Punch (62.1872)

February 24, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

79

fieation, and then he was elevated. People think this an evasion
of the law, and the Chief Justice of the Queen's Bench, Sis
Alexander Cockbubn, not only thought so, but said so, in a very
strong letter to the Chancellor. The latter and his colleagues
reserved their defence till Parliament should meet.

To-night Lobd Stanhope stated the case against Ministers, and
of course did so in the temperate and judicial manner to be ex-
pected in a nobleman who writes History, and writes it admirably.
Lobd Pobtman, Lord Warden of the Stannaries (from stannum, tin,
if any lady wants a glossary—and there have been Stannary Courts
in Devon and Cornwall for ages), a nobleman born 1799, and to-
night designated by Lob,d Salisbury as "a cautious old man"
(his motto is "A Clean Heart and a Cheerful Spirit"), defended
the Government, and praised Mb. Gladstone a good deal. Lobd
Salisbuey was in great force, and " sadly satirical," as the ladies
say. But he did not wish to censure the Ministers in a way to
necessitate resignation, as just now we were floundering in mud

Thanksgiving Day. On the same day the Lord Chambeblain had
announced, by a letter, that the Embankment route had been decided
on for a long time. Lastly, it was settled, and wisely, that the
Viaduct and Oxford Street route should be adopted, whereby there
will be great defeat of Roughdom, and the garden and trees of the
Embankment will be saved from destruction, besides that another
half million or so of the Queen's decent subjects will be able to see
Her. But it is delightful to observe how well our Betters work
together.

There was a Ballot Debate, but nobody was in earnest; and if
Mr. Dowse, the Irish Solicitor, had not been exceedingly
humorous, the House would have been thinner than it was, and
this would have been difficult, for at one time there were only two
Members present. Mb. Dowse said one thing that was wise as well
as witty, namely, that a man who had not changed his opinion for
thirty years could have no opinion worth anything. Hear that, old
Obstinates, who pique yourselves on having all your lives held the

into which they had dragged us, and out of which it was their ; same opinions. A Count was tried, but men laid down their cigars
business to get us. j (using evil language), and came in. The Bill was read a Second

Then two very "salvage knights" did battle. The Duke of j Time by 109 to 51.
Argyll called Sib A. Cockbukn's language "ribald," and Lord} As a delicate attention to the new Speaker, a little row was got
Westbury called the Duke's unjust, indecent, and a proof of \ up, just to give him a chance of showing that he knew his business,
ignorance. | and he extinguished the strife with promptness.

Lord Romilly defended the Chancellob, and then the Chan- ! Mr. Vernon Harcourt was emphatic on the Algerine character
cellob defended himself. He mentioned a good many interesting ' of the Parks Bill, and wanted to know why those who were "our
things, among them the fact that when at the Bar he had never had flesh and blood" the other day were now called " roughs." Mr.
an altercation with anybody ; that he was very proud of having : Ayrton praised his own civility, and Mr. Gladstone deprecated
done justice to Bealks, M.a., of whom two Conservative lawyers j " the heroic style." You are not to laugh at your superiors, or quote
had spoken highly ; that if he felt he had been guilty of anything j Quis tulerit ? or anything else that might be thought rude,
degrading he would go and settle in Australia [Australian papers, | Friday— The Duke of Richmond reduced the Thursday majority
please copy], and that he could not get anybody but Sir R. Collier, | by one-half; that is, he discovered that the Government had only
who had consented to take the other Judges' leavings." This I 88 supporters, not 89. Lord Salisbury said that two Lords had
highly conclusive speech did not give Lord Cairns much chance of j been brought from Italy to vote. Lord Granville wanted the
showing his powers, but he managed to show that Government had names of those Peers, as he would be very glad to see them,
made themselves ahsurd m the face of the world. j It was announced in the Commons that the American Reply to

Lord Granville deprecated this sort of attack. Turn us out, if \ our " Friendly Communication " would come on the First of March,
you like, and if you can, but do not be always censuring ue. j 'Tis the day of Saint David. May it be omen that our American

On division, the Ministers had a majority of Two. But only 176 friend and Pistol means to " eat the Leek."
Peers voted. Nobody wants to do much damage to the Cabinet j Those ill-treated Slaves, Coolies, and Jurymen, had their wrongs
just now. I pleaded. Sir John Coleridge has some pity for the latter, and

In the Commons, Mr. Gladstone said that no final decisions had ] thinks of doing something for them. The Coolies must take things
been arrived at in regard to Her Majesty's return route on the 1 as coolly as they can, but they are atrociously treated.

Bull had made terms for a match

With Uncle Sam :
Glad the first fair chance to catch,
An old quarrel up to patch,
Without coming to the scratch

With Uncle Sam.

Close kinship Bull must own

With Uncle Sam :
The same breed in blood and bone,
By good points and bad they 're shown,
Both a leetle overgrown

In Uncle Sam.

Among other points of Bull

In Uncle Sam,
Debts to him he '11 have in full,
But his purse-strings asked to pull,
In his ears sticks cotton-wool,

Does Uncle Sam.

Like Bull, hard to persuade

Is Uncle Sam,
When once down the law he's laid,
One word contra can be said,
That a moment should be weighed

By Uncle Sam.

Like Bull, apt to forget

Is Uncle Sam,
Rules for others he has set,
He is somewhat given to let
A good deal broken get

By Uncle Sam.

"second thoughts are best."

" With Jews deal like the Jews,'

Says Uncle Sam.
" The best rule of play to use,
Is, if allowed to choose,
' Heads I win, and tails you lose.' "

As his stake Bull means to pay

To Uncle Sam,
Should Sam win—as p'raps he may—
'Ere the game is under-weigh,
He must know for what they play-
Cute Uncle Sam ! He and Sam.

If Bull's penny points seemed pounds

To Uncle Sam—
Howe'er strange the blunder sounds-
Better own it, than give grounds
For renewal of old rounds

So if Bull a game begin

With Uncle Sam,
It could scarce be thought a sin,
If for his rule he brought in,
" Heads you lose, and tails I win,"

Eh, Uncle Sam ?

But as Christian, not Jew,

Is Uncle Sam,
While John Bull is Christian, too,
Such sharp practice he '11 eschew,
And his cards play frank and true,

With Uncle Sam.

But if ere the first card's played

With Uncle Sam,
Bull finds blunders have been made,
As to what is to be paid,
Why to say so be afraid,

To Uncle Sam ?

Whatever chance of row

With Uncle Sam—
Who like Bull can't bear to bow—
Better deal with that chance now,
Than a minute's doubt allow

To Uncle Sam.

With Uncle Sam !

That we 're fools, 'tis hard to write

To Uncle Sam ;
That his claims are Bletherumskite,
Sam mayn't relish owning quite—
But aught's better than a fight

'Twixt Bull and Sam.

Bull has " d—d good-natured friends,"

And so has Sam,
Who regret each feud that ends
In peaceable amends;
Hail each scratch, to raw that tends,

'Twixt Bull and Sam.

But if John Bull is wise

And Uncle Sam,
They '11 not black each other's eyes,
But their honest friends surprise,
By proving no allies

Like Bull and Sam.

Bull is wise and strong enough—

So's Uncle Sam—
Though on points of honour tough,
Loud of speech, and even gruff—
To feel talk of war sheer stuff

'Twixt Bull and Sam.

If we cannot fix our stake

With Uncle Sam,
Let's off match, and no mistake,
Nor such fools of ourselves make
As peace and heads to break—

Eh, Uncle Sam ?