DOI Heft:
August 25, 1866
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0087
August 25, 1866.]
79
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
What with Eight per Cent. Discount and Nobody in Town, our “Bus”
Conductor can take it Easy !
SONG OP THE GROUSE.
Air—“ Ye Mariners of Spain."
Ye Members of each House,
Now resting on your oars.
Go shoot the savoury grouse,
That are lying on the Moors :
Ye gillies, brawny built.
Large if the bags should be,
Oh, great your master’s guilt.
If they don’t send birds to me.
The singers sing their last,
The theatres close their doors;
Oh, take the train marked fast.
Tor your shootings on the Moors:
The Country and the Se.%
Bronze every cheek but mine,
' The last man doomed to be,
Beside the Serpentine.
Breech-load, breech-load your guns.
And make amazing scores;
Oli, think not of your duns—
Torget them on the Moors :
Mine is a hapless fate,
To stay, the season over—
Your boxes I’ll await.
And then be off to Dover;
One word I ’ll only say.
To my friends on shooting tours—
Be sure the carriage pay,
Tor it’s heavy—from the Moors.
Cookery and Coffee.
Somehow, although we are of course the cleverest
people in the world, the Trench contrive to beat us in
the making of clear coffee. ^ When an English cook
attempts to serve you “ cafe nor,” as he is sure to call it,
he sends you up a drink that is quite thick enough to eat;
in fact, you may quite literally call it cafe gnaw.
LEGAL INTELLIGENCE.
We have received numerous inquiries about the Vacation Judge in
Chambers. Our Legal Young Man has undertaken to give our readers
all the necessary information.
The Vacation Judge is the only Judge left in town during Vacation.
| He is the “ last rose of Summer left blooming alone, all Ms pleasant
companions are faded and gone.”
It is, generally speaking, a punishment (the only one which can be
inllicted upon so high a legal functionary) for bad behaviour during
term time, and is, evidently, the very opposite of College Rustication.
His duties are light, but this is small compensation for the long im-
prisonment. He spends his time in starting imaginary objections, in
taking notes of ideal cases, in making speeches to himself before the
looking-glass, and in summing-up !
When tired of this, he plays leap-frog with the chairs, and dashes
his wig.
i After luncheon, he amuses himself by playing on a small comb
through a piece of brown paper. Smoking is strictly prohibited in
Cliamhers, but his Lordship is not unsuccesslul in keeping on the windy
I side of the law by putting his head out of window in order to enjoy
the fragrant Havannah. At seven o’clock his dinner is brought to
him, and after that he is allowed one turn on a barrel-organ. At ten
o’clock he sings a little thing of Sir Roundell Palmer’s composition,
and retires gracefully to his couch, wMch has been prepared for him at
an earlier hour.
Anybody may look in and see the Vacation Judge, on payment of a
small fee to the clerk in the outer office. The Vacation Judge is quite
quiet, and will talk to a visitor through the bars of his window, or
through the keyhole of his chamber-door, with much playfulness and
good temper.
Give him a joke to crack, and he will evince his gratitude in his own
\ peculiar fashion.
Such, for the instruction of your readers, is the amount of informa-
tion which I can give you about the Vacation Judge.
Extraordinary Humility.—There is, among the Ritualist party,
in Anglo-Catholic curate of extraordinary sanctity, who is so humble
that whenever he writes in the first person, he employs a small i.
REASONS WHY LADIES SHOULD NOT SHOP ON
SATURDAY ATTERNOONS.
Because it is tantalising to young men who are fond of the river to
be handling watered silks.
Because it is hard on young men and women who would like to be
at the Crystal Palace, listening to music, to have their attention con-
fined to lutestring, and their thoughts busy with band-boxes. _
Because it would be a pleasure to see the cheeks of the girls m the
cloak department mantle with the glow of health (fast colours).
Because it is better for young men, who are cricketers, to be minding
the bails of their wickets than the bales of their employers, and far more
agreeable to them to take part in a “ tie ” (both sides alike) than to
tie a scarf.
Because the shop-walkers may occasionally prefer a country lane to
a crepe laine.
Because it is pleasanter to be shown English meadows than to be
showing “ Sicilian lawns.”
Because if you detain young women “ matching,” you may prevent
them making a good match elsewhere.
Because it is aggravating to young men who are Rifle Volunteers to
be answering questions about shot silks, giving replies concerning drills,
and producing “ Garibaldis ” for inspection.
Because too much of the shop may in the end bring on counterpains.
Because if it is to be all work and no play, any idea of enjoyment in
life becomes mere—illusion.
Our Army Beserves.
In days when Royal despotism was possible in this country, the
British Public was always traditionally jealous of a Standing Army.
This is no longer the case; and now the desire of the British Public
is that the British Army shall be kept up to the mark of defensive
efficiency, lest our Standing Army should prove, in time of need, a
running army. _
GEOGRAPHICAL.
What town in Bohemia does a boy name when he asks his father to
help him write portions of his holiday task ? Par-du-bitz.
