Punch (45.1863)

August 1, 1863.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

4?

THE BATTLE OF THE

TOLL-BARS.

SHADOWS OP THE WEEK.

ictory ! Wictory!
A Great battle has
been fought, and the
Northerners (ol'Lon-
don) have won. Led
by General Brad-
field, they have
bravely waged their
exterminating war-
fare, and have swept
away no fewer than
five - and - twenty
’pikes. Six-and-fifly
side bars have also
fallen before them,
and the gallant Toll
Reformers now may
boast that in the
North of Town t.beir
triumph is complete.
All true friends of
progress will exult
at this success, and
will hope to see the
Southerners ere long
achieve the like. A
terrible enemy to
comfort is the turn-
pike gate, and one
that it behoves all
men of sense to fight
against. So we trust

that the late victory will be promptly followed up, and that^he gallant General
Bradfield will soon win another laurel-wreath, it has taken him eight years
to smash the turnpikes in North London; but we hope that in the South the
foe will not be quite so obstinate. To carry on his operations he ol course
requires support; but as Punch is on Ids side, success of course is certain. “ Toll
for the brave” was once the poet’s pmposition; but “No toll lor the brave ” is
General Bradfield’s stern demand, and he is not the man to rest till what he

asks has been complied with.

Although Sir Edwin Landseer has determined the
size, shape and position of the Nelson Column lions, he
has as yet only got as far as the paws in his work.

In answer to numerous inquiries, we beg to inform the
curious upon the subject, that during practice time in the
hot weather the Members of the Honourable Artillery
Company do not drink iced cannonade.

Mr. W. A. Mathews, of Sheffield, has determined to
establish some large Cutlery works in the Falkland Islands.
Henceforth the Geographical Society have decided that
they shall be known on the Map as the Knife-and-Falkland
Islands.

A new Umbrella is to be opened very speedily by the
Lord Mayor: he is merely waiting for the first favour-
able day.

We were, a paragraph ago, mentioning umbrellas; we
will, in returning to the subject, announce that an emi-
nent member of the Bar, after an extensive mess dinner on
circuit, took Silk (somebody else’s) and left Stuff
(his own).

The Iloyal Academicians have held an extra meeting.
Several propositions seriously affecting the interests of
Art have been adopted. We hear that the President feels
inclined to sanction the introduction of Lay Figures as
Members of the Committee. A second minute is, that
when works are not to be hung, the painters will not be
kept in suspense as to their fate.

Talking of Painters, the Metropolitan Plumbers are going
to give a dinner in honour of Mr. Glaisher. They have
asked him to take the Chair, and he has kindly given bis
twentieth Balloon assent to their request.

The Maories, we hear from private sources, have
entirely altered them places with regard to the “King-
movement; ” they wish to imitate the City folk, and have
one man in authority over them, who shall be called the
Lord Maori.

The Jockey Club have decided that a professional Book-
maker, after making his book, shall consider his engage-
ments as Binding.

THE THIRD BATTLE OF WORCESTER.

& flag for tfje ‘Kgrirulturists.

With “faithful” cider drinkers, adown the bannered,way,

I sought the plain where Royalists stood iu July array;

“ Hoof and Harrow ” is the watchword instead of “ Church and
King;”

Worcester has known no prouder sight since Lang an met Tom Spring.

Lord Eversley and Brandretii Gibbs were F. M.’s in command ;
While Pain, and JDent, and Milward held their own brigades in
hand,

Dashing upon blood ponies, east and west and everywhere,

And halting mid their labours for a luncheon with the Mayor.

Torr with his purple badges proved the Boyle Roche bird a dunce,
j By entering an appearance in places three at once,

Committee—Implements—Finance : then scaling a sheep pen,

With the concentrated energies of half a score of men.

I saw the “racing engines,” the washing machines, and roots,

Judge Unthank with his light cigar, and long judicial boots,

Lady Emily Pigot noting the stock all round,

And patting the three “darlings” which had won her forty pound.

I watched the “ Shorthorn Nestor” with a meal tub for his throne,
And a glance like to a falcon’s, balance flesh and hair and bone;

Oh! those eight grand in-calf heifers ! Oh 1 that deftly handled cord
In the ’cute strategic movements of Cuddy and John Ward!

Tallant’s hand is seen no longer, Douglas sends no Queen or Rose,
But a Flower-girl strews glory upon Scotland and “ Montrose ; ”

II Gunter’s Duchesses prefer the pleasant vales of Whart’e,

Bates’ blood has still a flyer and “ it proved an Essex calf.”

Hats off for Queen of the Ocean! Joe’s white hat wears no willow,

“ A family thrashing ” from Thorney Holme is not a thorn in his pillow ;
Joe wins six times, and Fred’s Farewell “took just a rum ’un to
beat her; ”—

Ain’t Strafford sweet on Hegan’s and eloquent on Pretor ?

I

There’s Duckham deep in “ the numbers” of white face and mottle lore
The chronicler of Sovereign, Sir David, and Cot more:—

Hail to the bulls by Sir Benjamin, but sad’s the Rea bulletin:

Now for a chat with Moniuhouse near his “Sam” and Clementine.

Well may the sightless veteran o’er his “growthy lass” wax merry,

He has beat victorious Roberts and polished off old Perry ;—

If Quartly and Jim Davy shirk the Devon battle brunt,

We ’ve a Royal Rose of Denmark and Prince Alfred in the front.

Choice morsels are the Southdowns, and ye Baron Walsingham
With Webb’s'John Day to train them, has well nigh “ skinned the
lamb.”

Colonel Inge has vanquished Sanday, for the shearling ewes and tup.
But “ George ” observes “ ’2'is only our oum blood cropping up!'

Bareord takes up his parable, on Bakewell and “shear ’em fair,”
And clasps the hand of Howard, for sending his ewe-pen bare :

With Oxford memories in his head and magisterial frown,

He steps round lo the Cotswolds for a word with Mr. Browne.

Pig classes 1 Crisp and Wainman, Hewer, Sexton—the old story—
A boar called Macaroni, and a sow—sweet Annie Laurie ;

If there be a sight Leeds dodgers and their pigs don’t understand,
ft is Professor Simonds with the “mouth screw” in his hand.

And eke a learned Baron near “The Hundred Pound” domain,

Had a look at Master Martin, and didn’t look again:

As I scanned the hunter sires in the ring and in the shed,

I pondered much within myself how full a third were bred.

Neville hung upon wires, Tern Sayers went in with a zest.

But as for the groom squad’s going, decidedly bad was best;—

With Teddington’s daughter behind him, Booth’s cup ol triumph is
lull.

There Tom Brooks stands in ecstasy with Barthropp, o’er John Bull.

From this held of peaceful warfare, may there spring rich “ battle
sheaves,”

A grander stamp of hunters, better bacon, rarer “theaves,”

Steers that will more than satisfy, with “ breeches,” back, and chine.
The wary eye of Bufton and the shade of Carwardine.