappets and
plume,
I sweep past our Gracious Princess in the crowded drawing-room ;
And none drops a gracefuller courtesy down to the crimson floor
Than La Grande Maitresse des Robes de la Cour, Madame la Mort!
Entre nous, ’tis 1 who have more to do than most people are aware
With these ravissantes toilettes that these charming creatures wear;
There’s scarce a house of business, that a West End connection boasts.
But Madame la Mort is there to keep the young ladies at their posts.
I’m at home in the crowded work-rooms, where my pupils their needles
t P,y;'
Let pulses throb and brains go round, so no fingers idle lie.
I’m at home in the up-stairs dormitory, where the sleep lies heavy as
lead;
Snug—isn’t it ?—each six feet of space with its sleepers, two to a
bed.
They come up from the country so gamesome, so fresh, and lull of glee
Ar, first sight of this pale face of mine they’ll have nothing to say to me-
They ’re not aware ’tis my place to sit among the young ladies still;
But the weaker ones soon draw to me; they ’re very often ill.
Some take to me so kindly—and lay their cheeks to mine.
As a child its face to its mother’s will lovingly incline :
Some struggle hard to keep me at arm’s length ; but in the end,
They learn that, after all, I ’in their best and staunchest friend.
Poor dears ! Where’er they enter while t hus they work and sleep,
To my house of business, after all, they ’re but too glad to creep.
So no wonder if I’m privileged by my employers fair
To visit the scenes which I furnish with these toilettes rich and rare.
The old painters—excuse me for speaking of artists so rococo—
Had a subject they used to call “ La Pause Macabre ” long ago;
1 n which—like vauriens as they are, those artists—they made free,
With all conditions of life, as, at last, being led away by me.
i should like to suggest to our painters—(we’ve some clever ones they
say)
A New Dance of Death, adapted to the fashions of the day ;
On the one side the House of Pleasure; scene, the ball-room; and
next door,
The House of Business; and for scene, the Work-room of Madame
La Mort.
Too Frightful to Contemplate!
had better set their house in order. Lord Russell said that he had
not changed his opinion as to recognition of the Southern States. If the
invasion by Lee prove successful, the next thing will be President
Davis’s demand not only that we recognise the South, but “ cut ” the
North.
The Commons had a long Scotch debate about the woman
M’Lachlan. The Lord Advocate said that the upper classes in
Scotland had been against her and the lower classes for her, and
that immediately on the reprieve the storm had shifted. Some
well-put comparisons of English and Scotch jurisprudence made the
debate not altogether uninstruefive. The character of the Church of
Ireland, and its efficacy as a spiritual teacher and a missionary, then
came on, and as the subject is one of a comic nature, it was appropriately
taken up by Mr. Bernal Osborne, who excited roars of laughter.
Mu. Cardwell thought the matter should be treated more seriously,
but he has old-fashioned notions. The debate was adjourned, but we
suppose that it'will end in the referring this Church subject to a Select
Committee, consisting of Lord Dundreary, Mr Paul Bedford,
Mr. Bernal Osborne, Mr. Buckstone, and (by way of justice to
Ireland) Mr Toole.
We read that certain opticians have succeeded in making a inch
microscope object-glass, which magnifies 7,500 diameters, thus mag-
nifying a given area 56,000,000 times. Eancy looking at the International
Exhibition building through one of these glasses ! Imagine its ugliness
being magnified 56,000,000 times ! What human eye could stand the
fearful infliction? We would not condemn even poor Captain Eowke
himself to so terrible a punishment. However, there wmuld be one
comfort in the operation, it would be the first time, since its erection,
that the building had ever been magnified.
HUMAN FIREWORKS.
The other day a little street-boy made himself into what is known
among the gamins of London as a Catherine wheel. A Policeman seeing
the dangerous proceeding, took him up, aud ultimately, to the great
delight of a large crowd, let him off.
a line from a sleeper.
Why ought not a person to be a heavy snorer ? Because it’s snorty.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
IJuly 4 1863.
An Irish debate in the Commons. The old nonsense about Tenant-
right, met by the old sense about Communistic doctrines, and the real
opinion of the House tested by the division, which showed 128 to 49.
