Punch (71.1876)

November 11, 1876.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 199

TOO SERIOUS FOR JOKING.

Smith (frivolous Joker). "The 'Murphies' come up rather badly, eh,
Brown ?"

Brown (serious Gardener). "Oh, middling."

Smith. "I find the Crop will be Ten per Cent, under the Average
this Year !"

Brown. "How do you come at that? They are not got up yet."
Smith (prodding B. with las Umbrella). "By trying 'em,—by the Ten-
Tater-ve Process, my Boy ! Twig ?" ! ! [Brown has to go in and take something.

THE PARADISE AT THE POLE.

[A Fool's.)

The Northern Pole has no punch-bowl

Inside of its frozen rim,
No open sea, as 'twas said to he,

Where the sprat and mackerel swim :

No Paradise walled round with ice

Which Arctic lights illume ;
Where gales smell nice with balm and spice,

And the rose and the citron bloom.

No haven of rest for the rock-built nest

Of the gannet and the gull,
Much less any brake whence trill and shake

Are poured by the sweet bul-bul.

There absolute Cold, in high stronghold,

A Despot reigns alone.
No living thing can that old King,

Jack Frost, brook near his throne.

In the snow of his chair he sits, as it were
The Prince on a Twelfth-Cake, crowned,

With a frozen wall that blocks out all,
Four hundred miles around.

Too daring wights with his teeth he bites.

Beware lest he nip thy nose,
Or turn thee back from thy doleful track,

Adventurer, minus toes!

Hurrah for the bold who braved the cold,

In hard and perilous fight
With that fell foe, to far down below

The zero of Fahrenheit.

But now we know that the Pole's no go,

In a region we can't explore,
Let lives be cost and money dead lost

In a vain attempt no more.

Mrs. Gamp on the Arctic Expedition

" Sairey," says Mrs. Harris to me,
it as these Diskivery Ships, which was to have brought
the North Pole to the British Museum, has been and
gone and come back without it ? "

"Mrs. 'Arris," says I, "I suppoge they've been and
corned back from regions only known to theirselves."

A New Phase of Spiritualism.—Treadmill-turning.

POETICAL LICENCE.

The following Advertisement telling of the lavish liberality of
Oriental Princes appeared not many days ago in the columns of the
Times :—

TO POETS, &c—WANTED, A LIBRETTO for an opera in Italian.
The subject must be tragic. £20 will be given for it, if approved of.—
Prince Duleep Singh, Carlton Club, Pall Mall, London.

It is scarcely necessary to say that the notice to "Poets, &c,"
must have produced hundreds of answers. Will His Highness
Prince Duleep Singh be good enough to say if the following were
amongst the number.

Working Man's Literary Institute, Hammersmith.
Mr. John Jones, bricklayer, presents his compliments to Mr.
Duleep Singh, and begs to say that should he be thrown out of
work this Christmas he will be glad to think of Mr. Singh's offer.
At present his wages are too good to allow of his entertaining Mr.
Singh's obliging proposal.

Servant's 'All, 2,473, Grosvenor Square.
John Thomas Smith, Esq.'s respects to Prince Duleep Singh,
and I wouldn't undertake the job under £25. What with my gen-
tleman's clothes to brush, and the tidying up of the pantry, John
Thomas Smith, Esq., ain't got much time on 'is 'ands for what I
may call literatoore. Thank you all the same.

Grub Street, E.G.
Mr. Shakspeare Dante Milton Snooks presents his compliments
to Prince Duleep Singh, and regrets that his appointment as Poet
Laureate to the eminent firm of Messrs. Shadrach, Meshach, and

Abednego, the celebrated Merchant Clothiers, prevents him from
accepting the Prince's esteemed proposal. Mr. Shakspeare Dante
Milton Snooks takes the liberty to suggest that from the nature of
the Prince's offer, he imagines that the terms of Messrs. S. M. and
A. will exactly suit the views of his Highness. The Indian Cent
Suit (as advertised), from £1 2s. 6c/., trousers, coatee, and vest
complete.

Hanwell Lunatic Asylum,
Your Highness, Dangerous Ward.

I shall be very glad to undertake the work you propose, for
the rate of remuneration you suggest.

Your very obedient servant,

A Literary Man.

P.S.—I would have called upon you in person had I been able to
effect my escape.

85, Fleet Street, F. C.
Mr. Punch presents his compliments to Prince Duleep Singh.
As His Highness has hitherto maintained the character of a very
sensible Gentleman, Mr. Punch trusts that the advertisement to
which he has called attention is merely a silly hoax.

Suspicious.

Can this advertisement, from the Wigan Observer, haVe anything
to do with the " Cow with the iron tail" ?

THE WIGAN COAL & IRON CO., Limited, beg to announce that
they have commenced to deliver MILK, by Cart, from their Brimelow
Farm.

vol. lxxi.

u