DOI issue:
September 17, 1887
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17658#0138
132
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 17, 1887.
SOME NOTES AT STARMOUTH.
lews after Breakfast.—Now
to lay down the lines for my
Drama.....Eleven— and
the only lines I have laid
down, as yet, are " Act L,
Scene I!" I must stimu-
late my imagination by the
sight of salt water.
On the Sands. — Dense
crowd. Deafening noise.
Penny bagpipes, comb and
paper, Italian girls with
accordion, trumpet from
sailing-boat. " 'Ere y'are
for a jolly sail out, Sir! "—
which happens to be just
the precise thing I am not
here for. Nor (I should
have thought) do I look
the kind of person likely to
buy that "strong and em-
using toy, one penny, the
little Chinese Bandalore "
—but these fellows have no
eye for character. Several
shoeblacks very anxious to
black my boots, which, as I tell them, would be " painting the lily."
Don't think they understand me. Stop thoughtlessly to look at a
cage containing a tree-frog and two Japanese rats. Proprietor
approaches with plate: " This little Jubilee Menagerie open free to
the Public." he says—" we ope the Public will respond by a similar
liberality." "Well, well, if I must— but it really was not worth a penny.
Join a crowd: a conjuror—good, I am fond of conjuring. Conjuror
now going to introduce his "celebrated and favourite Shell-trick."
Crowd very obligingly make way for me—capital place in front row.
Conjuror takes a large Nautilus shell. I have never seen this trick
—it looks a good one.....It appears this is his way of making a
collection—he comes to me first. He is sure, he says (he is an impu-
dent dog), that I shall feel hurt if he passes me over. No change.
He begs me not to get flurried—sooner than deprive me of the
pleasure of patronising him, he will give me change—he does. This
is the end of the performance. Singular
how depressed I feel by this petty inci-
dent. Blazers in great force on the
sands. Teasing half-offended nurse-
maids, playing penny "nap" on news-
papers, or lying in pits scooped out of
sand, with their heads on the laps of
their fair ones, or pursuing the fair
ones, and putting sand down their backs.
Most flourishing institution on the
Beach is certainly Phrenology. No less
than three little platforms, each with a
Consulting Chair, a table, on which
stands a meek bust, and a canvas awning overhead, and row of
garden-seats (free) in front. Have long wished to gain insight into
this Science. Think there certainly is something in it. As a Blazer
near me remarks, "Why, you'd say Cocoa-nuts looked all alike,
till you come to see there's differences—and it's the same with
'eds." Cockney tone about this. To find his proper station, I should
have to go, I fancy, to Charing Cross, Cannon Street, or "Waterloo.
Find a Lady-Professor on first platform giving a ' delineation " of
a live subject—a turnip-headed little boy of three, who sits with his
tongue out, under the impression he is at the Doctor's. "His self-
will is strong," she is announcing in Sibylline accents to his proud
parents, " and I should say you would find him very strong-willed,
a ■ fn I should check it by curbing his will.
1 d&S ." r ~ i I Conjugality large, and therefore we
may say that he will be fond of his
wife and of his home. Self-esteem
only moderate. It will be useless to
bring up this little boy to any trade
or business of a mechanical kind,
unless he developes an after-taste
for it, which I do not say he may
not —far from it. But he has a
brain which will fit him for great
Canon's Treat success in some artistic profession.
, ' Give him colours and a brush, and
you will see he wilL immediately commence to paint—likewise draw.
Or he has an organ with which he can be a great Composer, if you
care to develope him that way. Or he would write books or poetry
—that would come very easy to him, he would have no difficulty in
doing it at all. I think that is all with this subject."
Pass on to Professor Poddee. Venerable gentleman with dark
grey beard, and a certain ponderous playfulness. He has got a
subject too—a pretty little impish girl of eight, who is struggling to
I , t, j , , suppress a fit of the giggles. " This is a
^SffiSnllllir; __thoughtful little one we 'ave here," he
says, patting her hair in a fatherly way.
" She thinks. Turns over things in her
mind. Reflects. Compares. Memory for
dates moderate. She will be fond of her
home, fond of her parents. She will be
capable of passing in an examination—if
she takes pains. She finds no difficulty in
doing anything that comes easy to her."
[Here the patient giggles.) There is one
"Water-loo. thing I should like to see—a little more
Veneration. "Where Veneration should be I find a distinct depres-
sion. This young lady has a keen sense of the ridiculous. Easily
detects what is ridiculous." {Here the subject breaks into a scream
of laughter by way of corroboration.) "1 have done, young lady.
Now, we have a nice large audience—I hope some other subject will
oblige us by stepping up. We like to see one coming up briskly
after another, you know. We don't like to be idle."
His eye seems glancing in my direction. Off to hear Professor
Skittles. He is a bony, lantern-jawed young man, in velveteen
jacket, with a puggaree round his hat. As I come up, he is deline-
ating a lady of portentous plainness, who sits and sniggers with a
dreadful bashfulness. " This young lady has a large and powerful
brain," he says—" plenty of Wit and Humour, Thoughtfulness and
Consideration for Others, Caution, and Memory for Events that
impress her strongly. Her Social Brain is large; she is fond of
Society, and likes to see others enjoying themselves. Thinks more
of others' happiness than her own. We should like to see a little
more 'ope."
