Punch (71.1876)

53

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 12, 1876.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Saturday sitting, July 29. Better day, better
deed. The House met and fought the Education
Bill as far as Report,_ so as to leave Monday free
for the Eastern Question.

Monday, July 31.—"Who'll tread on the tail
of my Foreign Office uniform ?" might have
been Lord Derby's cry— {Lords)—through a
night's talk, in which nobody seemed disposed to
turn on any tap stronger than milk and water.
Lord Stratheden's tame Resolution in favour
of supporting the treaties of 1856, was followed
up by a long-winded vindication of our policy in
the'Crimean War from Lord Granville, spiced with a little mild objurgation of Turkey, as a Power that had violated every undertaking
with her political as with her pecuniary creditors, and a passing fling at the Government for not more effectually interfering in
the framing of the Andrassy Note, and for sending the Fleet to Besika Bay, without explanation whether that move was made as an
intimation to Russia, a hint to the Porte, or a defence of the Christians. Most people will echo Lord Granville's amiable wish
that Lord Derby will "hasten, rather than delay, the moment where Europe in concert can by diplomatic action put an end to a
state of things which is fatal to the Christians, ruinous to the Turks, and which the longer it lasts is the more sure to lead to European
complications;" and that " whatever is done, every care will be taken to secure the welfare and good government of our fellow-religionists
in Turkey." "These be brave'orts! marvellous brave 'orts! " as Fluellen says. Well, good wishes can't hurt anybody; and fine
words break no bones, if they butter no parsnips.

Lord Derby might well say he felt rather like a Minister waiting to return thanks for his health, than a Foreign Secretary on defence
of his policy. He found himself reduced to the humiliating necessity of agreeing with Lord Granville in almost everything.
Agreeing with him that the subject ought to be brought before the House; agreeing with him in regretting the war; agreeing with
him in hoping it may be localised ; agreeing with him that Turkish misgovernment for the last twenty years has contributed " in some
not inconsiderable degree "—nothing like putting a fine diplomatic point on it—" to the insurrectionary movements of the last twelve
months." As for the Andrassy Pie, we had quite as much of a finger in it as was desirable ; and as to the Berlin Memorandum, not
only were we well out of it, but all the Powers were thankful to us for enabling them to be well out of it too. The fact is, we were the
first for keeping a ring, and now all the Powers are helping us to keep it. So the talk wore on with a dreary absence of variance, even
Lord Hammond falling into the tune of the time, and warning the Turk, that, if he wasn't a better boy, Britannia would no longer
stand his friend. As for Lord Bath, he roundly lectured Lord Derby on his want of bowels, calling Turkish rule the most brutal that
ever disgraced the earth, and warning the Government that the country was sick of the Turks, and would stand no more Crimean wars.