DOI issue:
July 16, 1887
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17658#0019
July 16, 1837.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 13
THE LAST VISIT TO THE ACADEMY.
No. 691. The Donkey Eider Stopped. "Teu can't go No. 540. Arrival of the Gr.O.M. Collars in Yenice.
further than this for twopence."
No. 35. A Brave Lassie. " Come on!—the whole lot
of you! I '11 give it you!" No. 928. Cat and Child Fight.
ABSURD TO A DEGREE.
Now that girls have
proved themselves capable
of _ earning the highest
University honours, why
should women remain de-
barred of University de-
grees'!' If any senatorial
difficulty precludes the re-
moval of that ridiculous
injustice, a girl forbidden
to term herself a Bachelor of
Arts, for example, might,
it has been suggested,
" invent some other title
more significant of the dis-
tinction she has won." No
invention could be easier.
Her alternative for Bache-
lor would be obviously
Spinster of Arts. No
Graduate able to pass the
Pons Asinorum can be
such a preposterous don-
key as to persist in denying
even the plainest—possibly
the prettiest—Passwoman
that. The Dons will be
unworthy of the name they
go by unless they immedi-
ately remove the disability
their old-world statutes
have imposed upon the
Donne.
EOBEBT AT THE ACADEMY.
I paid my reglar wisit to the Academy last week, and was glad to
find that my werry ernest remonstrance of last year had perduced
sech a change as regards Staggerers. No Miss Menads a hunting in
Burnham Beeches without no close on to speak of, and no Mr. Cas-
sandra a .carrying off of a pore yung lady afore she's had time to
dress, merely because she upset the salad-bowl.
I don't think it's because " familyaryty breeds content," as the
poet says, that I am less staggered than last year, but becos there
ain't so many staggerers to be staggered at. Not that there ain't
none. Why, there's one lady in the werry same dishabil as Madame
"Wenus herself a poring out somethink that the Catalog says is a
incantashun, but then her pecooliar costoom is reelly xeusable, for
she's that red hot that wood excuse any think or nothink, as in her
case.
One of the jolliest picturs to my mind is a portrate of a Port Wine
drinker. Why, it seems to be a oozing out of ewery pore of his skin!
and nothink younger than '63, I '11 be bound. What a life to lead,
and what a life to look back upon with proud satisfacshun !
Poor Lord Habtington looks terribly bored at having to be gazed
at so constantly by so many longing, if not loving, eyes, and at being
pinted at by the old dowagers as their bo ideall of a sun in law.
Ah, Mr. Stoby tells us a story as I've often witnessed, when a
young swell stands treat to a few frends and then ain't got enuff
money to pay the bill! Wot a nuisance for him, but still wuss for
the Landlord, and wussest of all for the pore Waiter. Poor Mr.
Gbossmith looks werry much paler than when I saw him after a
jolly dinner at the Mettropole. I thinks as a glass or two of old Port
would do him all the good in the world.
I now come to another staggerer, that fairly puzzles me. It's a
nice young Lady, named, as I see by the Catalog, Euridice, which I
beleeve is Greek for " You're a nice one! " who is a trying for to
pull a rock down, but I'm sure she '11 never do it, though she has
taken off ewery morsel of her close, ewen down to her stockings,
to give her more strength. I really wunders as she doesn't put a
tew of her things on, as she must see as Mr. Hades is a cumming
towards her, and won't he jest be shocked ! And then here's another
young Lady, almost as lightly drest, a sitting quietly on a large cold
stone, as if there wasn't no North-East wind a blowing, and by
moonlight too. What time can she expect to git home, and what
Ti t poor M°ther say when she sees her ?
If I d ha' bin Mr. Hayne, Esq., M.P., I'd ha bort a new Hat
atore 1 was painted for my pictur, and ewen gone to the xpense of a
aew pair °f gloves, Bpeshally as his pictur is a going to be given to
si^l?ody. So now he'll go down to remote posteriority with a
silabby Hat, and a fold pair of gloves on his table. His new Coat
Th Y L lt is' 1 'm told' a eaPital likeness.
Ine Lobd Mabe is placed in his proper persition as" first in the
best room, and looks as happy and as jolly as I've no dout he
ginerally feels, though he don't never seem to git no rest.
In the next rooms its the great Cardinal Manning, who ewerybody
loves and respects, Waiters and all, though it does rather try our
loyalty to see him at dinner, when he don't eat enuff wittles to
fatten a church mouse. If I'd ha' bin Sir Edwabd Watkin, the
grate Railway King, I'd ha had a much cleaner shave afore I set for
my pictur than he had. I know as he doesn't like to be thought a
close shaver in gineral, but, in this werry partickler case, he might
have made a xcepshun to his gineral rule.
