Punch (71.1876)

October 21, 1876.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 165

ANIMAL AUTOGRAPHS.

(jTrtrffi!) here is a Book announced under
fflHl! the title of Animals Painted by
P-lS: Themselves.

. The Fox is the only animal we

— Naturally mild
and philanthropic.

The Bear.—Elegant Action of—Agreeable Manners—Charming Tenor Voice—Fond of Waltzing
—At the Head of the Pole—Has a Hug for every Friend.

The Fox.—Naturally frank and open—Would not hurt a Chicken for Worlds—Always liked

Sour Crapes—The Best Friend with
Hounds.

The Pig.—The Victim of Slander
—His Clean Habits—His Sweet Home
—His Abstemiousness and Remark-
able Temperance — His Plaintive
Warble, and his Love of Hebrew.

The Ass.—His Musical Talents—
His Tender Lips—Activity in Bond-
age—Willing Acquiescence when
asked to Gallop.

The Monkey.—Greek Type De-
veloped—Superiority to Man—Dra-
matic Powers. &c, &c, &c.

The Work promises to be most
amusing, if not instructive. We
only hope it will be illustrated by
Animals. Why not? ■ Badgers have
been most successfully drawn by
Dogs; and few Horses but have
drawn a carte de visite. So we re-
peat, Why not ?

Poor Womankind.

Dear Old Punch,

I hope you do not approve
of such truly manly selfishness as
De. Slade's, who, after his wife has
gone to her rest, cruelly breaks it
by making her come back to earn
his bread for him! As a Married
Woman I protest against such be-
haviour to one of our ill-used sex.
Your old Friend,

May (but wouldn't).

THE BELL-RINGERS.

{A Devonshire Dream, after the Church Congress at
Plymouth.)

"The bells are the external voice of the Church, and as Catholic as the
Church itself."—Eev. C. P. H. Barlow, in the discussion on " Church Bells,
and How to Use Them" which wound up the meeting of the Church Congress
at Plymouth.

"Any man, however dull his intellect, can learn to do what is called round-
ringing. Change-ringing is very different . . . The learning of the latter is
a matter of impossibility to some men ; others only go a very short way in the
art; and, of course, others attain greater or less proficiency."—Mr. C. A. "W.
Troyte, President of the Devonshire Guild of Ringers, in the same discussion.

The Jackdaw, perched on the belfry-eaves,

As he peeped through a network of ivy-leaves,

Saw a Clerical Congress, in cassocks and copes,

Tugging away at a tangle of ropes,

To the sound of something between curse and benison,

The comment of outspoken Archdeacon Denison.

The cassocks rustled, the copes and stoles

Fluttered and flounced, as those well-meaning souls

Toiled, tugged, and strained, but they couldn't keep time !

Which, of course, plays the mischief with peal or chime.

So the net result was a vigorous jangle,

With the clappers at odds, and the ropes in a tangle,

And the pullers as loud as their bells in wrangle!

" Oho," quoth the Jackdaw, " hereby hangs a tale !

In their craft these black-coated Bell-ringers fail:

I must teach them there needs more than vigour and zeal

In the pullers, to sound an harmonious peal."

Then he hopped in among them, sans bow or apology,

And propounded his views upon Church Campanology.

" Brother black-coats," he cried, " out of tune, out of time,
While you thus tug, no wonder your bells fail to chime.
Pound-ringing ! Most likeness, methinks, might be found
In your work to what pugilists mean by a ? round.'
Change-ringing ! Suggestive in these days of ' movements,'
Of changes the country calls aught but improvements ;
Though e'en mutability's gale you might weather,
If somehow you 'd manage to change all together:
But some change in one key, and some in another,
And each ringer's chief aim seems his fellow to smother,
Till trebles and basses, to keep time unable,
Clash into cacophony—mere bells of Babel!

Peal-ringing ! Well that, one would think, might be, verily,

A labour of love all would join in right merrily;

Tintinnabular pastime instead of a toil;

But e'en jubilates a jangle will spoil,

And joy-peals are marred, if some obstinate bell

Will go in, on its private account, for a knell.

To join in a treble-bob-major sounds fine,

But if one treats his bell but as summons to dine,

Another as cow-bell, of pasture suggestive,

A third as alarum to hearts high and restive ?—

If this fiery Archdeacon deems Church-bells the tocsin

Which calls to a fray he would fain exchange knocks in;

While that blandest of Bishops would rather decide

Their note is the couvre-feu bidding men hide

Latent fires of Dissent ?—if to others they be

Mere muffin-bells, telling of tattle and tea,

Or factory-bells, brisk reveille to work'i

For cowards to funk, and for sluggards to shirk ;

Or wedding-day clashes, or funeral knells,

Or parties' loud pseans, or souls' passing-bells—

What wonder, in short, if ' ensemble''s past hopes,

With as many Minds as you've Men at the ropes ?

Now, since to keep tune is a dream, were't not well,

To muffle your noisiest tongues for a spell ?

Or at least not proclaim in too public a way,

That a symphony's just the one thing you can't play ?

While each tugs his' own rope, and will tug it alone,

As heedless of time, as of tune and of tone,

Expending his strength in his self-centred labours,

With a cool disregard for the ' notes ' of his neighbours,

Why, unison, harmony, music, are things

Which not Wagner himself could get out of your ' rings '—

And English Church-music, however you strain,

As ' music' must still ' of the future ' remain."

Here the Bird hopped aloft, and those Bell-ringers stared.

A few optics half twinkled, but most of them glared.

Said their Leader, at last, "Well, he lays down the law;

But you see, after all, he is only a Daw!

A mere saucy Lay-creature, though given to perch

In saucy intrusion outside of the Church.

Pull away! pull away ! Give a right Plymouth peal! '

So they tugged—to what tune only Time can reveal.

The Spiritualist's Locus Standi.—The Bar of Bow Street.

vol. lxxi.

s