Punch (45.1863)

216

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 28, 1863.

FLAGGING INTEREST.

{From the Court Journal.)

elightbul news has ar-
rived ! The Champion of
the Seas, with Mb. Out-
bxdge as Captain, and
Mr. Charles Kean as
Chaplain, has arrived safely
at Melbourne. We also
learn that on

“ Passing Cape Otway, where
there is a telegraph station,
Captain Outrid&e signalled
that Mr. Kean was on hoard,
in answer to which announce-
ment the ensign was hoisted,
an honour heretofore only paid
to Queen’s ships.”

As the Captain did not
hoist the ensign, the per-
formance cannot be de-
scribed by any irreverent
ribald as an Outridge on
the English flag, and
indeed we see no objec-
tion to hoisting an Ensign,
that the poor young fellow
might have an early peep
at the great tragedian, but
we hope that the Ensign
came down all right. In
future the Navy will be divided into two classes. Queen’s ships and
Kean’s ships. It was interesting, too, that this should have been
done at Cape Otway, because Otway was a dramatist, and wrote
a play in which Mr. Charles Kean has distinguished himself.
In fact, everything has gone well, and we sincerely hope that the
brilliant career which was opening to Mr. Charles Kean in the
Colonies will induce him to favour them with as long a visit as possible.

THE NAGGLETONS ON POLITICS.

The Scene is laid in Mr. Naggleton’s “Library” an imposing apart-
ment measuring twelve feet by ten, and containing a book-case and a
boot-rack. Fnter to Mr. Naggleton, Mbs. Naggleton, bearing
a newspaper.

Mr. Naggleton (who is at his desk, reading a large Blue Book and
making enormous notes therefrom). Ah, Maria. One moment. “Wit-
ness considers that the outlay upon a Royal Palace ought to be under
the control of the vestry of the parish in which such palace is situate.”
CWrites.) And 1 concur. Now, then, my dear, what is the next
article ?

Mrs. Naggleton. You need not remind me of your tradesmanlike
education; but—

Mr. N. No, my dear, but if you use such language, I must take leave
to remind you of the rules of syntax. An education cannot be like a
tradesman. Devote the energies of your remarkable mind to the con-
sideration of that proposition.

Mrs. N. Be pleased to stop talking nonsense, and just tell me what
this means. [Shows him a paragraph in her newspaper.

Mr. N. {.Reddening, but pretending to be unconscious), I am pleased
to see that you can condescend to take an interest in any periodical
besides Le Follet, my dear. What is this F {Reads.) “ We understand,
from good authority, that at the approaching general election, one of
the candidates for the representation of the great and liberal borough
of Einsbury will be found in the person of Mr. Henry Naggleton,
the eminent drysalter of Lower Thames Street, and of Westbourne
Gardens, Hyde Park. This gentleman’s political principles entitle him
to the confidence of the electors, and his oratorical powers are of no
mean order. We hope that he will stand.” Well, I am sure that it is
very pleasing to be introduced in this favourable way to the notice of
the public.

Mrs. N. Mr. Naggleton !

Mr. N. He hears with ears.

[Rather uncomfortable, however, in spite of his quotation.

Mrs. N. You cannot mean to tell me that this—that you have given
the slightest authority for printing such a disgraceful and disgusting
paragraph.

Mr. N. Mpdestly waiving the newspaper’s compliments, I see
nothing to object to in the paragraph. All its statements are true. I
am a drysalter, and those are my two addresses.

Mrs. N. The newspaper ought to be prosecuted. As if the vulgarity

of printing your trade, and trade address, was not enough, you must
drag my house into the business.

Mr. N. Well, your house came out of the business.

Mrs. N. Henry, this is no common affair. I generally speak my
mind, and there is an end of it, but this becomes serious, and you must
be. good enough to abstain from insulting me with jokes. What does
this paragraph mean ?

Mr. N. What it says.

