Punch (71.1876)

December 16, 1876.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

259

THE TOOTH THAT WON'T COME OUT.

The Rev. Arthur Tooth, having been inhibited from playine-
Mass by the Court of Arches, a " large and enthusiastic meeting"
of his habitual audiences was held at St. James's, Hatcham, the
other evening, "to protest against" his inhibition, "and to express
sympathy with him." According to the Post:—

" In moving the third resolution, which pledged the meeting to withhold all
moral, personal, and pecuniary support from any Priest' intruded into their
parish,' Mr. Robert Tooth, the patron of the living, observed that the
Vicar's conduct had been termed lawless, but it was not to be forgotten that,
at the commencement of the proceedings, he had volunteered to submit to the
Bishop's decision, provided his Lordship would try the matter in accordance
with the Church's laws."

Under which Church, Bezonian, speak or die ? The Church
by law established, or the Church of which, in this country, the
top-sawyer is Cardinal Manning ? The former, by the decree of
its highest Court, has declared Mr. Tooth to have proved himself,
in playing 3fass, an unsound Tooth, a Tooth to be stopped, a Tooth
which, if stopping will not suffice, will have to come out. As to
the latter, it would simply disown Mr. Tooth, and declare his pre-
tension to play Mass improper, if not impious and condemnable.
The least serious of those ecclesiastics whom Tooth takes off would
say that comedians go too far when they attempt chiesa buff a.
Apparently Mr. Tooth, like other English actors in his line of
business, does not know what he is about. He should learn. A
Divine whose writings a few years ago caused great commotion
in Exeter Hall, might teach him; for at present, evidently, this
Tooth is innocent of the theology of Dens.

Book-keepers.—Book borrowers.

MUMBO-JUMBO'S LATEST MUFTI.

An Energetic Protest from an Alarmed Member of the Party

of Order.

"The formula of our Zeit-Geist is Development."—C. E. Appleton, in
Contemporary Eevieiv.

Development ? Oh, yes ! Our last new Dagon !

A fetish formula that I cry plague on.

Of this catch-word, that mouthed so f ir and wide is,

I'm sick as e'er was Greek of Aristides.

J hold this vaunted key to the world's riddle

A downright diddle,
Devised by Darwin and such imps of Babel,
To rob the world of credos comfortable,

And all that's fixed and stable.
There never was such aid to Revolution
As this pert theory of " Evolution ; "
A sort of hocus-pocus, by whose sleight
Nothing, by slow degrees, grows everything ;
And all, from mote to Seraph, made to spring

Spontaneously from Chaos and Old Night.
I love it not. I like to " draw the line : "
I hold belief in boundaries, ranks, and classes.
The notion that a lump of jelly passes,
By changes none may mark they are so fine,
Into a stout Conservative County Squire,

Is one I can't admire.
A Radical may rise from an Ascidian
(He's not much better at his full meridian!)
But Me date back to speck of protoplasm ?

It gives me quite a spasm!
Development jumbles everything. Nought's a fixture,
But all the universe a sort of mixture.
There's no clear boundary line 'twixt Ape and Angel,
According to this precious new evangel.
" All idiosyncrasies are fiuent." Are they ?
So are some idiots ! Every bond and bar they
"Would fain attenuate till 'tis as fine
As what they call a mathematic line;
Length without breadth or substance, which, by Jingo !
Seems a fair type of all their long-spun lingo !
(They'd like to serve my hedges so, no doubt,
But honest quickset keeps false Quixotes out.)
It's all their artful way of muddling things,
Creeds, Constitutions, Classes, Ranks, and Races;
Till none can fix their principles, or places :
A Radical conspiracy that flings
Doubts on our lineage, and throws dubious lights
On privileges and on social rights.
Cosmos ! What Order could be underangeable,
With elements so vague and interchangeable ?
Who 's who, and which is which, in stamp or station,
In face of their confounded " Correlation ?
Development our formula ? Absurd !
I hold a man's a man, a bird's a bird,
A Radical's a B-adical, and a rat
Is not, and never will be, dog or cat.
Things were made so or so for weighty reasons,
And may they ne'er get muddled—like our Seasons !
Hard and fast lines are comfort and salvation

In Nature and the nation ;
And, if the Zeit-Geist holds these doctrines hazy,
I'm sure the Zeit- Geist must be going crazy.

NO MORE CATTLE SHOWS!

According to the report of a lecture lately delivered by
Dr. Childs, F.R.C. S., under the auspices of the Society for the
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, at Tunbridge Wells, on " Vivi-
section, its Uselessness as well as its Unlawfulness," the Lecturer,
introducing his subject, "said that nothing more was wanted to
effect the total suppression of Vivisection than that the people at
large should, have a clear notion of what Vivisection means."
Perhaps what he wished to say was merely that if people desired to
effect the total suppression of Vivisection, it was necessary that
they should clearly know what it meant. Now Vivisection means
cutting or maiming any living thing. So, if it were totally suppressed
there would be an end of butchers. As it is, we don't kill a pig
every day, but then we should never kill a pig any day. Hunting,
shooting, fishing, and all manner of field-sports, would be entirely
prohibited,.and we should become a nation of Vegetarians.

Novelty for the Bric-a-Brac Hunter.—A Railway in China.

vol. lxxi.

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