This Professor, I find, enjoys the highest reputation"; he measures
more, foronethirig, and has an Assist-
ant, who enters all the measurements
in a ledger, which naturally inspires
confidence. The Lady delineator, I
also hear, does not think it necessary
to measure so much, and is of opinion
that Professor Skittles "studies too
hard."
New subject; quite a typical 'Abet,
round back, hock-bottle shoulders,
has shambled up, and taken the chair.
No forehead nor chin worth mention-
ing ; but, as he removes his hat (which lenms-Sun and Miltin'.
he puts on the bust), a tall crest of yellow hair starts up like a trick
wig. Professor measures him solemnly as he sits with a crooked grin.
"The measurement of this brain is rather below the average,"
says the lecturer, forbearingly. " Here we have a brain measuring
only eighteen and three-quarter inches. A very tall and narrow
head. Vou would find that this gentleman arrives at his ideas
without conscious reflection, or exercise of thought." {'Arry looks
gratified.) " He takes a strong and deep interest in religious sub-
jects." {Derisive " hor-hor.'" from 'Arry.) "Language strong.
He will find no difficulty in putting what he wishes to say into
language with considerable fluency, though perhaps not with much
variety. Great Firmness and Benevolence. The Moral Brain is
large, and your moral standard "—{"My whatP" interrupts 'Arry,
with a suspicious cock of his eye)—" Your moral standard is high."
("Right!" says 'Arry, mollified, and stance terminates.)
These delineators certainly put things very agreeably. One might
get some useful hints, too. If Pro-
fessor Skittles could tell me whether
I am most poetic, or witty, or dra-
matic, I should know exactly^what to
aim at in my Nautical Drama. I have
never been able to decide which I love
the best — Tennyson, Milton, or
Campbell. And, after what he found
to say about 'Abet—-but it is all so
very public, I don't think I could bring
myself to do it—I will go on ... .
r«m 1 hardly know exactly how I came
Deue- here-but here I am on the platform,
sitting in the Professor's chair. He is measuring me with a sliding
scale, the brass end of which feels cold against my forehead.
Curious sensation, as if I was upside down at a Bootmaker's. Sun
in my eyes. Tittering from girls on benches in front.
A party of Blazers has just come up—I fear in a frivolous spirit.
Begin to wish now I had had this done privately.
The Land of the 'Aeuy'uns.—'Am'stead 'Eath.
(r^> KOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope. Cover, or "Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 17, 1887.
SOME NOTES AT STARMOUTH.
lews after Breakfast.—Now
to lay down the lines for my
Drama.....Eleven— and
the only lines I have laid
down, as yet, are " Act L,
Scene I!" I must stimu-
late my imagination by the
sight of salt water.
On the Sands. — Dense
crowd. Deafening noise.
Penny bagpipes, comb and
paper, Italian girls with
accordion, trumpet from
sailing-boat. " 'Ere y'are
for a jolly sail out, Sir! "—
which happens to be just
the precise thing I am not
here for. Nor (I should
have thought) do I look
the kind of person likely to
buy that "strong and em-
using toy, one penny, the
little Chinese Bandalore "
—but these fellows have no
eye for character. Several
shoeblacks very anxious to
black my boots, which, as I tell them, would be " painting the lily."
Don't think they understand me. Stop thoughtlessly to look at a
cage containing a tree-frog and two Japanese rats. Proprietor
approaches with plate: " This little Jubilee Menagerie open free to
the Public." he says—" we ope the Public will respond by a similar
liberality." "Well, well, if I must— but it really was not worth a penny.
Join a crowd: a conjuror—good, I am fond of conjuring. Conjuror
now going to introduce his "celebrated and favourite Shell-trick."
Crowd very obligingly make way for me—capital place in front row.
Conjuror takes a large Nautilus shell. I have never seen this trick
—it looks a good one.....It appears this is his way of making a
collection—he comes to me first. He is sure, he says (he is an impu-
dent dog), that I shall feel hurt if he passes me over. No change.
He begs me not to get flurried—sooner than deprive me of the
pleasure of patronising him, he will give me change—he does. This
is the end of the performance. Singular
how depressed I feel by this petty inci-
dent. Blazers in great force on the
sands. Teasing half-offended nurse-
maids, playing penny "nap" on news-
papers, or lying in pits scooped out of
sand, with their heads on the laps of
their fair ones, or pursuing the fair
ones, and putting sand down their backs.
Most flourishing institution on the
Beach is certainly Phrenology. No less
than three little platforms, each with a
Consulting Chair, a table, on which
stands a meek bust, and a canvas awning overhead, and row of
garden-seats (free) in front. Have long wished to gain insight into
this Science. Think there certainly is something in it. As a Blazer
near me remarks, "Why, you'd say Cocoa-nuts looked all alike,
till you come to see there's differences—and it's the same with
'eds." Cockney tone about this. To find his proper station, I should
have to go, I fancy, to Charing Cross, Cannon Street, or "Waterloo.
