DOI issue:
July 25, 1863
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16872#0050
38
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 25, 1863.
Railway Porter. “ Dogs not allowed inside the Carriages, Sir ! ”
Countryman. “ What not a little Tooy Tarrier 1 Wall, thee ’d letter tale' un oot
then, young Man 1 ”
ST. SWITHUN’S DAYMEN THE SOUTH-WEST.
There bain’t a cloud vor to be sin,
Not over all the sky,
Eor years and years there han’t a bin
A time like this July.
But now the Zun, wi’ viery veace,
Has ripened all the hay
And cartun of the crop we cease
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
Zince when old Switlmn fust begun
As Saint to rule the skies,
(Unless what they relates of un
Is all a pack o’ lies)
In better 1 emper never known
Was he, I ’m bound to zay;
The weather plazed to let alone
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
The ship and cattle pants hard by
The margint o’ the flood;
The pig’s a waller’n in the sty,
If he can find the mud.
Whilst now on branch, and then on wing,
The greenfinch tunes zo gay;
And pleasant ’tis to hear un zing
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
Afore my very eyes the whate
And barley sims to turn;
This year the harvest wun’t be late,
By what I can discern.
Let’s hope no deluges wun’t scour
The Earmer’s hopes away.
At laste we han’t had ne’er a shower
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
The air’s wi’ honeysuckle filled,
Wi’ jessamun and rose,
Of scents which is from them distilled.
And gratifies my nose.
1 hears the Thames is different;
And here I’d rather stay
Than sniff the sweets o’ Parliament
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
METRICAL SYSTEM.
The increasing taste for poetry that is a characteristic of the present
practical age, will, in the course of time, attain its legitimate develope-
ment in the universal adoption of a Metrical system of Coinage. The
application of this system to the ordinary markets and general run of
business is very little understood by those financiers who profess the
most intimate knowledge of the subject. As our information may in
every case be certainly relied on, we shall have no hesitation in antici-
pating the official rules which will regulate the future metrical relations
between vendor and purchaser Whether the Poet Laureate will be
appointed Deputy Assistant Chancellor of the Exchequer we have
been unable to ascertain, but that he has already been consulted as to
the New Metrical Terms in all Commercial dealings, scarcely admits a
doubt. To prepare the public for the coming small change, he will
publish a serenade entitled “ Metre by Moonlight; a Loan,” which
will we are sure be of great use in all monetary transactions. It is
proposed, that, on entering any shop, after the general legal adoption
of the Metrical System, the vendor, exposing any article, which can, we
will say, ex. gr., be procured for the sum of Twelve pence, shall address
his customer with words to be said or sung according to his, the Shop-
keeper’s, ability, thus
Sir are you willing
To pay a skilling.
H this is considered extortionate, the rejoinder will be.
That would rob
Me of a Bob.
This is simple poetry, concise, to the point, and adapted to the shortest
memory.
The new “ Song of Sixpence” will be sung after this fashion The
small shopman, being unable to give silver, tenders half-a-dozen pence,
and chaunts smilingly.
Pray take. Sir, these six pence.
To which the customer daintily objecting shall be bound to reply,
With silver I ne’er mix pence.
On coming from the Opera the services of the jolly young waterman
who fetches a cab for you, are requited with the most diminutive of
silver coins, and these words shall accompany the donation—
I always tip any
Man with a thrippenny.
The miser, on parting with twenty-one shillings, will find the pain
of eternal separation considerably mitigated by warbling the following
lines to the tune of “ Minnie, dear Minnie ! ”
Guinea 1 dear Guinea !
Gone easily!
(Winces) Oh, the price was high
When 1 ’d settled to buy,
(With considerable pleasure) But I’ve1 got more than value for thee !
(Etcetera, ad lib., ending with a run on the Bank.
The Ungrammatical Dealer, who charges interest on giving credit,
may say,—
Three and six
If I ticks,
Money down
Halt-a-crown,
And so on, through an infinite variety of sweet sounds. Thus in this
work-a-day world of ours will Poetry permeate through every grade of
society, and its soothing influence be beneficially exercised upon the
most sordid money-grubber, and upon the least impressionable driver
of the hardest possible bargains.
Riddle.
By Our Young Man from the Country.
What well-known Provincial Newspaper ought to advocate the
practice of Elogging at Public Schools F—The Hip-switch Journal.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 25, 1863.
