Punch (45.1863)

October 10, 1863.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHaRIVARI.

147

MR. SHYCOCK’S REFLECTIONS

OVER AX HOTEL BILL.

ORTHY Mr. Punch,

“ It is over—that painful
moment,which winds up my
week’s stay, in this well-
appointed Victoria Hotel—
at St.Vincent’s-on-Avon. 1
HAVE StEN MY BILL ! That

was a shock. I HAVE
PAID IT! ! That was a
greater shock still. 1 did
not remonstrate at the
moment. Perhaps I was
stunned. 1 know I felt
extremely ashamed of my-
self, and somewhat ashamed
of my host. My wife, with
the honest house-wifely
feeling of one accustomed
to take stock of the weekly
items of her own family
expenditure, and with a
womanly aversion to being
imposed upon, was for re-
sistance. 1 over-ruled her.
We had only half-an-hour
to get to the station. I
did not wish to embitter
our last moments in a
pleasant place; where we
had been very happy— till
the bill came. I was doubt-
ful if resistance would help us. I felt that something of the blame
was due to myself. I hate squabbles about shillings. In short, I
winced but paid, when my wife—(bless her honest heart!)—was for
firing up and protesting. But I pondered on the bill, during our
journey to town. And some of my reflections, 1 think, may have an
interest for Mr.Punch and his readers—the middle class ones at all events.

“ To make mat ters worse for my digestion of this bill, I had come to
St. Vincent’s-on-Avon, from the pleasant paths of Ilfracombe—leaving
a lodging where I, Mrs S., our little hope Sylvanus Shycock, ami
his nurse, had been boarded and lodged, for some three weeks, at an
average rate of some £5 per week . . . boarded and lodged, mind,

with the perfect comfort and suffieiency, out of which my heart spake
in last week’s letter of lauds over Ilfracombe and all belonging to it.

“ And now there was unrolled before me, for a week’s board and
lodging under the statelier, but not more comfortable, roof of the
Victoria Hotel, St. Vincent’s-on-Avon, a bill amounting to £25 165. 3d !
I had entertained thrre friends—a papa and two daughters—twice to
dinner in this time. We had consumed on each of those occasions, a
bottle of sherry and a bottle of champagne. Besides this, we had
ourselves disposed of some four pints of sherry during the week. But
these mild excesses set aside, there was nothing to account for t his vast
discrepancy of charge between St. Vincent’s Hotel and our Ilfracombe
lodging, in the shape of any comfort or convenience that 1 can think of,
after much reflecting. My dinners had not been better, but worse, than
those in my Ilfracombe lodgings, inferior in quality and cooking, less
various, and less copious. My nurse and her charge had fared still worse
than Mrs. S. and myself, at the second or servants’ table, down-stairs,
as to the supply of which I heard sundry grumblings. How was the
difference accounted for ? To find out this, I was forced to come from
generals to particulars,—and so to a dissection of this disagreeable
document—item by item.

“ I arrived at St. Vincent’s late—about nine o’clock—on Saturday.
We ordered coffee and an omelette, and were in bed by ten. I find
apartments charged 12s. 6c?., attendants 3s. and fights Is 6d. for that
night. For this 17s 1 had an hour’s use of a sitt ing-room, two bed-
rooms for the night, the gas-light in the sitting-room—which l could
have thankfully dispensed with for a lamp or a pair of best composites
—and, say half-an-hour’s consumption at furthest of two bed-room
candles.

“Next day we entertained our three friends; dinners, £1 5s.—5s.
a-head—not bad for a woolly piece of cod, a pair of fowls, a dish of
cutlets, and a tart—my bottle of champagne (indifferent), 10s.; my
bottle of sherry (very fair average wine), 6s.—When will this shame-
less adherence of hotel-keepers to this old scale of prices for wine be
put down by the indignation of consumers ?—the ale (say three pints
ot draught pale), 2s. 6ii.; dessert (a plate of filberts, ditto of squashy
pears, and hard apples), is.; teas (with probably a plate of toast or a
little bread and butter), 7s. 6d.; apartments as the night before, 12s. 6d.;
attendance, 3s.; and lights. Is. 6c?.; bringing up my day’s bill to the
imposing figure of £4 10s. Here I pause. If 1 had been as wise as I

am now on reflection, I should have asked for my bill on Monday
morning, and seeing the sum total, should have respectfully informed
my amiable host that L could not. afford this style—not of living—but
of paying ; and that therefore, though 1 could not deny that, his house
was handsome, his beds comfortable, his waiters attentive, (sorry I
could not extend my praise to his cook,) still, my means (even with the
well-known liberality of Mr. Punch) would not permit me to live at this
rate, and I should therefore betake me to a lodging—in the hope that
the cost and comfort of Ilfracombe might not be altogether unattainable
in Sr Vincent,’s-on-Avon—a great, haunt, I was told, of retired Indians,
old officers, and delicate invalids, during the winter, and therefore likely
enough, one would think, to be provided with accommodation suited to
somewhat fastidious lodgers and not over-heavy purses.

