DOI issue:
December 8, 1866
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0239
December 8, 1866.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
231
A BOX OF PUZZLES.
TOUTING TOR PICTURES.
at, Mr. Punch, can those
tailors mean who invite me,
by circular, to try their
“ Chancery Trousers ” ? If
they offered me Chancery
suits, I could understand
the proposition, although I
might decline the risk; but
the only Chancery “ bags ”
the world ever heard of are j
made of a material and in
colours not usually thought
adaptedfor masculine adorn-
ment. Certainly, if I allowed
myself to be incased in these
“ Chancery Trousers,” I
should expect all my friends
would arrest my progress on
the Queen’s Highway to
view each of my legs as a
limb of the law, and counsel
me to add to my wardrobe
a Bankruptcy Vest and a
Common Law coat, the latter
for general wear, with a
Conveyancing Wrapper for j
the top of the omnibus on
foggy mornings. The price
of these trousers, as given
in the circular, is inexpres-
sibly low, and just fits my
exchequer; but I would
suggest to the learned
Bench of Tailors that they
might find the article take better if offered at a still smaller sum—say,
thirteen-and-fourpence.
What can those shopkeepers mean who by tickets in their windows
try to allure me to buy “Trench Wrists”? Can we wonder at the
degeneracy imputed to our medical students when a useful portion of
the human frame is thus publicly exposed for sale ? Where are the
professors of Muscular Christianity ? We spend thousands on the
conversion of an occasional cannibal or two in the Pacific Ocean: we
had far better give our attention and money to the hosiers in Totten-
ham Court Road. What I have quoted is it not enough to put our
relations with Prance out of joint, and to set the two nations by
the ears ? We shall have the Paris shopkeepers retaliating with some
such announcement as “ English Chests,” if this nefarious traffic is
not immediately stopped. Let the police be instantly instructed to
search the premises of these retailers, where they will probably find
secreted the members of other nations—the Roman nose, the Austrian
lip. the Grecian profile, and the Grand Trunk of Canada.
What can Advertisers mean who tempt me to take houses with
“ entertaining rooms ” ? If Egyptian Hall or St. James’s were to let,
such a designation might not be inappropriate, but I do not see how
it can be applied to private residences, unless, indeed, it has reference
to their excellent stories. My friends are few, and my digestion
indifferent, sq I rarely go into company, but if what I hear and read
be true, dining-rooms are anything but entertaining rooms—rather
chambers of horrors.
Lastly, why do the promoters of public concerts solicit me to take
“ Pauteuils ” at half-a-guinea, or to go into the “Parterre” with a florin ?
Is the English language bankrupt, and the Dictionary in the hands of
assignees ? Are “ Stalls ” only fit for cobs and canons ? Are we
grown so genteel_ as to have a soul above “ the body of the Hall,” to
leave the “Area” to the Policeman, and be as much ashamed of
“ Back Seats ” as we are of poor relations and holes in our gloves ?
A Blue-Coat and Buff-Waistcoat Man.
A BRUSH BETWEEN BROTHERS.
The British Public likes nothing better than being on familiar terms
writh its favourites. A theatrical audience is perfectly delighted when
any casualty causes an actor to step out of the picture-frame and speak
to his generous benefactors in his natural voice. Church-goers who
happen to have the pleasure of being in their pews when the clergyman
utters a few secular words on a bit of parochial business are quite
pleased, and smile at one another and treasure the little incident for
tea-table talk. All of which is very amiable, in its way. But we
really think that some public people go a little too far in cultivating
the private regards of their friends. Look at this notice in a pious
contemporary r—•
‘•The Editor’s Album.—The special friends of the Christum World—both ladies
and gentlemen—are respectfully informed that the Editor will be much gratified to
receive their carUs-de-visite for his Album ; and that he hopes to be able to make a
collection of several hundreds of them at least. Name and address should, of
course, be written on the back of each portrait.”
Now, Mr. Punch discharges his editorial functions in his own way,
and begs to disclaim any idea of interfering with the course which his
Christian brother, above-mentioned, may deem wise. But Mr. Punch
earnestly prays and entreats that the Special Priends of Punch (that is
to say the world at large) will not think that he, also, would like to be
favoured with the photographs and autographs of his admirers. Fleet
Street already presents blocks enough, thanks to empty cabs and the
Yan Demons, but what would it be if an extra thousand parcels were
delivered every day ? And what would become of the Post Office,
while the men of the Duke of Montrose should be groaning and
toiling under the additional myriads of letters to No. 85? Setting
aside this view of the case, which is exceptional, and could occur only
in regard to Punch, he puts it to his friend the Editor of the Christian
World, whether an Editor gains by seeing the likenesses of his corre-
spondents. Some of the best of writers are alarmingly ugly, while
many elegant men and adorable women send rubbish. Even an Editor
is human, and might be inclined to read mifavouringly the MS. of a
party who looked like a snob, while as unwise a tenderness might be
felt for a pleasant-looking swell, or a charmingly-depicted young lady.
