DOI issue:
July 28, 1866
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0046
38
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 28, 1866.
A CARD.
POPULARITY OF THE NAVAL SERVICE.
ouxs Napoleon begs to in-
form the Emperors and
Kings of Europe, and the
Public generally, that his
business of Commission
Agency is carried on as
heretofore at the Palace of
the Tuileries, where he may
be consulted daily, or, it
pressing need be, Nightly,
and where all confidential
letters must be sent. Having
a few of the Ideas which be-
longed to his late uncle,
L. N. may be with safety
consulted on state subjects,
and feels himself quite com-
petent to give the best
advice. In all matters of
dispute his judgment is
proverbial; and, being
thoroughly a master of diplo-
matic language, he is able
for his clients to prove that
white is black._
Besides giving his advice
to Kings and Emperors in
need of it, Louis Napoleon is prepared to act for them as Umpire at
the very shortest notice, and may be relied upon for giving a decision
quite unbiassed by any party interested, except, of course, himself. In
arbitration cases, and quarrels between friends, L. N. may be called in
without pecuniary fee, provided there be some little advantage to be
gained by him. His knowledge of geography is thoroughly profound,
and enables him to render an inestimable service to any one desirous
of correcting an old map. Having had great experience in the art of
land-surveying, he is ready to advise as to the altering of boundaries
and removal of all landmarks which may be thought a little obsolete
and somewhat out of date. L. N. may, in like manner, be privately
consulted as to the best means of upsetting an old treaty; and _ his
advice may be had gratis as to changing or removing any ancient
bounds of territory, so as to increase his own.
Countries bought and sold, or valued and allotted, as the Umpire
may direct. New maps exchanged for old ones. State treaties neatly
broken, and the pieces picked up with the utmost care. A few new
Emperors, like Maximilian, always kept on hand, and ready to be
exported at half-a-moment’s notice to any nation wanting them.
Cracked crowns exchanged, or strengthened and repaired. State
secrets kept most carefully. Clever negotiators, such as. Prince
Napoleon, prepared to start upon important diplomatic missions, and
furnished from Head-quarters with the brains they may require. A
private telegraph upon the premises to all the capitals in Europe, and
an efficient staff of clerks who sit up day and night.
Address, Louis Napoleon, European Umpire and Commission
Agent, Paris.
N.B. No Connection with the opposition firm of Needle-gun and
Bismarck.
THE EQUESTRIAN SNOB.
At Marlborough Street Police Court, on Wednesday last week,
there occurred a very shocking thing. A gentleman with a handle of
Honourable to his name was actually convicted of being drunk, and
furiously riding a horse in Rotten Row, Hyde Park, to the common
danger of the public, besides resisting the police in the execution of
their duty when they took him up. He was positively fined £7 alto-
gether by Mr. Knox This is a painful fact for all devout worshippers
of Aristocracy, who have hitherto cherished the belief, now rudely
dispelled, that the furious rider of Rotten Row, a typical personage,
was essentially and necessarily a common Snob.
Rose in the House of Lords.
Sure, if “ by any other name ” a Rose as sweet woidd smell,
A Rose “ by any other name ” should also fight as well.
And if he do, still may we sing “ Old Rose ” for many a year,
Wondering how he comes “Lord,” for whom ’tis hard to find a peer;
“No Rose without a thorn,” ’tis said, but in the Lords may you
Still find a seat without a thorn, my trusty tough. Sir Hugh.
Mr. Punch,
It cannot, surely, be true that any difficulty is experienced by
the Admiralty in manning the Royal Navy. I lately met with a
statement, somewhere, to the effect that, for several years past, the
annual enlistments in Her Majesty’s sea-service had fallen short of
the requisite standard by some 200. Pooh, Sir ! how is it possible to
believe such an assertion as that, when you read in the papers such a.
paragraph as this ? —
“ Breach of the Foreign Enlistment Act.—Considerable excitement was
created at Portland on Wednesday in consequence of the capture by Her Majesty’s
ship Caledonia of the Chilian steamer Greatham Hall, having on board nearly 300
men who bad been secretly enlisted for the purpose of manning a war vessel for the
Chilian Government."
Hence it evidently appears that there is a glut of unemployed able-
bodied seamen. The Queen’s ships, so far from wanting hands, are all
full. There never occurs a vacancy on board any one of them, even
for a cabin-boy, but it is instantly filled. The fact is that the sailors
are all so highly paid, so well accommodated, and so generously and
kindly treated, that there is an eager competition among sea-faring
men for employment in Her Majesty’s service. A berth amongst
the crew of a British man-of-war is the prize of a fortunate few com-
paratively. The rest are glad to take what service they can. They j
must five, and, rather than starve, they are fain to hire themselves out
to fight the battles of foreigners. Necessity alone it is that drives
them to this. Perish the thought that the mere temptation of higher
wages than the pay they could obtain from their own munificent
country could induce them to accept _ the office of assisting in the
slaughter of fellow-men not being enemies of their fellow-countrymen t
Eor, of course, villains capable of killing men for hire, are only re-
strained from killing them for plunder by the penalty attached to
killing with intent to rob. Is not the motive by which a mercenary
soldier or sailor is actuated when he shoots, or stabs, or cuts his
antagonist down, precisely the same as that which prompts a garotter
to throttle his victim ? Anybody willing to enlist in a foreign army
or navy for what he can get, would be just as ready to knock you
on the head, Mr. Punch and rifle your pockets, Sir, if he had not
before his eyes chiefly the fear of the gallows, and next the dread
of infamy incurred by illegal robbery and murder.
