DOI issue:
September 8, 1866
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0108
100
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[September 8, 1866.
THE SPITEFUL CLUB.
THE TWO G'S.
uking the Recess, a
select party of un-
choice spirits, who
are compelled to re-
main in London
when all the rest
of the world (ex-
cept two millions
and three quarters)
is out of it, have
formed themselves
into an association
for the purpose of
revenging them-
selves. This is found
to be rather re-
freshing. The union
is callecl The Spite-
ful Club. They dine
together, and in
lieu of the ordinary
fulsome toasts and
humbug, they de-
vote glasses to sen-
timents of which
we have been
favoured with a
specimen, which was brought us by a surly member simply because it is against
the rules of the S.C. to reveal any of the proceedings.
The Queen, and may we have a long and heavy Rain.
Absent Friends, and may they keep so.
Bad Weather to all Tourists.
The Health of Brigands, Custom House Officers, Hotel Keepers, and other
enemies to Travellers.
Late Trains and No Beds.
Nick Pick the day for the Pic-Nic.
Any Excursion, and may it be as dull as Wordsworth’s.
Walking Tourists, and may their pleasure be Walker.
Pegs in the Heels of Pedestrians.
Cross Roads for Cross Travellers.
May the Finger-post of Direction always want an Arm.
Servants left in Charge, and their Ticket-of-Leave Men.
May Lodging-keepers remember that their year, like that of Mercury (God of
Thieves) has only Three Months.
“ The Earwig, the Midge, and the Bedroom B.,
Never forgetting the gladsome Elea.”
May the Letters awaiting our absent Enemies be as disagreeable as their best
Friends could wish.
We have pleasure in annexing the Seal of the Spiteful Club. _ The figure is
from the “ scarified” Cathedral of a City over which a Party is said to look hate-
fully, and he glares, as in old days, at the signs of Pilgrimage.
PAROCHIAL HIGH ART.
We are happy in being able to announce that the directors of the School of
Design intend to offer prizes for the best pictures suitable to adorn the walls of
workhouses, with a view to elevate the conceptions of then inmates above the
realities of Union life. For that purpose engravings from the pictures will be
made for the parishes whose guardians may be disposed to purchase them, since
the ratepayers can hardly be expected to stand frescoes. Two distinguished
artists are already at work on paintings for the decoration of our chief parochial
institutions. The subject of one is the assistance rendered to the man who fell
among thieves, and a guardian of the Shoreditch Union is sitting for the Good
Samaritan. That of the other is Alfred Dividing his Loaf with the Beggar; the
model for Alfred being a Beadle in his official costume.
A FACT AND A FICTION AT BOULOGNE.
The other day at Boulogne-sur-Mer the Cathedral of Notre Dame of that ilk was
consecrated with great solemnity. This church has been erected in celebration
of the arrival, in the port of Boulogne, a.d. 636, of a boat without pilot or sail,
and of course without steam, enveloped in a mysterious light, and containing for
its sole crew a wooden image of the Madonna and Child. During the great French
Revolution this miraculous image is said to have been destroyed by the sans
culottes. This, however, is incredible. There can, of course, be no doubt about the
arrival of the image, by superhuman impulse, in Boulogne Harbour in 636. But it
cannot have been destroyed in 1793. A miraculous image is quite capable of
holding its own, and this one, if it had submitted to be smashed to pieces, would
have put itself together again. It will turn up.
Two big G’s (not capital)
Constantly do quarrel!
Each G. calling ’tother G.
“ Impotent,” “ immoral.”
“ Penny-wise,” “pound-foolish,”
“ Shirking,” “ shilly-shally,”
“Muffish,” “mindless,” “ mulish,”
“ Dawdling,” “ dilly-dally”—
Central G. and Local G.,
Each upon its mettle ;
Its teeth doth set, for a duet,
A la Pot and Kettle.
“ Look at your self-Government! ”
(Central G. shrieks shrilly),
“ Paupers squalid in their dirt—
Starving o’er their skilly.