There's a lovely pictur called Ambrosia, a ewident misprint for
Hambrosia—probably a new kind of sandwitch—in which there's a
werry model of a good-looking waitress a carrying such a elegant
little lunshon, as reelly made me quite hungry to look at. I thinks
as the reel natives is quite a triumph of Hart. There's quite a grand
pictur of the dear old Bank, with all the Carts and Cabs and Omni-
buses, and people being all scrowged up together, just like life, and
ewerybody a wondering how on earth they shall hever be able to
cross, jest like life, and the Bus Coachman a flirtin with the lady
passenger on the box, jest like life, and the Policeman a driving away
the pore little beggar, jeBt like life. Ah, it's a reel lovely pictur that
is, and werry creditabel to Mr. Dogstatx who I'm told painted it.
I think the most perthetic pictur in the hole lot is the one called
" the Dunce." He's a setting all by hisself, pore feller, what they
calls detained, a trying his werry best to do his lesson and he can't
do it. And why, coz his thoughts is away out in the playground,
where he hears the shouts and the larfing of his skool-feliers. Now,
what shood I do, Doctor Abbott, if I was his master ? Why I shood
let him have a nours run with his playmates, and then, when he
cums in fresh and jolly, try him again, and praps he'd estonish you.
I was a Dunce myself wunce, spechally at spelling, and that's how I
was cured.
How werry contented all the Parsons looks, they lolls back in their
cumferal chairs as much as to say to the tired wisitors, "Don't you
wish you had sitch chairs as these to set in ? " Some of the Solgers
looks at you jest as if they'd like to say, "What on airth are you
staring at ? "
I coud ony take jest a glance at the lovely landscapes ; but oh, how
nice and cool and carm they all looked, after the staring portrates
with their flaring cullers. Robeet.
"The Wye" is among Stanford's Tourist Guides for this season.
He ought to issue another called The Wherefore." If he doesn't
show cause for the tour, people will simply ask, " Why ?" and stop
at home. _
Mb. Newton will by this time have received quite a refreshing
torrent of abuse on his devoted head. No—not torrent— cass-cade.
vol. xchi.
c
THE LAST VISIT TO THE ACADEMY.
No. 691. The Donkey Eider Stopped. "Teu can't go No. 540. Arrival of the Gr.O.M. Collars in Yenice.
further than this for twopence."
No. 35. A Brave Lassie. " Come on!—the whole lot
of you! I '11 give it you!" No. 928. Cat and Child Fight.
ABSURD TO A DEGREE.
Now that girls have
proved themselves capable
of _ earning the highest
University honours, why
should women remain de-
barred of University de-
grees'!' If any senatorial
difficulty precludes the re-
moval of that ridiculous
injustice, a girl forbidden
to term herself a Bachelor of
Arts, for example, might,
it has been suggested,
" invent some other title
more significant of the dis-
tinction she has won." No
invention could be easier.
Her alternative for Bache-
lor would be obviously
Spinster of Arts. No
Graduate able to pass the
Pons Asinorum can be
such a preposterous don-
key as to persist in denying
even the plainest—possibly
the prettiest—Passwoman
that. The Dons will be
unworthy of the name they
go by unless they immedi-
ately remove the disability
their old-world statutes
have imposed upon the
Donne.
EOBEBT AT THE ACADEMY.
I paid my reglar wisit to the Academy last week, and was glad to
find that my werry ernest remonstrance of last year had perduced
sech a change as regards Staggerers. No Miss Menads a hunting in
Burnham Beeches without no close on to speak of, and no Mr. Cas-
sandra a .carrying off of a pore yung lady afore she's had time to
dress, merely because she upset the salad-bowl.
I don't think it's because " familyaryty breeds content," as the
poet says, that I am less staggered than last year, but becos there
ain't so many staggerers to be staggered at. Not that there ain't
none. Why, there's one lady in the werry same dishabil as Madame
"Wenus herself a poring out somethink that the Catalog says is a
incantashun, but then her pecooliar costoom is reelly xeusable, for
she's that red hot that wood excuse any think or nothink, as in her
case.
One of the jolliest picturs to my mind is a portrate of a Port Wine
drinker. Why, it seems to be a oozing out of ewery pore of his skin!
and nothink younger than '63, I '11 be bound. What a life to lead,
and what a life to look back upon with proud satisfacshun !
