DOI Heft:
December 17, 1887
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17658#0283
277
THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY, M.P.
Fbom the Ministee to Pebsia.
Hampstead, Saturday.
ear Toby,
I am, as you will under-
stand, so busy in my prepara-
tions for departure, that I fear
I may not find time to call
upon you, p.p.c, and therefore
take up my pen to write these
few lines, hoping they will find
you well, as they leave me at
present. It is an odd reflection
to one who has reached my
time of life, that henceforward
sixteen-shilling trousers shall
have no more interest for me.
Already, in the privacy of my
room, I don the flowing robes
of the East, and sit by the
hour as you see me in a little
<t) ^Sljj r^^tjT^'NyU^~**<rv*'*// sketch I have had made, and
,Wnau^T-yai2—af^wrC5K<P.Vvr--.-Deg y0ur acceptance herewith.
It is all very strange to me
yet. As Gb-nd-lph says, it is the oddest thing in the world that the Ark and
I. after much tossing about in troublous waters, should finally settle down in
the neighbourhood of Ararat. Jf I had had my choice. I would not have gone so
far afield. The wise men, you know, come from the East, they do not go there;
at least, not further than Constantinople, which would have su'ted me admir-
ably. Rome I have eyed askance. I could have dressed the part for St.
Petersburg. Berlin would not have been bad; and I feel that I was born for
Paris. But the Markiss of course has his way, and he has mapped mine out for
Teheran.
It is odd to reflect (and as I sit here trying to grow accustomed to the hookah,
I feel in a reflective mood) that if Bb-bl-gh had not heen elected for North-
ampton in 1880, I would never have been Her Majesty's Minister at the Court
of the Shah. Do you remember the night, nearly eight years gone, when I
jumped up from my seat below the Gangway and physically barred Bb-bl-gh's
passage up the House ? In the loose way history is written, Gb-nb-lph gets the
credit of incubating the Fourth Party. Bat if it had not been for me, that
remarkable cohort would never have existed, and the history of English politics
for the last seven years would have been written differently. Gb-nd-lph was
actually not in the'House when I created the Be-pl gh difficulty. Three weeks
earlier, on Bb-bl-gh's first presenting himself, Fbeddy C-v-nd-sh had moved
for a Select Committee to consider his claim to make affirmation. St-FF-BB
N-bthc-te had seconded the hum-drum motion, the Committee was agreed to,
and there the matter ended. When Ge-sv-n-r moved to nominate the Com-
mittee, I came to the front, was snubbed by H-lk-e at the instance of our
respected Leaders, but stuck to it then and af cer, till presently, the Conservative
Party, seeing the advantage, came round to my view and poor St-ff-rd
N-Ethc-te had to eat his words. Gr-nb-lph came on the field and the ball was
set rolling; but it was I who gave it the first kick.
And now behold me solemn, sedate, responsible, the Representative of the
greatest of Western Powers at the Conrt where once Artaxebxes ruled i Jn
quitting Parliamentary life I leave behind me an example which young
Members will find it profitable to study. The opportunities I possessed were held
m common with hundreds of others whom I leave in obscurity. I had no
Particular gifts that promised the comfortable pre-eminence I have reached.
The coarsest flatterer could n°t accuse me of oratorical ability. _GR-nd-LPn, I
confess, excelled me there, and so did G-est, an abler man than either of us, but
lacking in the quality that brought Gb-nd-lph and me to the front and kept us
there. What I did was to keep myself in evidence, and to make myself as
disagreeable as possible to people in authority. If
the object of attack were Gl-bst-ne, good; if it
were N-Rthc-te, better, as showing more indepen-
dence, and as securing the favourable attention of the
Opposition. It is a commonplace, ordinary thing to be
cheered by your own side. What the young aspirant to
Parliamentary distinction should look to, is to gain the
applause of the Benches opposite. R-b-ck knew that
in old days, and so did H-rsm-n, and in these later
times Gr-nb-iph better and more successfully than
either. _
I quit the House of Commons with unfeigned regret,
tempered only by the anticipated pleasure of watching
from Teheran the coming cropper of my old friends. The
deluge is surely coming for them, whilst I loll landed
high and dry upon Ararat. I like to make B-lf-e uneasy
by telling him this. But he boasts of an infallible
receipt the Govf rnment have for keeping up their Parlia-
mentary majority. Here and there a bye-election may
reduce it, "but," says B-lf-e, "we can always play
next, and win. For every bye-election lost we clap an
Irish Member in gaol, or, for the matter of that, a
Radical, and thus maintain an even balance. We lose
Coventry and they lose O'Bb-n's vote. Spalding goes,
and T. H-eb-ngt-n's vote is crossed out. Northwieh
is lost, and the Lord Mayor of Dublin is lagged. We
lose a vote in the Exchange Ward, Liverpool, and they
are bereft of Sheehy, whilst we have left to the good
Cox and E. H-ee-ngt-st, with P-ne safe within the
mud walls of his castle."