Casual wards like hells on earth,
Filth and immorality;
Sick rooms, to make devils’ mirth,
Suffering and brutality.
Guardians who, the rates to save.
Sacrifice the pauper:
Human kindness roused to rave,
Duty drugged to torpor.”
“ Yah ! just look in at Whitehall ”—
(Local G. may crow for’t)
“ Seventy millions in a haul,
Deuce a fleet to show for’t.
Muffs for Lords and meddlers,
Doing and undoing ;
Peculating pedlers,
Screwing and unscrewing.
While official dinners,
Calm the Board partakes of—
And old Dockyard sinners,
Cash make ducks and drakes of.”
“ You ’re a nice ’un, You are ! ”
(Central G.’s retort is)
“ Humbug and Hypocrisy,
Vestrydom’s support is!
Jobbery in large concerns,
Snobbery in small ones ;
A tail of pigmy lick-spittles
Toadying the tall ones !
Public interest defied—
Private ends regarded;
Modest merit thrust aside,
Blatant brass rewarded ! ”
“ Look at home, Sir, if you please,”
(Is Local G. ’s defiance,)
“ At the Public Offices,
Where idlesse is a science.
Business hampered in its course
With a red-tape tangle ;
Fair claims, in official course.
Met but with a wrangle.
Only civil when you ’re crost,
Only sharp in shirking.
At the maximum of cost.
The minimum of working.”
So they jar, this brace of G.’s,
Tort and retort urging;
While Britannia’s busy bees,
Round the hive are surging.
Little recking—so the row
Breaks not labours sunny,—
Question who shall take, or how.
Toll of wax and honey—
Still they toil, while both the G.’s
When they’ve had their scold out.
Boldly dip among the bees,
And bale their tax of gold out.
In Bankruptcy.
An Insolvent Dairyman complained that his only perse-
cuting creditor was Ins Dun Cow.
AnAsylum for Lunatic Creditors would find an appro-
priate site at Duns-inane.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[September 8, 1866.
THE SPITEFUL CLUB.
THE TWO G'S.
uking the Recess, a
select party of un-
choice spirits, who
are compelled to re-
main in London
when all the rest
of the world (ex-
cept two millions
and three quarters)
is out of it, have
formed themselves
into an association
for the purpose of
revenging them-
selves. This is found
to be rather re-
freshing. The union
is callecl The Spite-
ful Club. They dine
together, and in
lieu of the ordinary
fulsome toasts and
humbug, they de-
vote glasses to sen-
timents of which
we have been
favoured with a
specimen, which was brought us by a surly member simply because it is against
the rules of the S.C. to reveal any of the proceedings.
The Queen, and may we have a long and heavy Rain.
Absent Friends, and may they keep so.
Bad Weather to all Tourists.
The Health of Brigands, Custom House Officers, Hotel Keepers, and other
enemies to Travellers.
Late Trains and No Beds.
Nick Pick the day for the Pic-Nic.
Any Excursion, and may it be as dull as Wordsworth’s.
Walking Tourists, and may their pleasure be Walker.
Pegs in the Heels of Pedestrians.
Cross Roads for Cross Travellers.
May the Finger-post of Direction always want an Arm.
Servants left in Charge, and their Ticket-of-Leave Men.
May Lodging-keepers remember that their year, like that of Mercury (God of
Thieves) has only Three Months.
“ The Earwig, the Midge, and the Bedroom B.,
Never forgetting the gladsome Elea.”
May the Letters awaiting our absent Enemies be as disagreeable as their best
Friends could wish.
We have pleasure in annexing the Seal of the Spiteful Club. _ The figure is
from the “ scarified” Cathedral of a City over which a Party is said to look hate-
fully, and he glares, as in old days, at the signs of Pilgrimage.
PAROCHIAL HIGH ART.