Poor Lord Habtington looks terribly bored at having to be gazed
at so constantly by so many longing, if not loving, eyes, and at being
pinted at by the old dowagers as their bo ideall of a sun in law.
Ah, Mr. Stoby tells us a story as I've often witnessed, when a
young swell stands treat to a few frends and then ain't got enuff
money to pay the bill! Wot a nuisance for him, but still wuss for
the Landlord, and wussest of all for the pore Waiter. Poor Mr.
Gbossmith looks werry much paler than when I saw him after a
jolly dinner at the Mettropole. I thinks as a glass or two of old Port
would do him all the good in the world.
I now come to another staggerer, that fairly puzzles me. It's a
nice young Lady, named, as I see by the Catalog, Euridice, which I
beleeve is Greek for " You're a nice one! " who is a trying for to
pull a rock down, but I'm sure she '11 never do it, though she has
taken off ewery morsel of her close, ewen down to her stockings,
to give her more strength. I really wunders as she doesn't put a
tew of her things on, as she must see as Mr. Hades is a cumming
towards her, and won't he jest be shocked ! And then here's another
young Lady, almost as lightly drest, a sitting quietly on a large cold
stone, as if there wasn't no North-East wind a blowing, and by
moonlight too. What time can she expect to git home, and what
Ti t poor M°ther say when she sees her ?
If I d ha' bin Mr. Hayne, Esq., M.P., I'd ha bort a new Hat
atore 1 was painted for my pictur, and ewen gone to the xpense of a
aew pair °f gloves, Bpeshally as his pictur is a going to be given to
si^l?ody. So now he'll go down to remote posteriority with a
silabby Hat, and a fold pair of gloves on his table. His new Coat
Th Y L lt is' 1 'm told' a eaPital likeness.
Ine Lobd Mabe is placed in his proper persition as" first in the
best room, and looks as happy and as jolly as I've no dout he
ginerally feels, though he don't never seem to git no rest.
In the next rooms its the great Cardinal Manning, who ewerybody
loves and respects, Waiters and all, though it does rather try our
loyalty to see him at dinner, when he don't eat enuff wittles to
fatten a church mouse. If I'd ha' bin Sir Edwabd Watkin, the
grate Railway King, I'd ha had a much cleaner shave afore I set for
my pictur than he had. I know as he doesn't like to be thought a
close shaver in gineral, but, in this werry partickler case, he might
have made a xcepshun to his gineral rule.
There's a lovely pictur called Ambrosia, a ewident misprint for
Hambrosia—probably a new kind of sandwitch—in which there's a
werry model of a good-looking waitress a carrying such a elegant
little lunshon, as reelly made me quite hungry to look at. I thinks
as the reel natives is quite a triumph of Hart. There's quite a grand
pictur of the dear old Bank, with all the Carts and Cabs and Omni-
buses, and people being all scrowged up together, just like life, and
ewerybody a wondering how on earth they shall hever be able to
cross, jest like life, and the Bus Coachman a flirtin with the lady
passenger on the box, jest like life, and the Policeman a driving away
the pore little beggar, jeBt like life. Ah, it's a reel lovely pictur that
is, and werry creditabel to Mr. Dogstatx who I'm told painted it.
I think the most perthetic pictur in the hole lot is the one called
" the Dunce." He's a setting all by hisself, pore feller, what they
calls detained, a trying his werry best to do his lesson and he can't
do it. And why, coz his thoughts is away out in the playground,
where he hears the shouts and the larfing of his skool-feliers. Now,
what shood I do, Doctor Abbott, if I was his master ? Why I shood
let him have a nours run with his playmates, and then, when he
cums in fresh and jolly, try him again, and praps he'd estonish you.
I was a Dunce myself wunce, spechally at spelling, and that's how I
was cured.
How werry contented all the Parsons looks, they lolls back in their
cumferal chairs as much as to say to the tired wisitors, "Don't you
wish you had sitch chairs as these to set in ? " Some of the Solgers
looks at you jest as if they'd like to say, "What on airth are you
staring at ? "
I coud ony take jest a glance at the lovely landscapes ; but oh, how
nice and cool and carm they all looked, after the staring portrates
with their flaring cullers. Robeet.
"The Wye" is among Stanford's Tourist Guides for this season.
He ought to issue another called The Wherefore." If he doesn't
show cause for the tour, people will simply ask, " Why ?" and stop
at home. _
Mb. Newton will by this time have received quite a refreshing
torrent of abuse on his devoted head. No—not torrent— cass-cade.
vol. xchi.
c