That is all very well, but evidently it cannot go on
indefinitely. I at least am out of the scuffle happily, and
in good time, and, political life's fever over, shall live
well. Tours faithfully, g- p "W-tft
THE STRAIGHT TIP.
(To All whom it may concern.)
Hasty assumption, by spite inspired,
Spouting in public before you've inquired
Basis of fact or authority's worth;
Wriggles, provoking much cynical mirth,
Roundaboutation, sophistical fudge;
Then retractation, but done with a grudge!—
Gentlemen, gentlemen, is this good form ?
Would you political citadels storm
Like Heathen Chinees with (word) "stinkpots"?
For shame!
This is not manfully playing the game.
It is not " good business," believe me, but bad,
Whether you 're Tory or whether you 're Rad.
SToung and conceited, or old and grand,
To tell taradiddles—at second-hand!
THEATRICAL RECIPROCITY.
First of all came The London Savoyards, who, after
sending their D'Oily Cabte de visite in advance, showed
our oousins-German the way to perform-Burlesque Opera
of native English growth. Then followed Heer Wtnd-
haji, and Fbaulfin Moobe, who have just been instruct-
ing the Berliners in the art of playing Comedy, and have
achieved an undeniable success in David Garrich. Odd
international combination this, English actors playing
before a German audience a piece adapted by an English
author from a French play translated into German. Our
actors and actresses will go in for the study of German,
and as we now hear in England that German labour ousts
native labour from the market, so we may expect vi-ry
soon to hear German actors protesting against the influx
of English Theatrical Companies who are taking the bread
out of their mouths. What will be the next move in this
game? Will Saebotj adapt The Butler to be played
here by CoQtJELisr, in Toole's part, and at his theatre,
with Sarah Bernhardt as the Cook, just to strengthen
the cast? Herr Wyndham appeared at the Residenz
Theatre. We hope he is not going to take up his Residenz
there, as we can't spare him.
Fling at Fair-Traders.
Duet in the " Tempest." SiErnANO and Tki.vculo.
" Flout 'em and scout 'cm, and scout 'cm, and flout 'cm.
Trade is free."
VOI. XODI.
b e
THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY, M.P.
Fbom the Ministee to Pebsia.
Hampstead, Saturday.
ear Toby,
I am, as you will under-
stand, so busy in my prepara-
tions for departure, that I fear
I may not find time to call
upon you, p.p.c, and therefore
take up my pen to write these
few lines, hoping they will find
you well, as they leave me at
present. It is an odd reflection
to one who has reached my
time of life, that henceforward
sixteen-shilling trousers shall
have no more interest for me.
Already, in the privacy of my
room, I don the flowing robes
of the East, and sit by the
hour as you see me in a little
<t) ^Sljj r^^tjT^'NyU^~**<rv*'*// sketch I have had made, and
,Wnau^T-yai2—af^wrC5K<P.Vvr--.-Deg y0ur acceptance herewith.
It is all very strange to me
yet. As Gb-nd-lph says, it is the oddest thing in the world that the Ark and
I. after much tossing about in troublous waters, should finally settle down in
the neighbourhood of Ararat. Jf I had had my choice. I would not have gone so
far afield. The wise men, you know, come from the East, they do not go there;
at least, not further than Constantinople, which would have su'ted me admir-
ably. Rome I have eyed askance. I could have dressed the part for St.
Petersburg. Berlin would not have been bad; and I feel that I was born for
Paris. But the Markiss of course has his way, and he has mapped mine out for
Teheran.
It is odd to reflect (and as I sit here trying to grow accustomed to the hookah,
I feel in a reflective mood) that if Bb-bl-gh had not heen elected for North-
ampton in 1880, I would never have been Her Majesty's Minister at the Court
of the Shah. Do you remember the night, nearly eight years gone, when I
jumped up from my seat below the Gangway and physically barred Bb-bl-gh's
passage up the House ? In the loose way history is written, Gb-nb-lph gets the
credit of incubating the Fourth Party. Bat if it had not been for me, that
remarkable cohort would never have existed, and the history of English politics
for the last seven years would have been written differently. Gb-nd-lph was
actually not in the'House when I created the Be-pl gh difficulty. Three weeks
earlier, on Bb-bl-gh's first presenting himself, Fbeddy C-v-nd-sh had moved
for a Select Committee to consider his claim to make affirmation. St-FF-BB
N-bthc-te had seconded the hum-drum motion, the Committee was agreed to,
and there the matter ended. When Ge-sv-n-r moved to nominate the Com-
mittee, I came to the front, was snubbed by H-lk-e at the instance of our
respected Leaders, but stuck to it then and af cer, till presently, the Conservative
Party, seeing the advantage, came round to my view and poor St-ff-rd
N-Ethc-te had to eat his words. Gr-nb-lph came on the field and the ball was
set rolling; but it was I who gave it the first kick.
