Punch (45.1863)

62

RUNG PI, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 8, 1863.

LAST FEW DAYS OF ST. PAUL’S.

Now then, make haste, make haste, and pay a visit to Ludgate Hill,
and behold, tor nearly the last time you will have the opportunity, the
vast and celebrated Cathedral of St. Paul, erected by that famous
architect Sir Christopher When, in the reigns of their Majesties the
last of the Stuarts. Be in time, be in time. In a very short time this
remarkable edifice will become invisible, owing to the great improve-
ments which the march of intellect and the progress of commerce,
providentially force upon this Great Metropolis. Therefore, be in time
before the view is shut out for ever and ever by the highly ornamented
tank in preparation by the Hailway Company. The architecture will
well repay inspection, the facade, henceforth to be seen no more, is
regarded as one of the finest things in the world, and the majestic
appearance of the west front defies at once competition and description.
There is no charge, so long as you keep out of the building, and in
short this is an opportunity which can never occur again in the history
of London. Be in time, be in time.

SERVANTGALISM.

The following letter from “ Miss Drake” is a rich specimen of the
fine-ladyism of the kitchen, and is printed verbatim et literatim:—

“ Sir, _ 20 July, 1863.

“ Miss Drake as ford you the a mount of her Bill and is very
sory that she is not able to duth it before but she as been hill evre sent
she as been up in London as not been able to go to her sutuhane that
she was go in to but I ham gut much better now I ham very sory that
I have give you so much Trubble it was not my intensh to rong you of a
pen harfter be so kind to me and I thorght it was no use right letter
with out send you the money 1 have send you a postoff order to day if
you will be so kind to reseat my bill and send it to me

“ from your Humbler survant

“ Kate Drake.

“ Sir will you be kind euoft to reseat my bill the same day as I
ham order to go down by the seeside and I ham gone on Therday sen
it to me.”

Cricket.

Dark, the Cricketing Purveyor, complains that in his trade he suffers
from imitators. There are, he says, during the summer months, so
many bats after Dark, with whom he has no connection.

Time Most Unprojitably Spent.—Shopping.

SHADOWS OF THE WEEK.

i

The Boyal Geographical Society have at length given a satisfactory
reason for the present position of the Equator. They say they must
draw the line somewhere.

News of our two Theatrical Travellers.—“It is,” says our Nautical
Correspondent, “a touching sight, to see Mr. Charles Kean cor-
rectly attired as Amphion, sitting across the main-top-gallant-mast,
lulling the dolphins to sleep with recitations from Hamlet and other
plays. It is needless to add, that the passengers fall asleep almost as
soon as it commences. The affability of the truly great actor is
remarkable: he speaks to every one on board, including the Man at the
Wheel, who, in his turn, does not reply.

Great alterations are to be made in our Railway Carriages. There
is to be a bell attached to each seat, and if you want anything, you can
ring it. If the bell is found to answer, as well as give, the summons,
nothing more will be needed for the present.

Several works will shortly be issued from the Great Hydraulic Press;
we fear that they must be rather wishy-washy, and not worth poring over.

The Master and Eellows of Trinity College, Cambridge, have at
length decided the greatly vexed question, as to whether Homer did or
did not wear wooden legs. They now confidently assert, that he did
not, as, though it may be painful to say it, they have come across the
Poet’s Feet in the Iliad; and, in the same work, a subject calling for
peculiar remark, has been the constant use of his little to.

MR. KEAN IN ORDERS.

Mr. Charles Kean, now sailing on the seas in the Champion thereof,
on his way to happy Melbourne, has given a touching proof of his
devotion to what he called, in his playbills, “ the Standard religion of
the country.” According to the theatrical papers, he has “undertaken
to read the Church Service during the voyage, but has stipulated that
he shall not be called upon to baptise, marry, or bury.” We see no
harm in an actor’s reading prayers, but one would like to know how
the responses are managed. Clearly Mr. Kean cannot be clerk as well
as parson; for we have often, and with delight, heard him remark,

“ I could, dot say Abed.”

and proceed, with exquisite emphasis,

“ But wherefore could I dot prodounce Abed 1
I had host need of blessing, and Abed
Stuck in my throat.”

We shall be curious to hear further particulars touching the Rev. Mr.
Kean, who has thus taken Theatrical Orders.

A TRIVIAL ACCIDENT.

A Turnstile stood in Fanny’s way;

She tried to pass it through:

A Jot of boys, hard by at play,

Had Fanny in their view.

Her skirts she sought in vain to press
Those narrow bounds between ;

When lo ! the hoops escaped her dress
Of steel-ribbed Crinoline!

The little wretches raised a shout,

A loud and joyous noise ;

They leapt aloft, and danced about,

And laughed—those horrid boys !

Police, that should have been ashamed.
Stood smiling on the scene,

While those rude boys “Ho ho! ” exclaimed
“ Out pops the Crinoline! ”

Paradox in the Jury-Box.

In the great Roupell case the jury agreed that the Will was forged,
but differed as to whether the Deed was genuine. Those of them who
credit the genuineness of the latter document are of course prepared to
deny that the Will is as good as the Deed.

Antiquarian. —The Monks of old were famous for baking. Among
the most celebrated of their productions is the Roll of Battle Abbey.

"Volunteer Intelligence.—The Metropolitan Pawnbrokers are
about to organise a corps. They are to be armed with Pop-guns.

Convivial Motto eor the Company oe Spectacle-makei-6.—
“ Glasses Round.”