DOI Heft:
July 25, 1863
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16872#0052
School-Teacher. “ Now, Jeremiah Muzzles, spell Gold.”
Jeremiah (rather backward for his age). “ G-O-L—D.”
School-Teacher. “ Right. What is Gold ? ”
Jeremiah. ‘ ‘ Doan’t Knoah. ”
EDUCATIONAL.
School-Teacher (exhibiting chain and eye-glass). “ Why, what is
this, Sir ? ”
Jeremiah. “ Brass, Teacher /”
[Jeremiah “ stood ‘ corrected ’ ” immediately afterwards.
PERIPATETIC JUSTICE.
There are some people who say that, as a rule, our County Magis-
trates are neglectful of their duty, and that, excepting when a poacher—
the wretch !—is to be punished, they seldom pay much heed to the work
that is entrusted to them. As a glorious exception to this rule, if it be
such, we beg to cite the conduct of a Magistrate for Worcestershire,
who appears to act not merely on the bench, but in the streets, and
besides being a Magistrate, to be one of the Police. His flaming zeal
i'or justice having carried him so far as to commit a man for drunkenness
whom he had previously convicted and fined for that offence, this
Magistrate-Policeman gave evidence as follows, himself sitting on the
Bench:—
“ Redditch Petty Sessions.—* * * Mr. Henry Milward, one of the Magis-
trates, was then sworn (still occupying his place on the Bench). He said, I am a
Magistrate for the county of Worcester. On the 17th day of June instant, at about
half-past eight in the evening, I saw the defendant walking along with a friend, arm
in arm, and he appeared to me to be drunk. I followed him and said, ‘ Mr. Baylis,
you are drunk, 1 fine you 5s.’ Mr. Baylis immediately said, ‘ Oh, indeed ! here it
is.’ I then said, ‘ No, I will not take it, I will send the constable for it to-morrow.’
—Cross-examined by Mr. Smith : Was the defendant making any noise?—Witness :
No, he was walking quietly with his friend.—Mr. Smith : Did he obstruct the way ?
—Witness: No, he did not.—Mr. Smith: Why do you say he was drunk ?—Witness:
Because I thought so.—Mr. Smith : Did you, in the exercise of your office as Magis-
trate, and on your own opinion, take upon yourself to fine the defendant in the
street?—Witness : I did. (Sensation in Court.)”
Of course we cannot doubt the word of a man like Mr. Milward,
but if he really heard a drunken man say, “ Oh, indeed, here it is,” we
think it should be noted as a curious phenomenon. Tipsy men are
usually not distinct enough in speech t.o say “ indeed, here it is,” or
anything approaching it. “ All ri’ olefler—hie—bereshzefi’bobsh—hie”
would be the most one could expect from a person really tipsy. Of
course, however, Mr. Milward heard what, lie reported, or lie would
not have reported it; and we congratulate the shire of Worcester on
the fact that a man there can speak plain when he is drunk, and that a
Magistrate is there not so puffed up by bis place, but that lie will con-
descend at times to prowl about the streets, aud take up tipsy people
like an ordinary Policeman.
A RARE BULL EROM LOME.
The best portraits of Mr. Punch represent him with a peculiar squint.
This arises from a habit which he has always practised, of looking at
both sides of a question at once. Thus, whilsr, he is reading his own
paper, he at the same time has an eye upon another; and this casting
his eye about has given him a cast in the eye. His off-eye,_ the other
day, running over the Tablet, Ultramontane and Derbyite organ,
alighted on the passage following, penned with reference to some
judicial proceedings, by the Roman Correspondent of that journal:—
“ I will not enter into further detail, as you will receive the trial as soon as pub-
lished, and your readers will be able to judge for themselves whether Mr. Layard
is very consistent in denouncing the highly apocryphal atrocities committed in
isolated cases by a peasantry maddened by wrongs and cruelties, while he winks at
the wretches who, not content with poisoning brave men for doing their duty as
soldiers, made targets of their bodies for the purpose of instructing the agents of
the Sect on scientific principles as to the best means of striking a deadly blow at a
‘ Papalino.’ ”
What are “ the highly apocryphal atrocities” which are “committed
in isolated cases? ” If they are highly apocryphal, it is uncertain that
they were committed in any. If it is true that they were committed in
isolated cases, then they are not apocryphal. If the peasantry who
committed them were “ maddened by wrongs and cruelties,” then the
atrocities perpetrated by those peasants were not only not apocryphal,
but facts doubtless only too true. But perhaps, in the mind of the
Tablet's Roman Correspoudent, apocryphal aud canonical mean the
same thing. In the mean time we must be excused for hesitating to
take that gentleman’s statement as to poisoning soldiers, and practising
assassination on their dead bodies, as Gospel.
