December 23, 1876.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 281

"FOREWARNED IS FOREARMED."

Chorus. " Ullo, Fwed ! What on Earth abe you Walking about with that beastly
Sausage under tour Arm for?"

Fn-cd. "Well—aw—the fact is, the othaw Day, i saw in the Papaws that a Fella'd

been sent to the workhouse—aw—because he 'd GOT ao VISIBLE MEANS OF SUBSISTENCE I

Put me in a regular blue Funk, you know ! So i got this Sawsage to Protect myself—

aw-" ? !

THE MODERN PATRIOT'S
CREED.

(As collected from the " Daily Tele-
graph," "Pall Mall Gazette," "Stan-
dard," "Morning Post," and other
harmonious and irrefragable authori-
ties. )

I do believe that Heaven designed
Our land to play first fiddle;

And that Humanity's a blind,
And Justice just a diddle.

That John Bull, as Heaven's special
pet,

May read both as he wishes ;
His interest's all that he can get;
His Rights—his loaves and fishes.

I do believe in " Cockahoop,"

As watchword for the nation ;
That to unselfishness to stoop

Is maudlin degradation:
That rolling brag about our Flag,

Our courage, or our coffers,
Is just the way to put the gag

On foreign foes and scoffers.

I do believe fanatic fools

Who cackle of "Humanity,"
Are truants, who shirk History's
schools,

To play at Christianity.
That he—the worst of all the pack —

The emotional politician,
Is to a statesman what the quack

Is to the true physician.

I do believe in shaken fists
As means of striking terror ;

That amateur diplomatists
Must always be in error ;

That the true patriotic plan,
The rule that men should bind
most,

Is, our own Interests in the van,
And Devil take the hindmost!

A Hint to Supper-givers at
Christmas.—Don't put your Cosaques
too near your Turkey.

The Best Dialect for Our
Plenipotentiary.—Salisbury Plain-
English.

CHRISTMAS " CASES."

The melancholy case of Mr. Frank Flowerdale, who has
hitherto contentedly dined with his maiden aunts at their residence
in a little village in Epping Forest on ..Christmas Day ; but is this
year chafing and growling at being obliged from interested motives
to accept their inopportune invitation, depriving him, as it will, of
the bliss of joining the Summerthorns' family party in llosebery
Street, sitting next to Minnie Summerthorn at dinner, and dancing
with her for the best part of the evening.

The miserable case of rich old Piddlesworth, who is a misan-
thrope and a misogynist, and will dine as usual at the "Welsh
Rabbit" in Fleet Street, on the 25th, and afterwards return to spend
the evening alone in his dingy chambers.

The perplexing case of the Rev. C. Barry Tone? the popular
curate of St. Osnaburgh's, who has received four invitations to
dinner on Christmas Day, all from influential members of the con-
gregation with.; most delightful families, the female members of
which are witching in appearance, fascinating in manners, and
highly cultivated in their musical tastes.

The touching case of poor little Pinthrop, from Jamaica, who is at
school at the Pev. Finborough Dumphick's at Hackney, and has to
remain there for the Christmas vacation.

The worrying case of Mrs. Whissendine, who with a particular
and fidgety husband, eight children all at home for the holidays,
friends staying in the house, and a large family party expected on
Christmas Day, is looking forward to the departure of her cook

and housemaid on the 21st, and has not yet succeeded in finding com-
petent successors.

The happy case of Christina Cloverbob, aged four, whose birth-
day falls on Christmas Day, and who has talked and thought, and
dreamt of nothing else for the last month or six weeks.

MINISTERIAL MEDICINE.

Among those things which no fellow can be expected to under-
stand may be classed the following newspaper announcement:—

" The Epileptic Homicide.—Mr. Secretary Cross, having carefully
considered the case of William Drant, has felt justified, under all the cir-
cumstances, in advising Her Majesty to commute the convict's sentence to
penal servitude for life."

What, then, is Epileptic Homicide manslaughter ? Does the Law
—Home Office Law—call Epilepsy an extenuating circumstance of
Murder ? Epilepsy, Doctors tell us, is a convulsive disorder
whereof the subject's movements are involuntary, and wherein some
sufferers do not know what they are about. Either way, if homicide
is done in an epileptic fit is it not homicide by misadventure, or at
any rate through absolute if temporary insanity ? One can under-
stand why an Epileptic Homicide should be taken care of during
Her Majesty's pleasure, but not why he is punished with penal
servitude ? It is not Mr. Cross's Law, probably, that is at fault in
this matter ; but the line he took as to Vivisection, and his dealing
with Epilepsy, taken together, appear to indicate rather hazy views
of Medicine.