The Eoreign Enlistment Act punishes the agents by whom British
subjects are enlisted on behalf of foreigners, but it imposes no adequate
penalties on the men who enlist. If, Mr. Punch, the British navy
were really under-manned, and if the treatment of the British sailor
were not in every respect quite what it ought to be, a suitable punish-
ment to inflict upon those rascals, with a view merely to punish them,
would be that to which smugglers used formerly to be sentenced—
service for a term of years on Board a man-of-war. But even though
the British naval service were still somewhat of the nature of penal
servitude, it would be too bad to insult the honest sailor, whose voca-
tion is the defence of his native land, by forcing upon him the society
of such messmates as a set of venal ruffians unfit to inhabit any sort of
ship but a hulk. It would be literally hire and salary, not punishment,
to thrust fellows of that sort into a navy wherein they would be so
much better off than they could in any other as they would in that
of England. The supposition that any English seaman ever enters
the service of a foreign country unless from inability to get employ-
ment in his own, is too ridiculous almost to be mentioned by anybody
who knows what it is to be abaft the binnacle, not to say one who can
call himself An 0ld Salt.
P.S. There is said to be a want of candidates for medical appoint-
ments in the navy. Eudge, Mr. Punch ! If ail the competitors for
them obtained commissions, there would soon be almost as many
naval surgeons as sailors.
JUSTITIA MORITURA.
Suggested by the Irish Legal Appointments.
Hibernian Justice long had ailed,
And half believed that she was going,
Yet hoped, for hitherto she’d failed
To see some Warnings that were owing.
“ Nay then,” said England, always kind,
“ These are unjustifiable yearnings,
“ If you are Lame, and Deaf, and Blind,
“ You’ve had your three sufficient Warnings.”
So Irish Justice, turning pale,
Was soon as dead as Mrs. Thrale. •
The Only Defence for the Cat—The British Soldier does not
know when he is beaten.
The Naasal Organ.—The Dublin Government Paper.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 28, 1866.
A CARD.
POPULARITY OF THE NAVAL SERVICE.
ouxs Napoleon begs to in-
form the Emperors and
Kings of Europe, and the
Public generally, that his
business of Commission
Agency is carried on as
heretofore at the Palace of
the Tuileries, where he may
be consulted daily, or, it
pressing need be, Nightly,
and where all confidential
letters must be sent. Having
a few of the Ideas which be-
longed to his late uncle,
L. N. may be with safety
consulted on state subjects,
and feels himself quite com-
petent to give the best
advice. In all matters of
dispute his judgment is
proverbial; and, being
thoroughly a master of diplo-
matic language, he is able
for his clients to prove that
white is black._
Besides giving his advice
to Kings and Emperors in
need of it, Louis Napoleon is prepared to act for them as Umpire at
the very shortest notice, and may be relied upon for giving a decision
quite unbiassed by any party interested, except, of course, himself. In
arbitration cases, and quarrels between friends, L. N. may be called in
without pecuniary fee, provided there be some little advantage to be
gained by him. His knowledge of geography is thoroughly profound,
and enables him to render an inestimable service to any one desirous
of correcting an old map. Having had great experience in the art of
land-surveying, he is ready to advise as to the altering of boundaries
and removal of all landmarks which may be thought a little obsolete
and somewhat out of date. L. N. may, in like manner, be privately
consulted as to the best means of upsetting an old treaty; and _ his
advice may be had gratis as to changing or removing any ancient
bounds of territory, so as to increase his own.
Countries bought and sold, or valued and allotted, as the Umpire
may direct. New maps exchanged for old ones. State treaties neatly
broken, and the pieces picked up with the utmost care. A few new
Emperors, like Maximilian, always kept on hand, and ready to be
exported at half-a-moment’s notice to any nation wanting them.
Cracked crowns exchanged, or strengthened and repaired. State
secrets kept most carefully. Clever negotiators, such as. Prince
Napoleon, prepared to start upon important diplomatic missions, and
furnished from Head-quarters with the brains they may require. A
private telegraph upon the premises to all the capitals in Europe, and
an efficient staff of clerks who sit up day and night.
Address, Louis Napoleon, European Umpire and Commission
Agent, Paris.
N.B. No Connection with the opposition firm of Needle-gun and
Bismarck.
THE EQUESTRIAN SNOB.