Jeremiah (rather backward for his age). “ G-O-L—D.”
School-Teacher. “ Right. What is Gold ? ”
Jeremiah. ‘ ‘ Doan’t Knoah. ”
EDUCATIONAL.
School-Teacher (exhibiting chain and eye-glass). “ Why, what is
this, Sir ? ”
Jeremiah. “ Brass, Teacher /”
[Jeremiah “ stood ‘ corrected ’ ” immediately afterwards.
PERIPATETIC JUSTICE.
There are some people who say that, as a rule, our County Magis-
trates are neglectful of their duty, and that, excepting when a poacher—
the wretch !—is to be punished, they seldom pay much heed to the work
that is entrusted to them. As a glorious exception to this rule, if it be
such, we beg to cite the conduct of a Magistrate for Worcestershire,
who appears to act not merely on the bench, but in the streets, and
besides being a Magistrate, to be one of the Police. His flaming zeal
i'or justice having carried him so far as to commit a man for drunkenness
whom he had previously convicted and fined for that offence, this
Magistrate-Policeman gave evidence as follows, himself sitting on the
Bench:—
“ Redditch Petty Sessions.—* * * Mr. Henry Milward, one of the Magis-
trates, was then sworn (still occupying his place on the Bench). He said, I am a
Magistrate for the county of Worcester. On the 17th day of June instant, at about
half-past eight in the evening, I saw the defendant walking along with a friend, arm
in arm, and he appeared to me to be drunk. I followed him and said, ‘ Mr. Baylis,
you are drunk, 1 fine you 5s.’ Mr. Baylis immediately said, ‘ Oh, indeed ! here it
is.’ I then said, ‘ No, I will not take it, I will send the constable for it to-morrow.’
—Cross-examined by Mr. Smith : Was the defendant making any noise?—Witness :
No, he was walking quietly with his friend.—Mr. Smith : Did he obstruct the way ?
—Witness: No, he did not.—Mr. Smith: Why do you say he was drunk ?—Witness:
Because I thought so.—Mr. Smith : Did you, in the exercise of your office as Magis-
trate, and on your own opinion, take upon yourself to fine the defendant in the
street?—Witness : I did. (Sensation in Court.)”
Of course we cannot doubt the word of a man like Mr. Milward,
but if he really heard a drunken man say, “ Oh, indeed, here it is,” we
think it should be noted as a curious phenomenon. Tipsy men are
usually not distinct enough in speech t.o say “ indeed, here it is,” or
anything approaching it. “ All ri’ olefler—hie—bereshzefi’bobsh—hie”
would be the most one could expect from a person really tipsy. Of
course, however, Mr. Milward heard what, lie reported, or lie would
not have reported it; and we congratulate the shire of Worcester on
the fact that a man there can speak plain when he is drunk, and that a
Magistrate is there not so puffed up by bis place, but that lie will con-
descend at times to prowl about the streets, aud take up tipsy people
like an ordinary Policeman.
A RARE BULL EROM LOME.
The best portraits of Mr. Punch represent him with a peculiar squint.
This arises from a habit which he has always practised, of looking at
both sides of a question at once. Thus, whilsr, he is reading his own
paper, he at the same time has an eye upon another; and this casting
his eye about has given him a cast in the eye. His off-eye,_ the other
day, running over the Tablet, Ultramontane and Derbyite organ,
alighted on the passage following, penned with reference to some
judicial proceedings, by the Roman Correspondent of that journal:—
“ I will not enter into further detail, as you will receive the trial as soon as pub-
lished, and your readers will be able to judge for themselves whether Mr. Layard
is very consistent in denouncing the highly apocryphal atrocities committed in
isolated cases by a peasantry maddened by wrongs and cruelties, while he winks at
the wretches who, not content with poisoning brave men for doing their duty as
soldiers, made targets of their bodies for the purpose of instructing the agents of
the Sect on scientific principles as to the best means of striking a deadly blow at a
‘ Papalino.’ ”
What are “ the highly apocryphal atrocities” which are “committed
in isolated cases? ” If they are highly apocryphal, it is uncertain that
they were committed in any. If it is true that they were committed in
isolated cases, then they are not apocryphal. If the peasantry who
committed them were “ maddened by wrongs and cruelties,” then the
atrocities perpetrated by those peasants were not only not apocryphal,
but facts doubtless only too true. But perhaps, in the mind of the
Tablet's Roman Correspoudent, apocryphal aud canonical mean the
same thing. In the mean time we must be excused for hesitating to
take that gentleman’s statement as to poisoning soldiers, and practising
assassination on their dead bodies, as Gospel.