And now behold me solemn, sedate, responsible, the Representative of the
greatest of Western Powers at the Conrt where once Artaxebxes ruled i Jn
quitting Parliamentary life I leave behind me an example which young
Members will find it profitable to study. The opportunities I possessed were held
m common with hundreds of others whom I leave in obscurity. I had no
Particular gifts that promised the comfortable pre-eminence I have reached.
The coarsest flatterer could n°t accuse me of oratorical ability. _GR-nd-LPn, I
confess, excelled me there, and so did G-est, an abler man than either of us, but
lacking in the quality that brought Gb-nd-lph and me to the front and kept us
there. What I did was to keep myself in evidence, and to make myself as
disagreeable as possible to people in authority. If
the object of attack were Gl-bst-ne, good; if it
were N-Rthc-te, better, as showing more indepen-
dence, and as securing the favourable attention of the
Opposition. It is a commonplace, ordinary thing to be
cheered by your own side. What the young aspirant to
Parliamentary distinction should look to, is to gain the
applause of the Benches opposite. R-b-ck knew that
in old days, and so did H-rsm-n, and in these later
times Gr-nb-iph better and more successfully than
either. _
I quit the House of Commons with unfeigned regret,
tempered only by the anticipated pleasure of watching
from Teheran the coming cropper of my old friends. The
deluge is surely coming for them, whilst I loll landed
high and dry upon Ararat. I like to make B-lf-e uneasy
by telling him this. But he boasts of an infallible
receipt the Govf rnment have for keeping up their Parlia-
mentary majority. Here and there a bye-election may
reduce it, "but," says B-lf-e, "we can always play
next, and win. For every bye-election lost we clap an
Irish Member in gaol, or, for the matter of that, a
Radical, and thus maintain an even balance. We lose
Coventry and they lose O'Bb-n's vote. Spalding goes,
and T. H-eb-ngt-n's vote is crossed out. Northwieh
is lost, and the Lord Mayor of Dublin is lagged. We
lose a vote in the Exchange Ward, Liverpool, and they
are bereft of Sheehy, whilst we have left to the good
Cox and E. H-ee-ngt-st, with P-ne safe within the
mud walls of his castle."
That is all very well, but evidently it cannot go on
indefinitely. I at least am out of the scuffle happily, and
in good time, and, political life's fever over, shall live
well. Tours faithfully, g- p "W-tft
THE STRAIGHT TIP.
(To All whom it may concern.)
Hasty assumption, by spite inspired,
Spouting in public before you've inquired
Basis of fact or authority's worth;
Wriggles, provoking much cynical mirth,
Roundaboutation, sophistical fudge;
Then retractation, but done with a grudge!—
Gentlemen, gentlemen, is this good form ?
Would you political citadels storm
Like Heathen Chinees with (word) "stinkpots"?
For shame!
This is not manfully playing the game.
It is not " good business," believe me, but bad,
Whether you 're Tory or whether you 're Rad.
SToung and conceited, or old and grand,
To tell taradiddles—at second-hand!
THEATRICAL RECIPROCITY.
First of all came The London Savoyards, who, after
sending their D'Oily Cabte de visite in advance, showed
our oousins-German the way to perform-Burlesque Opera
of native English growth. Then followed Heer Wtnd-
haji, and Fbaulfin Moobe, who have just been instruct-
ing the Berliners in the art of playing Comedy, and have
achieved an undeniable success in David Garrich. Odd
international combination this, English actors playing
before a German audience a piece adapted by an English
author from a French play translated into German. Our
actors and actresses will go in for the study of German,
and as we now hear in England that German labour ousts
native labour from the market, so we may expect vi-ry
soon to hear German actors protesting against the influx
of English Theatrical Companies who are taking the bread
out of their mouths. What will be the next move in this
game? Will Saebotj adapt The Butler to be played
here by CoQtJELisr, in Toole's part, and at his theatre,
with Sarah Bernhardt as the Cook, just to strengthen
the cast? Herr Wyndham appeared at the Residenz
Theatre. We hope he is not going to take up his Residenz
there, as we can't spare him.
Fling at Fair-Traders.
Duet in the " Tempest." SiErnANO and Tki.vculo.
" Flout 'em and scout 'cm, and scout 'cm, and flout 'cm.
Trade is free."
VOI. XODI.
b e