At Marlborough Street Police Court, on Wednesday last week,
there occurred a very shocking thing. A gentleman with a handle of
Honourable to his name was actually convicted of being drunk, and
furiously riding a horse in Rotten Row, Hyde Park, to the common
danger of the public, besides resisting the police in the execution of
their duty when they took him up. He was positively fined £7 alto-
gether by Mr. Knox This is a painful fact for all devout worshippers
of Aristocracy, who have hitherto cherished the belief, now rudely
dispelled, that the furious rider of Rotten Row, a typical personage,
was essentially and necessarily a common Snob.
Rose in the House of Lords.
Sure, if “ by any other name ” a Rose as sweet woidd smell,
A Rose “ by any other name ” should also fight as well.
And if he do, still may we sing “ Old Rose ” for many a year,
Wondering how he comes “Lord,” for whom ’tis hard to find a peer;
“No Rose without a thorn,” ’tis said, but in the Lords may you
Still find a seat without a thorn, my trusty tough. Sir Hugh.
Mr. Punch,
It cannot, surely, be true that any difficulty is experienced by
the Admiralty in manning the Royal Navy. I lately met with a
statement, somewhere, to the effect that, for several years past, the
annual enlistments in Her Majesty’s sea-service had fallen short of
the requisite standard by some 200. Pooh, Sir ! how is it possible to
believe such an assertion as that, when you read in the papers such a.
paragraph as this ? —
“ Breach of the Foreign Enlistment Act.—Considerable excitement was
created at Portland on Wednesday in consequence of the capture by Her Majesty’s
ship Caledonia of the Chilian steamer Greatham Hall, having on board nearly 300
men who bad been secretly enlisted for the purpose of manning a war vessel for the
Chilian Government."
Hence it evidently appears that there is a glut of unemployed able-
bodied seamen. The Queen’s ships, so far from wanting hands, are all
full. There never occurs a vacancy on board any one of them, even
for a cabin-boy, but it is instantly filled. The fact is that the sailors
are all so highly paid, so well accommodated, and so generously and
kindly treated, that there is an eager competition among sea-faring
men for employment in Her Majesty’s service. A berth amongst
the crew of a British man-of-war is the prize of a fortunate few com-
paratively. The rest are glad to take what service they can. They j
must five, and, rather than starve, they are fain to hire themselves out
to fight the battles of foreigners. Necessity alone it is that drives
them to this. Perish the thought that the mere temptation of higher
wages than the pay they could obtain from their own munificent
country could induce them to accept _ the office of assisting in the
slaughter of fellow-men not being enemies of their fellow-countrymen t
Eor, of course, villains capable of killing men for hire, are only re-
strained from killing them for plunder by the penalty attached to
killing with intent to rob. Is not the motive by which a mercenary
soldier or sailor is actuated when he shoots, or stabs, or cuts his
antagonist down, precisely the same as that which prompts a garotter
to throttle his victim ? Anybody willing to enlist in a foreign army
or navy for what he can get, would be just as ready to knock you
on the head, Mr. Punch and rifle your pockets, Sir, if he had not
before his eyes chiefly the fear of the gallows, and next the dread
of infamy incurred by illegal robbery and murder.
The Eoreign Enlistment Act punishes the agents by whom British
subjects are enlisted on behalf of foreigners, but it imposes no adequate
penalties on the men who enlist. If, Mr. Punch, the British navy
were really under-manned, and if the treatment of the British sailor
were not in every respect quite what it ought to be, a suitable punish-
ment to inflict upon those rascals, with a view merely to punish them,
would be that to which smugglers used formerly to be sentenced—
service for a term of years on Board a man-of-war. But even though
the British naval service were still somewhat of the nature of penal
servitude, it would be too bad to insult the honest sailor, whose voca-
tion is the defence of his native land, by forcing upon him the society
of such messmates as a set of venal ruffians unfit to inhabit any sort of
ship but a hulk. It would be literally hire and salary, not punishment,
to thrust fellows of that sort into a navy wherein they would be so
much better off than they could in any other as they would in that
of England. The supposition that any English seaman ever enters
the service of a foreign country unless from inability to get employ-
ment in his own, is too ridiculous almost to be mentioned by anybody
who knows what it is to be abaft the binnacle, not to say one who can
call himself An 0ld Salt.
P.S. There is said to be a want of candidates for medical appoint-
ments in the navy. Eudge, Mr. Punch ! If ail the competitors for
them obtained commissions, there would soon be almost as many
naval surgeons as sailors.
JUSTITIA MORITURA.
Suggested by the Irish Legal Appointments.
Hibernian Justice long had ailed,
And half believed that she was going,
Yet hoped, for hitherto she’d failed
To see some Warnings that were owing.
“ Nay then,” said England, always kind,
“ These are unjustifiable yearnings,
“ If you are Lame, and Deaf, and Blind,
“ You’ve had your three sufficient Warnings.”
So Irish Justice, turning pale,
Was soon as dead as Mrs. Thrale. •
The Only Defence for the Cat—The British Soldier does not
know when he is beaten.
The Naasal Organ.—The Dublin Government Paper.