Punch (45.1863)

December 19, 1863 )

PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

247

CLEVER CRITICISM.

One of the critics, speaking
of Miss Bateman, the Miss
O’Neil that is to be, says—

“ Her voice is a simple, natu-
ral, unsophisticated voice, with
just so much of veiled asperity
about it as indicates to the expe-
rienced ear that it is of that
robust nature that will bear the
strain of expressing the true
tones of deep or violent emotion,
and will never need to disguise
its essential weakness and po-
verty of resource in conventional
ranting or whining.”

The epithet “ unsophis-
ticated ” is quite sufficiently
perplexing when applied to
a voice, for according to
Dr. ^ Johnson, it means
rightly “ not adulterated,”
and although adulteration
is common enough now-
adays, one is puzzled to con-
jecture in what manner it
could be adapted to the
voice. Still more puzzling,
however, is the statement
that Miss Bateman has
some “ veiled asperity ”
about her voice, and we
have chewed off quite two
inches of our porcupine
quill penholder in our at-
tempt to form a guess as to
what this phrase can mean.
The hare notion of veiling
as applied to the voice ap-
pears to us a something that
our brains refuse to realise, and we should as soon expect to hear of a lady who was thought
to be short-sighted in her nose, or was said to have a deafened brilliance in her eyes.

SMART THINGS IN THE ATHENAEUM.

The Athenceum has lately been making some
attempts at criticism in the style of the Satur-
day Review, with the meritorious industry of a
provincial actor trying to play Dundreary.

. About an engraving of the late Frank Stone’s
picture, Bon Jour, Messieurs ! the Athenceum is
kind enough to make the remark that:

“ This is infinitely the best of the artist’s works,—
some will say the only genuine picture he has produced
—certainly it is the only one that is likely to be accepted
by posterity.”

Has anybody been unduly extolling the works
of Frank Stone? A gratuitous sneer at a
deceased artist cannot be imputed to the Athe-
nceum. The design to vex a ghost would argue
a belief in spiritualism. To this, however, the
Athenceum may be coming round. Besides the
foregoing prediction relative to posterity, its
last Number but one contains an account of
Mr. J. Manning’s optical ghosts: thus con-
cluding:—

“The experiment is very strange and startling, butrea
science after all must beat the conjurors. We under-
take that Me. Manning and his fellow opticians will
drive the Homes and Fosters quite out of the field.”

Does the Athenceum, then, believe that any
wonderful appearances at all are really visible at
the seances of Home and other Mediums ? Does
it believe that Mr. Home, who says that, he
floated in the air, ever actually appeared to do
so to anybody in his senses ? The admission of
the apparent facts of Spiritualism, even as con-
juring tricks, is a slight deviation from that
philosophical incredulity which has ever distin-
guished the Athenceum.

Q. Why is the Prince of Wales essentially
a protector of the ladies ?

A. Because he is Le Prince de Galles. (Gals!)

THE YANKEE HERCULES.

A Popular American paper, bragging with the most ludicrous ex-
travagance, of the irresistible ordnance and impregnable ship-armour of
the Yankees, boasts that:—

“ Pulaski and Sumter are battered down off hand, and our Monitors shed shot as
a duck sheds rain.”

A goose sheds rain no less than a duck, as the author of the fore-
going comparison might have remembered. He cackles on thus :—

“ To take Gibraltar would be child’s play to the Army and Navy which have
taken Vicksburg. Our first move in a war with England would be to anchor a
Dunderberg opposite to London, and proclaim our ultimatum of Greek fire or
unconditional surrender.”

The first, move which ihe countrymen of this braggart, whether Irish
of the baser sort., or Yankees, made in the war with the Southern Con-
federacy, was a retrograde stampede. In that war which the malignant
snobs who write the most of their newspapers are ever anticipating
with John Bull, their first move would probably resemble the move-
ment which they executed at Bull Run. They would be more likely to
skedaddle on t he first opportunity than to anchor a Dunderberg oppo-
site to London at any but a safe distance for London and for the
Dunderberg.

There is, however, some truth in what follows:—

'‘We bave won for ourselves tlie title of the Hercules of nations. We are cleaning
our own Augean stables at present, but we shall be ready for those of the other
Continent when our services are required.’’

Those who are above referred to in the first person plural, are doubt-
less ready for any dirty work. But of all the feats of Hercules there
is only one which they can.be said to emulate in any manner. Amongst
ail the Yankee snake-stories there is not, even a myth, to pretend that
the American Flercules strangled any Copperheads or other serpents
m his cradle. He has not yet destroyed anything like the Nemsean
Lion, much and olten as he has menaced the British ; neb her has lie
hitherto performed any such exploit, as the capture of the Cretan Bull,
or any other bull, for all his tall talk about punishing a certain other

Bull at, his door.” But it is too true that those who call themselves the
Hercules of nations are doing something that has some analogy to
cleaning the Augean stables, and also that they diverted the course of a

river ; though not for the purpose of drainage, but that of devastation.
Yes; they are making a stir which has at all events the effect of an
attempt to clean out tbeir owu Augean stables.

Phew!

A NEW ORDER OE VALOUR WANTED.

At what is known to lawyers as a “ Sitting in Error” which took
place the other morning in the Exchequer Chamber, the following con-
versation is said (we quote the Times report) to have occurred :—

“ Mr. Mellish said bankruptcy was not now a crime.

“ The Chief Baron. That is gone ; it is no longer a crime.

“ Mr. Baron Bramwell. It is rather a merit.”

If this really be the case (and we have a Judge’s word lor it) we
think that some new mark of merit should forthwith be established to
reward the men who nobly have been whitewashed in our Courts. An
Order of Trade Valour, for example, might be instituted, and heroes
who had proved their merit by a bankruptcy, might be decorated fitly
with a Basinghall Street Cross. In cases where a man had braved, we
will not say the terrors—for there are none—of the law, by fraudu-
lently hiding a large portion of his goods, an extra medal might be
given to reward his splendid courage, and his name might, be enrolled
among the very bravest of the bankrupt brave. A Ribbon of Insol-
vency might also be provided, for traders less unscrupulous than
bankrupts in their failures, or less lucky in achieving a safe passage
through the Court.

Of course we are aware that all men have their failings; but
the failings of our tradesmen have, thanks to our “ amended ” laws,
of late become so numerous, that we really think some public
notice should be taken of them, and we are glad of any chance that
helps to drag them into print. If the Order of Trade Valour which we
speak of be established, we would suggest that every bankrupt should
be forced to wear his order conspicuously upon him, and have the date
when he obtained it placarded largely in his shop. This would be
doing something for the credit of the country, which assuredly must
suffer if something be not done.

The Best and Jolliest “Juvenile Party.”—Lord Pam.