DOI issue:
December 29, 1866
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16878#0268
I
26 0
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CPIARIYARI. [December 29, 1866.
AY.
SEASONABLE INGREDIENTS FOR A CHRISTMAS PUDDING.
AN HONOURABLE PROFESSION IN FRANCE.
The following announcement in the Post suggests a high idea of the
dignity of the French Bar:—• *
j
“ The Bar and the Turf in France.—The French Council of Advocates has
decided that to be a Member of the Jockey Club is incompatible with the profession
■ of a barrister. ”
The Jockey Club is an institution which has for one of its objects
that of keeping the Turf as clear as possible of rascals. This, of course,
cannot be the reason why the French advocates consider membership
of that body incompatible with the forensic profession. Their objection
to the Jockey Club must be supposed to rest on the belief that it does
1 not succeed sufficiently well in its endeavours to keep the Turf
honourable. Hence follows the inference that the Bar of F'rance has
fixed for itself a very high standard of honour. Accordingly we sup-
pose that no French barrister would ever condescend to accept a brief
on behalf of a notorious quack, for example, bringing his action for
libel against a critic who had called him a scoundrel. So, neither, we
presume, would an honourable member of the French bar, deign to
undertake the cause of the plaintiff in an obviously speculative action
for breach of promise of marriage ; for what black leg can be farther
below the dignity of a true gentleman than a “ gentleman of the long
rcbe ” who suffers his tongue to be hired as an instrument of extortion ?
! haired young man with a shepherd’s crook leading his sheep into the
Square, while Blanche’s Mamma, from the balcony with her eye-glass,
calmly calculates the value of his wedding gift. Unhappily, in our
case, Charles has no docks and herds. If he had, I think Papa would
give him a kind answer, and not revile him, poor fellow, because cir-
cumstances over which (during his uncle’s lifetime) he has no control,
compel him to do what I know his pride revolts at, though I suppose
many do it every day without blushing, but then, as you are aware,
dispositions differ, and some poor young barristers would, I dare say,
rather die single than expose their briefless condition by begging the
question. Pray pardon, dear Mr. Punch, this intrusion, and believe me,.
Yours very very sincerely,
The Olives. Amjslia Swansdown.
P.S. I have solved the prize enigma in my—-that is, dear Punch, in
your Pocket-Book: it is “ Two-lips.” Papa says no, but I point out to
him it must be that or something similar, and then he becomes warm
and vehement, and concludes by reproaching me for begging the
question. Whether I am innocent or guilty I dare not, in my present
ignorance, venture to say.
[You are wrong, dearest Amelia.—Ed. of P. B.~\
A CRUSHING REFORM.
The Yestrymen of London and its neighbourhood are respectfully
advised to repair, as soon as they conveniently can, to Hyde Park, so
as to see in operation there the machine mentioned in the subjoined
newspaper paragraph :—
“ Steam-Roller in the Parks.—At last a Steam-roller has been set to work in
the Parks, it is a cumbrous looking machine, and is worked at night. One result
of its working may be seen on the Kensington side of Hyde Park, where some newly
laid granite was transformed iuto a smooth and compact mass on Friday night."
The brutality which mends the roads with fragments of granite,
leaving them to be ground down by carriage-wheels and the feet of
horses, has long been a disgrace to British local self-government, and
afforded a spectacle to foreigners’ derision. There is something ex-
tremely ludicrous in the excess of dogged barbarism. This eminently
parochial quality is frequently displayed in the expedient of laying
down logs of wood on either side of the sharp stones which a tract of
road has been newly mended with, in order to prevent drivers and
riders from shirking them. The brutes accustomed to resort to this
contrivance may now go and learn how stones may be crushed by an
engine which the stones cannot hurt in return, as they do a horse or a
carriage. If steam-rollers are not put immediately in use on our
highways, the savages whose duty it is to mend the roads ought to be
compelled to walk, barefooted, over a good mde of then own macadam.
THE PUSEYISED “CHRISTIAN YEAR;”
OR, THE SWAN AND THE GOOSE.
Dying Swan by geese beset,
Keble, as it doth appear,
Them, the silly creatures, let
Tamper with his Christian Year.
BEGGING THE QUESTION.
., Dear Mb. Punch,
Papa is so hasty and speaks so loud that I always tremble
when I ask him for an explanation of any little simple thing. Were it
ocher wise, I am sure I would not trouble you, dear Mr. Punch, know-
ing how much of your valuable time is taken up by young ladies
desiring information on various matters of importance, but whose
perplexities cannot be greater than mine are at the present moment.