Find a Lady-Professor on first platform giving a ' delineation " of
a live subject—a turnip-headed little boy of three, who sits with his
tongue out, under the impression he is at the Doctor's. "His self-
will is strong," she is announcing in Sibylline accents to his proud
parents, " and I should say you would find him very strong-willed,
a ■ fn I should check it by curbing his will.
1 d&S ." r ~ i I Conjugality large, and therefore we
may say that he will be fond of his
wife and of his home. Self-esteem
only moderate. It will be useless to
bring up this little boy to any trade
or business of a mechanical kind,
unless he developes an after-taste
for it, which I do not say he may
not —far from it. But he has a
brain which will fit him for great
Canon's Treat success in some artistic profession.
, ' Give him colours and a brush, and
you will see he wilL immediately commence to paint—likewise draw.
Or he has an organ with which he can be a great Composer, if you
care to develope him that way. Or he would write books or poetry
—that would come very easy to him, he would have no difficulty in
doing it at all. I think that is all with this subject."
Pass on to Professor Poddee. Venerable gentleman with dark
grey beard, and a certain ponderous playfulness. He has got a
subject too—a pretty little impish girl of eight, who is struggling to
I , t, j , , suppress a fit of the giggles. " This is a
^SffiSnllllir; __thoughtful little one we 'ave here," he
says, patting her hair in a fatherly way.
" She thinks. Turns over things in her
mind. Reflects. Compares. Memory for
dates moderate. She will be fond of her
home, fond of her parents. She will be
capable of passing in an examination—if
she takes pains. She finds no difficulty in
doing anything that comes easy to her."
[Here the patient giggles.) There is one
"Water-loo. thing I should like to see—a little more
Veneration. "Where Veneration should be I find a distinct depres-
sion. This young lady has a keen sense of the ridiculous. Easily
detects what is ridiculous." {Here the subject breaks into a scream
of laughter by way of corroboration.) "1 have done, young lady.
Now, we have a nice large audience—I hope some other subject will
oblige us by stepping up. We like to see one coming up briskly
after another, you know. We don't like to be idle."
His eye seems glancing in my direction. Off to hear Professor
Skittles. He is a bony, lantern-jawed young man, in velveteen
jacket, with a puggaree round his hat. As I come up, he is deline-
ating a lady of portentous plainness, who sits and sniggers with a
dreadful bashfulness. " This young lady has a large and powerful
brain," he says—" plenty of Wit and Humour, Thoughtfulness and
Consideration for Others, Caution, and Memory for Events that
impress her strongly. Her Social Brain is large; she is fond of
Society, and likes to see others enjoying themselves. Thinks more
of others' happiness than her own. We should like to see a little
more 'ope."
This Professor, I find, enjoys the highest reputation"; he measures
more, foronethirig, and has an Assist-
ant, who enters all the measurements
in a ledger, which naturally inspires
confidence. The Lady delineator, I
also hear, does not think it necessary
to measure so much, and is of opinion
that Professor Skittles "studies too
hard."
New subject; quite a typical 'Abet,
round back, hock-bottle shoulders,
has shambled up, and taken the chair.
No forehead nor chin worth mention-
ing ; but, as he removes his hat (which lenms-Sun and Miltin'.
he puts on the bust), a tall crest of yellow hair starts up like a trick
wig. Professor measures him solemnly as he sits with a crooked grin.
"The measurement of this brain is rather below the average,"
says the lecturer, forbearingly. " Here we have a brain measuring
only eighteen and three-quarter inches. A very tall and narrow
head. Vou would find that this gentleman arrives at his ideas
without conscious reflection, or exercise of thought." {'Arry looks
gratified.) " He takes a strong and deep interest in religious sub-
jects." {Derisive " hor-hor.'" from 'Arry.) "Language strong.
He will find no difficulty in putting what he wishes to say into
language with considerable fluency, though perhaps not with much
variety. Great Firmness and Benevolence. The Moral Brain is
large, and your moral standard "—{"My whatP" interrupts 'Arry,
with a suspicious cock of his eye)—" Your moral standard is high."
("Right!" says 'Arry, mollified, and stance terminates.)
These delineators certainly put things very agreeably. One might
get some useful hints, too. If Pro-
fessor Skittles could tell me whether
I am most poetic, or witty, or dra-
matic, I should know exactly^what to
aim at in my Nautical Drama. I have
never been able to decide which I love
the best — Tennyson, Milton, or
Campbell. And, after what he found
to say about 'Abet—-but it is all so
very public, I don't think I could bring
myself to do it—I will go on ... .
r«m 1 hardly know exactly how I came
Deue- here-but here I am on the platform,
sitting in the Professor's chair. He is measuring me with a sliding
scale, the brass end of which feels cold against my forehead.
Curious sensation, as if I was upside down at a Bootmaker's. Sun
in my eyes. Tittering from girls on benches in front.
A party of Blazers has just come up—I fear in a frivolous spirit.
Begin to wish now I had had this done privately.
The Land of the 'Aeuy'uns.—'Am'stead 'Eath.
(r^> KOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope. Cover, or "Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.