Again, why should an Editor have a contributor’s likeness ? To aid
the police in case the contributor bolts, after cheque, without sending
his article ? That is practical, but we should care little for a contri-
bution extorted while Z 365 was at the writer’s elbow. But does the
Editor of the C. W. give soirees, at which his photograph books are
handed round with the tea? We hope better things of a fellow-
craftsman. We, at least, hold no such spoony re-unions. Pancy any
of Punch’s fellows, or his darling she-fellows, sending their cartes-de-
visite, to be inspected over claret and through smoke. Truly, their
ears would tingle at the candour with which their lineaments would be
remarked upon. However, if the C. W. does give soirees, we shall be
obliged by an invitation. A deputation from Punch shall attend, and
a report may be relied upon.
TO ABOUT FIFTY CORRESPONDENTS.
Ignorant idiots gasp in despair
Over a rhyme to the name of the Mayor,
“ Gabriel— Gabriel—O it’s a teaser.
Help us, omnipotent Punch, if you please. Sir.”
Blockheads, I come,
Beating a drum.
Drum, which if beat before Alderman Gabriel,
(If lie had lived in the days of Queen Bess),
Would have been known as a “ Tabor,” or “ Tabriel ”—
There is a rhyme for you, boobies, I guess.
Of Course we Don’t Mean the - Theatre.
In Prance, a portion of the Theatrical Receipts is given, by law, to
the Hospitals. Here, it might not be unjust if some theatres had to
make a contribution to a certain Asylum on your left as you go to
Brighton. For the class that furnishes inmates furnishes audiences.
Recent intelligence from America includes the announcement that
“ the shoeblacks of New York are to have a trial of skill for the cham-
pionship of America.” In what contest ? Professional or pugilistic ?
In operations on leather, or in the art of “ leathering ” each other ? In
blacking shoes or in blacking eyes ? Will they compete in polishing
boots one with another, or will they try to polish one another off ?
The white shoeblack, being a sort of black that may be said to be
white, is susceptible of a certain polish, which, however, differs from
that effected by the manual art exercised by shoeblacks. According to
Sam Slick, however, this latter species of polish has been brilliantly
developed on the negro skin. Let us hope that it is not the only polish
ot which our sable brethren are capable.
OF ANYTHING BUT THE RIGHT BRAND.
Poor Lieutenant Brand, in his letter to Mr. C. Buxton, M.P.,
has only succeeded in branding himself. As his. correspondence with
the benevolent brewer has led to his own cashiering, he may take rank
henceforth as Brand, the XXX-Lieutenant.
squaring the circle.
According to Cocker, although it is impossible to square a circle,
it is extremely possible to get round a Square. Moreover, a round
sum is often the best thing for the squaring of accounts.
231
A BOX OF PUZZLES.
TOUTING TOR PICTURES.
at, Mr. Punch, can those
tailors mean who invite me,
by circular, to try their
“ Chancery Trousers ” ? If
they offered me Chancery
suits, I could understand
the proposition, although I
might decline the risk; but
the only Chancery “ bags ”
the world ever heard of are j
made of a material and in
colours not usually thought
adaptedfor masculine adorn-
ment. Certainly, if I allowed
myself to be incased in these
“ Chancery Trousers,” I
should expect all my friends
would arrest my progress on
the Queen’s Highway to
view each of my legs as a
limb of the law, and counsel
me to add to my wardrobe
a Bankruptcy Vest and a
Common Law coat, the latter
for general wear, with a
Conveyancing Wrapper for j
the top of the omnibus on
foggy mornings. The price
of these trousers, as given
in the circular, is inexpres-
sibly low, and just fits my
exchequer; but I would
suggest to the learned
Bench of Tailors that they
might find the article take better if offered at a still smaller sum—say,
thirteen-and-fourpence.
What can those shopkeepers mean who by tickets in their windows
try to allure me to buy “Trench Wrists”? Can we wonder at the
degeneracy imputed to our medical students when a useful portion of
the human frame is thus publicly exposed for sale ? Where are the
professors of Muscular Christianity ? We spend thousands on the
conversion of an occasional cannibal or two in the Pacific Ocean: we
had far better give our attention and money to the hosiers in Totten-
ham Court Road. What I have quoted is it not enough to put our
relations with Prance out of joint, and to set the two nations by
the ears ? We shall have the Paris shopkeepers retaliating with some
such announcement as “ English Chests,” if this nefarious traffic is
not immediately stopped. Let the police be instantly instructed to
search the premises of these retailers, where they will probably find
secreted the members of other nations—the Roman nose, the Austrian
lip. the Grecian profile, and the Grand Trunk of Canada.
What can Advertisers mean who tempt me to take houses with
“ entertaining rooms ” ? If Egyptian Hall or St. James’s were to let,
such a designation might not be inappropriate, but I do not see how
it can be applied to private residences, unless, indeed, it has reference
to their excellent stories. My friends are few, and my digestion
indifferent, sq I rarely go into company, but if what I hear and read
be true, dining-rooms are anything but entertaining rooms—rather
chambers of horrors.
Lastly, why do the promoters of public concerts solicit me to take
“ Pauteuils ” at half-a-guinea, or to go into the “Parterre” with a florin ?
