Punch (51.1866)

July 7, 1866.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

OUR OPENING ARTICLE.

V] would have in-

A! deed laboured in vain
for five-and-twenty years
if, at the beginning of a
second quarter of a century,
he found it expedient to imitate his contemporaries, and to address himself
to solemn leading articles upon the state of the world. But having several
original remarks which he desires to utilise, and several quotations
which he is anxious to ventilate, he so far conforms to the course of his
brother journalists as to throw his opening observations into the didac-
tic form to which the general reader is accustomed. He can only
say that it will be entirely in opposition to his intention if, at the
close of the . present article, the reader shall find himself either
improved or instructed. Should the following remarks be effective
in muddling a single mind, the object of the article will be completely
attained.

^ What, let us ask, is the condition of England at the existing moment ?
The question is idle in the extreme, and therefore the more fit to be
asked when the atmospheric influences are most conducive to idleness.
Mb. Hood has remarked that his thermometer was at 80 in the shade,
and that this was a great age. Similar reports are now furnished from
the observatories, but no person reads reports or anything else. We
recur, therefore, to our original proposition, which we forgot to make,
not that we hesitated over the probabilities of its acceptance, but
because too many acceptances have been issued of late, and in conse-
quence the word “ late ” has been the befitting prefix to the mention
of establishments.formerly of financial repute. But if we ask ourselves,
at the present time, what is the position of the Bank of England,
we cannot think that financialists would be much re-assured by the
statement that it adjoins the Boyal Exchange. Such is one of the
results of forgetting the golden rule, Nemo repente fuit turpissimus.

Again, let us regard the political aspect of affairs. Until the new
Premier shall have been assured that gentlemen are inclined to take
office under him, it would, we must be allowed to hold, be almost pre-
mature iu him to submit their names to the Sovereign, and to direct the
issue of writs .for new elections. We do not accuse the Earl of
Derby of any intention to recruit his Ministry by force, but too strict
a watch cannot be kept over the principles of the Constitution; and it
would be a humiliating sight to see the law advisers of the Crown, and
the Home, Eoreign, and Colonial Ministers, dragged to the House
under the stern surveillance of the police. We cannot forget that
Oliver Cromwell, whom Mr. Carlyle and others admire so much,
ejected Members by violence, and though at first sight the cases may
not appear to be exactly parallel, we confidently affirm that there is no
clause in the Bill of Bights, no provision in the Statute of Erauds, that
treats as a lesser violation of right the compelling a statesman to take
office tnan the extruding him from the House of Commons. We make
these remarks in no unfriendly spirit towards Lord Derby, many of
wuose family portraits at Brompton are worth inspection, but we have
not yet learned to despise the salutary counsel contained m the maxim,
■Judex damnatur cum nocens absolvitur.

As regards domestic and social matters, we own that there exist
compensations for grievances. If the streets of the metropolis are

wantonly torn up and converted into railway chaos, there have neve,
been so many good singers collected at the same time as are now to be-
heard at the Boyal Italian Opera. The state of our cahs and the
manners and morals of our cabmen are a disgrace to civilised society,
but the Bishop of London resented in a becoming manner the
angry, language of Dr. Wilberforce at the late meeting of Con-
vocation. We do not look with any violent interest upon the
progress of the Central Hall at South Kensington, but. it is some
thing to know, and we do know, that the practice of introducing
whitebait early in the dinner, instead of at a period when the appetite
is sated, is gradually making its way among sensible persons. Nor
do we refuse to see, in the fact that the Boyal Academy is likely
to be removed to Kensington, an insufficient consolation for the
incompleteness of the Nelson monument. Omne tulit punctum qui
miscuit utile dulci.

It is not in these columns that habitual reference is made to theolo-
gical matters, but as regards the Bitualists we feel bound to express a
very decided opinion, and to use strongly condemnatory expressions.
We therefore say emphatically that it will be very satisfactory if they
are led. upon reflection to reconsider some of their convictions. But
we are not reckless in our denunciation. Eor. the stout, short, and
protuberant ecclesiastic who makes a Guy of himself by the adoption
of a gorgeous costume in which he resembles a glorified porpoise, we
can entertain none but the sentiments of a harpooner. Eor the slender
and elegant young priest whose weakness of intellect may excuse his
fondness for millinery, we, having recently visited the admirable Asylum
for Idiots, own to a touch of tenderness. But it may become our
painful duty, at no great distance of time, to warn the clergy who will
not let well alone, that a project is already on foot for erecting, for the
Begistrars of Marriages, edifices of a graceful description, with stahied
glass windows and otner luxuries, and that it will be a bad day for the
parsons when the first fashionable bride shall listen to the conjugal
vow under the roof of the Begistrar. We may add that many distin-
guished bridesmaids have informed us that the dirty state of various
metropolitan churches is a consideration which will not be overlooked.
We commend these matters to the attention of all who are concerned.
Victoria Romanis multo sanguine stetit.

It will not be expected that we should close these observations
without a special reference to ourselves. But it is contrary to our
reticent custom to intrude ourselves upon the attention of the reader,
and in the present case our indisposition to speak is somewhat
increased by the fact that we have nothing to. say. We shall pursue
the course which has hitherto been attended with so much satisfaction
to ourselves and the public, unless we should see fit to. depart from it,
in which case we shall have as little scruple in. obliterating our engage-
ments as we have of hesitation in entering into them, and we shall
content ourselves with remarking that, although where ignorance is
folly, it is bliss to be wise, the proper study of mankind is not only
man, but the gentler sex, which doubles alike our misfortunes and our
expenses, and is quite welcome to its share of both. Such will he our
guiding principles for the quarter of a century before us, and if forty
centuries were looking down upon us from the Pyramids, we should
still say, Honor est a Nilo.

Vol. 51.

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