1 am very anxious to know what is meant by a phrase I have often
heard Papa use in argument—“ Begging the Question,” and I ’ll just
mention how my anxiety arises. At a the dansante very [recently,
Charles proposed and 1 accepted, on the 'understanding, of course,
that he obtained Papa’s consent. Well, last evening an opportunity
offered ; Papa was aioue iu his study, Charles knocked and walked
in. I listened at the door with a hunt feeling, and distinctly heard
Papa say sternly, “Sir, you are begging the question,” so 1 concluded
that begging the question of Papa was the same as popping the ques-1
tion to me.
Now, dear Mr. Punch, afo^Yyou think it a sad thing that high-minded
young men like Charles should be obliged to beg in this way? In
distant countries where pastoral manners prevail, a lover is not
required to humble himself to obtain his dear one’s hand. No, he
comes with his flocks and herds to the rustic dwelling of his intended,
and it her parents are pleased with his offer they take his lambs and
give him their Liza. What a pity it is we can’t do so in Belgravia,
ii this custom could be introduced there, how nice it would be, and
what a sweet pretty picture it would make. Oh, fancy a very fair-
So they changed one little word
In a hymn, and their word, sole,
Turned sound doctrine to absurd.
Made mere nonsense of the whole.
Pusey, with the Thirty-Nine
Articles play fast and loose ;
But pervert not, dull divine,
Song of Swan with quill of Goose !
THOUGHTS, MAXIMS, SENTIMENTS, AND SUBJECTS
OF THE SEASON.
“May Christmas bring us dumb waits and deaf waiters.”
(A consummation devoutly to be wished, considering how invariably
the former smg out of tune, and the latter listen to the guests’ good
things, instead of dispensing the host’s ditto.)
How odd that it should be precisely at dinners a la passe that we are
not condemned to witness attempts at the dismemberment of Turkey !
The only kind of Christmas Bill and Christmas Box Mr. Punch and
his young folks have any, toleration for.— A Bill of the best pantomime,
and the right Box at the right theatre S
Subject for a Christmas Cartoon (liberally placed at the service of
the illustrated periodicals which have used up Father Christmas, and
rung all the possible changes on Christmas carols, Christmas chimes,
Christmas logs, Christmas liresides, Christmas waits, and Christmas
kissings).—Good Digestion waiting on Appetite, to warn him against
plum pudding.
26 0
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CPIARIYARI. [December 29, 1866.
AY.
SEASONABLE INGREDIENTS FOR A CHRISTMAS PUDDING.
AN HONOURABLE PROFESSION IN FRANCE.
The following announcement in the Post suggests a high idea of the
dignity of the French Bar:—• *
j
“ The Bar and the Turf in France.—The French Council of Advocates has
decided that to be a Member of the Jockey Club is incompatible with the profession
■ of a barrister. ”
The Jockey Club is an institution which has for one of its objects
that of keeping the Turf as clear as possible of rascals. This, of course,
cannot be the reason why the French advocates consider membership
of that body incompatible with the forensic profession. Their objection
to the Jockey Club must be supposed to rest on the belief that it does
1 not succeed sufficiently well in its endeavours to keep the Turf
honourable. Hence follows the inference that the Bar of F'rance has
fixed for itself a very high standard of honour. Accordingly we sup-
pose that no French barrister would ever condescend to accept a brief
on behalf of a notorious quack, for example, bringing his action for
libel against a critic who had called him a scoundrel. So, neither, we
presume, would an honourable member of the French bar, deign to
undertake the cause of the plaintiff in an obviously speculative action
for breach of promise of marriage ; for what black leg can be farther
below the dignity of a true gentleman than a “ gentleman of the long
rcbe ” who suffers his tongue to be hired as an instrument of extortion ?
! haired young man with a shepherd’s crook leading his sheep into the
Square, while Blanche’s Mamma, from the balcony with her eye-glass,
calmly calculates the value of his wedding gift. Unhappily, in our
case, Charles has no docks and herds. If he had, I think Papa would
give him a kind answer, and not revile him, poor fellow, because cir-
cumstances over which (during his uncle’s lifetime) he has no control,
compel him to do what I know his pride revolts at, though I suppose
many do it every day without blushing, but then, as you are aware,
dispositions differ, and some poor young barristers would, I dare say,
rather die single than expose their briefless condition by begging the
question. Pray pardon, dear Mr. Punch, this intrusion, and believe me,.
Yours very very sincerely,
The Olives. Amjslia Swansdown.