Is the English language bankrupt, and the Dictionary in the hands of
assignees ? Are “ Stalls ” only fit for cobs and canons ? Are we
grown so genteel_ as to have a soul above “ the body of the Hall,” to
leave the “Area” to the Policeman, and be as much ashamed of
“ Back Seats ” as we are of poor relations and holes in our gloves ?
A Blue-Coat and Buff-Waistcoat Man.
A BRUSH BETWEEN BROTHERS.
The British Public likes nothing better than being on familiar terms
writh its favourites. A theatrical audience is perfectly delighted when
any casualty causes an actor to step out of the picture-frame and speak
to his generous benefactors in his natural voice. Church-goers who
happen to have the pleasure of being in their pews when the clergyman
utters a few secular words on a bit of parochial business are quite
pleased, and smile at one another and treasure the little incident for
tea-table talk. All of which is very amiable, in its way. But we
really think that some public people go a little too far in cultivating
the private regards of their friends. Look at this notice in a pious
contemporary r—•
‘•The Editor’s Album.—The special friends of the Christum World—both ladies
and gentlemen—are respectfully informed that the Editor will be much gratified to
receive their carUs-de-visite for his Album ; and that he hopes to be able to make a
collection of several hundreds of them at least. Name and address should, of
course, be written on the back of each portrait.”
Now, Mr. Punch discharges his editorial functions in his own way,
and begs to disclaim any idea of interfering with the course which his
Christian brother, above-mentioned, may deem wise. But Mr. Punch
earnestly prays and entreats that the Special Priends of Punch (that is
to say the world at large) will not think that he, also, would like to be
favoured with the photographs and autographs of his admirers. Fleet
Street already presents blocks enough, thanks to empty cabs and the
Yan Demons, but what would it be if an extra thousand parcels were
delivered every day ? And what would become of the Post Office,
while the men of the Duke of Montrose should be groaning and
toiling under the additional myriads of letters to No. 85? Setting
aside this view of the case, which is exceptional, and could occur only
in regard to Punch, he puts it to his friend the Editor of the Christian
World, whether an Editor gains by seeing the likenesses of his corre-
spondents. Some of the best of writers are alarmingly ugly, while
many elegant men and adorable women send rubbish. Even an Editor
is human, and might be inclined to read mifavouringly the MS. of a
party who looked like a snob, while as unwise a tenderness might be
felt for a pleasant-looking swell, or a charmingly-depicted young lady.
Again, why should an Editor have a contributor’s likeness ? To aid
the police in case the contributor bolts, after cheque, without sending
his article ? That is practical, but we should care little for a contri-
bution extorted while Z 365 was at the writer’s elbow. But does the
Editor of the C. W. give soirees, at which his photograph books are
handed round with the tea? We hope better things of a fellow-
craftsman. We, at least, hold no such spoony re-unions. Pancy any
of Punch’s fellows, or his darling she-fellows, sending their cartes-de-
visite, to be inspected over claret and through smoke. Truly, their
ears would tingle at the candour with which their lineaments would be
remarked upon. However, if the C. W. does give soirees, we shall be
obliged by an invitation. A deputation from Punch shall attend, and
a report may be relied upon.
TO ABOUT FIFTY CORRESPONDENTS.
Ignorant idiots gasp in despair
Over a rhyme to the name of the Mayor,
“ Gabriel— Gabriel—O it’s a teaser.
Help us, omnipotent Punch, if you please. Sir.”
Blockheads, I come,
Beating a drum.
Drum, which if beat before Alderman Gabriel,
(If lie had lived in the days of Queen Bess),
Would have been known as a “ Tabor,” or “ Tabriel ”—
There is a rhyme for you, boobies, I guess.
Of Course we Don’t Mean the - Theatre.
In Prance, a portion of the Theatrical Receipts is given, by law, to
the Hospitals. Here, it might not be unjust if some theatres had to
make a contribution to a certain Asylum on your left as you go to
Brighton. For the class that furnishes inmates furnishes audiences.
Recent intelligence from America includes the announcement that
“ the shoeblacks of New York are to have a trial of skill for the cham-
pionship of America.” In what contest ? Professional or pugilistic ?
In operations on leather, or in the art of “ leathering ” each other ? In
blacking shoes or in blacking eyes ? Will they compete in polishing
boots one with another, or will they try to polish one another off ?
The white shoeblack, being a sort of black that may be said to be
white, is susceptible of a certain polish, which, however, differs from
that effected by the manual art exercised by shoeblacks. According to
Sam Slick, however, this latter species of polish has been brilliantly
developed on the negro skin. Let us hope that it is not the only polish
ot which our sable brethren are capable.
OF ANYTHING BUT THE RIGHT BRAND.
Poor Lieutenant Brand, in his letter to Mr. C. Buxton, M.P.,
has only succeeded in branding himself. As his. correspondence with
the benevolent brewer has led to his own cashiering, he may take rank
henceforth as Brand, the XXX-Lieutenant.
squaring the circle.
According to Cocker, although it is impossible to square a circle,
it is extremely possible to get round a Square. Moreover, a round
sum is often the best thing for the squaring of accounts.