Wednesday. The Dissenting army, under General Bouyerie, once
more retires, for strategical reasons. The Confederate Universities
have repulsed the attack upon the fellow-ships. Mr, Hadfield is
much wounded. Mr. Goschen, the new Member for London, came
under fire for the first time, and behaved well.
If, contrary to orders, a servant takes oats out of his master’s bin,
and gives them to his master’s horses, the servant is by law a felon.
Mr. Staniland, finding it difficult to get convictions in this state of the
law, proposes to let the evil servant off with three months’ imprison-
ment for slight offences. This is a wise mitigation. But if a servant
takes Madeira out of his master’s bin, and gives it, to himself, and it is
such Madeira as Mr. Punch keeps in the deep solitudes and awful cells
under 85, Meet Street, (only nobody else can get such,) we incline to
think that the offence should be High Treason.
The Board of Admiralty is not to be inquired into this year. Threat-
ened Boards job long.
Another muddling meddling attempt to arrange the Hampstead
Heath question was defeated. But something ought to be done, for
the next Sir Thomas Wilson “whose Christian name is John” will
be able to enclose the Heath in spite of you all. See here. London
lias clearly a beneficial interest in the life of Sir Thomas, why not
assure his life for a vast sum, and therewith buy the Heath of his
successor? Lord Chelmsford, next night, introduced into a Real
Property Bill, now before t he Lords, the clause which has so often been
tried in favour of Sir Thomas, and this will be duly excised by the
House of Commons. Look out, Lord Enfield—it is fit that Enfield
Chase should protect Hampstead Heath.
Thursday. The Lords removed from the Volunteers’ Bill the power
of taking sites. Do their Lordships think the practice vulgar?
The poor dress-making girl’s case came up again, and Mr. Bagwell
wished that Madame Isaacson-Elise and her delightful husband
should be prosecuted for cruelty. Sir George Grey was not in a
position to say whether the facts were likely to obtain a conviction.
He would inquire. The ventilation of the subject will at least improve
i,he ventilation of other work-rooms beside those of Madame Elise-
Isaacson.
There was discussion on the other painful case—that of Lilley, and
some Members urged the great expense of holding the Court Martial
here, while others thought it an insult to the Indian army to suppose that
the trial of Colonel Crawley would not be fairly conducted in India.
Mr. Cavendish Bentinck objects to the sixpence charged at St.
Paul’s for showing the Wellmglon Car. Mr. Cowper said that the
charge was for taking care of visitors to the dark crypt. Mr. Osborne
jested at the car, and recommended Mr. Cowper to increase the
attractions of the crypt by playing a hurdy-gurdy there. But the
answer to taunts at many foolish things is, that they are harmless, and
that harmless people are interested by them. The whole world is not
composed of gentlemen of faultless manners, patrician polish, aud
exquisitely refined taste, like Mr. Bernal Osborne.
Money votes followed, with the usual girds at the National Gallery
pictures, and those in the Portrait Gallery. Sir E. Baring is shocked
that the gallant Captain Wilmot should' have visited a Sovereign like
the King of Dahomey, who daily murders his subjects. Will Sir
Erancis move that our Ambassador be recalled from St. Petersburg?
The House gave leave to borrow a Million and a fifth ofa Million in aid
of Lancashire. The Tories to-day won Lisburn by a large majority.
Friday. Lord Shaftesbury walked into Bedlam—we don’t mean
physically, but in the way of showing up the wretched mismanagement
of a noble charity. Returns were ordered, and the managers of the
asylum
“ Where Gibber’s brazen, brainless, brothers stand, ”
THE GUEST AT THE GUARDS’ BALL.
“ What am I doing here, with my ribs so blank and bare,”
What business is it of yours, under corsage and her the to stare?
“ What am I doing here with my tibia and thighbone clean ? ”
Who are you dares push your question past the bounds of Crinoline ?
You don’t mean to say the skull peeps out under wreaths of the rose
full-blown ?
Or that the rouge isn’t thick enough to hide the sigmoid bone ?
Have you no consideration—no proper feeling at all—
To annoy people by reminding them that Death is at the ball ?
It’s true I wasn’t invited, not, at least, in my own name;
But I must presume that Madame la Mart is welcome, all the same.
