Punch (45.1863)

November 14, 1863.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

195

Jeames. “ They say the Henglish Hupper Classes is subject to near sight;
so we’d need be, by Jingo, with Wisitin’ Cards no bigger than Postage
Stamps.”

CORPORATION REFORM.

“ Oh ! that this too, too solid flesh would melt! ” is the bootless
exclamation of many who, like Hamlet, are “fat and scant of breath.”
Among them, for several years, appears to have been numbered the
author of a little pamphlet now before us, entitled Letter on Corpulence,
addressed to the Public, by William Banting. London: Harrison
& Sons. Mr. Banting thus feelingly depicts the vexations which
corpulence entails upon its unfortunate victim

“ Any one so afflicted is often subject to public remark, and though in conscience
he may care little about it, I am confident no man labouring under obesity can be
quite insensible to the sneers and remarks of the cruel and injudicious in public
assemblies, public vehicles, or the ordinary street traffic ; nor to the annoyance of
finding no adequate space in a public assembly if he should seek amusement or
need refreshment, and therefore he naturally keeps away as much as possible from
places where he is likely to be made the object of the taunts and remarks of others.
I am as regardless of public remark as most men, but I have felt these difficulties,
and therefore avoided such circumscribed accommodation and notice, and by that
means have been deprived of many advantages to nealth and comfort.”

It is certainly discomposing, if not annoying, to be called Ribs and
Tallow, and Bow-window, and to be saluted as Double-wscmz (ttie
latter word translated) by the boys, or the cabmen who accost \ou
under that appellation with “Now then!” and tell you to get out of
the way. In an omnibus the discomfort of corpulence is aggravated by
the jeers and titters of the passengers between whom the fat man is
wedged, as well as by the smirk on the faces of his sniggering opposite
neighbours.

The serenest philosopher is apt to be provoked by the insolence
which suddenly laughs him in the face, although he may not care a fig
for the knowledge of the fact that the whole of his acquaintance are
accustomed to ridicule him behind his back. If his obesity is
conjoined with benevolence, he may even attempt, if invited, to dance
at an evening party, in order to afford mirth to the beholders by
exhibiting himself as one of the most ludicrous objects in the world.
The merriment which the wise are prepared to create does not offend
them, who nevertheless might be enraged by unexpected derision;

although, to be sure, a corpulent man should make up his mind to
expect that wherever he goes. At any rate he is certain, as Mr.
Banting intimates, of incurring it in an omnibus', and if, to avoid it,
he clambers on to the roof, he generally cracks his trousers, breaks his
buttons, and hurts himself.

There is a homely pathos in our author’s subjoined description of
the physical annoyances attendant on what is vulgarly called a
“ corporation.” Mr. Banting had, it should be premised, placed
himself “ in dock”—that is, under medical treatment—“ perhaps twenty
times in as many years,” for the reduction of his bulk ; but “ physicians
were in vain; ” and this was what he came to three years ago, at the
age of sixty-three:—

“ Although no very great size or weight, still I could not stoop to tie rny shoe, so
to speak, nor attend to the little offices humanity requires without considerable
pain and difficulty, which only the corpulent can understand ; I have been com-
pelled to go down-stairs slowly backwards, to save the jar of increased weight upon
the ancle and knee joints, and been obliged to puff and blow with every slight
exertion, particularly that of going up-stairs. I have spared no pains to remedy
this by low living (moderation and light food was generally prescribed, but I had no
| direct bill of fare to know what was really intended), and that, consequently,

I brought the system into a low impoverished state, without decreasing corpulence,
caused many obnoxious boils to appear, and two rather formidable carbuncles, for
which I was ably operated upon and fed into increased obesity."

Corpulence is generally the consequence of gluttony, and curable by
u oderation; but there are many cases in which it co-exists with very
abstemious living, and Mr. Banting, though naturally a pretty good
trencherman, was never the slave of a municipal voracity. In such cases
can it be reduced by any abstinence short of low diet ? Mr. Banting’s
pamphlet is written to testify, by his own personal experience, that it
can. His sight beginning to fail, and his hearing to be impaired, after
having, as aforesaid, consulted numerous practitioners to no purpose,
he ao last “ found the right man; ” who put him on a plan of diet which
we proceed to transcribe in his own words for the benefit of Punch’s
numerous readers, who laugh and grow fat:—

“ For breakfast, I take four or five ounces of beef, mutton, kidneys, broiled fish
baoon, or cold meat of any kind except pork ; a large cup of tea (without milk or
sugar), a little biscuit, or one ounce of dry toast.

For dinner, Five or six ounces of any fish except salmon, any meat except pork,
any vegetable except potato, one ounce of dry toast, fruit out of a pudding, any
kind of poultry or game, and two or three glasses of good claret, sherry, or Madeira
—Champagne, Port, and Beer forbidden.

“ For tea, Two or three ounces of fruit, a rusk or two, and a cup of tea without
milk or sugar.

“ For supper, Three or four ounces of meat or fish, similar to dinner, with a glass
or two of claret.

“ For nightcap, if required, A tumbler of grog—(gin, whisky, or brandy, without
sugar)—or a glass or two of claret or sherry.”

Mr. Banting, by the observance of this diet-scale, than which, as
he justly observes, “ that man must be an extraordinary person who
would desire a better table,” has been “ reduced many inches in bulk,
and thirty-five pounds in weight in thirty-eight weeks; ” has got rid of
all the special inconveniences of obesity, has had his sight restored,
his hearing improved, and his “other bodily ailments” greatly
“ ameliorated.”

The principle of the regimen on which Mr. Banting appears to have
nearly regained his figure, is that of excluding “ starch and saccharine
matter as much as possible.” It is, doubtless, a sound one; yet
vital chemistry transmutes potatoes into Irish muscle. Paddy, who
rejoices in potatoes, is often a stout fellow, but he is never a fat one,
and the same may be said of Sawney, rejoicing in oatmeal. The
O’Elanagans are no fatter than the M'Leans. A man who eats
potatoes and meat too, will eat more meat and perhaps more potatoes
than he would if he ate potatoes alone. Potatoes are sauce to
mutton and beef. A safe rule for the reduction of corpulence
would be that of eating as much as you can of any of those things
which you dislike, and nothing at all of anything that you like.
Another infallible plan for obtaining a diminution of bulk would be
that of marrying on the principle that what is enough for one is enough
for two. There is no encumbrance so bad as that which is borne by
the man who is a burden to himself. Per further particulars as to the
method by which that burden may be rejected, let the overgrown
reader consult Mr. Banting’s publication. Ye who waddle, a you
toddle, hooted through t,he streets and squares, hear Mr. Banting, no
longer panting, and puffing as he goes up-stairs.

SETTLED IN A CRACK.

Our excellent friend, the Liverpool Hail, is exceeding angry with
Lord Russell about those Rams, and castigates him vehemently.
May difference of opinion, et cetera ; but the Mail’s concluding obser-
vation is to the point:—

“ Mr. Laird's great speech at Birkenhead contains a volume in a nutshell.”

So, according to the history of one Alexander the Great, did
another nutshell, which was made to contain a volume called the Iliad.
That was a chronicle of a long and sanguinary war. Mr. Laird might
have helped us to another. So we are rather thankful to Earl Russell
for cracking the nutshell, and showing us, instead of a savage Iliad, a
Tory maggot.