Punch (93.1887)

September 24, 1887.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

133

RECORD OF THE SESSIOH-422.

Akers-Douglas. . . )

Colonel "Walrond . . > Dead Heat.

Baron Henry De Worms. )

SALUBRITIES ABROAD.

Royat Improved.—I have said Royat ought to be rebuilt. The
Grand Hotel is of a sort of Doll's House order of architecture,
splendid front, no depth to speak of, and built on so steep an ascent
that it is hoisted up at the back like a lady's skirt by a dress-
improver. Beau site all the same, and magnificent view.

* * » * * *

Last year the Hotel Continental formed part of a group of hotels
—which seemed to have been the result of some violent volcanic
eruption, when the mountain threw up several hotels, and left them
there anyhow—is at present separated from the Splendide and its
other former companions by an impromptu wall, and from all its
front windows it commands varied, beautiful, and, on the Clermont-
Ferrand side, extensive views. It has a pleasant garden, a most
enjoyable terrace, and it only wants to be in the hands of a firmly
fixed and intelligent management to make it quite the best hotel in
Royat. "Personally recommended," that is, as managed under the
direction of M. Hall this year.

The service at the Etablissement de Bains is about as good as it can
be. There are, however, no bains de luxe. A few of these would
attract those "whom" as the appeals to the charitable used to have
it, " Providence has blessed with affluence."

" La Compagnie Brocard," which manages Royat's bathing ar-
rangements and undertakes a portion of the mild yet (to my mind as
a serious bather) sufficient amusements, is not, unfortunately for the
public, in accord with M. Samie, the spirited Proprietor of an oppo-
sition Casino, where there is a small theatre, in its way a perfect gem.
Here all the " Stars" of any magnitude make their appearance on
visiting Royat. As a " Baigneur de Royat" putsit, in a local
journal, the Compagnie Brocard cannot consider their stuffy little
room (" le petit etouffoir ") where theatrical performances are given
as a real theatre. It is a pity that M. Samie and La Compagnie
Brocard cannot, like the " birds in their little nests," agree. But as
to Theatres and spectacles, my rule at Royat, or at any other "Water-
cure place, would be this :—

" Any baigneur found out of his hotel or lodgings after 10'15, p.m.,
shall be arrested, conducted back to his hotel, his number taken, and
for the second offence he shall be fined. The fine to go to such objects
as the Direction shall determine."

In short there should be introduced here the English University

system of Proctors and bull-dogs.

*#**#*

Another Huh—No theatrical entertainment should last more than
two hours with entr'actes of seven minutes each. The ventilation of
the salle de spectacle should be assured.

* r • * * » *

If a company wanted to play a pieoe in four Acts, they must stop
here two days ; and, if they couldn't do that, then they must begin
their performance in the afternoon, have one entr'acte of an hour
and a'half to allow for dinner, and recommence at eight o'clock. I
would discourage all evening indoor entertainments. Music, coffee,
petits chevaux, M. Gtjignol's show, ombres chinoises, everything in
tact that can be done alfresco— (and why not good plays alfresco f
After the Lahoucherian Midsummer Night's Dream, at Twickenham,
which I am told was perfection)—cafes chantants, and so forth,
including the " consommaiion devoutly to be wished," and all the
lights out by 9'30. Lights in bedrooms to be extinguished same hour.
This rule would mean, Early to bed, and early to rise, and the
"baigneurs'' would receive double the benefit they derive from

these places, as now constituted. Life in the open air should be the

rule; plenty of exercise, riding and walking, and regular hours for

everything for three weeks. The baigneurs to choose their own

hours, and be kept to them strictly.

« * * * # *

But I have personally no sympathy with the baigneurs who find
such a water-cure place as Royat dull. What do they want ? H
they cannot get on without a sort of continuation of the London
Season, let them stay away altogether. Don't let them come and
make night hideous with balls, suppers, dances, and won't-go-home-

till-morning parties.

* * * * * *

The above are my suggestions for the improvement of Royat; and
now I go on to La Bourboule, and Mont Dore. By the way, the
waters at these places are all supplied, as_ I am credibly informed,
from the same source ; but the waters flowing towards La Bourboule
and Mont Dore traverse certain couches on their way, and come

out arsenical. It is strong drinking at La Bourboule and Mont Dore.

* * ° * ° * * *

One Joanne Guide introduces you to another Joanne Guide, or a
history, you can't help yourself. The Joanne Guides are so united a
family, that as soon as any member of it establishes itself on a friendly
footing with you, your hand is always in your pocket while you are
travelling on that Guide Joanne's account. An insidious tribe : and
they make themselves absolutely essential to the traveller's existence
and comfort.

##*##*

Each Guide Joanne tells you about his own country all that is
requisite for you to know, and just so much more as inspires you
with a thirst for further information. Say for example you see an
old Chateau. Let us say Le Chateau de Jean. Tou want to know
everything about it. Good. Tou inquire of the Guide Joanne
which professes to show you all over France, and which does it, mind
you, in what would be an exhaustive style if it was not written with
such an evident eye to the bookselling business. For example suppose
you are looking for information about the well-known ancient Chateau
de Jean, here is a specimen of what Joanne would say on the subject:—

" Sur la rive g. (V. ci-dessous B.) restes d'un chateau, style ogi-
val, {mon. hist.,) bdti par le celebre Jean Bienconnu-aux-enfants
{V. mon. hist. xe et xiie s.), beau portail, jolts details d'architec-
ture [mon. hist.) et en particulier I'appartement dit de la Danielle
toute desespere {pour le visiter, s'addresser au gardien, pourboire),
qui a conserve une grande partie de sa decoration originate et de sa
peinture {mon. hist. xie). Le donjon renfermait une oubliette pro-
fonde nominee DV bat devorant, qui autrefois servait de grenier au
malt (V. mon. hist.). Ascension des Obelisques sur la terrasse
(splendide panorama) et belles promenades autour de la petite chapelle
dite_ bu pretre chatjve. (V. vi. L'Itineraire du Pays-de-Bonnes,
Guide Diamant.)"

AN END OF THE SUMMER.

Jupiter Pluvius,

Sluicer, full-spout,
Downpour diluvious,

Pumped on the Drought.
Checked, aloud crying,_

The voice of the Swain;
The rootcrops be dying,

From long lack of rain!

Pluvit/s poured away,

While the wind blew;
Tonans, he roared away,

Hullaballoo,
Kicking up, dweller

In quarters on high,
He, Cloud Compeller;

The Czar of the sky.

Clouds, in convulsion,
Or calm, he keeps under ;

Rules, by compulsion :
The reason of thunder.

So did he lately

Compel them to rise,
Piled up in stately

Array on the skies.

Castles aerial,

Splendid when falls,
Sheen on etherial

Vapoury halls,
Battlements, bartizans,

Phantoms of towers,
Fenced round with partisans •

Cloud- cauliflowers.

Mountainous forms

In the realms of felicity,
By Jove, to move storms,

Fraught with force—electri-
They serve to betoken [city,

What mortals may tell -
The weather is broken • '

Summer, farewell 1

Light from Wind.
The Times says that experiments are being made at Cap de la
Heve, near the mouth of the Seme, on the production of electricity
for hghthouse.purposes by means of the force obtained by windmills.
Light from wind! Could the notion be applied at St. Stephen's?
The Session just over has been mainly wind, so exceptionally "ill
wind," that it has blown no good to anybody, and most certainly has
thrown no light on anything. By all means let M. De L'Angle-
Beatjmanoir be empowered to experiment on the windbags of the
House of Commons when they next meet.

vol. xclti.