Punch (51.1866)

October 27, 1866.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

177


:

A RASCAL HOOKED.

E read that the police
have secured a gentle-
man who calls himself
Erederick Young, and
who describes himself as
a clerk. His device for
obtaining a livelihood is
the amialile one of calling
at suburban houses when
the masters thereof are
away, and of pretending
to have a most impor-
tant telegraphic mes-
sage, for which he
demands money, threat-
ening to “-send the
message back ” if he is
not paid. As our femi-
nine orders have as yet
rather a horror of tele-
grams, and are utterly
ignorant as to the tele-

traphic system, they get
urried, and imagination
instantly prompts the
idea that somebody or
other, for whom they
care, is ill, and they pay
Mr. Young, getting a
sheet of rubbishing
scribble in return, a
fright at the time, and
scolding, or at least sar-
casm, when Paterfami-
lias returns home. Mr.
Youn g has made a great
many victims, and to the
end that possible imita-
tors of Mr. Young may
make no more, Mr. Punch
affectionately invites at-
tention to the case. He
implores his beloved

British Female to understand that genuine telegraphic messages are inscribed on a form of which
Paterfamilias will do well to give his harem a specimen, and that even, if refused, they are never
“ sent back,” and that scoundrels of the Young class should be detained (no change ready, or some
such excuse) until B. 1407 can be found. Mr. Young himself will not deliver any more messages at
present, as Mr. Arnold very properly refused bail, and we trust that the Judge who will sentence
Young is a family man.

HIGHLY JUDICIOUS JESUITS.

The Echo du Luxembourg, as quoted
by the Express, publishes the follow-
ing bill ol fare of a banquet which
followed the inauguration, with a mass
and a sermon, of the Jesuits’ Palace
at Arlon:—

“ Huitres d’ Ostende, potage i la tortue,
erfipinettes a la Richelieu, saumon a la Hol-
landaise, filet de bceuf a la jardiniere, ean-
neton aux olives farcies, filet de soles, mate-
lote Normande, perdreaux au naturel ;
sorbets au kirsch, c61£ris farcis, liCvre k la
poivrade, dindonneaux truffes & l’episcopale,
becasses, anguille au beurre Montpellier,
jambon d’Ardenne en gelde, homards, pStds
de foie gras, bavaroise panach^e, Macedoine
au Champagne, glaces, fruits, dessert.”

He who leads a good life is sure to
live well, as the “Holy Friar” says
in the canticle of that title. The
Jesuit Fathers of Arlon appear to have
adopted the rule of that worthy ceno-
bite’s order. “ It is hardly neces-
sary,” continues the journalist, with
reference to the foregoing catalogue
of good things, “ to add that this
succulent repast was enlivened with
old wines ol the choicest vintages.
Among others is mentioned a certain
white Tokay, which drew exclama-
tions of delight from the pious guests.”
As, for example, “ Hoc est bonum in
visceribus meis.” “ You mean,” the
speaker’s next neighbour perhaps sug-
gested, “ Tokay est bonum." “ Pro
omnibus bibo” was perhaps sung by
some brother of the Society in a state
of enthusiasm, although doubtless he
had passed the bottle. Ah! these are
sad times for the poor persecuted
monks and priests of the Roman
Catholic Church, and they require all
the support wherewith the best of
eating and drinking can strengthen
them to endure the martyrdom which
they nowadays undergo continually.

Why is Brighton more aristocratic
this year than last F Because it has
one Pier more.

i

!

I

A BRADFORD BLUNDERER.

DON’T CALL BAD NAMES.

Nemo bis vexari, and so forth, saith a law maxim; and as Mr.
Punch is morally sure that the unhappy Editor of the Bradford Ob-
server will ere tins have received from Mr. Bright, per post, a private
flagellation, in return for the scribe’s abject attentions, Mr. Punch will
merely notice, not for the Editor’s sake, but Yorkshire’s, a slander
which the Observer has published in reference to Mr. P.’s last beautiful
and suggestive Cartoon. The Bradford writer is a “ numb hand; ”
and we imagine that he will speedily discover that the canny Forkshire-
men are not to be humbugged by a scribbler who is too lazy to turn to
the file of a journal which he wishes to vilify. He had charged Mr.
Punch with having caricatured the late Mr. Cobden, the last time he
was mentioned in Punch. Yorkshiremen are accustomed to straight-
forward language, and we leave them to apply the right name to the
Editor of the Observer, when they have been reminded that, about two
months before Mr. Cobden’s death, he was referred to as a “ true
statesman,” and a kindly hope was added that he would not support
certain Liverpool financiers. He was never alluded to again in Punch,
during his life, but tributes both in verse and prose appeared when the
nation was mourning him • and, if Mr. Punch divulged confidences, he
could show that those tributes were welcome where such servility as
that of the Bradford scribe must have inspired disgust. So much for
the Bradford Blunderer. He may settle with Mr. Bright for having
contended that, because Mr. Cobden was a great and good man, Mr.
Bright ought not to have been depicted in the admirable Cartoon in
question.

WORSE THAN HOUSE-BREAKING.

A Man, calling himself a gentleman, was lately convicted, on Ins
own confession, of taking up his residence.

Mr. Punch has always pleasure in encouraging little pleasures which
promote the harmless happiness of society. It is delightful to him to
see a round—or oval table of grown-up and bearded gentlemen sniffing
at Pharaoh’s Serpents, or evincing ecstasy at Fairy Bubbles._ But a
certain good taste should dominate pur delights. We certainly dis-
approve of the vulgarity which has given to the last new plaything a
name which should not be made a household word. Certain little balls,
like peas, may be thrown into water, when they ignite and spit fire
into your eyes and shirt-front, to the delight of the social circle, but it
is not proper to call them the tears of the Enemy of Souls, and
Mr. Punch suggests to the leash of Jewish persons who advertise the
articles, (with some doggerel which it would be appropriate, were it not
coarse, to call infernal) that the sale of the spitfires is not likely to be
promoted by the name. Respectable newspapers are requested to
receive this intimation. Could not the peas be called Walpole’s Tears ?

THE NEW PRIMER.

For the use of those who teach the young idea how to shoot, there
has very lately been invented a new Primer. We have not yet had
the leisure and the pleasure to examine this new weapon of instruction
carefully, but we believe that, although it may be. found to miss fire
! here and there, upon the whole it pretty fairly contrives to hit the mark.
Clearly, it is better for the noble army of our martyrs—we mean to
say our schoolmasters; the two words are synonymous—that they
| should all be furnished with one uniform weapon of instruction, than
i have half a hundred to pick from and perplex them. The new Primer
on the whole is the best that is in use, and, although some of our great
guns may differ in regard to it, we believe it will be found a very
serviceable noddle-loader.