We are happy in being able to announce that the directors of the School of
Design intend to offer prizes for the best pictures suitable to adorn the walls of
workhouses, with a view to elevate the conceptions of then inmates above the
realities of Union life. For that purpose engravings from the pictures will be
made for the parishes whose guardians may be disposed to purchase them, since
the ratepayers can hardly be expected to stand frescoes. Two distinguished
artists are already at work on paintings for the decoration of our chief parochial
institutions. The subject of one is the assistance rendered to the man who fell
among thieves, and a guardian of the Shoreditch Union is sitting for the Good
Samaritan. That of the other is Alfred Dividing his Loaf with the Beggar; the
model for Alfred being a Beadle in his official costume.
A FACT AND A FICTION AT BOULOGNE.
The other day at Boulogne-sur-Mer the Cathedral of Notre Dame of that ilk was
consecrated with great solemnity. This church has been erected in celebration
of the arrival, in the port of Boulogne, a.d. 636, of a boat without pilot or sail,
and of course without steam, enveloped in a mysterious light, and containing for
its sole crew a wooden image of the Madonna and Child. During the great French
Revolution this miraculous image is said to have been destroyed by the sans
culottes. This, however, is incredible. There can, of course, be no doubt about the
arrival of the image, by superhuman impulse, in Boulogne Harbour in 636. But it
cannot have been destroyed in 1793. A miraculous image is quite capable of
holding its own, and this one, if it had submitted to be smashed to pieces, would
have put itself together again. It will turn up.
Two big G’s (not capital)
Constantly do quarrel!
Each G. calling ’tother G.
“ Impotent,” “ immoral.”
“ Penny-wise,” “pound-foolish,”
“ Shirking,” “ shilly-shally,”
“Muffish,” “mindless,” “ mulish,”
“ Dawdling,” “ dilly-dally”—
Central G. and Local G.,
Each upon its mettle ;
Its teeth doth set, for a duet,
A la Pot and Kettle.
“ Look at your self-Government! ”
(Central G. shrieks shrilly),
“ Paupers squalid in their dirt—
Starving o’er their skilly.
Casual wards like hells on earth,
Filth and immorality;
Sick rooms, to make devils’ mirth,
Suffering and brutality.
Guardians who, the rates to save.
Sacrifice the pauper:
Human kindness roused to rave,
Duty drugged to torpor.”
“ Yah ! just look in at Whitehall ”—
(Local G. may crow for’t)
“ Seventy millions in a haul,
Deuce a fleet to show for’t.
Muffs for Lords and meddlers,
Doing and undoing ;
Peculating pedlers,
Screwing and unscrewing.
While official dinners,
Calm the Board partakes of—
And old Dockyard sinners,
Cash make ducks and drakes of.”
“ You ’re a nice ’un, You are ! ”
(Central G.’s retort is)
“ Humbug and Hypocrisy,
Vestrydom’s support is!
Jobbery in large concerns,
Snobbery in small ones ;
A tail of pigmy lick-spittles
Toadying the tall ones !
Public interest defied—
Private ends regarded;
Modest merit thrust aside,
Blatant brass rewarded ! ”
“ Look at home, Sir, if you please,”
(Is Local G. ’s defiance,)
“ At the Public Offices,
Where idlesse is a science.
Business hampered in its course
With a red-tape tangle ;
Fair claims, in official course.
Met but with a wrangle.
Only civil when you ’re crost,
Only sharp in shirking.
At the maximum of cost.
The minimum of working.”
So they jar, this brace of G.’s,
Tort and retort urging;
While Britannia’s busy bees,
Round the hive are surging.
Little recking—so the row
Breaks not labours sunny,—
Question who shall take, or how.
Toll of wax and honey—
Still they toil, while both the G.’s
When they’ve had their scold out.
Boldly dip among the bees,
And bale their tax of gold out.
In Bankruptcy.
An Insolvent Dairyman complained that his only perse-
cuting creditor was Ins Dun Cow.
AnAsylum for Lunatic Creditors would find an appro-
priate site at Duns-inane.