“ I did not take this course. I was comfortable, essentially ; I was
uncertain as to the length of my stay; I easily settle down, and have
great difficulty in weighing anchor again.

“ So I staid where I was, and bled, during the week, at the rate I
have indicated by the above items of charge.

“ The result was that disagreeable sum total of £2516s. 3c?. During
the whole of this time, I only burned sitting-room candles (four) on
one night. I and my wife may have used a single bed-room candle, and
my nurse, four. For these and our share of the gas, I find myself
charged 17s. for the week. My nurse’s board is charged 5s. daily ;
Sylvanus’s (four years’ old, bless him!) 4s,, and once, when a little
companion occupied an empty bed in his room, I find an extra charge
of 2s. 6c?. for that—making 15s. instead of 12s. 6c?. for apartments
that day.

“Now, I have no wish to set myself up as a victim, more than
other men, or my host of the Victoria as an extortioner beyond his
fellows. He was very civil to me, personally, and I dare say, will con-
sider it extremely unhandsome in me, to reflect upon his bill.

“ But 1 wish to deduce some conclusions from that document.

“ First, that £25 16s. 3c?. a-week is £102 15s. a-month, or £1233
a-year, and that this may therefore be fixed as the limit of income which
justifies people in resorting to an hotel of this pretension. I did not
discover, however, that there was any other hotel in St. Vincent’s-on-
Avon, to which any one, accustomed to the ordinary comforts of a well-
appointed middle-class home, could resort at all. If I am right in this
notion, the only alternative in this case would be lodgings, with their
chances and charges—which can hardly, however, make the resort to
them in preference to the Victoria, a change ‘from the frying-pan into
the lire.’

“Next, I reflected with some bitterness, that I had been an ass, in not
calling for my bill daily ; by which course I should certainly have saved
myself from the cost of the Victoria comforts, for at least six out of
my seven days.

“ Thirdly, it occurred to me, whether it would not be an excellent
speculation to set up an hotel at a place so much frequented as
St. Vincent’s-on-Avon, at a reasonable system of charges—with visible
tariffs, everywhere hung up, instead of pompous placards boasting a
great deal in generalibus, but giving no particulars.

“Fourthly, I admitted to myself, with some shame as an Englishman,
that in all my experience of continental hotels, in the most frequented
European capitals, I had never been so freely bled, as here, in my beloved
native land, and by a brother Briton.

“Fifthly, I registered a vow that if ever 1 returned to St. Vincent’s-
on-Avon, 1 should give the Victoria a wide berth.

“ Sixthly, 1 felt it a duty to put on record my own experience, for the
benefit of any of my friends—(1 include all my readers iu the number),
who, arriving at St. Vincent’s, and attracted by the substantial, hand-
some, and well arranged air of the Victoria, or by the bills, prolusely
distributed about its walls, vaunting its cheapness and promising monts
et merveilles, in every way, might be tempted to put up there as I had
done, and lulled in a fatal security, might postpone, as I did, asking for
a sight of the bill! If knowing what they are paying they continue to
pay, on their heads be it! Though I feel sore at most of these charges,
I could digest every item more easily than I can those candles !

“ 1 shall be obliged by a remittance, and am, my dear Mr. Punch, your
repentant contributor,

“ S. Shycock.'”

LORD ROBERT MONTAGU’S LUCK.

At the Annual Dinner of the Huntingdonshire Agricultural Society
at St. Neot’s the other day, Lord R. Montagu, in a speech after
dinner, observed that:—

“ In his (Lord R. Montagu’s) journeys through the country he frequently drank
most excellent beer.”

Did he ? Then he is a fortunate man. Lord R. Montagu is im-
plored to publish a list of the public-houses at which he has heen so
lucky as to find a really good tap, flowing with genuine old English
ale. The best liquor drawn by too many landlords is stuff called bitter
beer, of which bitterness is the best quality, and which is more than
bitter enough. By the publication of a guide to good liquor, his Lord-
ship would do the State some service, and benefit the public.