Punch (45.1863)

144

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 3, 1863.

PUTTING HIS POOT IN IT.

Friend bets Whittletop he won’t dear that Haycodc. He does it; but afterwards has
some difficulty in clearing himself.

THE INDECORUM OE DRINKING.

To the Editor of Hunch.

Sib,

“A Traveller, who had been at the Court of
Dahomey, lately published a statement describing the
manners and customs prevalent in that, kingdom. The
I manners appear to be rough, and the customs revolting,
all but one, which is admirable. It is thus described

“ No one is permitted to see the King drink; all turn their faces
away, and a large cloth is held up by his wives while the Royal
mouth takes in the liquid."

“ Now, Sir, that liquid is generally rum. I need not tell
Hunch that rum is an intoxicating beverage. Next to total
abstinence, what, I ask, is more becoming than the prac-
tice of drinking only behind a veil? It is an acknowledg-
ment of the ignominy of drinking. This is one of the truly
grand customs of the King oe Dahomey. Ttrat sovereign,
if he does get drunk, is evidently ashamed of drinking,
which is more than many Englishmen can say for them-
selves. His sable Majesty, if he were not sable, would
blush whilst he drinks. How many of your acquaintance,
inclusive, perhaps, of Bishops, are accustomed to guzzle
their port with countenances unblushing, except, perhaps,
at the end of the nose!

“ According to Mr. Ditton, writing in the Times, a
similar custom in drinking to that which is honoured in the
observance by Dahomey’s Monarch, was observed also in the
Court of our Henry the Seventh. What I propose, Mr.
Hunch, on the part of the United Kingdom Alliance, is, that
a deputation should wait upon the Prince oe Wales with a
modest request that his Royal Highness would be pleased
to revive this courtly practice by causing a napkin to be
held before his face whenever he drinks, at least whenever
he indulges in any intoxicating beverage. The example
of Royalty would soon render it fashionable for every
gentleman to make a point of covering his face in taking
wine. Thus, in a short time, the act of drinking would
come to be regarded as an impropriety, and the principles
of temperance would accomplish at least the same triumph
in England as that which they have achieved in Dahomey.
I dare say you will call the foregoing suggestion imper-
tinent, and say that its author is an officious ass. I will only
reply that I am your humble servant, and

“ A Member of the Maine Law League.”

* * We should think so.—Hunch.

SENSATIONAL ADVERTISEMENTS.

We shudderingly beg to acknowledge the receipt of the following
Works, and implore the Publishers not to send us any more;—

The Ghost and How to Lay Him. Published in White Sheets and a
Spirit Wrapper in one of Bones’ Startling Raw-headitions. Also,
The Skeleton Scullery Maid and the Sepulchral Sink. Mouldie’s,
St. Paul’s Churchyard.

Music Hall Handbills have been sent to us containing notices of at-
tractions calculated to improve the public mind :—

Canterbury Hall.—At 9 o’clock the Awful Apparition, with Comic
Song. This is accompanied by a picture, to which the illustration
of the Castle Spectre was of a comparatively jovial character.
Islington Hall, near the Angel.—The Goblin! Steaks and Chops
always ready for gobblin’ visitors. The bar has lately been deco-
rated with Goblin Tap-estry.

Hast’an’ Western's Treat, near the Cemetery, where the delighted audience
will be semi-terri-fied by the Big Bogie of the Black-a-moor-soleum !
Erom Grave to Gay. Comic Singing and Clog Dancing at 10.30.
The Shades.—The proprietor pledges himself to keep up the celebrated
Ghastly Appearances. Clanking chains. Mysterious noises, Spirits
and water, Tumblers, &c., every evening. A crowded and trembling
audience witness the Spectral Spectacles nightly with Shrieks of
Horror!!! A medical staff in attendance, and an Inn-Spectre
always on duty. Tea and Coffins. The justly celebrated Jumping
Gibberers at 11 o’clock in their Vonderful Vault! ! The room,
by the aid of small Vampire Traps, is kept Ghoul-ish and comfortable.

Is there any truth in the report that the foundation stones of two
new Lunatic Asylums are shortly to be laid ?

A DANGEROUS PUBLICATION.

It is long since we have received anything pleasant in the shape of
American news. “ Out on ye, owls, nothing but songs of death! ” is
the exclamation with which we have greeted the senders of each suc-
cessive batch of telegrams that, we have, for the last two years and
upwards, received from New York, and the editors of all the newspapers
in America. At last, however, one of the latter has sent us a joke, and
here it is:—

“ Punch, a London publication of considerable promise, and no bad imitation of
Prank Leslie’s Budget of Fun, has a very clever squib upon tbe practice of noble-
men putting their names down as directors of new hotels. It represents a number
of noblemen, with their coronets on, waiting upon customers. ’’

Now this is really a good joke. It must not be passed over as if it
were a broad play upon words, or an outrageous Yankeeism of ordinary
impudence. To call Hunch no bad imitation of Prank Leslie’s
Budget of Fun is a bit of fun, which, if a fair sample of the fun of the
last-named periodical, should deter anybody from attempting to read it
who is unwilling to burst his sides with laughter.

Sad, but True.—Why is it probable that Blondin’s sensational
performance will be often repeated ? Because it is always on cord !

Varium et Mutabile.

Woman is always a variable and changeable thing. Our authority
for this statement is pretty widely known, and as a particular example
to this general rule, we give the following remarkable instance The
other day a young lady, whose antipathy to all dangerous gymnastic
exhibitions is proverbial among her own immediate friends, actually
made a speech on the tight rope.

A NOTE FROM THE SCALES OF JUSTICE.

A Concert-Singer having murdered a tune, subsequently tried his
voice, and with ease acquitted himselt.

American Political Capital.—Abuse of England.