And not at the Guards’ Ball only, but wherever twinkling feet,
Bright eyes, and glossy tresses, and brilliant toilettes meet.
But nowhere so welcome as when with train, diamonds, lappets and
plume,
I sweep past our Gracious Princess in the crowded drawing-room ;
And none drops a gracefuller courtesy down to the crimson floor
Than La Grande Maitresse des Robes de la Cour, Madame la Mort!
Entre nous, ’tis 1 who have more to do than most people are aware
With these ravissantes toilettes that these charming creatures wear;
There’s scarce a house of business, that a West End connection boasts.
But Madame la Mort is there to keep the young ladies at their posts.
I’m at home in the crowded work-rooms, where my pupils their needles
t P,y;'
Let pulses throb and brains go round, so no fingers idle lie.
I’m at home in the up-stairs dormitory, where the sleep lies heavy as
lead;
Snug—isn’t it ?—each six feet of space with its sleepers, two to a
bed.
They come up from the country so gamesome, so fresh, and lull of glee
Ar, first sight of this pale face of mine they’ll have nothing to say to me-
They ’re not aware ’tis my place to sit among the young ladies still;
But the weaker ones soon draw to me; they ’re very often ill.
Some take to me so kindly—and lay their cheeks to mine.
As a child its face to its mother’s will lovingly incline :
Some struggle hard to keep me at arm’s length ; but in the end,
They learn that, after all, I ’in their best and staunchest friend.
Poor dears ! Where’er they enter while t hus they work and sleep,
To my house of business, after all, they ’re but too glad to creep.
So no wonder if I’m privileged by my employers fair
To visit the scenes which I furnish with these toilettes rich and rare.
The old painters—excuse me for speaking of artists so rococo—
Had a subject they used to call “ La Pause Macabre ” long ago;
1 n which—like vauriens as they are, those artists—they made free,
With all conditions of life, as, at last, being led away by me.
i should like to suggest to our painters—(we’ve some clever ones they
say)
A New Dance of Death, adapted to the fashions of the day ;
On the one side the House of Pleasure; scene, the ball-room; and
next door,
The House of Business; and for scene, the Work-room of Madame
La Mort.
Too Frightful to Contemplate!
had better set their house in order. Lord Russell said that he had
not changed his opinion as to recognition of the Southern States. If the
invasion by Lee prove successful, the next thing will be President
Davis’s demand not only that we recognise the South, but “ cut ” the
North.
The Commons had a long Scotch debate about the woman
M’Lachlan. The Lord Advocate said that the upper classes in
Scotland had been against her and the lower classes for her, and
that immediately on the reprieve the storm had shifted. Some
well-put comparisons of English and Scotch jurisprudence made the
debate not altogether uninstruefive. The character of the Church of
Ireland, and its efficacy as a spiritual teacher and a missionary, then
came on, and as the subject is one of a comic nature, it was appropriately
taken up by Mr. Bernal Osborne, who excited roars of laughter.
Mu. Cardwell thought the matter should be treated more seriously,
but he has old-fashioned notions. The debate was adjourned, but we
suppose that it'will end in the referring this Church subject to a Select
Committee, consisting of Lord Dundreary, Mr Paul Bedford,
Mr. Bernal Osborne, Mr. Buckstone, and (by way of justice to
Ireland) Mr Toole.
We read that certain opticians have succeeded in making a inch
microscope object-glass, which magnifies 7,500 diameters, thus mag-
nifying a given area 56,000,000 times. Eancy looking at the International
Exhibition building through one of these glasses ! Imagine its ugliness
being magnified 56,000,000 times ! What human eye could stand the
fearful infliction? We would not condemn even poor Captain Eowke
himself to so terrible a punishment. However, there wmuld be one
comfort in the operation, it would be the first time, since its erection,
that the building had ever been magnified.
HUMAN FIREWORKS.
The other day a little street-boy made himself into what is known
among the gamins of London as a Catherine wheel. A Policeman seeing
the dangerous proceeding, took him up, aud ultimately, to the great
delight of a large crowd, let him off.
a line from a sleeper.
Why ought not a person to be a heavy snorer ? Because it’s snorty.