Railway Porter. “ Dogs not allowed inside the Carriages, Sir ! ”
Countryman. “ What not a little Tooy Tarrier 1 Wall, thee ’d letter tale' un oot
then, young Man 1 ”
ST. SWITHUN’S DAYMEN THE SOUTH-WEST.
There bain’t a cloud vor to be sin,
Not over all the sky,
Eor years and years there han’t a bin
A time like this July.
But now the Zun, wi’ viery veace,
Has ripened all the hay
And cartun of the crop we cease
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
Zince when old Switlmn fust begun
As Saint to rule the skies,
(Unless what they relates of un
Is all a pack o’ lies)
In better 1 emper never known
Was he, I ’m bound to zay;
The weather plazed to let alone
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
The ship and cattle pants hard by
The margint o’ the flood;
The pig’s a waller’n in the sty,
If he can find the mud.
Whilst now on branch, and then on wing,
The greenfinch tunes zo gay;
And pleasant ’tis to hear un zing
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
Afore my very eyes the whate
And barley sims to turn;
This year the harvest wun’t be late,
By what I can discern.
Let’s hope no deluges wun’t scour
The Earmer’s hopes away.
At laste we han’t had ne’er a shower
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
The air’s wi’ honeysuckle filled,
Wi’ jessamun and rose,
Of scents which is from them distilled.
And gratifies my nose.
1 hears the Thames is different;
And here I’d rather stay
Than sniff the sweets o’ Parliament
This here St. Swithun’s Day.
METRICAL SYSTEM.
The increasing taste for poetry that is a characteristic of the present
practical age, will, in the course of time, attain its legitimate develope-
ment in the universal adoption of a Metrical system of Coinage. The
application of this system to the ordinary markets and general run of
business is very little understood by those financiers who profess the
most intimate knowledge of the subject. As our information may in
every case be certainly relied on, we shall have no hesitation in antici-
pating the official rules which will regulate the future metrical relations
between vendor and purchaser Whether the Poet Laureate will be
appointed Deputy Assistant Chancellor of the Exchequer we have
been unable to ascertain, but that he has already been consulted as to
the New Metrical Terms in all Commercial dealings, scarcely admits a
doubt. To prepare the public for the coming small change, he will
publish a serenade entitled “ Metre by Moonlight; a Loan,” which
will we are sure be of great use in all monetary transactions. It is
proposed, that, on entering any shop, after the general legal adoption
of the Metrical System, the vendor, exposing any article, which can, we
will say, ex. gr., be procured for the sum of Twelve pence, shall address
his customer with words to be said or sung according to his, the Shop-
keeper’s, ability, thus
Sir are you willing
To pay a skilling.
H this is considered extortionate, the rejoinder will be.
That would rob
Me of a Bob.
This is simple poetry, concise, to the point, and adapted to the shortest
memory.
The new “ Song of Sixpence” will be sung after this fashion The
small shopman, being unable to give silver, tenders half-a-dozen pence,
and chaunts smilingly.
Pray take. Sir, these six pence.
To which the customer daintily objecting shall be bound to reply,
With silver I ne’er mix pence.
On coming from the Opera the services of the jolly young waterman
who fetches a cab for you, are requited with the most diminutive of
silver coins, and these words shall accompany the donation—
I always tip any
Man with a thrippenny.
The miser, on parting with twenty-one shillings, will find the pain
of eternal separation considerably mitigated by warbling the following
lines to the tune of “ Minnie, dear Minnie ! ”
Guinea 1 dear Guinea !
Gone easily!
(Winces) Oh, the price was high
When 1 ’d settled to buy,
(With considerable pleasure) But I’ve1 got more than value for thee !
(Etcetera, ad lib., ending with a run on the Bank.
The Ungrammatical Dealer, who charges interest on giving credit,
may say,—
Three and six
If I ticks,
Money down
Halt-a-crown,
And so on, through an infinite variety of sweet sounds. Thus in this
work-a-day world of ours will Poetry permeate through every grade of
society, and its soothing influence be beneficially exercised upon the
most sordid money-grubber, and upon the least impressionable driver
of the hardest possible bargains.
Riddle.
By Our Young Man from the Country.
What well-known Provincial Newspaper ought to advocate the
practice of Elogging at Public Schools F—The Hip-switch Journal.