Mrs. N. What! You have the face to sit there and tell me that you
are going to squander the money which ought to be your children’s, to
buy yourself into Parliament for such a place as Einsbury. That it
should come to this !

Mr. N. {savagely). That what should come to what ?

Mrs. N. 0, well, that is enough. I must consult with my family as
to what it is my duty to do. 1 feel crushed and bewildered.

Mr. N. Consult your family, Madam ? What do you mean by that ?
I have merely to inform you that if your family takes the liberty of
intruding its impertinence upon me, I shall make very short work with
your family, Mrs. Naggleton.

Mrs. N. I cannot answer your violence, Henry. That it should
come to this!

Mr. N. {We fear with a strong expression which need not be set down).
If you would cease to repeat that idiotic cuckoo note, and talk sense, I
might answer you. If you can’t, perhaps you will let me read.

Mrs. N. Henry ! Henry !

[ Looks earnestly at him, and then takes to her pockethandkerchief\

Mr. N. {relenting). Maria, do not be so absurd. In the first place
there is no harm done at present, and in the second there is none
intended.

Mrs. N. {with a very long sob). 0-o !

Mr. N. There is nothing unreasonable in a man’s having an ambition
to sit in Parliament, I suppose?

Mrs. N. {with another very long sob). O-o!

Mr. N. Don’t go on in t hat way, or you will compel me to act with-
out consulting you. 1 had looked for your advice and assistance.

Mrs. N. Mine ! 1 help to ruin you and rob my children. Henry !

Mr. N. Ruin and robbery be—left out of the argument. I tell you
that nothing is settled, but that if I stand for Einsbury it will be on
the distinct understanding that I do not pay one shilling. Do you hear
that ?

Mrs. N. It is well to treat me like a child, Henry, but I listen to
the conversation that goes on around me. I understand your Jesuitry.

Mr. N. And I don’t, understand the word.

Mrs. N. Mr. Snotchley mentioned the other evening how these
things are done. You do not pay. Of course not. But somebody puts
a large sum of money into a bank, for bribing votes, and though you
have no idea who has done it, you are bound in honour to see that he
gets it again.

Mr. N. Mr. Snotchley has derived his experience from observing
and probably participating in the corrupt practices of his patrons, the
unscrupulous aristocracy, who—

Mrs. N. Henry—it is a small matter at such a moment as this, but
your whole language has changed, and you talk as if you were making
speeches to the rabble.

Mr. N. Rabble, Maria, is not a term to be used in describing any
portion of your fellow-creatures, and you will specially eliminate it from
your vocabulary during my connection with political life.

Mrs. N. Oh ! That means that you are going to be connected with
the lowest of the low. If you must move out of your own sphere into
one for wliich you are ridiculously unfit, you might have tried for
something respectable.

Mr. N. Eor some pocket borough, I suppose, on sale by some friend
of Mr. Snotchley’s.

Mrs. N. There you might at least have been elected like a gentleman.

Mr. N. Certainly. I might have broken the laws myself, and caused
a few hundreds of other persons to take bribes and to perjure them-
selves.

Mrs. N. If you are so much better and more virtuous than other
Members of Parliament, I wonder you condescend to join them.

Mr. N. {proudly). There are men, Maria, who will enter Parliament
unstained by a single offence against the law, and if I enter it, I shall
be one of that band.

Mrs. N. Band, indeed, yes, a brass band, to profess such hypocritical
virtue. Don’t I know that you can no more get elected for Einsbury
without the good-will of the public-houses than you can fly in the air.

Mr. N. [uneasily). Who told you that nonsense ?

Mr. N. Is it nonsense P lam not to be fooled. Henry, 1 think it
my duty to tell you that you must be insane to go on in this manner.
I can account for your conduct in no other way.

Mr. N. And who asks you to account for my conduct.

Mrs. N. Everybody will ask me.

Mr. N. Who’s everybody. Your family, perhaps? .

Mrs. N. Well, if they should show enough interest in my welfare and
my children’s to remark that you ought to be very rich to engage in
elections-