79
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
What with Eight per Cent. Discount and Nobody in Town, our “Bus”
Conductor can take it Easy !
SONG OP THE GROUSE.
Air—“ Ye Mariners of Spain."
Ye Members of each House,
Now resting on your oars.
Go shoot the savoury grouse,
That are lying on the Moors :
Ye gillies, brawny built.
Large if the bags should be,
Oh, great your master’s guilt.
If they don’t send birds to me.
The singers sing their last,
The theatres close their doors;
Oh, take the train marked fast.
Tor your shootings on the Moors:
The Country and the Se.%
Bronze every cheek but mine,
' The last man doomed to be,
Beside the Serpentine.
Breech-load, breech-load your guns.
And make amazing scores;
Oli, think not of your duns—
Torget them on the Moors :
Mine is a hapless fate,
To stay, the season over—
Your boxes I’ll await.
And then be off to Dover;
One word I ’ll only say.
To my friends on shooting tours—
Be sure the carriage pay,
Tor it’s heavy—from the Moors.
Cookery and Coffee.
Somehow, although we are of course the cleverest
people in the world, the Trench contrive to beat us in
the making of clear coffee. ^ When an English cook
attempts to serve you “ cafe nor,” as he is sure to call it,
he sends you up a drink that is quite thick enough to eat;
in fact, you may quite literally call it cafe gnaw.
LEGAL INTELLIGENCE.
We have received numerous inquiries about the Vacation Judge in
Chambers. Our Legal Young Man has undertaken to give our readers
all the necessary information.
The Vacation Judge is the only Judge left in town during Vacation.
| He is the “ last rose of Summer left blooming alone, all Ms pleasant
companions are faded and gone.”
It is, generally speaking, a punishment (the only one which can be
inllicted upon so high a legal functionary) for bad behaviour during
term time, and is, evidently, the very opposite of College Rustication.
His duties are light, but this is small compensation for the long im-
prisonment. He spends his time in starting imaginary objections, in
taking notes of ideal cases, in making speeches to himself before the
looking-glass, and in summing-up !
When tired of this, he plays leap-frog with the chairs, and dashes
his wig.
i After luncheon, he amuses himself by playing on a small comb
through a piece of brown paper. Smoking is strictly prohibited in
Cliamhers, but his Lordship is not unsuccesslul in keeping on the windy
I side of the law by putting his head out of window in order to enjoy
the fragrant Havannah. At seven o’clock his dinner is brought to
him, and after that he is allowed one turn on a barrel-organ. At ten
o’clock he sings a little thing of Sir Roundell Palmer’s composition,
and retires gracefully to his couch, wMch has been prepared for him at
an earlier hour.
Anybody may look in and see the Vacation Judge, on payment of a
small fee to the clerk in the outer office. The Vacation Judge is quite
quiet, and will talk to a visitor through the bars of his window, or
through the keyhole of his chamber-door, with much playfulness and
good temper.
Give him a joke to crack, and he will evince his gratitude in his own
\ peculiar fashion.
Such, for the instruction of your readers, is the amount of informa-
tion which I can give you about the Vacation Judge.
Extraordinary Humility.—There is, among the Ritualist party,
in Anglo-Catholic curate of extraordinary sanctity, who is so humble
that whenever he writes in the first person, he employs a small i.
REASONS WHY LADIES SHOULD NOT SHOP ON
SATURDAY ATTERNOONS.
Because it is tantalising to young men who are fond of the river to
be handling watered silks.
Because it is hard on young men and women who would like to be
at the Crystal Palace, listening to music, to have their attention con-
fined to lutestring, and their thoughts busy with band-boxes. _
Because it would be a pleasure to see the cheeks of the girls m the
cloak department mantle with the glow of health (fast colours).
Because it is better for young men, who are cricketers, to be minding
the bails of their wickets than the bales of their employers, and far more
agreeable to them to take part in a “ tie ” (both sides alike) than to
tie a scarf.
Because the shop-walkers may occasionally prefer a country lane to
a crepe laine.
Because it is pleasanter to be shown English meadows than to be
showing “ Sicilian lawns.”
Because if you detain young women “ matching,” you may prevent
them making a good match elsewhere.
Because it is aggravating to young men who are Rifle Volunteers to
be answering questions about shot silks, giving replies concerning drills,
and producing “ Garibaldis ” for inspection.
Because too much of the shop may in the end bring on counterpains.
Because if it is to be all work and no play, any idea of enjoyment in
life becomes mere—illusion.
Our Army Beserves.
In days when Royal despotism was possible in this country, the
British Public was always traditionally jealous of a Standing Army.
This is no longer the case; and now the desire of the British Public
is that the British Army shall be kept up to the mark of defensive
efficiency, lest our Standing Army should prove, in time of need, a
running army. _
GEOGRAPHICAL.
What town in Bohemia does a boy name when he asks his father to
help him write portions of his holiday task ? Par-du-bitz.