P.S. I have solved the prize enigma in my—-that is, dear Punch, in
your Pocket-Book: it is “ Two-lips.” Papa says no, but I point out to
him it must be that or something similar, and then he becomes warm
and vehement, and concludes by reproaching me for begging the
question. Whether I am innocent or guilty I dare not, in my present
ignorance, venture to say.
[You are wrong, dearest Amelia.—Ed. of P. B.~\
A CRUSHING REFORM.
The Yestrymen of London and its neighbourhood are respectfully
advised to repair, as soon as they conveniently can, to Hyde Park, so
as to see in operation there the machine mentioned in the subjoined
newspaper paragraph :—
“ Steam-Roller in the Parks.—At last a Steam-roller has been set to work in
the Parks, it is a cumbrous looking machine, and is worked at night. One result
of its working may be seen on the Kensington side of Hyde Park, where some newly
laid granite was transformed iuto a smooth and compact mass on Friday night."
The brutality which mends the roads with fragments of granite,
leaving them to be ground down by carriage-wheels and the feet of
horses, has long been a disgrace to British local self-government, and
afforded a spectacle to foreigners’ derision. There is something ex-
tremely ludicrous in the excess of dogged barbarism. This eminently
parochial quality is frequently displayed in the expedient of laying
down logs of wood on either side of the sharp stones which a tract of
road has been newly mended with, in order to prevent drivers and
riders from shirking them. The brutes accustomed to resort to this
contrivance may now go and learn how stones may be crushed by an
engine which the stones cannot hurt in return, as they do a horse or a
carriage. If steam-rollers are not put immediately in use on our
highways, the savages whose duty it is to mend the roads ought to be
compelled to walk, barefooted, over a good mde of then own macadam.
THE PUSEYISED “CHRISTIAN YEAR;”
OR, THE SWAN AND THE GOOSE.
Dying Swan by geese beset,
Keble, as it doth appear,
Them, the silly creatures, let
Tamper with his Christian Year.
BEGGING THE QUESTION.
., Dear Mb. Punch,
Papa is so hasty and speaks so loud that I always tremble
when I ask him for an explanation of any little simple thing. Were it
ocher wise, I am sure I would not trouble you, dear Mr. Punch, know-
ing how much of your valuable time is taken up by young ladies
desiring information on various matters of importance, but whose
perplexities cannot be greater than mine are at the present moment.
1 am very anxious to know what is meant by a phrase I have often
heard Papa use in argument—“ Begging the Question,” and I ’ll just
mention how my anxiety arises. At a the dansante very [recently,
Charles proposed and 1 accepted, on the 'understanding, of course,
that he obtained Papa’s consent. Well, last evening an opportunity
offered ; Papa was aioue iu his study, Charles knocked and walked
in. I listened at the door with a hunt feeling, and distinctly heard
Papa say sternly, “Sir, you are begging the question,” so 1 concluded
that begging the question of Papa was the same as popping the ques-1
tion to me.
Now, dear Mr. Punch, afo^Yyou think it a sad thing that high-minded
young men like Charles should be obliged to beg in this way? In
distant countries where pastoral manners prevail, a lover is not
required to humble himself to obtain his dear one’s hand. No, he
comes with his flocks and herds to the rustic dwelling of his intended,
and it her parents are pleased with his offer they take his lambs and
give him their Liza. What a pity it is we can’t do so in Belgravia,
ii this custom could be introduced there, how nice it would be, and
what a sweet pretty picture it would make. Oh, fancy a very fair-
So they changed one little word
In a hymn, and their word, sole,
Turned sound doctrine to absurd.
Made mere nonsense of the whole.
Pusey, with the Thirty-Nine
Articles play fast and loose ;
But pervert not, dull divine,
Song of Swan with quill of Goose !
THOUGHTS, MAXIMS, SENTIMENTS, AND SUBJECTS
OF THE SEASON.
“May Christmas bring us dumb waits and deaf waiters.”
(A consummation devoutly to be wished, considering how invariably
the former smg out of tune, and the latter listen to the guests’ good
things, instead of dispensing the host’s ditto.)
How odd that it should be precisely at dinners a la passe that we are
not condemned to witness attempts at the dismemberment of Turkey !
The only kind of Christmas Bill and Christmas Box Mr. Punch and
his young folks have any, toleration for.— A Bill of the best pantomime,
and the right Box at the right theatre S
Subject for a Christmas Cartoon (liberally placed at the service of
the illustrated periodicals which have used up Father Christmas, and
rung all the possible changes on Christmas carols, Christmas chimes,
Christmas logs, Christmas liresides, Christmas waits, and Christmas
kissings).—Good Digestion waiting on Appetite, to warn him against
plum pudding.