Punch (93.1887)

38 PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI._[July 30, 1887.

MODERN CRAZES.

(TA<; Zas< Thing in Musical Prodigies.)
"THE BABY BOTTESINI."

DESPATCH WITH ECONOMY.

(Minutes relative to a Misdirected Telegram, found not a hundred miles from the O. P. 0.)

Oeigdtal Telegbam :—

From Lucy to Flutterby, Peacock's Priory, Eattersea.

" Ask Jack to dine with us at eight."

First Minute. This Telegram was sent to Peacock's! Rest, but there refused as Mr.
Fluttebby was not there. It was re-directed to what was supposed to be his address,'' Morton's
Repository, "Whitechapel." It was again refused. We cannot recover the sixpence.

(Official Initials.)

Second Minute. "Who re-directed the Telegram, and why was it not paid for before
delivery ? {Initials as before.)

Third Minute. We cannot ascertain the name of the person whore-directed the Telegram,
and did not receive the sixpence because the Telegram was never accepted. _

(Initials as before.)

Fourth Minute. Who sent the Teleeram originally ? (Initials as before.)

Fifth Minute. We have sent an Officer to inquire, and find that Lucy lives in Flower
Cottage, Kensingbridge—she is the sender's wife. She says she knows nothing about the
telegram. (Initials as before.)

Sixth Minute. Cannot the address of the sender be ascertained? (Initials as before.)

Seventh Minute. We believe the sender must also live in Flower Cottage, Kensingbridge.
Shall we send an Officer to inquire ? (Initials as before.)

Eighth Minute. An Officer from the Head Office had better be sent. (Initials as before.)

Ninth Minute. An Officer from the Head Office has been sent. The sender of the telegram
is either out or says he is out. His wife declares she knows nothing about it.

(Initials as before.)

Tenth Minute. Has the sender no other address besides Peacock's Priory, Morton's
Repository, and Flower House, Kensingbridge ? (Initials as before.)

Eleventh Minute. What is being done about that missing sixpence ? A week since last
reply. Its non-payment interftres with the Estimates. (Initials as before.)

Twelfth Minute. Nothing has been done.
What can be done ? (Initials as before.)

Thirteenth Minute. An Officer should
call upon the sender of the telegram and
demand payment of the sixpence.

(Initials as before.)

Fourteenth Minute. An Officer has called
several times, and cannot find the sender
in. His wife repeats she knows nothing
about it, and declines to give information.

(Initials as before.)

Fifteenth Minute. Has the sender no
other address ? He must pay the sixpence.
Let him be told this. (Initials as before.)

Sixteenth Minute. We have found him
at another address, but he still declines to
pay the sixpence, he says he has never re-
ceived the telegram. (Initials as before.)

Seventeenth Minute. Try again. Let him
be informed that if he does not pay the
sixpence, no further telegram of his will be
directed. (Initials as before.)

Eighteenth Minute. He has been told so.
He says he does not want his messages re-
directed. He has not as yet paid the six-
pence. (Initials as before.)

Nineteenth Minute. Ten days since last
communication. Has that missing sixpenoe
been recovered ? (Initials as before.)

Twentieth Minute. No. The sender of
the telegram, we believe, has gone abroad.

(Initials as before.)

Twenty-first Minute. Month since re-
ceipt of last information. Has that missing
sixpence been recovered ? The sender must
be asked for it again it is has not been re-
ceived. (Initials as before.)

Twenty- second Minute. An equivalent to
the money due on redirecting the message
has been recovered. The sender has given
an Officer of the Department a French
franc. _ (Initials as before.)

Twenty-third Minute. Let the French
franc be exchanged for English money and
paid into the account of the Department.
Account of expenses to the Department for
collecting the sixpence should now be sent.

(Initials as before.)
_ Final Minute. In compliance with instruc-
tions, account of expenses incurred in
collecting the sixpence will be forwarded
forthwith. Some time will be required in
setting out the details. Being rather large,
it has been considered advisable to send the
picket by Parcels Post.

(Initials as before.)

JACK'S RESPONSE.

(Spithead, July 23, 1887.)

[In replying to a Naval Deputation whicn
waited upon the Queen with a Jubilee Album
and Address, Her Majesty said, " she felt
certain that the Navy would always uphold the
honour of the Kingdom."]

Right Royal Lady on the throne 1
From stem to starn, from top to kelson,

The British Fleet is all your own,
To-day as in them times of Nelson.

'Twill help you still to rule the wave,
Though swabs may croak and lubbers
twaddle;

That Album Milne our Admiral gave,
." Shows many a change in rig and model,
But could they hail us at Spithead,

To-dajr, old Drake, or Howe or Howabd,
They 'd find the race as never bred,

To scour the brine, traitor or coward.
What the old Victory did of old,

The Ajax or the Devastation
Would dare to-day, and Jack makes bold,

In this here year of Jubilation,
To answer to his Sovereign's trust,

Like every British son of Adam,
('Midst the enthoosiatic bust

Of loud hooray s) his '' Aye, aye, Madam I